[first few exchanges are Mer and I debating Spike and Angel's different POVs 
re: sleeping with Wesley. Then we decided to just make an RPG out of it and 
let them decide.  Cutting and pasting everything here in chronological order]

From: Mer
To: TBQ

> Heh. Glad you both noticed that.  Yeah, Angel's training Wes. He's just
> doing it *very* subtly.  After all, he's really got all the time in the
> world on this one.  No reason not to enjoy every minute of it.

Spike says the Watcher's not as fragile as he looks. But hey, suit
yourself, he's your boy. I just wanna borrow him once in a while.

***

From: TBQ
To: Mer

Angel says he knows Wes isn't that fragile, and this just goes back to
Spike's constant problem of always wanting to jump ahead to the final
reward instead of savoring the process.  It's an art.

***

From: Mer
To: TBQ

> Angel says he knows Wes isn't that fragile, and this just goes back to
> Spike's constant problem of always wanting to jump ahead to the final
> reward instead of savoring the process.  It's an art.

There's arts and there's arts, mate. You're pointilism, I'm impressionist.
The mad ear cuttin' kind, not the poncy lilies.

--Meredith, or rather more accurately, Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> There's arts and there's arts, mate. You're pointilism, I'm
> impressionist. The mad ear cuttin' kind, not the poncy lilies. 

Ok, fine.  But if you keep going for the grand show you're gonna miss
everything along the way.  Yeah, strip him naked, get his - and your -
rocks off.  Sure, that's good.  But if you do that then you miss out on
guiding him every step of the way, seeing how he responds to new
challenges, seeing just how far he'd go to please...

Well, me.  Ultimately.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

Yeah, luv, that would be the other point. Fine craftsmanship is all very
well, but unless you're plannin' on lettin' me keep him for a year or two,
its just as well I go for a more direct approach, eh? I don't fancy
puttin' in all that effort just to be one tiny point on the Angelus Method
trainin' schedule. Not that I don't appreciate all your hard work. The
card is in the mail.

-- Spike

P.S. You weren't always so patient in the old days. Age catchin' up with
you?

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Yeah, luv, that would be the other point. Fine craftsmanship is all very
> well, but unless you're plannin' on lettin' me keep him for a year or
> two,

*Keep* him no. But since you're whining about needing a repeat session...

> its just as well I go for a more direct approach, eh? 

Do what you want.  I'll be here enjoying a twelve-course meal long after
you've skipped to dessert.

> I don't
> fancy puttin' in all that effort just to be one tiny point on the
> Angelus Method trainin' schedule.

Never seemed to have a problem with that before.  

> Not that I don't appreciate all your
> hard work. The card is in the mail. 

No scotch?

> P.S. You weren't always so patient in the old days. Age catchin' up with
> you?

Yeah. Age.  'cause there was *nothing* in the old days which might 
have tried my patience...

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike


> > Yeah, luv, that would be the other point. Fine craftsmanship is all
> > very well, but unless you're plannin' on lettin' me keep him for a
> > year or two,

> *Keep* him no. But since you're whining about needing a repeat
> session...

Whining? Me? [pouts and looks up through his lashes at Angel] I'd never.
Got too much dignity. But since you're so kind as to offer, I just might
take you up on that.

> > its just as well I go for a more direct approach, eh? 

> Do what you want.  I'll be here enjoying a twelve-course meal long after
> you've skipped to dessert.

'Course you will. And I'll be snatching a tender morsel from your plate
here and there.

> > I don't
> > fancy puttin' in all that effort just to be one tiny point on the
> > Angelus Method trainin' schedule.
> 
> Never seemed to have a problem with that before.  

Ah, but you an' Dru were makin' it worth my while in those days. Not to
mention all the tasty treats you brought home. It was an education just to
watch you, I'll admit that, even if I like my pleasures a little less...
refined. 

> > Not that I don't appreciate all your
> > hard work. The card is in the mail. 
> 
> No scotch?

I'm bringin' it with me. Fine cultural treasure like that shouldn't be
banged up by some stupid minion. I mean, delivery guy.

> > P.S. You weren't always so patient in the old days. Age catchin' up
> > with you?
> 
> Yeah. Age.  'cause there was *nothing* in the old days which might have
> tried my patience...

[mischievous grin] Yeah, age. Kept you young, I did. Gave you a challenge.
The Watcher's too good to you, luv. You've gotten lazy.

--Spike 

***

To: Spike
From: Angel


> Whining? Me? 

I'm not the only one here who does the Anne Rice routine.

> But since you're so kind as to offer, I
> just might take you up on that. 

Was there an offer? I seem to recall there needing to be begging first.  

> 'Course you will. And I'll be snatching a tender morsel from your plate
> here and there. 

And yet still not fully satisfied.

> I'm bringin' it with me. Fine cultural treasure like that shouldn't be
> banged up by some stupid minion. I mean, delivery guy. 

Uh-huh. And if you just happened to run into Wes along the way, more's the
pity, right?

> [mischievous grin] Yeah, age. Kept you young, I did. Gave you a
> challenge. The Watcher's too good to you, luv. You've gotten lazy. 

Wes is something to be savored.  You need to be tied up in chains.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Whining? Me? 
> 
> I'm not the only one here who does the Anne Rice routine.

Just so we're clear on who's who. Seniority or not, I'm Lestat -- good
clothes, good hair, decent singing voice. You can be Louis -- you've got
the rat thing down already.

> Was there an offer? I seem to recall there needing to be begging first. 
> 

That could be arranged.

> > 'Course you will. And I'll be snatching a tender morsel from your
> > plate here and there. 

> And yet still not fully satisfied.

'Course not. Where'd be the fun in that? You gotta stay hungry or you lose
your edge.

> > I'm bringin' it with me. Fine cultural treasure like that shouldn't be
> > banged up by some stupid minion. I mean, delivery guy. 
> 
> Uh-huh. And if you just happened to run into Wes along the way, more's
> the pity, right?

That's just a chance I'll have to take. [chuckles] You should've see the
bottle he brought here. All done up in bows like a cheap wedding dress.
I'll practically have to wrap yours in velvet to compete with that. 

> > [mischievous grin] Yeah, age. Kept you young, I did. Gave you a
> > challenge. The Watcher's too good to you, luv. You've gotten lazy. 
> 
> Wes is something to be savored.  You need to be tied up in chains.

Got the chains right here, luv. Wanna come and visit? Ask Wesley if he
wants to watch.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Just so we're clear on who's who. Seniority or not, I'm Lestat

Uh huh.

> -- good clothes, 

Uh huh.

> good hair,

Uh huh.

> decent singing voice. 

Uh huh.

Well, Spike, I don't know about your grasp of reality, but you do seem to
have that "legend in his own mind" thing down pat.

> You can be Louis -- you've got the rat thing down already.

Lucky for you or I might never have drank from you.

> > Was there an offer? I seem to recall there needing to be begging
> > first.  
> 
> That could be arranged.

You need to be told?

> 'Course not. Where'd be the fun in that? You gotta stay hungry or you
> lose your edge.

You have an edge.  I'll have a blowjob.

> That's just a chance I'll have to take. [chuckles] You should've see the
> bottle he brought here. All done up in bows like a cheap wedding dress.
> I'll practically have to wrap yours in velvet to compete with that. 

Just nothing cheap.

> Got the chains right here, luv. Wanna come and visit? Ask Wesley if he
> wants to watch.

You know he's not into that anymore.  And I'm a big believer in beds.  

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> Well, Spike, I don't know about your grasp of reality, but you do seem
> to have that "legend in his own mind" thing down pat.

It's called the power of positive thinking, luv. You might want to try it
some time. The black hole we call *your* mind has been known to suck in
pigeons from three blocks away.

> > You can be Louis -- you've got the rat thing down already.
> 
> Lucky for you or I might never have drank from you.

Touche. We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

> > > Was there an offer? I seem to recall there needing to be begging
> > > first.  
> > 
> > That could be arranged.
> 
> You need to be told?

What is it with you two? I don't need to be told. I *like* to be told.

> > 'Course not. Where'd be the fun in that? You gotta stay hungry or you
> > lose your edge.

> You have an edge.  I'll have a blowjob.

[grin] Now that's the Angel I know and... well, know.

> > That's just a chance I'll have to take. [chuckles] You should've see
> > the bottle he brought here. All done up in bows like a cheap wedding
> > dress. I'll practically have to wrap yours in velvet to compete with
> > that. 
> 
> Just nothing cheap.

Trust me for that. Your boy was taking the piss out of me. But this is a
bona fide thank you gift. You deserve it. He's a find.

> > Got the chains right here, luv. Wanna come and visit? Ask Wesley if he
> > wants to watch.
> 
> You know he's not into that anymore.  And I'm a big believer in beds.  

Didn't mean it like that. Wasn't thinking. I always thought the council of
wankers was a full pages short of a scroll, and lettin' him go just proves
it.

As for the bed, I've got one of those here too. Somewhere.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> It's called the power of positive thinking, luv. You might want to try
> it some time. The black hole we call *your* mind has been known to suck
> in pigeons from three blocks away. 

Good thing I have you for use as a sheild for just such occasions.

> Touche. We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the
> stars.

You're moving on to flattery now?

> What is it with you two? I don't need to be told. I *like* to be told.

Uh huh.  Wasn't aware *your* pleasure was a part of this deal.

> Trust me for that. Your boy was taking the piss out of me. But this is a
> bona fide thank you gift. You deserve it. He's a find. 

I know. 

> Didn't mean it like that. Wasn't thinking. I always thought the council
> of wankers was a full pages short of a scroll, and lettin' him go just
> proves it. 

Tell me about it.  It's all I can do not to find out what the Hell Giles
is thinking.  Wes is better off here anyway.

> As for the bed, I've got one of those here too. Somewhere.

I taught you well.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> Good thing I have you for use as a sheild for just such occasions.

Charming and witty as ever, I see. 

> > Touche. We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the
> > stars.

> You're moving on to flattery now?

The *other* some of us, darlin'. Spelled S-p-i-k-e. Well, and Dru, most
like, wherever she is. You, on the other hand, mostly seem to be looking
at your feet. Though I'm guessing Wesley's ass must come a close second
these days.

> > What is it with you two? I don't need to be told. I *like* to be told.
> 
> Uh huh.  Wasn't aware *your* pleasure was a part of this deal.

Oh, but it is. Like it always was. Why else do anything? I'm not seducing
your boy for _your_ enjoyment.

Anyway. Just what kind of begging did you have in mind? Please Angelus,
let me see Wesley again? I promise I won't hurt him -- much. I'll take
good care of him. I'll even teach him some of your favorite tricks, if you
haven't already. 

> > Trust me for that. Your boy was taking the piss out of me. But this is
> > a bona fide thank you gift. You deserve it. He's a find. 
> 
> I know. 

You better. Dunno what he sees in you (besides the obvious). But he thinks
you hung the bloody moon.

> > Didn't mean it like that. Wasn't thinking. I always thought the
> > council of wankers was a full pages short of a scroll, and lettin' him
> > go just proves it. 

> Tell me about it.  It's all I can do not to find out what the Hell Giles
> is thinking.  Wes is better off here anyway.

Giles? I don't think it's up to him, Angel. He was fired himself there for
a while, when I was living with him last summer. No, not like that, for
fuck's sake. I can feel that raised eyebrow from a hundred miles away.

> > As for the bed, I've got one of those here too. Somewhere.

> I taught you well.

Yes, oh great master. I never would have thought of sleepin' in a bed if
it weren't for your inspiration. Are you gonna take credit for wearin'
clothes, too?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Charming and witty as ever, I see. 

Always.

> > > Touche. We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the
> > > stars.
> 
> > You're moving on to flattery now?
> 
> The *other* some of us, darlin'. Spelled S-p-i-k-e. 

Stars. Spelled A-n... never mind.

> Well, and Dru, most like, wherever she is. You, on the other hand,
> mostly seem to be looking at your feet.

I've been busy.

>  Though I'm guessing Wesley's
> ass must come a close second these days.

Wes in general, but never second.

> Oh, but it is. Like it always was. Why else do anything? I'm not
> seducing your boy for _your_ enjoyment.

Yeah but if you're attempting to work bribery with *me*, then it's back to
who's enjoyment?  Here's a hint - there's no e, i, k, p or s in the name.

> Anyway. Just what kind of begging did you have in mind? Please Angelus,

Watch it.

> let me see Wesley again? I promise I won't hurt him -- much.

Not that you could...

>  I'll take
> good care of him. 

This would be a given.

> I'll even teach him some of your favorite tricks, if
> you haven't already. 

Teach him some of yours.  I'm already working my own educational 
system.

> You better. Dunno what he sees in you (besides the obvious). But he
> thinks you hung the bloody moon. 

Don't know why.  Kinda liking it though.

> Giles? I don't think it's up to him, Angel. He was fired himself there
> for a while, when I was living with him last summer.

They fired Giles to bring Wesley in.  Happened when you were out of 
town.  Wes gave me the scoop on when Giles went back, but I can't 
say I approve. 

> No, not like that,
> for fuck's sake. I can feel that raised eyebrow from a hundred miles
> away. 

Uh huh.

> Yes, oh great master. I never would have thought of sleepin' in a bed if
> it weren't for your inspiration. Are you gonna take credit for wearin'
> clothes, too? 

The good ones, yeah.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > The *other* some of us, darlin'. Spelled S-p-i-k-e. 
> 
> Stars. Spelled A-n... never mind.

So now you think you're a heavenly body? Wesley's admiration is going to
your head.

> > Oh, but it is. Like it always was. Why else do anything? I'm not
> > seducing your boy for _your_ enjoyment.
> 
> Yeah but if you're attempting to work bribery with *me*, then it's back
> to who's enjoyment?  Here's a hint - there's no e, i, k, p or s in the
> name.

It's hard to bribe you, luv, till you tell me what you want. I did ask.
You've got the boy, you've got the house, I've already promised you the
scotch, and I don't suppose you'd take some hairstyling advice, so what
can I give you?

> > Anyway. Just what kind of begging did you have in mind? Please
> > Angelus,
> 
> Watch it.

Sorry. Force o' habit. (And you used to know all about that.)

> > let me see Wesley again? I promise I won't hurt him -- much.

> Not that you could...

I bet I could if he asked nicely. The chip seems to understand intent. And
I bet I could make him ask nicely. But I don't want to, I like the boy.
He's got more guts than meets the eye, and more style too.

> >  I'll take
> > good care of him. 
> 
> This would be a given.

[nods]

> > I'll even teach him some of your favorite tricks, if
> > you haven't already. 

> Teach him some of yours.  I'm already working my own educational 
> system.

Fair enough. Anything you remember fondly?

> > You better. Dunno what he sees in you (besides the obvious). But he
> > thinks you hung the bloody moon. 
> 
> Don't know why.  Kinda liking it though.

Who wouldn't? Just take care of him, Angel, or I'll come and take him away
from you.

> > Giles? I don't think it's up to him, Angel. He was fired himself there
> > for a while, when I was living with him last summer.
> 
> They fired Giles to bring Wesley in.  Happened when you were out of
> town.  Wes gave me the scoop on when Giles went back, but I can't say I
> approve. 

He don't approve of you, you don't approve of him, its like a party of old
boarding house biddies with you lot. Why do you care what he does?

> > Yes, oh great master. I never would have thought of sleepin' in a bed
> > if it weren't for your inspiration. Are you gonna take credit for
> > wearin' clothes, too? 
> 
> The good ones, yeah.

By which I assume you mean black? I grant you it saves matching trouble
and I'm rather partial to it myself, but its not absolutely the only color
in the spectrum.

--Spike

P.S. Glenfidditch or Laphroig?

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> So now you think you're a heavenly body? Wesley's admiration is going to
> your head.

Thank God for that.

> It's hard to bribe you, luv, till you tell me what you want.

General amusement.  Visuals. The usual.

> I don't suppose you'd take some hairstyling advice, 

From you?

> And I bet I could make him ask nicely.

We're getting up to that.

>  He's got more guts than meets the eye, and more style too. 

I've noticed.  

> Fair enough. Anything you remember fondly?

Surprise me.

> Who wouldn't? Just take care of him, Angel, 

He's mine.  Nobody touches him.  That he doesn't want, anyway.

> He don't approve of you, you don't approve of him, its like a party of
> old boarding house biddies with you lot. Why do you care what he does? 

Oh I dunno.  I mean it's not like Giles's job doesn't affect somebody I
care about.

Two somebodies, actually.

> By which I assume you mean black? I grant you it saves matching trouble
> and I'm rather partial to it myself, but its not absolutely the only
> color in the spectrum. 

I've been trying blue and brown.

> P.S. Glenfidditch 

Glenfidditch.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > So now you think you're a heavenly body? Wesley's admiration is going
> > to your head.
> 
> Thank God for that.

You can if you want. He and I aren't on what you might call speaking
terms.

> > It's hard to bribe you, luv, till you tell me what you want.
> 
> General amusement.  Visuals. The usual.

I think I can manage that much. Your boy inspires me.

> > I don't suppose you'd take some hairstyling advice, 
> 
> >From you?

From anyone, really. Just stop someone on the street. Its bound to be an
improvement. I know the mirror thing is an issue, but some things even
ignorance does not excuse.

> > And I bet I could make him ask nicely.
> 
> We're getting up to that.

*purr* are we? Oh good.

> >  He's got more guts than meets the eye, and more style too. 
> 
> I've noticed.  

I'm sure you have, luv.

> > Fair enough. Anything you remember fondly?
> 
> Surprise me.

I'll do my poor best.

> > Who wouldn't? Just take care of him, Angel, 
> 
> He's mine.  Nobody touches him.  That he doesn't want, anyway.

Easy, big boy. Just checking.

> > He don't approve of you, you don't approve of him, its like a party of
> > old boarding house biddies with you lot. Why do you care what he does?
> > 
> 
> Oh I dunno.  I mean it's not like Giles's job doesn't affect somebody I
> care about.
> 
> Two somebodies, actually.

It was the Slayer's idea, Giles going back. The Watcher works for her
first and foremost. That ever changes, I will let you know, and you have
more than my blessing to break his spine, you have my personal invitation
and as much help as this damned chip will let me give you. And ANOTHER
bottle of scotch. But till then, Buffy can handle herself and we just have
to trust her.  

How does Giles' job affect Wesley? I thought he was through with the
council.

> > By which I assume you mean black? I grant you it saves matching
> > trouble and I'm rather partial to it myself, but its not absolutely
> > the only color in the spectrum. 
> 
> I've been trying blue and brown.

Yeah, me too. Funny that.

> Glenfidditch.

Got it. Special reserve, aged 25 years. Any particular evening I should
bring it by?

--Spike 

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Thank God for that.
> 
> You can if you want. He and I aren't on what you might call speaking
> terms.

Oh like we are.

> I think I can manage that much. Your boy inspires me.

Tried his mouth yet?

> From anyone, really. Just stop someone on the street. Its bound to be an
> improvement. I know the mirror thing is an issue, but some things even
> ignorance does not excuse. 

Funny. Really.

> > > And I bet I could make him ask nicely.
> > 
> > We're getting up to that.
> 
> *purr* are we? Oh good.

Step one is getting him to swear.

> > He's mine.  Nobody touches him.  That he doesn't want, anyway.
> 
> Easy, big boy. Just checking.

I know.  I just... He's got problems. I can't do anything about them. Yet.
I don't like it. 

> It was the Slayer's idea, Giles going back.

Bad idea, if you ask me.

Before you say it - yeah, I know she didn't. 

> The Watcher works for her
> first and foremost. That ever changes, I will let you know, and you have
> more than my blessing to break his spine, you have my personal
> invitation and as much help as this damned chip will let me give you.

Thanks.

> And ANOTHER bottle of scotch. But till then, Buffy can handle herself
> and we just have to trust her.  

I suppose.

> How does Giles' job affect Wesley? I thought he was through with the
> council.

They're not through with him.

> Got it. Special reserve, aged 25 years. Any particular evening I should
> bring it by?

Office is usually closed on Sundays.  But ask Wes. He's in charge of that
now.

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

Hello, pet --

Any chance of getting you to stay the night? Or come again and play? I'll
buy the drinks this time. I seem to be doin' that anyway -- a little thank
you present for Angel for being the occasion of such a pleasant meeting.
(I asked when to bring it by, and he said the office is usually closed on
Sundays, but to ask you, you're in charge now. Staged a coup, did you?
Good for you.)

Anyway. To tell the truth it's nice just havin' the company. Been a long
time since I had someone to just talk to, and you and I, well, let's just
say I think we've got a lot in common, some ways. And it's nice having
someone to hold once in a while. 

Don't show this to Angel, I sound like him on a particularly sappy day,
but he doesn't need the satisfaction of knowing it. His head's getting big
enough as it is. Your fault, pet? Didn't think anyone could manage to cut
through that inferiority complex of his. I'm impressed. But then, you knew
that. You've got a hell of a natural talent -- it'd be a pleasure to help
you, ah, polish it further. 

Oh, fuck it. Words have never been my strong suit, Watcher. You feel good
with your hard cock pressed up against mine through those lovely leather
pants. You feel even better naked underneath me. You look good with your
eyes all glazed and your mouth open. You'd look better on your knees with
your mouth around my cock. You sound good saying my name, and even better
when you say please. You're no more insane than I am, pet, if that makes
you feel any better. I begged Angel to see you -- Angel -- I never thought
I would do that again. Come back and beg for me. I'll make it worth your
while.

--Spike

P.S. Doesn't Angel know he's Destiny Boy? He said somethin' about him and
God not being on speaking terms, but it seems like He's at least writing
him notes.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > > Thank God for that.
> > 
> > You can if you want. He and I aren't on what you might call speaking
> > terms.
> 
> Oh like we are.

More than me, if you're callin' on him like that. I'm always afraid if I
do, he'll notice.

> > I think I can manage that much. Your boy inspires me.
> 
> Tried his mouth yet?

No, not yet. Too busy with mine. Lovely thought, though.

> > > > And I bet I could make him ask nicely.
> > > 
> > > We're getting up to that.
> > 
> > *purr* are we? Oh good.
> 
> Step one is getting him to swear.

How's that going for ya? When he was with me I couldn't even get him to
finish a sentence. Not that I'm complaining.

> > Easy, big boy. Just checking.

> I know.  I just... He's got problems. I can't do anything about them.
> Yet. I don't like it. 

What happened to all that patience? If you're gonna bother with it at all,
you might as well get some use out of it. He spent half his life being a
watcher or getting ready to be one, for fuck's sake, I'd imagine falling
in love with a vampire is gonna take some getting used to.

> > It was the Slayer's idea, Giles going back. 
> Bad idea, if you ask me.
> Before you say it - yeah, I know she didn't. 

Never mind that. What do you know? Why is this a bad idea? Are they gonna
try to hurt her? 

> > The Watcher works for her
> > first and foremost. That ever changes, I will let you know, and you
> > have more than my blessing to break his spine, you have my personal
> > invitation and as much help as this damned chip will let me give you.
> 
> Thanks.

Any time.

> > And ANOTHER bottle of scotch. But till then, Buffy can handle herself
> > and we just have to trust her.  
> 
> I suppose.

Nice overwhelming vote of confidence there, Angel. When have you ever seen
the Slayer at a loss? She's got courage and brains and more strength than
I've ever seen. She'll do. And ... I'm here. To watch her back. For what
that's worth.

> > How does Giles' job affect Wesley? I thought he was through with the
> > council.

> They're not through with him.

Trying to get him to come back? You'd think they'd know when to give up. I
don't think Giles would be a part of of that, though -- the man has a
poker up his ass, but he has to know by now Buffy would kill him if he did
anything to hurt you. (Damned if I know what you've done to deserve all
this devotion, luv. I can barely tolerate you m'self.)

> > Got it. Special reserve, aged 25 years. Any particular evening I
> > should bring it by?
> 
> Office is usually closed on Sundays.  But ask Wes. He's in charge of
> that now.

Will do. Did do, in fact. But how on earth did he get in charge of Angel
Investigations anyway? Are you in charge of Wesley Investigations?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> Hello, pet --

Greetings, Spike. Two words I never thought in my life I would transcribe.

> Any chance of getting you to stay the night? Or come again and play?

Come - visit - perhaps, yes.  Barring Angel's disapproval, which doesn't
seem to be forthcoming.  I imagine this is a facet of vampire life I have
yet to understand.  

> I'll buy the drinks this time. 

I enjoy beer.  And scotch.

> I seem to be doin' that anyway -- a
> little thank you present for Angel for being the occasion of such a
> pleasant meeting.

Yes.  Well. He's been remarkably understanding, that does seem to be for
certain.

> (I asked when to bring it by, and he said the office
> is usually closed on Sundays, but to ask you, you're in charge now.
> Staged a coup, did you? Good for you.) 

Angel Investigations is open from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through 
Thursday, 10 a.m until 9 p.m. on Fridays, and 9 a.m. until 9 p.m. on
Saturdays. As Angel has already told you, we are closed on Sundays.  For
new customers at least.  Cordelia's visions tend to keep no man's
schedule.

And yes, I am in charge of the organization now.  Angel declined to 
continue with it a few months back, but Cordelia, Gunn and I felt that the
fight must go on.  Angel returned, as an employee, just over a month ago. 
Much to everyone's quiet relief.

> Anyway. To tell the truth it's nice just havin' the company.

I had noticed that.

> Been a long time since I had someone to just talk to, 

Amongst the entire group of Sunnydale?  No. I imagine there wouldn't be
much communication.  Do you not have vampires and demons that you could
converse with?  Or is this perhaps a side factor of your chip?  Has it
made you unwelcome, as Angel is thanks to his soul?  Can the chip even be
sensed by those around you?

> and you and I, well,
> let's just say I think we've got a lot in common, some ways. 

De facto ex-patriot status, to be certain.  Plus our fine university
education.  Tell me - did Angel ever go to school?  That you're aware of?

> And it's
> nice having someone to hold once in a while. 

Yes.  The company did prove - er - enjoyable?

> Don't show this to Angel, 

That would require him understanding how to work the office laptop, 
which he's shown no inclination for.

> I sound like him on a particularly sappy day,

You sound nothing like him.  I have no history with which to determine if
you are, however, sounding like yourself.

> but he doesn't need the satisfaction of knowing it. His head's getting
> big enough as it is. Your fault, pet?

Um - did you mean that in the way it's intended?

> Didn't think anyone could manage
> to cut through that inferiority complex of his.

Ah.  Now I understand.  Yes.  That is to say, he does have his 
difficulties.  Tendency to brood being amongst most of them.  And I 
worry about his lack of connection to the world around him.  He of 
course is aware of his skills - fighting skills, Spike - and therefore of
his contribution to the cause, yet still he holds back.  This has only
been made more problematic due to the strained relations between himself
and Cordy and Gunn.  Time cares for all wounds, but he must not pull back
before this is allowed to happen.

Sadly, and with great irony, my relationship with him has served to both
help and hurt this cause.

> I'm impressed. But
> then, you knew that.

Thank you.

> You've got a hell of a natural talent -- 

Angel has - has suggested as much to me as well.

> it'd be a
> pleasure to help you, ah, polish it further. 

Yes. There is that.

> Oh, fuck it. Words have never been my strong suit, Watcher. You feel
> good with your hard cock pressed up against mine through those lovely
> leather pants. You feel even better naked underneath me. You look good
> with your eyes all glazed and your mouth open. You'd look better on your
> knees with your mouth around my cock. You sound good saying my name, and
> even better when you say please. You're no more insane than I am, pet,
> if that makes you feel any better. I begged Angel to see you -- Angel --
> I never thought I would do that again. Come back and beg for me. I'll
> make it worth your while. 

Yes.  Well.  That rather cuts to the heart of it, doesn't it? 
Practicality, I think, is the watchword here.  I find myself reluctant to
spend great amounts of time in Sunnydale, yet suspect you would have
similar feelings for Los Angeles. And - and there is still the insanity of
it.  But if Angel truly doesn't mind...

This is - this is not something I am familiar with.

> P.S. Doesn't Angel know he's Destiny Boy? He said somethin' about him
> and God not being on speaking terms, but it seems like He's at least
> writing him notes. 

Angel is aware of his destiny.  However, the past year with Darla has
shaken his faith with it and the process.  Being told that he had the
chance to become human again was one of the few things in the last year
which seemed to give him pleasure, but he lost sight of this goal in favor
of what I suppose could be termed an attempt at Darla's redemption. 
Knowing her as your great-grandmother, I am sure you can guess how well
this panned out in the end.

To be honest with you, I do not know the full tale of everything that went
on once he fired the lot of us.  He has provided me with mere sketches of
the details, but remains mum on others.  He agrees - and I do not believe
he is speaking falsely - that he must continue to fight the good fight,
and not loose sight of the path in spite of the good and bad occurances of
day to day, yet still there is a darkness inside of him - a worry, that is
to say, beyond the natural darkness of his vampiric nature - which he
hasn't fully shaken yet.  I can't tell if it is only the lingering
aftereffects of it all, or something more.  

But it is things such as this which make me question his abstinence 
from blood drinking - live blood drinking.  What if this is a part of
himself that is waning which should not?  It is, as I say, a concern.

Thank you for asking about it, though.

Wesley

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> More than me, if you're callin' on him like that. I'm always afraid if I
> do, he'll notice.

Apparently they notice whether or not we care. 

> No, not yet. Too busy with mine. 

Should've guessed.

> Lovely thought, though.

He's real good at it.  Hardly had to show him a thing.  In fact I think I
know my plans for the night.

> > Step one is getting him to swear.
> 
> How's that going for ya? 

Slow and steady.

> When he was with me I couldn't even get him to finish a sentence. Not
> that I'm complaining. 

He's not much for talking.  So far.  Well, sometimes.  It depends.  What
are you trying to get him to say?

> What happened to all that patience? If you're gonna bother with it at
> all, you might as well get some use out of it. He spent half his life
> being a watcher or getting ready to be one, for fuck's sake, I'd imagine
> falling in love with a vampire is gonna take some getting used to. 

Oh no, that's not the problem.  I mean, yeah, he's getting used to some
stuff but that's not it.  Just stuff in the rest of his life.  I wanna
protect him from it.  Keep him safe.  Safe to be himself, anyway.  

> Never mind that. What do you know? Why is this a bad idea? Are they
> gonna try to hurt her? 

There's ever a good reason to trust the Council?  Ok, yeah - Giles is good
for Buffy.  And Wes is Wes.  But something's up.  At least with the
Council these days.  I think Faith freaked them.  Plus Buffy having a will
of her own.  And the Council never liked us - of course with you there's
good reason, since you're such a Big Bad.  But still.  They're not playing
by the rules.  Last year they tried killing Faith *and* Wesley.  I don't
trust them.

> Nice overwhelming vote of confidence there, Angel. When have you ever
> seen the Slayer at a loss? 

It's not her I'm worried about.  Just the powers that be have a funny
sense of humor.

> To watch her
> back. For what that's worth. 

I'm amazed she lets you.  Hell, I'm still amazed *I* let you.  

> Trying to get him to come back?

Yep.

> You'd think they'd know when to give
> up. 

Death threats haven't done it so far.  And me being such a nice guy and
all - can't follow 'em up with *actual* death.

Yet.  

> I don't think Giles would be a part of of that, though 

Yeah, maybe.  But even still. They've pulled enough bait and switch on
Wesley that I wouldn't be surprised if they tried it on Buffy and Giles. 
Ok, yeah - no Slayer no point.  I get that.  And maybe even *they* get
that.  But roll over and show their necks at this stage of the game?  That
easily?  No way.  

>  (Damned if I know what you've done to
> deserve all this devotion, luv. I can barely tolerate you m'self.) 

Which is why you keep popping up.

> Will do. Did do, in fact. But how on earth did he get in charge of
> Angel Investigations anyway?

He's good at it.

> Are you in charge of Wesley Investigations? 

It's a hobby.

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Greetings, Spike. Two words I never thought in my life I would
> transcribe.

Yeah, I know the feeling. I seem to be doing and saying a lot of things I
never thought I would, lately. And I've had a long and eventful life.

> > Any chance of getting you to stay the night? Or come again and play?

> Come - visit - perhaps, yes. 

I'd like to see you. I guess I already made that part clear, huh?

 Barring Angel's disapproval, which doesn't 
> seem to be forthcoming.  I imagine this is a facet of vampire life I
> have yet to understand.  

Um, I guess. It's a facet of mine. It's a facet of Angel's. I don't know
if its a vampire thing, particularly. I haven't spent a lot of time
studying human social habits since I stopped bein' one a long time ago,
but I have spent a fair amount of time in clubs and such, and I think its
got more to do with bein' a bloke than a vamp. Men are more likely to want
variety in the bedroom, and therefore more likely to understand that it
doesn't mean any lack of love for the one you come home to. If it is a
vamp trait, well, my best guess would be it's related to the long life
thing -- forever can hang heavy on your hands, sometimes, and we tend to
take our pleasures where we find them. I do know it means Angel trusts you
-- because otherwise, I can tell you, being dead doesn't make you exempt
from jealousy.

> > I'll buy the drinks this time. 
> 
> I enjoy beer.  And scotch.

I'll keep that in mind. Angel requested Glenfidditch. Okay by you? Or I
could bring a bottle of your own.

> > I seem to be doin' that anyway -- a
> > little thank you present for Angel for being the occasion of such a
> > pleasant meeting.
> 
> Yes.  Well. He's been remarkably understanding, that does seem to be for
> certain.

It's what he does best, after brooding and, well, you know. Can be bloody
annoying when you don't want to be understood, but sometimes it comes in
useful.

> Angel Investigations is open from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through
> Thursday, 10 a.m until 9 p.m. on Fridays, and 9 a.m. until 9 p.m. on
> Saturdays. As Angel has already told you, we are closed on Sundays.  For
> new customers at least.  Cordelia's visions tend to keep no man's
> schedule.

When can I come, Wesley? No pun, for once, intended. I promised Angel his
scotch, but if this is going to make you uncomfortable I can send it.

> And yes, I am in charge of the organization now.  Angel declined to
> continue with it a few months back, but Cordelia, Gunn and I felt that
> the fight must go on.  Angel returned, as an employee, just over a month
> ago.  Much to everyone's quiet relief.

Angel quit? Mr. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait? Why? What else does he
have to do? Was it too much of a strain on the hairstyling and sulking
time? And now he's back? Missed you, huh? I can see that.

> > Anyway. To tell the truth it's nice just havin' the company.

> I had noticed that.

Besides that, I meant. I hope you know that part's nice without me havin'
to say so.

> > Been a long time since I had someone to just talk to, 
> 
> Amongst the entire group of Sunnydale?  No. I imagine there wouldn't be
> much communication.  Do you not have vampires and demons that you could
> converse with?  Or is this perhaps a side factor of your chip?  Has it
> made you unwelcome, as Angel is thanks to his soul?  Can the chip even
> be sensed by those around you?

As far as I know, no one can tell, unless they're lucky enough to see me
try to hit a human and run around clutchin' my head like a blooming idiot
instead. But word's got around that I'm helping the Slayer, and it's made
me a bit less popular. Besides, for all we're on a hellmouth, what with
Buffy doin' such a bang-up job, our demon population is pretty well kept
down to the brand new and the slow learners, none of which are brilliant
conversationalists.

> > and you and I, well,
> > let's just say I think we've got a lot in common, some ways. 
> 
> De facto ex-patriot status, to be certain.  Plus our fine university
> education.  Tell me - did Angel ever go to school?  That you're aware
> of?

Yes to both. Though that wasn't exactly what I meant.

I don't think Angel ever went to school -- not to live, anyway. He didn't
talk much about his human days, but I got the impression he lived home,
with his family, until he met Darla.

> > And it's
> > nice having someone to hold once in a while. 
> 
> Yes.  The company did prove - er - enjoyable?

Dunno if I like that question mark, pet. Don't you know? 'Cause if not,
I'm doin' something wrong.

> > Don't show this to Angel, 
> 
> That would require him understanding how to work the office laptop,
> which he's shown no inclination for.

Well that's alright then. Although he is, somehow, managing to write to
me.

> > I sound like him on a particularly sappy day,
> 
> You sound nothing like him.  I have no history with which to determine
> if you are, however, sounding like yourself.

Well, I have lots of history to determine if I'm sounding like myself, but
damned if I know either. Seems like kind of a slippery concept lately.

> > but he doesn't need the satisfaction of knowing it. His head's getting
> > big enough as it is. Your fault, pet?

> Um - did you mean that in the way it's intended?

By definition, yes. But if you meant to ask whether it was a double
entendre, no. I haven't been in a position to know lately. And on the
whole, I'm a single entendre sort of bloke. As you've probably guessed.

> > Didn't think anyone could manage
> > to cut through that inferiority complex of his.

> Ah.  Now I understand.  Yes.  That is to say, he does have his 
> difficulties.  Tendency to brood being amongst most of them.  And I
> worry about his lack of connection to the world around him.  He of
> course is aware of his skills - fighting skills, Spike - and therefore
> of his contribution to the cause, yet still he holds back.  This has
> only been made more problematic due to the strained relations between
> himself and Cordy and Gunn.  Time cares for all wounds, but he must not
> pull back before this is allowed to happen.

Yeah. Well. Not madly surprising that. He's got himself convinced that he
doesn't deserve to connect to the world -- as if that had anything to do
with it. A couple centuries earlier, he'd be prancing around in a bloody
hairshirt and putting stones in his shoes, and nevermind that they both
make it damned near impossible to do anything useful. Dunno how you
managed to get him to connect to you in the first place, but you just
might bring out enough healthy selfishness to keep him sane.

> Sadly, and with great irony, my relationship with him has served to both
> help and hurt this cause.

Wesley, pet, don't ever blame yourself because Angel broods. Trust me, its
as much a force of nature as gravity or lust. If you can ever make him
lighten up, you're a bleedin' miracle.

> > I'm impressed. But
> > then, you knew that.
> 
> Thank you.

You're welcome.

> > You've got a hell of a natural talent -- 
> 
> Angel has - has suggested as much to me as well.

And he would know.

> > it'd be a
> > pleasure to help you, ah, polish it further. 
> 
> Yes. There is that.

There is. But there doesn't have to be. Wesley, if I'm makin' too much of
this, forget it. We had fun. I'll bring the scotch by one of these days,
we'll all have a drink and a giggle, I'll come home and watch the telly.
No big deal. Stop by sometime when you're in Sunnydale and I promise to
act like a gentleman. 

> Yes.  Well.  That rather cuts to the heart of it, doesn't it? 
> Practicality, I think, is the watchword here.  I find myself reluctant
> to spend great amounts of time in Sunnydale, yet suspect you would have
> similar feelings for Los Angeles. And - and there is still the insanity
> of it.  But if Angel truly doesn't mind...

I can't say I'm a big fan of L.A., no. But I can make an exception. And
there's lots of places between here and there. We could pick one. But I
can't do anything about the insanity of it. Don't even, truly, want to. I
like a little crazy. You'd have to ask Angel if he minds, but let's put it
this way, he hasn't been discouraging me.

> This is - this is not something I am familiar with.

What isn't -- Sex? Vampires? Freeways? Scotch? This doesn't seem so
complicated to me. I want you, pet. And I like you, which is considerably
stranger. Do you want me?

> Angel is aware of his destiny.  However, the past year with Darla has
> shaken his faith with it and the process.  Being told that he had the
> chance to become human again was one of the few things in the last year
> which seemed to give him pleasure, but he lost sight of this goal in
> favor of what I suppose could be termed an attempt at Darla's
> redemption.  Knowing her as your great-grandmother, I am sure you can
> guess how well this panned out in the end.

Yeah. Dru said. He tried to burn them.

> To be honest with you, I do not know the full tale of everything that
> went on once he fired the lot of us.  He has provided me with mere
> sketches of the details, but remains mum on others.  He agrees - and I
> do not believe he is speaking falsely - that he must continue to fight
> the good fight, and not loose sight of the path in spite of the good and
> bad occurances of day to day, yet still there is a darkness inside of
> him - a worry, that is to say, beyond the natural darkness of his
> vampiric nature - which he hasn't fully shaken yet.  I can't tell if it
> is only the lingering aftereffects of it all, or something more.  

Oh hell. More brooding. Do me a favor, right? Make sure you go see a silly
movie or some such every month or so? By yourself, not to cheer him up. Or
he'll suck you into melodrama and you'll never even notice.

> But it is things such as this which make me question his abstinence from
> blood drinking - live blood drinking.  What if this is a part of himself
> that is waning which should not?  It is, as I say, a concern.

Lots of parts of him are waning that should not, if you ask me. But you
didn't. So I'm going to shut up now.

> Thank you for asking about it, though.

No thanks necessary.

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > More than me, if you're callin' on him like that. I'm always afraid if
> > I do, he'll notice.
> 
> Apparently they notice whether or not we care. 

I guess. So far most of my biggest problems have come from the hand of
man. Or woman.

> > No, not yet. Too busy with mine. 
> 
> Should've guessed.

Yeah well, it's been a while.

> > Lovely thought, though.
> 
> He's real good at it.  Hardly had to show him a thing.  In fact I think
> I know my plans for the night.

Have fun! Nice mental image, too.

> > > Step one is getting him to swear.
> > 
> > How's that going for ya? 
> 
> Slow and steady.
> 
> > When he was with me I couldn't even get him to finish a sentence. Not
> > that I'm complaining. 
> 
> He's not much for talking.  So far.  Well, sometimes.  It depends.  What
> are you trying to get him to say?

"Yes." It seemed simple enough, but he was having trouble with it. But he
got "Spike" and "Please" so we're okay.

> Oh no, that's not the problem.  I mean, yeah, he's getting used to some
> stuff but that's not it.  Just stuff in the rest of his life.  I wanna
> protect him from it.  Keep him safe.  Safe to be himself, anyway.  

Fair enough. Why can't you? Shouldn't think there's much in his life that
wants to tackle six feet of pissed off vamp.

> > Never mind that. What do you know? Why is this a bad idea? Are they
> > gonna try to hurt her? 

> There's ever a good reason to trust the Council?  Ok, yeah - Giles is
> good for Buffy.  And Wes is Wes.  But something's up.  At least with the
> Council these days.  I think Faith freaked them.  Plus Buffy having a
> will of her own.  And the Council never liked us - of course with you
> there's good reason, since you're such a Big Bad.  But still.  They're
> not playing by the rules.  Last year they tried killing Faith *and*
> Wesley.  I don't trust them.

No, me neither. But then again I don't trust much of anybody. Doesn't mean
Giles can't take 'em for a paycheck or two and a book allowance. Might
even lull them a bit.

> > Nice overwhelming vote of confidence there, Angel. When have you ever
> > seen the Slayer at a loss? 

> It's not her I'm worried about.  Just the powers that be have a funny
> sense of humor.

Can't argue there.

> > To watch her
> > back. For what that's worth. 

> I'm amazed she lets you.  Hell, I'm still amazed *I* let you.  

She's gettin' used to me.

> Death threats haven't done it so far.  And me being such a nice guy and
> all - can't follow 'em up with *actual* death.

> Yet.  

Get the chip out, I'll do it for you.

> > I don't think Giles would be a part of of that, though 
> 
> Yeah, maybe.  But even still. They've pulled enough bait and switch on
> Wesley that I wouldn't be surprised if they tried it on Buffy and Giles.
>  Ok, yeah - no Slayer no point.  I get that.  And maybe even *they* get
> that.  But roll over and show their necks at this stage of the game? 
> That easily?  No way.  

I know. I'm on the lookout, believe me. But what can I do?

> >  (Damned if I know what you've done to
> > deserve all this devotion, luv. I can barely tolerate you m'self.) 

> Which is why you keep popping up.

As you said, the powers that be have a funny sense of humor.

> > Will do. Did do, in fact. But how on earth did he get in charge of
> > Angel Investigations anyway?
> 
> He's good at it.

I'm sure he is. Weren't you?

> > Are you in charge of Wesley Investigations? 
> 
> It's a hobby.

[grin]

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> I guess. So far most of my biggest problems have come from the hand of
> man. Or woman. 

And here I always thought you came at the hand of a man.

> > He's not much for talking.  So far.  Well, sometimes.  It depends. 
> > What are you trying to get him to say?
> 
> "Yes." It seemed simple enough, but he was having trouble with it. But
> he got "Spike" and "Please" so we're okay. 

Yeah, Wes has problems with that.  More you get him to say yes, the 
more he's gonna shut up.  He's done it with me but it's context-specific. 
Not worthwhile trying to figure out how to translate it for you.  But he
can do please.  And he moans good.

Next on the list is having him say what he wants.  Working on it.

> > Oh no, that's not the problem.  I mean, yeah, he's getting used to
> > some stuff but that's not it.  Just stuff in the rest of his life.  I
> > wanna protect him from it.  Keep him safe.  Safe to be himself,
> > anyway.  
> 
> Fair enough. Why can't you? Shouldn't think there's much in his life
> that wants to tackle six feet of pissed off vamp. 

Well there's the Watcher's Council, which needs to stay out of his way or
else they're *gonna* get six feet of pissed off vamp.  Then there's other
stuff, but he doesn't wanna talk about it and I don't wanna push him.  But
until we get more specific than that there's nothing I can do except brood
about it and beat up lawyers.  

> No, me neither. But then again I don't trust much of anybody. Doesn't
> mean Giles can't take 'em for a paycheck or two and a book allowance.
> Might even lull them a bit. 

Maybe.  

> > I'm amazed she lets you.  Hell, I'm still amazed *I* let you.  
> 
> She's gettin' used to me.

Bugged you about the smoking yet?

> > Death threats haven't done it so far.  And me being such a nice guy
> > and all - can't follow 'em up with *actual* death.
>  
> > Yet.  
> 
> Get the chip out, I'll do it for you.

Thanks, but I got no problem killing them dead if they give me good 
reason.  Just can't do it *yet*.  All threats so far, plus a little
posturing on their part.

What I can't figure out is what the fucking deal is.  Why do they wanna
get their claws in him so bad?  Hey - ok - I definitely like having him
around.  *Really* like having him around.  But I know for a fact he didn't
have *that* kind of relationship with anyone on the Council, Cordy's jokes
about Giles aside.  So what the Hell?  

Wes has told them to fuck off, which is good, but if they set foot in Los
Angeles again I'm not gonna be responsibile for my actions.

> > Yeah, maybe.  But even still. They've pulled enough bait and switch on
> > Wesley that I wouldn't be surprised if they tried it on Buffy and
> > Giles.  Ok, yeah - no Slayer no point.  I get that.  And maybe even
> > *they* get that.  But roll over and show their necks at this stage of
> > the game?  That easily?  No way.  
> 
> I know. I'm on the lookout, believe me. But what can I do?

Yeah. Welcome to my world.  Maybe a month ago I could've torched the damn
organization but then again Wes and I weren't at that point so what can ya
do?  

Me? Sit and wait. Keep 'em out of my city.  You?  Dunno.  Buffy and 
Giles welcomed them back in with open arms.  Let's just hope that 
doesn't backfire on them before it's too late to kick them the Hell back
out.

> > > Will do. Did do, in fact. But how on earth did he get in charge of
> > > Angel Investigations anyway?
> > 
> > He's good at it.
> 
> I'm sure he is. Weren't you?

No.

A.

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> Yeah, I know the feeling. I seem to be doing and saying a lot of things
> I never thought I would, lately. And I've had a long and eventful life. 

I know. I've read about it.

> I'd like to see you. I guess I already made that part clear, huh?

I - I am open to the idea.

> >  I imagine this is a facet of vampire life I have yet to understand. 
> 
> Um, I guess. It's a facet of mine. It's a facet of Angel's.

I'd started to suspect that. About him, I mean, but it extends to you as
well.

> I don't
> know if its a vampire thing, particularly.

Well there were the close ties of your unique family unit, with Angelus
and Darla serving to provide the foundation for it.  

> I haven't spent a lot of
> time studying human social habits since I stopped bein' one a long time
> ago,

Yet you seem quite amenable to human company.

>  If it is a vamp trait, well, my best guess would be it's
> related to the long life thing -- forever can hang heavy on your hands,
> sometimes, and we tend to take our pleasures where we find them.

I suppose that's quite true.  Perhaps most especially when mortals are
involved.

> I do
> know it means Angel trusts you -- because otherwise, I can tell you,
> being dead doesn't make you exempt from jealousy. 

I imagined as much.  Angel is a creature of great passions, if nothing
else.

> I'll keep that in mind. Angel requested Glenfidditch. Okay by you? Or I
> could bring a bottle of your own. 

That sounds fine.  Thank you.

> > Yes.  Well. He's been remarkably understanding, that does seem to be
> > for certain.
> 
> It's what he does best, after brooding and, well, you know. Can be
> bloody annoying when you don't want to be understood, but sometimes it
> comes in useful. 

I don't mind it.  I wouldn't be where I am now, if not for that.

> When can I come, Wesley? No pun, for once, intended. I promised Angel
> his scotch, but if this is going to make you uncomfortable I can send
> it. 

Uncomfortable?  No.  Forgive me, I hadn't intended that by the wording of
my reply.  I meant only to say that our office hours are what they are,
but that we keep to them rather loosely, particularly since the Powers
call upon us when they see fit.  Providing you with the answer to your
question, then, of when it might be best to see myself and Angel, ideally
start with a time when the office is closed (unless you particularly care
to attempt traveling during the daytime - and have a desire to see Gunn
and Cordelia) and from there just arrive when you see fit.  Perhaps call
first, to make sure that we are available?

> Angel quit? 

Yes.  And no.  He turned his back on Angel Investigations and the 
cause, and when doing so he fired the rest of us. We decided to go on
without him.

> Mr. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait? Why? 

He was obsessed with fighting Darla.

>  And now he's back? 

Yes.  After a time he had an epiphany and decided to return.

> Missed you, huh? I can see that. 

Sometimes I hope that was a part of it.

> > > Anyway. To tell the truth it's nice just havin' the company.
>  
> > I had noticed that.
> 
> Besides that, I meant. I hope you know that part's nice without me
> havin' to say so.

Yes, but I had actually meant the company as well.  The conversation,
rather.

> >  Can the 
> > chip even be sensed by those around you?
> 
> As far as I know, no one can tell, unless they're lucky enough to see me
> try to hit a human and run around clutchin' my head like a blooming
> idiot instead.

Dawn and Xander mentioned there was a great deal of pain involved.

> But word's got around that I'm helping the Slayer, and
> it's made me a bit less popular.

Angel often has similar problems now that he has essentially turned 
against his own kind.  And demons as well.

> Besides, for all we're on a hellmouth,
> what with Buffy doin' such a bang-up job, our demon population is
> pretty well kept down to the brand new and the slow learners, none of
> which are brilliant conversationalists. 

You should come to Los Angeles.  We've quite a few interesting ones 
here.

> > > and you and I, well,
> > > let's just say I think we've got a lot in common, some ways. 
> > 
> > De facto ex-patriot status, to be certain.  Plus our fine university
> > education.  Tell me - did Angel ever go to school?  That you're aware
> > of?
> 
> Yes to both. Though that wasn't exactly what I meant.

I know.

> I don't think Angel ever went to school -- not to live, anyway. He
> didn't talk much about his human days, but I got the impression he
> lived home, with his family, until he met Darla. 

Yes. He's rather quiet about that.  I hadn't expected that you might know
much, but thought it would cause no harm to ask.

> > Yes.  The company did prove - er - enjoyable?
> 
> Dunno if I like that question mark, pet. Don't you know? 'Cause if not,
> I'm doin' something wrong.

Oh - no.  I hadn't meant it in that way.  I was only questioning the word
choice in context.  I've never actually - conversations such as this are
new to me.  I'm not sure I've the proper vocabulary.

> > That would require him understanding how to work the office laptop,
> > which he's shown no inclination for.
> 
> Well that's alright then. Although he is, somehow, managing to write to
> me.

Cordelia has shown him the ropes of the other computers.  They've 
different operating systems.  And Angel, being Angel, hasn't shown 
much desire to try bothering with more than one.  He manages with 
what he knows and is content with it.

> > You sound nothing like him.  I have no history with which to determine
> > if you are, however, sounding like yourself.
> 
> Well, I have lots of history to determine if I'm sounding like myself,
> but damned if I know either. Seems like kind of a slippery concept
> lately. 

Rather. And contageious.

> > > but he doesn't need the satisfaction of knowing it. His head's
> > > getting big enough as it is. Your fault, pet?
>  
> > Um - did you mean that in the way it's intended?
> 
> By definition, yes. But if you meant to ask whether it was a double
> entendre, no. I haven't been in a position to know lately. 

Ah.  Well.  Had it been intended that way the answer still would have been
yes.

> And on the
> whole, I'm a single entendre sort of bloke. As you've probably guessed. 

Guessed or easily observed?  Even with my failed Watcher eyes.

> >  This has only been 
> > made more problematic due to the strained relations between himself
> > and Cordy and Gunn.  Time cares for all wounds, but he must not pull
> > back before this is allowed to happen.
> 
> Yeah. Well. Not madly surprising that. He's got himself convinced that
> he doesn't deserve to connect to the world -- as if that had anything to
> do with it.

Also there is the sad reality that of late his connections with the world
have been less than kind.  Some of this detachment is only a natural
consequence of his actions.

>  Dunno
> how you managed to get him to connect to you in the first place,

I'm... not exactly certain of that either.  He told me he was, I was happy
to believe him.  But when, or why, or how - I still don't know.  

Not that this, by any means, means that I shall be complaining.

> but
> you just might bring out enough healthy selfishness to keep him sane. 

I am trying.  It is ultimately up to him, of course, but I do my best to
remind him to maintain contact with the world around him.  

> > Sadly, and with great irony, my relationship with him has served to
> > both help and hurt this cause.
> 
> Wesley, pet, don't ever blame yourself because Angel broods.

Oh no - but thank you.  That is not what I meant.  Angel, as far as I am
aware, actually hasn't brooded about our relationship.  Worried about it,
questioned the wisdom of it as much as I have, perhaps, but not brooded. 
The relationship, as far as we are both concerned, shall remain.

What I had meant was how Cordelia and Gunn view the relationship.  It is,
to them, a double-edged sword.  On the one half there is the fact that it
clearly makes him - and I - happy, and keeps him from reverting to his old
ways.  But on the other half there is, naturally, the worry that it shall
make him *too* happy and rather speedily make him revert to his old ways.

Our relationship started when it did by mere circumstances - it was not
planned by Angel or myself by any means - but sadly came fast upon the
heels of Angel's return.  Cordelia and Gunn - Cordy in particular - felt
understandable skeptism that Angel spoke truly when he said he was
attempting to work towards being good again while at the exact same time
tempting the bounds of the curse.

Having been there during the discussion of this at the Safehouse, you can
imagine similar feelings over here.

It is not that either Cordy or Gunn dislike Angel, it was just that this
new development was a bit much to ask them to digest hard upon the heels
of everything that had already come.  Things are, however, improving
slowly over time.

> Trust me, its as much a force of nature as gravity or lust. If you can
> ever make him lighten up, you're a bleedin' miracle. 

He does have his moments of humor and whimsy.  And he's begun to 
cultivate new hobbies.

> There is. But there doesn't have to be. Wesley, if I'm makin' too much
> of this, forget it. 

No, please - forgive me.  I - I have no regrets.  I would do it again.  It
was greatly enjoyable.  Truly.

> I can't say I'm a big fan of L.A., no. But I can make an exception.

I've grown to like the town.

>  But I
> can't do anything about the insanity of it. Don't even, truly, want to.
> I like a little crazy. You'd have to ask Angel if he minds, but let's
> put it this way, he hasn't been discouraging me. 

He hasn't yet.  I'll be speaking with him later.

> > This is - this is not something I am familiar with.
> 
> What isn't -- Sex? Vampires? Freeways? Scotch? 

Partially, partially, no and no.

Angel... Angel is the first man I have ever been with, or even cared to. 
This is entirely new to me.  That he and you are vampires - it adds
elements which require even more for me to understand.  I know, literally,
nothing about this.  I have learned as the days progress.  Angel came to
me and told me he wanted me - loved and desired me - and I knew without
question that I was his.  You approached me and I found it pleasurable. 
But to ask what I want, or what would offend me - truly I do not know. 
Angel *himself* offended me until I realized why I felt as strongly as I
did.

> This doesn't seem so
> complicated to me. I want you, pet. And I like you, which is
> considerably stranger. Do you want me? 

Yes.

> >  Knowing her as your great-grandmother, I am sure you can 
> > guess how well this panned out in the end.
> 
> Yeah. Dru said. He tried to burn them.

That was a part of it, yes.

> Oh hell. More brooding. Do me a favor, right? Make sure you go see a
> silly movie or some such every month or so? By yourself, not to cheer
> him up. Or he'll suck you into melodrama and you'll never even notice. 

This is something that we have all agreed upon.  We are, none of us,
allowed to become swallowed by the chaos that the Powers insert into our
lives.  To the best of our abilities we are to keep ourselves open to the
world around us.

It is, for all of us, difficult in our own ways, but there is comfort in
that we share the problem together.

> Lots of parts of him are waning that should not, if you ask me. But you
> didn't. So I'm going to shut up now. 

No, please - which?

Wesley

***

[Phone conversation]

[ring]

"Hello?"

"Aren't these cell phones great?"

"Yes. Hello, Angel.  Where are you?"

"Hotel.  You at the apartment?"

"Yes.  I've - I've been taking care of a few things."

"Uh huh.  So I hear."

"..."

"Look, Wes - it's ok."

"Angel -"

"Spike, sex - trust me, I've been there."

"The thing of it is.... What?"

"Well, you know, *years* ago.  Pre-curse. No soul.  Surprising the kind of
stuff that sounds like a good idea under those conditions."  

"I - I'm sure.  But -"

"'course, not exactly an excuse *you* can use, but like I said - been
there."

"Angel, truly, I -"

"Wes, breathe.  I love you. Don't die on me now."

"I - I - I love you too.  Truly."

"Good. Glad that's settled.  So - he still any good?"

"[COUGH]"

"What'd I say about breathing?"

"Sorry, sorry..."

"Get yourself a glass of water.  And sit down. Are you sitting?  I really
think you should be sitting."

"I really think I should be *drunk*, but thank you."

"Don't mention it.  And I'm guessing you did pretty well since Spike's
sitting here telling me he's sending me a card and a bottle of Scotch."

"Spike's *where*?"

"What?  Oh - no.  E-mail, Wes, e-mail.  He's not in Los Angeles."

"Oh.  All - all right then."

"Is it?"

"What?"

"All right."

"I don't understand."

"[pause]  Do you want me to come over?"

"Angel, I'm desperately wondering why you're not here *now*."

"Got it.  Hang on.  Lemme grab my coat.  We can keep talking while I
drive."

"You know that's really not safe."

"Geez, Wes..."

"It isn't!"

"You know you and the traffic violations. I'm never going to get that. 
First the helmet, now this.  They make you stay behind in driver's ed or
something?"

"Look, if you'd like to be pulled over by the police whilst we're having
this conversation then by all means..."

"I'll chance it.  Ok.  In the car.  Now talk to me.  Spike's saying he
wants to come over. See you again.  Like to be sure I'm not gonna rip his
head off for suggesting it.  What *I* wanna know is if *you're* up for the
idea."

"I... That - that is to say..."

"Wes, I still love you."

"Thank God for it."

"That's not gonna change, Wes.  Hell, you could break *up* with me 
and it still wouldn't change.  Tell me you're fucking *in* love with
Spike, and it wouldn't change.  I'd think you'd lost your fucking *mind*,
but I'd still love you."

"[pause]  Thank you."

"Yeah, well, whatever.  Point is - point is, this is not the point.  Ok? 
Are we clear on that so far?  I know you saw him, I know you and he had a
little bit more than conversation.  I dunno *why* you went to see him in
the first place -"

"I wanted to talk about you."

"[pause]  Huh.  Hoo-kay."

"Get advice about dealing with - with your vampire nature."

"What about it?"

"It's - it's not important right now.  Mostly about the nature of that
chip, and how it had affected his survival."

"Anything useful?"

"He suggested some areas of research.  I plan to follow up on it."

"Ok.  Lemme know.  Anyway, what I'm saying is that..."

"What?"

"I'm not jealous.  You wanna do this with him - it's ok.  It's - it's
actually not the first time."

"No, really, it was!"

"Heh.  Wes - I know that.  I meant Spike and me.  We've - we've done this
before."

"I really do need to sit down."

"How long ago did I tell you that? Huh?"

"All right.  Tell me again?"

"Years ago.  You know - back in the day.  Spike... well, Hell, Wes, he was
kinda like you.  Well, you know, *not* like you.  Not - not similar I
mean.  Personality-wise.  But starting out.  Not sure of himself.  Kinda
dorky, really."

"Is that the part which is like me?"

"What? Dorky?  Nah.  You're too cute.  And sexy.  Have I mentioned 
sexy lately?"

"Not yet in this conversation."

"You're really sexy, Wes."

"You know, I had never once in my life anticipated that becoming a 
problem.  Being found to be attractive."

"Yeah - that's what I'm saying.  Like Spike.  I mean sure - he had Dru, I
had Darla.  But..."

"It's all right, Angel, you can tell me."

"Look, don't - don't freak or anything, ok?"

"We're speaking of when you were Angelus. I understand parts if not all of
this shall shock me."

"Ok.  Well - not *that* bad.  I mean it ended up with - with standard
feeding, you know?  Taking a victim?"

"As vampires without souls are often wont to do, yes.  I am aware of
that."

"Well Spike and I...  Spike was kinda wet, when he started.  You know,
behind the ears?  And Dru could only teach him so much, being Dru, and
Darla really didn't give a shit - never did like him much anyway.  Can't
say I blame her - he was *really* annoying back then.  Still is.  Anyway -
he needed somebody to show him the ropes.  And - and this was the first
time we had another guy with us for a while."

"Penn didn't count?"

"I saw him a lot, but he never stayed. Not like Dru and Spike did.  I - I
mean we created a *lot* of vampires, Wes.  But not all of them were meant
to be keepers."

"All right.  Go on."

"So, you know, Spike being a guy, Spike actually being open to seeing
*other* guys -"

"You slept with him."

"Well, yeah.  But you already know that.  What *I'm* saying is that we
also had other people.  Guys I'd bring home.  For - for stuff kinda like
this."

"I'm afraid you've lost me."

"I brought home guys for him to fuck while I watched."

"Ah."

"Figured that'd make it clear."

"Very, thank you."

"See where I'm getting here, though?"

"Not quite yet."

"Ok.  Here's the thing.  I *taught* Spike how to do this.  And I gotta
admit I liked watching him do this.  Pretty soon, it was a regular thing. 
Find some cute guy, bring him home, use him as a training manual or just
enjoy the show.  And when we were done - dinner."

"I see."

"I told you not to freak."

"I haven't. I'm not.  Not about that, anyway.  That you and Spike jointly
fed on humans is hardly news.  I'm just trying to process that you and he
- he -"

"Jointly fucked?"

"Yes.  Thank you."

"We've got to work on this swearing thing, Wes."

"Bugger off."

"Uh huh.  So *now* do you see what I'm getting at? Why I'm not upset?"

"Because this is like what you used to do, only without the bloodshed."

"There ya go.  Now - granted - Spike didn't have this chip in his head,
everybody in Sunnydale didn't trust him - we'd need to talk.  Hell, I'd
need to *stake* him, *then* we'd need to talk.  But since he's pretty much
useless in the danger area.... Raises some interesting possibilities,
Wes."

"Interesting. Yes."

"You liked it?"

"..."

"You can say yes."

"I - I ..."

"It's all right, Wes."

"I know.  I know you're not jealous.  I understand that now - even though
I'm still a bit flabbergasted -"

"Understandable."

"But to ask me this..."

"You did it.  You didn't try to stake him.  We're having this
conversation. I'm thinking it was fun."

"... perhaps."

"So should I tell him he's welcome to do it again?  Long as he behaves
himself?"

"What... what do you want from this?"

"Me?  You.  I want you, Wes.  And since we're talking sex I gotta tell you
I want you hot and bothered and doing whatever it takes to make you even
more hot and bothered for me."

"I... that is not a problem, Angel."

"Didn't think it might be."

"I want you.  I desire you.  Angel, you've no idea how much."

"You could always show me."

"Even... even if I continue with Spike?"

"Do it if you wanna, Wes.  If you don't like it, why bother?"

"I -"

"But if you *do* like it, then yeah - you can show me.  Come home to me
and show me all that pent-up frustration.  Show me any new tricks you
might learn.  Show me no matter how hard he fucks you, I'm still in the
back of your mind."

"*Angel*...."

"Right here, Wes."

"Angel, *please*."

"I'll be there in a minute.  You - you wouldn't be getting hard for me,
now would you?"

"You even need to ask?"

"Keep it up.  And I do mean that."

"Hurry."

"Tell Spike - next time you talk - that you'll do it again.  With him.
With me.  Got that?"

"At - at the same time?"

"Not necessarily.  But I sure as fuck wouldn't mind watching."

"Angel -"

"Maybe even tell you what to do..."

"*Angel* -"

"I'm here, Wes.  This time literally.  Just parked the car. Be at your
door in a sec.  Love you."

"Love you too."

[click]

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> I know. I've read about it.

I still can't get used to that. I mean, yeah, Watchers watch, its in the
name, but I always assumed the information was limited to the more ...
tactical. And then I met some chick at the Safehouse who did her bleeding
*thesis* on me. Asked me to sign it. Still don't know if she was hoping
I'd read it and be tricked into correcting the errors, or if she'd just
been hittin' the books a little too hard.

> > I'd like to see you. I guess I already made that part clear, huh?
> 
> I - I am open to the idea.

I -- Thank you, Wesley.

> > >  I imagine this is a facet of vampire life I have yet to understand.
> > >  
> > 
> > Um, I guess. It's a facet of mine. It's a facet of Angel's.
> 
> I'd started to suspect that. About him, I mean, but it extends to you as
> well.

Makes sense. Might not think it to look at him now, but he taught me
almost everything I know.

> > I don't
> > know if its a vampire thing, particularly.
> 
> Well there were the close ties of your unique family unit, with Angelus
> and Darla serving to provide the foundation for it.  

Unique family unit. I like that. Sounds so much nicer than squabbling
bunch of lunatics.

> > I haven't spent a lot of
> > time studying human social habits since I stopped bein' one a long
> > time ago,
> 
> Yet you seem quite amenable to human company.

Oh, I am. More so now that my unique family unit has exploded and the
social awkwardness of suddenly drinking your drinking buddies isn't a
factor, but I always was fond of a chat or a party, and vampires don't
tend to be thick enough on the ground to make that practical.

> >  If it is a vamp trait, well, my best guess would be it's
> > related to the long life thing -- forever can hang heavy on your
> > hands, sometimes, and we tend to take our pleasures where we find
> > them.
> 
> I suppose that's quite true.  Perhaps most especially when mortals are
> involved.

There is more urgency there. If things don't work out with another
vampire, the odds are good we'll meet again in another century, another
city, and maybe the time'll be right. With mortals, carpe diem -- noctem
-- whatever, is a necessity.

> > I do
> > know it means Angel trusts you -- because otherwise, I can tell you,
> > being dead doesn't make you exempt from jealousy. 

> I imagined as much.  Angel is a creature of great passions, if nothing
> else.

Angel is a creature of great self-dramatization, if nothing else. Sorry. I
know you care for him, I know he's got problems, but they would be a good
deal simpler if he could keep from falling in love with some romantic
ideal of himself or his plight for two minutes together.

> > > Yes.  Well. He's been remarkably understanding, that does seem to be
> > > for certain.
> > 
> > It's what he does best, after brooding and, well, you know. Can be
> > bloody annoying when you don't want to be understood, but sometimes it
> > comes in useful. 
> 
> I don't mind it.  I wouldn't be where I am now, if not for that.

Glad to hear it. Assuming where you are now is where you want to be. But
if its not, he'll back you to get whereever you want. He's like a mother
hen with anyone he really cares about.

> Uncomfortable?  No.  Forgive me, I hadn't intended that by the wording
> of my reply.  I meant only to say that our office hours are what they
> are, but that we keep to them rather loosely, particularly since the
> Powers call upon us when they see fit.  Providing you with the answer to
> your question, then, of when it might be best to see myself and Angel,
> ideally start with a time when the office is closed (unless you
> particularly care to attempt traveling during the daytime - and have a
> desire to see Gunn and Cordelia) and from there just arrive when you see
> fit.  Perhaps call first, to make sure that we are available?

Of course I'll call. And no, I don't especially want to see Cordelia --
she doesn't have fond memories of me, I shouldn't think. Who's Gunn?

> Yes.  And no.  He turned his back on Angel Investigations and the 
> cause, and when doing so he fired the rest of us. We decided to go on
> without him.

He fired you. Angel. Fired you. All I can say is, you're a very forgiving
man. And he's a right bleeding idiot. But we knew that.

> > Mr. Good Things Come to Those Who Wait? Why? 

> He was obsessed with fighting Darla.

Yeah, I can see that. He always was obsessed with her. She led and he
followed for hundreds of years. Everything he liked best at the time --
which is to say everything he now hates himself for most -- he did with
her. You gotta grant its a hard tie to break. I ... sympathize.

> >  And now he's back? 
> 
> Yes.  After a time he had an epiphany and decided to return.

Oh, well that's alright then. Bloody hell! He just woke up one night and
said whoops, and you lot took him back. When I think of the way I've
sweated to convince everyone here that I've changed a hair... never mind.
I suppose you had more reason to trust him than the Slayer did me.  

> > Missed you, huh? I can see that. 
> 
> Sometimes I hope that was a part of it.

And the rest of the time you fear it? What does he say? Or doesn't he?

> Yes, but I had actually meant the company as well.  The conversation,
> rather.

Oh. Good. I like talking to you. Even if I'm not always very good at it.

> Dawn and Xander mentioned there was a great deal of pain involved.

Pain, helplessness, humiliation, its a good time all round.

> Angel often has similar problems now that he has essentially turned
> against his own kind.  And demons as well.

I try not to put it like that. That's what it is, though. Can't really
blame them for not inviting me over for tea if I'm likely to come back
with stakes.

> You should come to Los Angeles.  We've quite a few interesting ones
> here.

Maybe I will, at that. Only... I don't want to run into Dru. We didn't
part on the best of terms. Visiting you and Angel should be safe enough,
she'd not likely come round if he's got the flamethrower waiting. But some
demon hangout...

> > > > and you and I, well,
> > > > let's just say I think we've got a lot in common, some ways. 
> > > 
> > > De facto ex-patriot status, to be certain.  Plus our fine university
> > > education.  Tell me - did Angel ever go to school?  That you're
> > > aware of?
> > 
> > Yes to both. Though that wasn't exactly what I meant.
> 
> I know.

You're good at that, aren't you? Like Angel is. Only with more tact.

> > I don't think Angel ever went to school -- not to live, anyway. He
> > didn't talk much about his human days, but I got the impression he
> > lived home, with his family, until he met Darla. 
> 
> Yes. He's rather quiet about that.  I hadn't expected that you might
> know much, but thought it would cause no harm to ask.

None at all. If I think of anything, I'll give you a shout.

> > > Yes.  The company did prove - er - enjoyable?
> > 
> > Dunno if I like that question mark, pet. Don't you know? 'Cause if
> > not, I'm doin' something wrong.
> 
> Oh - no.  I hadn't meant it in that way.  I was only questioning the
> word choice in context.  I've never actually - conversations such as
> this are new to me.  I'm not sure I've the proper vocabulary.

Pet, whatever you're thinking *is* the right word, because that's what I
want to know. Don't doubt yourself so much. [grin] Not that I'd mind
teaching you some new vocabulary. But the words you have are more than
adequate if they describe what you're feeling.

> Cordelia has shown him the ropes of the other computers.  They've 
> different operating systems.  And Angel, being Angel, hasn't shown much
> desire to try bothering with more than one.  He manages with what he
> knows and is content with it.

Fair enough.

> > > You sound nothing like him.  I have no history with which to
> > > determine if you are, however, sounding like yourself.
> > 
> > Well, I have lots of history to determine if I'm sounding like myself,
> > but damned if I know either. Seems like kind of a slippery concept
> > lately. 
> 
> Rather. And contageious.

Yeah. There is that.

> > > > but he doesn't need the satisfaction of knowing it. His head's
> > > > getting big enough as it is. Your fault, pet?
> > > Um - did you mean that in the way it's intended? 
> > By definition, yes. But if you meant to ask whether it was a double
> > entendre, no. I haven't been in a position to know lately. 

> Ah.  Well.  Had it been intended that way the answer still would have
> been yes.

[chuckle] Good thing I wasn't drinking right then, or there'd be blood all
over the keyboard. You act all demure, and then come out with something
like that... makes it twice as hot. Do you do that on purpose?

> > And on the
> > whole, I'm a single entendre sort of bloke. As you've probably
> > guessed. 

> Guessed or easily observed?  Even with my failed Watcher eyes.

Quit that. Nothin' wrong with your eyes. Seems like it was your mind that
was too open for the ruddy council, and that's a failure the world could
use more of.

> Also there is the sad reality that of late his connections with the
> world have been less than kind.  Some of this detachment is only a
> natural consequence of his actions.

That too. Doesn't make it any easier to swallow though. He's lucky to have
you -- to have someone.

> >  Dunno
> > how you managed to get him to connect to you in the first place,
> 
> I'm... not exactly certain of that either.  He told me he was, I was
> happy to believe him.  But when, or why, or how - I still don't know.  
 > Not that this, by any means, means that I shall be complaining.

You know, I was gettin' the impression you could live with it.

> > > Sadly, and with great irony, my relationship with him has served to
> > > both help and hurt this cause.
> > 
> > Wesley, pet, don't ever blame yourself because Angel broods.
> 
> Oh no - but thank you.  That is not what I meant.  Angel, as far as I am
> aware, actually hasn't brooded about our relationship.  Worried about
> it, questioned the wisdom of it as much as I have, perhaps, but not
> brooded.  The relationship, as far as we are both concerned, shall
> remain.

That's certainly progress. So far as I can tell, when he was with Buffy he
did damned little else.

> What I had meant was how Cordelia and Gunn view the relationship.  It
> is, to them, a double-edged sword.  On the one half there is the fact
> that it clearly makes him - and I - happy, and keeps him from reverting
> to his old ways.  But on the other half there is, naturally, the worry
> that it shall make him *too* happy and rather speedily make him revert
> to his old ways.
> 
> Our relationship started when it did by mere circumstances - it was not
> planned by Angel or myself by any means - but sadly came fast upon the
> heels of Angel's return.  Cordelia and Gunn - Cordy in particular - felt
> understandable skeptism that Angel spoke truly when he said he was
> attempting to work towards being good again while at the exact same time
> tempting the bounds of the curse.
> 
> Having been there during the discussion of this at the Safehouse, you
> can imagine similar feelings over here.

Fuck, how many times have you had to sit through this conversation? Want
me to get you a walkman?

> It is not that either Cordy or Gunn dislike Angel, it was just that this
> new development was a bit much to ask them to digest hard upon the heels
> of everything that had already come.  Things are, however, improving
> slowly over time.

As he continues not to be evil, and they get used to the idea.

> > Trust me, its as much a force of nature as gravity or lust. If you can
> > ever make him lighten up, you're a bleedin' miracle. 
> 
> He does have his moments of humor and whimsy.  And he's begun to 
> cultivate new hobbies.

The mind boggles. Like what?

> > There is. But there doesn't have to be. Wesley, if I'm makin' too much
> > of this, forget it. 
> 
> No, please - forgive me.  I - I have no regrets.  I would do it again. 
> It was greatly enjoyable.  Truly.

Nothin' to forgive. I did mention I'm not much with the words, didn't I?
Not ... reliably, anyway. But I am glad to know you enjoyed yourself.
Because I certainly enjoyed you.

> >  But I
> > can't do anything about the insanity of it. Don't even, truly, want
> > to. I like a little crazy. You'd have to ask Angel if he minds, but
> > let's put it this way, he hasn't been discouraging me. 

> He hasn't yet.  I'll be speaking with him later.

I would say let me know, but if Angel decides he doesn't like this
anymore, he'll let me know.

> > > This is - this is not something I am familiar with.

> > What isn't -- Sex? Vampires? Freeways? Scotch? 

> Partially, partially, no and no.

It seems like you must know more about vampires than almost any mortal on
the planet. And if you're not familar with sex ... then I'm even more
honored, and you're a very fast learner. But I'm happy to answer any
questions on either one.

> Angel... Angel is the first man I have ever been with, or even cared to.
>  This is entirely new to me.  That he and you are vampires - it adds
> elements which require even more for me to understand.  I know,
> literally, nothing about this.  I have learned as the days progress. 
> Angel came to me and told me he wanted me - loved and desired me - and I
> knew without question that I was his.  You approached me and I found it
> pleasurable.  But to ask what I want, or what would offend me - truly I
> do not know.  Angel *himself* offended me until I realized why I felt as
> strongly as I did.

Just promise that if I do something that does, you'll say so? I've learned
this much at least, that I won't even notice something that humans -- or
at least the touchy scoobies -- find offensive. I'm evil; I just don't
have the same instincts they do. But once I'm told I'm a fairly quick
learner -- especially if you can explain why without assuming I should
know already. 

> > This doesn't seem so
> > complicated to me. I want you, pet. And I like you, which is
> > considerably stranger. Do you want me? 
> 
> Yes.

You don't know how pleased I am to hear you say so.

 > This is something that we have all agreed upon.  We are, none of us, >
allowed to become swallowed by the chaos that the Powers insert into > our
lives.  To the best of our abilities we are to keep ourselves open to >
the world around us.

Good for you.

> It is, for all of us, difficult in our own ways, but there is comfort in
> that we share the problem together.

I guess. That's what I'm worried about. You could become your own world
instead of keeping open to the rest of it. Like we did, back in the day.

> > Lots of parts of him are waning that should not, if you ask me. But
> > you didn't. So I'm going to shut up now. 
> 
> No, please - which?

I think you were there for my little rant at the Safehouse, do you really
want me to repeat it? Angel needs not only to have fun, but to have fun
being a vampire. He's given over way too much of himself to the demon,
between the stuff that's too dangerous and the stuff that he doesn't
deserve. He's built it up like a bogeyman. Oh, I'm not sayin' Angelus
wasn't bad -- and that little reappearance of his was certainly
inconvenient -- but somehow he's got to accept himself, all of himself, or
he only strengthens the side he's trying to repress and deny. 

I seem to spend all my bloody time makin' this speech to someone or
another, these days. Think I could go on the lecture circuit and get paid?
Anyway, its not like I spend a lot of time with him these days. Maybe I'm
wrong. But does he ever go to vamp face unless he has to? Does he ever say
anything about enjoying human blood? Does he ever move too fast or make it
obvious he can hear what you can't, except when its needed? In other
words, does he act like a vampire? Or like a human with a severe sun
allergy? 

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > I guess. So far most of my biggest problems have come from the hand of
> > man. Or woman. 
> 
> And here I always thought you came at the hand of a man.

That too, as you should know.

> > "Yes." It seemed simple enough, but he was having trouble with it. But
> > he got "Spike" and "Please" so we're okay. 

> Yeah, Wes has problems with that.  More you get him to say yes, the more
> he's gonna shut up.  He's done it with me but it's context-specific. 
> Not worthwhile trying to figure out how to translate it for you.  But he
> can do please.  And he moans good.

Yeah, he does. I'm fine with "please", but I'll work on "yes" if I get the
chance.

> Next on the list is having him say what he wants.  Working on it.

[nods] He's a strange one. All shy and hesistant and then bam, comes out
with something so wicked and ballsy you can't believe its the same bloke.

> > > Oh no, that's not the problem.  I mean, yeah, he's getting used to
> > > some stuff but that's not it.  Just stuff in the rest of his life. 
> > > I wanna protect him from it.  Keep him safe.  Safe to be himself,
> > > anyway.  
> > 
> > Fair enough. Why can't you? Shouldn't think there's much in his life
> > that wants to tackle six feet of pissed off vamp. 
> 
> Well there's the Watcher's Council, which needs to stay out of his way
> or else they're *gonna* get six feet of pissed off vamp.  Then there's
> other stuff, but he doesn't wanna talk about it and I don't wanna push
> him.  But until we get more specific than that there's nothing I can do
> except brood about it and beat up lawyers.  

Always a good start. (Lawyers, not brooding.)

> > > I'm amazed she lets you.  Hell, I'm still amazed *I* let you.  
> > 
> > She's gettin' used to me.
> 
> Bugged you about the smoking yet?

Not yet. I'm still in shock that she bought me the phone.

> Thanks, but I got no problem killing them dead if they give me good
> reason.  Just can't do it *yet*.  All threats so far, plus a little
> posturing on their part.

They're good at that.

> What I can't figure out is what the fucking deal is.  Why do they wanna
> get their claws in him so bad?  Hey - ok - I definitely like having him
> around.  *Really* like having him around.  But I know for a fact he
> didn't have *that* kind of relationship with anyone on the Council,
> Cordy's jokes about Giles aside.  So what the Hell?  

Maybe 'cause he knows too much about them, and they feel vulnerable? Yeah,
I know they fired him, which wasn't too bright, but they probably figured
he'd get a nice job shuffling papers somewhere, not take all that
expertise right into the hands of the enemy and start freelancing. Or
maybe they're hoping to pump him for info on what a vampire's really like,
up close and personal? Or maybe they just want someone with field
experience to go prep the next Slayer, just in case... 


> Wes has told them to fuck off, which is good, but if they set foot in
> Los Angeles again I'm not gonna be responsibile for my actions.

Good for you. The world needs less Watchers. Just leave Giles alone, okay?
Buffy relies on the twit.

> Yeah. Welcome to my world.  Maybe a month ago I could've torched the
> damn organization but then again Wes and I weren't at that point so what
> can ya do?  

*blink* a month ago you were an arsonist? Angel? Soul Boy? Nobody tells me
anything. You never call, you never write... next time you get into that
kind of mood, let me know, for fuck's sake. We'll paint the town.

> Me? Sit and wait. Keep 'em out of my city.  You?  Dunno.  Buffy and
> Giles welcomed them back in with open arms.  Let's just hope that
> doesn't backfire on them before it's too late to kick them the Hell back
> out.

It's never too late while Buffy is alive. Which is gonna be a long, long
time.

> > > He's good at it.
> > 
> > I'm sure he is. Weren't you?
> 
> No.

Whatever. Wesley says to come some night when the office is closed and
call first. Okay by you?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> I still can't get used to that. I mean, yeah, Watchers watch, its in the
> name, but I always assumed the information was limited to the more ...
> tactical.

Have you not seen Rupert's book collection?  Why do you think he was
placed inside of a library upon his assignment?

> And then I met some chick at the Safehouse who did her
> bleeding *thesis* on me. Asked me to sign it. 

Lydia?

> Still don't know if she
> was hoping I'd read it and be tricked into correcting the errors, 

I wouldn't be half surprised.

> Makes sense. Might not think it to look at him now, but he taught me
> almost everything I know. 

No. I'd guessed as much.  I know how paternal he can be - even now.

> Unique family unit. I like that. Sounds so much nicer than squabbling
> bunch of lunatics.

Some would argue the words are one and the same.

> > Yet you seem quite amenable to human company.
> 
> Oh, I am. More so now that my unique family unit has exploded and the
> social awkwardness of suddenly drinking your drinking buddies isn't a
> factor, but I always was fond of a chat or a party, and vampires don't
> tend to be thick enough on the ground to make that practical. 

The situation in Sunnydale must be quite frustrating, then.

> Angel is a creature of great self-dramatization, if nothing else.
> Sorry. I know you care for him, I know he's got problems, but they
> would be a good deal simpler if he could keep from falling in love with
> some romantic ideal of himself or his plight for two minutes together. 

No, I agree.  My feelings for him aside, there are times when it's quite
pleasurable to think of striking him over the head with a hammer and
seeing if it might not drive some sense into him.

> Glad to hear it. Assuming where you are now is where you want to be.

It is.  With all my heart.  Regarding him *and* everything else.

> But if its not, he'll back you to get whereever you want. He's like a
> mother hen with anyone he really cares about. 

You should see him around Cordy, particularly these days.

> Of course I'll call. And no, I don't especially want to see Cordelia --
> she doesn't have fond memories of me, I shouldn't think.

She hasn't fond memories of most things Sunnydale.

> Who's Gunn? 

Ah.  Forgive me.  Charles Gunn, one of our associates.  A very good 
fighter and quite familiar with the streets of Los Angeles.  Angel met him
last year and he joined our organization in the Fall.  Quite pleasant
fellow.

> He fired you. Angel. Fired you. All I can say is, you're a very
> forgiving man. And he's a right bleeding idiot. But we knew that. 

Angel, at the time, had his head stuck somewhere private.

> > He was obsessed with fighting Darla.
> 
> Yeah, I can see that. He always was obsessed with her. She led and he
> followed for hundreds of years. Everything he liked best at the time --
> which is to say everything he now hates himself for most -- he did with
> her. You gotta grant its a hard tie to break. I ... sympathize. 

Plus there is the fact that he cared for her.  And her human body - and
restored soul - made him even more sympathetic to her plight.  I must say
that while I disagree strongly with the methods that he choose and the
extents to which he took them, I cannot blame him for the intentions,
however much they did pave the familiar road to Hell.

> > Yes.  After a time he had an epiphany and decided to return.
> 
> Oh, well that's alright then. Bloody hell! He just woke up one night and
> said whoops, and you lot took him back.

Not exactly.  To begin with he had tumbled to an all-time low, 
culminating in the moment that he slept with Darla.  Thankfully, this did
not end in the loss of his soul but I suspect the realization after the
fact that he *could* have was enough to frighten him to the core.  It was
then that he came crawling - almost literally, though an encounter with a
truck rather helped that - back, asking only for the chance to prove
himself again.

> When I think of the way
> I've sweated to convince everyone here that I've changed a hair...
> never mind. I suppose you had more reason to trust him than the Slayer
> did me.  

Me? Yes.  Although of course here there is the natural bias.  But as I
told you before, I trust Angel's words innately.  I know that they ring
true.

In addition to this, prior to asking for our indulgence Angel did, in
fact, save all of our lives, nearly at the expense of his own (again, the
truck).  This made us all more open to at least listening to him when he
showed up in the office again the next evening.

Finally there is the fact that he did not demand that we believe him, or
that things go back to the way they were.  He simply apologized,
acknowledged he was wrong, and asked for the chance to prove himself again
- with full understanding that he did not really deserve it.

Which is why Angel now works for me - with even less seniority in the
company than Gunn and Cordelia.  

Now Angel and myself, of course, have managed to patch up our 
problems elsewhere, while at the same time clearing up the cause of 
quite a few other tensions.  Gunn and Cordy, however, do not have or
desire that option, so for them and Angel it is still a day to day thing. 
Angel is on probation, as it were.

Which is not quite as cold as it sounds, but it is still quite a bit less
than welcoming him back with open arms.

> > > Missed you, huh? I can see that. 
> > 
> > Sometimes I hope that was a part of it.
> 
> And the rest of the time you fear it? What does he say? Or doesn't he?

Oh no - I meant only that it is a pleasant thought to imagine his 
affections for me might have influenced his return.

> Oh. Good. I like talking to you. Even if I'm not always very good at it.

You seem fine.

> > Dawn and Xander mentioned there was a great deal of pain involved.
> 
> Pain, helplessness, humiliation, its a good time all round.

No wonder Angel felt such a flash of recognition when he heard about it.

> > Angel often has similar problems now that he has essentially turned
> > against his own kind.  And demons as well.
> 
> I try not to put it like that. That's what it is, though. Can't really
> blame them for not inviting me over for tea if I'm likely to come back
> with stakes. 

I can see that.  I don't think Angel thinks of it in those terms either. 
He does what he needs to do.  It's one of the few things he doesn't brood
overmuch about.  I suppose after spending over a century slaughtering
humans, it doesn't tweak his conscience overmuch to turn those same skills
upon the undead.

> > You should come to Los Angeles.  We've quite a few interesting ones
> > here.
> 
> Maybe I will, at that. Only... I don't want to run into Dru. We didn't
> part on the best of terms.

We've neither seen Dru or Darla for months.  I know that Angel has been
keeping his feelers out in case of their return, but as yet things have
been - thankfully - quiet.

> Visiting you and Angel should be safe
> enough, she'd not likely come round if he's got the flamethrower
> waiting. But some demon hangout... 

I know of a place, but getting Angel to meet you there might prove 
interesting lest certain promises are made.

> > Yes. He's rather quiet about that.  I hadn't expected that you might
> > know much, but thought it would cause no harm to ask.
> 
> None at all. If I think of anything, I'll give you a shout.

Thank you, I'd appreciate it.

> > Oh - no.  I hadn't meant it in that way.  I was only questioning the
> > word choice in context.  I've never actually - conversations such as
> > this are new to me.  I'm not sure I've the proper vocabulary.
> 
> Pet, whatever you're thinking *is* the right word, because that's what I
> want to know. Don't doubt yourself so much. [grin] Not that I'd mind
> teaching you some new vocabulary. But the words you have are more than
> adequate if they describe what you're feeling. 

I see.  Enjoyable it is, then.  With perhaps an addition of quite
pleasant.

> > Ah.  Well.  Had it been intended that way the answer still would have
> > been yes.
> 
> [chuckle] Good thing I wasn't drinking right then, or there'd be blood
> all over the keyboard. 

Highly inadvisable, trust me.

> You act all demure, and then come out with
> something like that... makes it twice as hot. Do you do that on
> purpose? 

Act? No.  Be demure? If I do, not on purpose.  Say something like that?
Yes, quite purposefully.  In order to arouse you?  Didn't know that it
would.  But now that I do...

> > Guessed or easily observed?  Even with my failed Watcher eyes.
> 
> Quit that. Nothin' wrong with your eyes. Seems like it was your mind
> that was too open for the ruddy council, and that's a failure the world
> could use more of. 

I quite agree.  You should see the sort of hoops I've gone through in
order to keep them far away from Angel.  His soul and his purpose mean
nothing in comparision to his species.  They would destroy him in a moment
without a single care.

> > Also there is the sad reality that of late his connections with the
> > world have been less than kind.  Some of this detachment is only a
> > natural consequence of his actions.
> 
> That too. Doesn't make it any easier to swallow though. He's lucky to
> have you -- to have someone. 

I'm glad to be had.  He is making other friends, though, or at least
starting to.  There's a demon in town we are all fond of.  Plus a few
mortal friends of Gunn's who are not wholly uncomfortable with the idea of
a vampire with a soul.  And Gunn and Cordy themselves, of course.

> > I'm... not exactly certain of that either.  He told me he was, I was
> > happy to believe him.  But when, or why, or how - I still don't know. 
> > 
>  > Not that this, by any means, means that I shall be complaining.
> 
> You know, I was gettin' the impression you could live with it.

If I must.  You know how these things are.

> > Oh no - but thank you.  That is not what I meant.  Angel, as far as I
> > am aware, actually hasn't brooded about our relationship.  Worried
> > about it, questioned the wisdom of it as much as I have, perhaps, but
> > not brooded.  The relationship, as far as we are both concerned, shall
> > remain.
> 
> That's certainly progress. So far as I can tell, when he was with Buffy
> he did damned little else. 

His relationship with Buffy was, in my opinion, highly idealistic.  
Personally I can't help but feel that even if the curse hadn't been broken
and his soul taken away, something else might have occured which would
have been just as catastrophic.  Buffy felt *too* fondly for him.  She was
far too eager to return to his side - and here is the crucial thing - as
though nothing had occured.

Of course I was not there when the two of them met, nor was I there 
when he became Angelus.  But even the little that I did see when I 
became Buffy's Watcher was enough to show that she was not thinking 
clearly.  And based upon what I have seen of Angel in regards to her, the
feelings are the same.

Does this mirror one Wesley Wyndam-Pryce's own situation?  In some 
manners, yes.  Angel became dark again, then asked for forgiveness 
and was taken back, especially by one who loved him.  But at no time am I
unaware of Angel's darker side, or of how steps must be taken to help him
fight against it.  Buffy, on the other hand, saw only the good and seemed
genuinely confused that there might be anything else.  Given how dark
Angel truly is, that is a perfect formula for disaster.

> > Having been there during the discussion of this at the Safehouse, you
> > can imagine similar feelings over here.
> 
> Fuck, how many times have you had to sit through this conversation? Want
> me to get you a walkman? 

Ha.  No, it's all right.  Prior to England I'd only had it the once, with
Cordy, who absorbed it all rather quickly.  I suspect because she and Gunn
must actually interact with Angel day to day it was easier for them to
quickly process the pros and cons of our relationship and come to a
conclusion.  For Rupert and the rest of you, though, the abstracts can
make it overwhelming.

> > It is not that either Cordy or Gunn dislike Angel, it was just that
> > this new development was a bit much to ask them to digest hard upon
> > the heels of everything that had already come.  Things are, however,
> > improving slowly over time.
> 
> As he continues not to be evil, and they get used to the idea.

Exactly.

> > He does have his moments of humor and whimsy.  And he's begun to
> > cultivate new hobbies.
> 
> The mind boggles. Like what?

Well there is his art, of course.  And now singing.

> Nothin' to forgive. I did mention I'm not much with the words, didn't I?
> Not ... reliably, anyway. But I am glad to know you enjoyed yourself.
> Because I certainly enjoyed you. 

Thank you.

> > He hasn't yet.  I'll be speaking with him later.
> 
> I would say let me know, but if Angel decides he doesn't like this
> anymore, he'll let me know.

There is that.  But no, he and I spoke last night and he was actually
rather encouraging.

> It seems like you must know more about vampires than almost any mortal
> on the planet.

I dare to hope so.

> And if you're not familar with sex ... then I'm even
> more honored, and you're a very fast learner.

Well... at the risk of hurt feelings I was not, you of course understand,
a virgin.  Angel himself aside, there were those that came before him.  It
is only that prior to Angel I'd dated only women.

> But I'm happy to answer
> any questions on either one. 

Thank you.  I'll be sure to ask.

> > not know.  Angel *himself* offended me until I realized why I felt as
> > strongly as I did.
> 
> Just promise that if I do something that does, you'll say so?

Oh yes, of course.  Although at this time I don't forsee it as a
problem... though it occurs to me that lacking more information about what
*could* be done perhaps limits my abilities of prediction.

These things aside, however, I can tell you that what Angel did which
offended me was, actually, showing his attraction.  Or so I thought. 
During his time with Darla, he did quite a few things which to me
seemed... mocking.  Deliberately toying.  Things which suggested to me
that he had figured out my true feelings and was now humiliating me for
them.  That is what I was referring to.

> I've
> learned this much at least, that I won't even notice something that
> humans -- or at least the touchy scoobies -- find offensive. I'm evil; I
> just don't have the same instincts they do. 

Or it could be suggested that while one does not have to be evil to 
offend the crowd of Sunnydale, it doesn't hurt either.

> But once I'm told I'm a
> fairly quick learner -- especially if you can explain why without
> assuming I should know already. 

More than fair.

> You don't know how pleased I am to hear you say so.

I'm doing my best to speak truthfully.  

> I guess. That's what I'm worried about. You could become your own world
> instead of keeping open to the rest of it. Like we did, back in the day.
> 

We do our best.  Cordy persues her acting, Gunn keeps up with his 
neighborhood ties, Angel and I persue our own hobbies - besides the 
hobby of one another, of course.

> I think you were there for my little rant at the Safehouse, do you
> really want me to repeat it? Angel needs not only to have fun, but to
> have fun being a vampire. 

How - how does one do that, specifically?  Without death being involved?

> I seem to spend all my bloody time makin' this speech to someone or
> another, these days. Think I could go on the lecture circuit and get
> paid?

The Watcher's Council might offer you something.  Then again it might just
be a stake.

> Anyway, its not like I spend a lot of time with him these days.
> Maybe I'm wrong. But does he ever go to vamp face unless he has to?

Again here is my ignorance - has to as opposed to what, precisely?  He
goes into it, yes, while fighting and while threatening others.  And he
seems fairly comfortable with it when he does.  It isn't as though, during
these times, that he struggles against it.  If anything, I would say he's
*glad* for it - quickly settles the matter of who, really, is the stronger
in the room.  But beyond that, when would he?

> Does he ever say anything about enjoying human blood? 

Sometimes.  Not always painfully.  Perhaps a little wistful from time to
time.

> Does he ever move
> too fast or make it obvious he can hear what you can't, except when its
> needed?

He moves quickly enough when he must catch Cordelia, and again has 
no problem using his skills during fights.  As for his senses... it is
hard for me to say.  He seems comfortable enough when he brings it up, but
without him telling me I couldn't say if he does it all the time or not.

> In other words, does he act like a vampire? Or like a human
> with a severe sun allergy? 

I suspect the problem with Angel's situation is that he is a vampire like
no other, which makes it hard to draw comparisons.  Don't misunderstand -
I'm very eager for this conversation, and I'm making notes of all that you
are saying.  However to put myself in the role of devil's advocate - no
pun intended - I must ask how can we determine "normal" for Angel?  He's
literally unique.

I think this also lies in the reason why I visited you in the first place
- how can we judge if he needs to be drinking living blood?  There's
nothing to compare him to.

It's times like this which make me feel sorry for him.  And you as well,
now.

Wesley

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > And here I always thought you came at the hand of a man.
> 
> That too, as you should know.

True.

> > Not worthwhile trying to figure out how to translate it for you.  But
> > he can do please.  And he moans good.
> 
> Yeah, he does. I'm fine with "please", but I'll work on "yes" if I get
> the chance.

Yeah, might as well. Like I said I think it depends on the situation. Why
he tells me yes wouldn't necessarily be the same for you.

> [nods] He's a strange one. All shy and hesistant and then bam, comes out
> with something so wicked and ballsy you can't believe its the same
> bloke. 

Tell me about it.  One minute he's the annoying guy in Sunnydale that
Buffy can't stand, next minute he's wearing leather with a crossbow to my
chest and I'm thinking... not bad.  

Should've fucking seen him when he started working for me.  If Cordy
hadn't been in the room I might have taken him right there. 

Well... Cordy and the whole curse thing.  One rare thing to actually thank
Darla for. But yeah, when Wes started out he was... real tempting.  Wanna
hear about it?

> > him.  But until we get more specific than that there's nothing I can
> > do except brood about it and beat up lawyers.  
> 
> Always a good start. (Lawyers, not brooding.)

Yeah, everybody needs a hobby.

> > Bugged you about the smoking yet?
> 
> Not yet. I'm still in shock that she bought me the phone.

Wes nagged me to Hell and back - which was nice, picked up a few 
shirts I liked that I left behind - about the cell phone too.  'course now
I get revenge with obscene phone calls.

> > Thanks, but I got no problem killing them dead if they give me good
> > reason.  Just can't do it *yet*.  All threats so far, plus a little
> > posturing on their part.
> 
> They're good at that.

Yeah. Just annoy the shit out of me when posturing suddenly becomes 
a night of helicopters and machine guns.  Which is why they don't get back
in my town again.

> Maybe 'cause he knows too much about them, and they feel vulnerable?
> Yeah, I know they fired him, which wasn't too bright, but they probably
> figured he'd get a nice job shuffling papers somewhere, not take all
> that expertise right into the hands of the enemy and start freelancing.
> Or maybe they're hoping to pump him for info on what a vampire's really
> like, up close and personal? Or maybe they just want someone with field
> experience to go prep the next Slayer, just in case... 

I don't think they'd let him near a Slayer again, much though they try to
be all coy about it and imply that they might.  I suspect they just don't
like he developed a mind of his own, with the added bonus that the new
mind decided to come be with me.  You know how freaked they got when Buffy
told 'em to go fuck themselves.  Yeah, Wes got fired, but he had balls
enough to give them the finger right after - even when it meant siding
with Faith.  Gotta be bugging them.

> Good for you. The world needs less Watchers. Just leave Giles alone,
> okay? Buffy relies on the twit. 

Hey - I'm ok with Giles. And I got no right to put the man down even if I
wasn't.  He doesn't like me and there's nothing to be said about that. I
stay out of his way when I can.

> *blink* a month ago you were an arsonist? Angel? Soul Boy? Nobody tells
> me anything. You never call, you never write... next time you get into
> that kind of mood, let me know, for fuck's sake. We'll paint the town. 

Oh yeah. Fires. Murder. Mayhem. Dead lawyers.  Pretty much exactly 
like old times.  Only thing missing was the fact I still had the fucking
soul.  Great, huh?  Starting to see why I sent Wes away?

> It's never too late while Buffy is alive. Which is gonna be a long, long
> time.

Here's hoping.

> Whatever. Wesley says to come some night when the office is closed and
> call first. Okay by you? 

Sure.  You know me - mostly an evening person.

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Have you not seen Rupert's book collection?  Why do you think he was
> placed inside of a library upon his assignment?

Not too often, actually. Buffy and I tend to patrol while he handles the
research side of things. And his acceptance of me hangin' about is ...
tenuous at best. You know, pet, you're good for my vocabulary. I'm usin'
words I haven't thought of in years.

> > And then I met some chick at the Safehouse who did her
> > bleeding *thesis* on me. Asked me to sign it. 
> 
> Lydia?

I think that was it. I hope so. Otherwise there's more than one, which is
terrifying.

> > Still don't know if she
> > was hoping I'd read it and be tricked into correcting the errors, 
> 
> I wouldn't be half surprised.

Yeah well, what with them all brandishing great big crosses at me, it
wasn't the most relaxing atmosphere for curling up with a good book.
Though the Slayer brandishing a crossbow back at them was amusing.

> No. I'd guessed as much.  I know how paternal he can be - even now.

In a way. In a lot of ways. But we were both a lot badder in those days --
or at least a lot better at it -- so don't go thinking it was some kind of
vampire version of the Waltons.

> > Unique family unit. I like that. Sounds so much nicer than squabbling
> > bunch of lunatics.
> 
> Some would argue the words are one and the same.

Mine was alright. Originally I mean. Seems like I'm one of the lucky few.

> > > Yet you seem quite amenable to human company.
> > 
> > Oh, I am. More so now that my unique family unit has exploded and the
> > social awkwardness of suddenly drinking your drinking buddies isn't a
> > factor, but I always was fond of a chat or a party, and vampires don't
> > tend to be thick enough on the ground to make that practical. 
> 
> The situation in Sunnydale must be quite frustrating, then.

That's the least of it, but yeah. Frustrating would cover it, if spread
thin.

> > Angel is a creature of great self-dramatization, if nothing else.
> > Sorry. I know you care for him, I know he's got problems, but they
> > would be a good deal simpler if he could keep from falling in love
> > with some romantic ideal of himself or his plight for two minutes
> > together. 

> No, I agree.  My feelings for him aside, there are times when it's quite
> pleasurable to think of striking him over the head with a hammer and
> seeing if it might not drive some sense into him.

I knew you were a sensible man, mate. Can't tell you how often I've had
that fantasy. Doubt it would work, though. Except for me, I mean.

> It is.  With all my heart.  Regarding him *and* everything else.

Then you are where you belong. Can't remember the last time I felt that
way. Hang on to it, mate, if you can.

> > But if its not, he'll back you to get whereever you want. He's like a
> > mother hen with anyone he really cares about. 

> You should see him around Cordy, particularly these days.

Not necessary, really. I've got a weak stomach.

> > Who's Gunn? 
> 
> Ah.  Forgive me.  Charles Gunn, one of our associates.  A very good
> fighter and quite familiar with the streets of Los Angeles.  Angel met
> him last year and he joined our organization in the Fall.  Quite
> pleasant fellow.

Ah. Well, always a pleasure to meet a friend of yours, but I'm guessing if
they're having a hard time dealing with you and Angel and Angel's little
lapse, my showin' up isn't gonna help the situation a bit. So I'll play
least in sight till closing time.

> > He fired you. Angel. Fired you. All I can say is, you're a very
> > forgiving man. And he's a right bleeding idiot. But we knew that. 
> 
> Angel, at the time, had his head stuck somewhere private.

No doubt. Is it out yet?

> Plus there is the fact that he cared for her.  And her human body - and
> restored soul - made him even more sympathetic to her plight.  I must
> say that while I disagree strongly with the methods that he choose and
> the extents to which he took them, I cannot blame him for the
> intentions, however much they did pave the familiar road to Hell.

Yeah, I was tryin' not to mention that bit. It doesn't bother you?

> Not exactly.  To begin with he had tumbled to an all-time low, 
> culminating in the moment that he slept with Darla. 

He what?!? Somehow I missed this bit in the conversation that would not
die. I thought his first time since the, uh, Angelus Incident was with
you. Yeah, I'm seeing that as an all-time low. She was a stuck up useless
bitch to begin with, always sneering at my Dru, and I'm guessing a few
years bein' extra crispy dead didn't do a hell of a lot for her
personality.

> Thankfully, this did 
> not end in the loss of his soul but I suspect the realization after the
> fact that he *could* have was enough to frighten him to the core.  It
> was then that he came crawling - almost literally, though an encounter
> with a truck rather helped that - back, asking only for the chance to
> prove himself again.

And you said yes. As I said, a very forgiving man.

> Me? Yes.  Although of course here there is the natural bias.  But as I
> told you before, I trust Angel's words innately.  I know that they ring
> true.

> In addition to this, prior to asking for our indulgence Angel did, in
> fact, save all of our lives, nearly at the expense of his own (again,
> the truck).  This made us all more open to at least listening to him
> when he showed up in the office again the next evening.

Yeah, I suppose I can see where that might make a difference.  Although it
didn't work as well for me as you might think.

> Finally there is the fact that he did not demand that we believe him, or
> that things go back to the way they were.  He simply apologized,
> acknowledged he was wrong, and asked for the chance to prove himself
> again - with full understanding that he did not really deserve it.

I'm still workin' on that part. Humility doesn't come easy to someone as
naturally talented as myself. :)

> Which is why Angel now works for me - with even less seniority in the
> company than Gunn and Cordelia.  

That makes sense. His explanation was so short it was bloody
incomprehensible, but hey, whatever works. I wasn't about to push it.

> Now Angel and myself, of course, have managed to patch up our 
> problems elsewhere, while at the same time clearing up the cause of
> quite a few other tensions.  Gunn and Cordy, however, do not have or
> desire that option, so for them and Angel it is still a day to day
> thing.  Angel is on probation, as it were. Which is not quite as cold as
> it sounds, but it is still quite a bit less than welcoming him back with
> open arms.

[nods] fair enough.

> > > > Missed you, huh? I can see that. 
> > > 
> > > Sometimes I hope that was a part of it.
> > 
> > And the rest of the time you fear it? What does he say? Or doesn't he?
> 
> Oh no - I meant only that it is a pleasant thought to imagine his 
> affections for me might have influenced his return.

Of course they did. How could they not?

> > Oh. Good. I like talking to you. Even if I'm not always very good at
> > it.
> 
> You seem fine.

Thanks. I'm trying.

> > > Dawn and Xander mentioned there was a great deal of pain involved.
> > 
> > Pain, helplessness, humiliation, its a good time all round.
> 
> No wonder Angel felt such a flash of recognition when he heard about it.

Flash of recognition? Dawn said it was more like a laughing fit. I don't
blame him -- I'd have done the same in his place. Did, actually.

> > > Angel often has similar problems now that he has essentially turned
> > > against his own kind.  And demons as well.
> > 
> > I try not to put it like that. That's what it is, though. Can't really
> > blame them for not inviting me over for tea if I'm likely to come back
> > with stakes. 
> 
> I can see that.  I don't think Angel thinks of it in those terms either.
>  He does what he needs to do.  It's one of the few things he doesn't
> brood overmuch about.  I suppose after spending over a century
> slaughtering humans, it doesn't tweak his conscience overmuch to turn
> those same skills upon the undead.

Well, yeah, there's that. Plus fighting is fun. Who you're fighting
doesn't make all that much difference when you're in the thick of it.

> > > You should come to Los Angeles.  We've quite a few interesting ones
> > > here.
> > 
> > Maybe I will, at that. Only... I don't want to run into Dru. We didn't
> > part on the best of terms.
> 
> We've neither seen Dru or Darla for months.  I know that Angel has been
> keeping his feelers out in case of their return, but as yet things have
> been - thankfully - quiet.

Good to know. Maybe they took a trip. Dru always fancied one of them
package tours.

> > Visiting you and Angel should be safe
> > enough, she'd not likely come round if he's got the flamethrower
> > waiting. But some demon hangout... 
> 
> I know of a place, but getting Angel to meet you there might prove
> interesting lest certain promises are made.

I'm confused. Intrigued, but confused. If Angel is willing to meet me at
all, why would this place in particular be a problem? Its your local pub,
not mine. besides -- to be blunt, I've got every incentive to keep on his
good side just now, if I'm ever to get the chance to touch you again.

> Thank you, I'd appreciate it.

No problem. Feel free to ask questions if they occur to you; you never
know what one'll jog loose.

> > > Oh - no.  I hadn't meant it in that way.  I was only questioning the
> > > word choice in context.  I've never actually - conversations such as
> > > this are new to me.  I'm not sure I've the proper vocabulary.
> > 
> > Pet, whatever you're thinking *is* the right word, because that's what
> > I want to know. Don't doubt yourself so much. [grin] Not that I'd mind
> > teaching you some new vocabulary. But the words you have are more than
> > adequate if they describe what you're feeling. 
> 
> I see.  Enjoyable it is, then.  With perhaps an addition of quite
> pleasant.

Good to know. Because you were quite pleasant too. Bloody intoxicating, in
fact.

> > [chuckle] Good thing I wasn't drinking right then, or there'd be blood
> > all over the keyboard. 
> 
> Highly inadvisable, trust me.

I do. But I still wanna know why and how you two got blood in the
keyboard.

> > You act all demure, and then come out with
> > something like that... makes it twice as hot. Do you do that on
> > purpose? 

> Act? No.  Be demure? If I do, not on purpose.  Say something like that?
> Yes, quite purposefully.  In order to arouse you?  Didn't know that it
> would.  But now that I do...

Yeah, well, its a nice mental picture under any circumstances. But
especially the way you talk, it's like ice and warmth at once. I like
contrast. Let's me know I'm alive -- more or less.

> > > Guessed or easily observed?  Even with my failed Watcher eyes.
> > 
> > Quit that. Nothin' wrong with your eyes. Seems like it was your mind
> > that was too open for the ruddy council, and that's a failure the
> > world could use more of. 
> 
> I quite agree.  You should see the sort of hoops I've gone through in
> order to keep them far away from Angel.  His soul and his purpose mean
> nothing in comparision to his species.  They would destroy him in a
> moment without a single care.

They're not too bright, are they? I'd think it'd pay to keep him around
just on the principle of the spider in the garden.

> I'm glad to be had.  He is making other friends, though, or at least
> starting to.  There's a demon in town we are all fond of.  Plus a few
> mortal friends of Gunn's who are not wholly uncomfortable with the idea
> of a vampire with a soul.  And Gunn and Cordy themselves, of course.

That's good. Can't help worrying about the bleeding git sometimes -- and
don't bloody tell him that either.

> > That's certainly progress. So far as I can tell, when he was with
> > Buffy he did damned little else. 
> 
> His relationship with Buffy was, in my opinion, highly idealistic. 
> Personally I can't help but feel that even if the curse hadn't been
> broken and his soul taken away, something else might have occured which
> would have been just as catastrophic.  Buffy felt *too* fondly for him. 
> She was far too eager to return to his side - and here is the crucial
> thing - as though nothing had occured.
> 
> Of course I was not there when the two of them met, nor was I there when
> he became Angelus.  But even the little that I did see when I became
> Buffy's Watcher was enough to show that she was not thinking clearly. 
> And based upon what I have seen of Angel in regards to her, the feelings
> are the same.

Not thinking clearly pretty much covers it. Not thinking, even. But love
does that, pet, especially when one is seventeen. And now, when one is a
hundred and twenty seven, I'm not sure how much bloody good it does to
think clearly, besides allowing me to draw a painfully accurate map of the
same stupid path I was going to walk in any case.

> Does this mirror one Wesley Wyndam-Pryce's own situation?  In some
> manners, yes.  Angel became dark again, then asked for forgiveness and
> was taken back, especially by one who loved him.  But at no time am I
> unaware of Angel's darker side, or of how steps must be taken to help
> him fight against it.  Buffy, on the other hand, saw only the good and
> seemed genuinely confused that there might be anything else.  Given how
> dark Angel truly is, that is a perfect formula for disaster.

It's not the same. You see him as he is, more clearly than he does. She
saw who he wanted to be. I think its true the other way round too, though
I'm hardly the most impartial observer. Just lately I think she might be
starting to realize how oppressive it can be to be with someone who truly
believes you're perfect. As opposed to finding somethin' beautiful in all
your imperfections. But who knows.

> Ha.  No, it's all right.  Prior to England I'd only had it the once,
> with Cordy, who absorbed it all rather quickly.  I suspect because she
> and Gunn must actually interact with Angel day to day it was easier for
> them to quickly process the pros and cons of our relationship and come
> to a conclusion.  For Rupert and the rest of you, though, the abstracts
> can make it overwhelming.

I appreciate the courtesy, pet, but no need to include me. I hung out with
Angelus for years. I can't say I especially miss him, but I'm hardly
overwhelmed at the prospect of his return. He would no doubt make fun of
the chip at tedious length, but since there's no more Dru to hold us
together it would be quite tolerable, so long as he understands that if he
tries to harm Buffy I will kill him. I think, I hope, that he can retain
that much information. Thing is though, pet, you're likely to be a bit
dead at the time. Which would be a pity.

> > As he continues not to be evil, and they get used to the idea.
> 
> Exactly.

It's a slow process, but I haven't found a substitute yet.

> Well there is his art, of course.  And now singing.

Art, yes. I remember him sitting and sketching as ... well, never mind.
But singing? That's new.

> There is that.  But no, he and I spoke last night and he was actually
> rather encouraging.

Oh. Good. Was he? Should I be pleased or worried?

> > It seems like you must know more about vampires than almost any mortal
> > on the planet.
> 
> I dare to hope so.
> 
> > And if you're not familar with sex ... then I'm even
> > more honored, and you're a very fast learner.
> 
> Well... at the risk of hurt feelings I was not, you of course
> understand, a virgin.  Angel himself aside, there were those that came
> before him.  It is only that prior to Angel I'd dated only women.

I know that much pet. I was there for the Endless Talk of Doom. I just
meant that its always nice to make the short list.

> > But I'm happy to answer
> > any questions on either one. 
> 
> Thank you.  I'll be sure to ask.
> 
> > > not know.  Angel *himself* offended me until I realized why I felt
> > > as strongly as I did.
> > 
> > Just promise that if I do something that does, you'll say so?
> 
> Oh yes, of course.  Although at this time I don't forsee it as a
> problem... though it occurs to me that lacking more information about
> what *could* be done perhaps limits my abilities of prediction.

Yeah, and my lacking information about what might be a problem limits mine
in the other direction. We'll figure it out. Or more likely, Angel will
slap me about a bit until I figure it out. Which works too.

> These things aside, however, I can tell you that what Angel did which
> offended me was, actually, showing his attraction.  Or so I thought. 
> During his time with Darla, he did quite a few things which to me
> seemed... mocking.  Deliberately toying.  Things which suggested to me
> that he had figured out my true feelings and was now humiliating me for
> them.  That is what I was referring to.

Oh I see. But why would he do that? Nasty piece of work for a friend to
pull.

> Or it could be suggested that while one does not have to be evil to
> offend the crowd of Sunnydale, it doesn't hurt either.

What does it matter what I am, compared to what I do?

> I'm doing my best to speak truthfully.  

I know. I appreciate that.

> > I think you were there for my little rant at the Safehouse, do you
> > really want me to repeat it? Angel needs not only to have fun, but to
> > have fun being a vampire. 

> How - how does one do that, specifically?  Without death being involved?

Well, I'm not exactly an expert, but I'm learnin' -- not much choice
there. You can fight the good fight but still take pleasure in it. You can
revel in your abilities and the things that make you different, or you can
try to hide it. He could take your suggestion and try live blood from an
animal -- or from a vamp brothel, for that matter. Or from the demons and
such that he's fighting. 

> > I seem to spend all my bloody time makin' this speech to someone or
> > another, these days. Think I could go on the lecture circuit and get
> > paid?
> 
> The Watcher's Council might offer you something.  Then again it might
> just be a stake.

I'm not workin' for those jerks even if they'd have me. And I'm thinking
if they won't take the Amazing Hair Man, there's not much chance of them
goin' for me. Thought they were gonna have a collective heart attack that
I was livin' in their precious house for a week. Probably fumigated it
after.

> > Anyway, its not like I spend a lot of time with him these days.
> > Maybe I'm wrong. But does he ever go to vamp face unless he has to?
> 
> Again here is my ignorance - has to as opposed to what, precisely?  He
> goes into it, yes, while fighting and while threatening others.  And he
> seems fairly comfortable with it when he does.  It isn't as though,
> during these times, that he struggles against it.  If anything, I would
> say he's *glad* for it - quickly settles the matter of who, really, is
> the stronger in the room.  But beyond that, when would he?

Um, when he's angry. Or hungry. Or horny. Strong emotions tend to bring it
out, especially aggressive ones.

> > Does he ever say anything about enjoying human blood? 
> 
> Sometimes.  Not always painfully.  Perhaps a little wistful from time to
> time.

Yeah I've been there.

> > Does he ever move
> > too fast or make it obvious he can hear what you can't, except when
> > its needed?
> 
> He moves quickly enough when he must catch Cordelia, and again has no
> problem using his skills during fights.  As for his senses... it is hard
> for me to say.  He seems comfortable enough when he brings it up, but
> without him telling me I couldn't say if he does it all the time or not.

Better than I expected, to tell you the truth.

> > In other words, does he act like a vampire? Or like a human
> > with a severe sun allergy? 
> 
> I suspect the problem with Angel's situation is that he is a vampire
> like no other, which makes it hard to draw comparisons.  Don't
> misunderstand - I'm very eager for this conversation, and I'm making
> notes of all that you are saying.  However to put myself in the role of
> devil's advocate - no pun intended - I must ask how can we determine
> "normal" for Angel?  He's literally unique.

I see what you mean, pet. (Though if you were really devil's advocate
shouldn't you be on my side?) but speakin' personally I don't care about
normal. Don't believe in it anyway. But how about, for lack of a better
word, well-adjusted. Does he seem comfortable with who he is, with what he
is? In short, can he say what you said to me, that he is where he wants to
be.

> I think this also lies in the reason why I visited you in the first
> place - how can we judge if he needs to be drinking living blood? 
> There's nothing to compare him to.

It's true. And since you and he don't seem to really know what you're
going for, it'd be hard to judge even if there were. Not Angelus, I've got
that bit down. But something to run from isn't a goal, exactly. Angel
wants to get rid of himself. Which I guess, if you believe your old dead
prophets, he will. But I still think its creepy.

> It's times like this which make me feel sorry for him.  And you as well,
> now.

Don't, Wesley. That's my job. Besides, while I can't honestly say this is
anywhere I wanted to be, there are things I wouldn't trade.

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> Yeah, might as well. Like I said I think it depends on the situation.
> Why he tells me yes wouldn't necessarily be the same for you.

Fair enough. Not a big deal. Just a little something on the back burner.

> > [nods] He's a strange one. All shy and hesistant and then bam, comes
> > out with something so wicked and ballsy you can't believe its the same
> > bloke. 
> 
> Tell me about it.  One minute he's the annoying guy in Sunnydale that
> Buffy can't stand, next minute he's wearing leather with a crossbow to
> my chest and I'm thinking... not bad.  

I can see that. I did see the leather. Kind of sorry I missed the
crossbow. Danger does add a spice.

> Should've fucking seen him when he started working for me.  If Cordy
> hadn't been in the room I might have taken him right there. 

Maybe you should have. Would have been an education for the both of them.

> Well... Cordy and the whole curse thing.  One rare thing to actually
> thank Darla for. But yeah, when Wes started out he was... real tempting.
>  Wanna hear about it?

Absolutely. What's one more cold shower?

> Yeah, everybody needs a hobby.

And yours is beating up lawyers. Makes sense to me. Probably makes sense
to a lot of people. They give you the key to the city yet?

> > > Bugged you about the smoking yet?

> > Not yet. I'm still in shock that she bought me the phone.

> Wes nagged me to Hell and back - which was nice, picked up a few 
> shirts I liked that I left behind - about the cell phone too.  'course
> now I get revenge with obscene phone calls.

I'm not there yet. :) Nice that he takes care of you, though I'm damned if
I can see what difference the smoking makes. Lung cancer not a big problem
among the dead.

> Yeah. Just annoy the shit out of me when posturing suddenly becomes a
> night of helicopters and machine guns.  Which is why they don't get back
> in my town again.

Helicopters and machine guns, huh? I'll keep that in mind. They've been
careful not to show the naked fist of heavy machinery around here, even
when they came to intimidate Buffy maybe they don't want her to know
they've got it.

> I don't think they'd let him near a Slayer again, much though they try
> to be all coy about it and imply that they might.  I suspect they just
> don't like he developed a mind of his own, with the added bonus that the
> new mind decided to come be with me.  You know how freaked they got when
> Buffy told 'em to go fuck themselves.  Yeah, Wes got fired, but he had
> balls enough to give them the finger right after - even when it meant
> siding with Faith.  Gotta be bugging them.

True. If it were me, I'd cut my losses. No, if it were me, I'd kill him,
but if that didn't work, I'd cut my losses. The watchers seem to be more
for the planning and lurking. Should be right up your alley.

> Hey - I'm ok with Giles. And I got no right to put the man down even if
> I wasn't.  He doesn't like me and there's nothing to be said about that.
> I stay out of his way when I can.

He's got reason. He's not so fond of me either.

> > *blink* a month ago you were an arsonist? Angel? Soul Boy? Nobody
> > tells me anything. You never call, you never write... next time you
> > get into that kind of mood, let me know, for fuck's sake. We'll paint
> > the town. 

> Oh yeah. Fires. Murder. Mayhem. Dead lawyers.  Pretty much exactly like
> old times.  Only thing missing was the fact I still had the fucking
> soul.  Great, huh?  Starting to see why I sent Wes away?

Frankly, no. Sounds like a good time. Why not bring the dates and make a
night of it? Or if you didn't think it was a good time, why did you do it?
And why not keep the people around who would try to stop you? Not much
sense makin' here, Angel. If you think he wouldn't love you if he saw all
that, you're wrong.

> > It's never too late while Buffy is alive. Which is gonna be a long,
> > long time.
> 
> Here's hoping.

Yeah. Hoping. Praying, even, if I thought it would make any difference.
How did you stand it, Angel? Knowing the risks she runs?

> Sure.  You know me - mostly an evening person.
> 

True. Will do, then.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> Not too often, actually. Buffy and I tend to patrol while he handles the
> research side of things. And his acceptance of me hangin' about is ...
> tenuous at best. You know, pet, you're good for my vocabulary. I'm usin'
> words I haven't thought of in years. 

And here am I using my mouth in new ways as well.

> > Lydia?
> 
> I think that was it. I hope so. Otherwise there's more than one, which
> is terrifying. 

Entirely possible.  Ironically, prior to meeting him I'd done little to no
research on Angelus.

> Yeah well, what with them all brandishing great big crosses at me, it
> wasn't the most relaxing atmosphere for curling up with a good book.

So you missed the secret stash of pornography?

> > No. I'd guessed as much.  I know how paternal he can be - even now.
> 
> In a way. In a lot of ways. But we were both a lot badder in those days
> -- or at least a lot better at it -- so don't go thinking it was some
> kind of vampire version of the Waltons. 

Oh no. I wasn't.  I meant paternal in - well - in the same way that a
Drishnar male can be considered paternal while eating its young.  In other
words that he did what, for your species, passed - or in your case rather
started - as normal for family relations, with perhaps an added flair for
Angelus's nature.

And I suppose the phrase eating one's young still applies.

> > No, I agree.  My feelings for him aside, there are times when it's
> > quite pleasurable to think of striking him over the head with a hammer
> > and seeing if it might not drive some sense into him.
> 
> I knew you were a sensible man, mate. Can't tell you how often I've had
> that fantasy. Doubt it would work, though. Except for me, I mean. 

Knocking you over the head with a hammer?

> Ah. Well, always a pleasure to meet a friend of yours, but I'm guessing
> if they're having a hard time dealing with you and Angel and Angel's
> little lapse, my showin' up isn't gonna help the situation a bit. So
> I'll play least in sight till closing time. 

I suspect Gunn's only concern would be that this is another vampire that
we aren't killing.  He respects Angel in his own way and understands his
circumstances, but does sometimes wonder how often we are going to bend
the rules.  Meeting you would, I think, raise the question again, but not
in an overly unpleasant way, I don't think.

> > Angel, at the time, had his head stuck somewhere private.
> 
> No doubt. Is it out yet?

I'm still checking.

> > Plus there is the fact that he cared for her.  And her human body -
> > and restored soul - made him even more sympathetic to her plight.  I
> > must say that while I disagree strongly with the methods that he
> > choose and the extents to which he took them, I cannot blame him for
> > the intentions, however much they did pave the familiar road to Hell.
> 
> Yeah, I was tryin' not to mention that bit. It doesn't bother you?

What?

> > Not exactly.  To begin with he had tumbled to an all-time low, 
> > culminating in the moment that he slept with Darla. 
> 
> He what?!? 

Slept with Darla.  

> Somehow I missed this bit in the conversation that would not
> die. 

Oddly enough, Angel and I felt no need to mention it.

> I thought his first time since the, uh, Angelus Incident was with
> you. 

No.  It was with her.  Which is why Angel now has something akin to 
proof of his theory that sex does not necessarily equal perfect 
happiness (which on the whole is an idea which I can support).  Of 
course prior to this it was only a theory on his part.  Actually sleeping
with Darla proved it true - or at least proved that sex could be had
without his soul automatically leaving.

> Yeah, I'm seeing that as an all-time low.

So does he.

> She was a stuck up
> useless bitch to begin with, always sneering at my Dru, and I'm
> guessing a few years bein' extra crispy dead didn't do a hell of a lot
> for her personality. 

Angel doesn't talk about it much, other than to admit his error.  I 
suspect that some things may have changed, though.

> And you said yes. As I said, a very forgiving man.

Forgiving, and at the time conflicted.  Fortunately I had Cordy and Gunn
to provide their own opinions as well.  Which is why, my own affections
aside, we agreed that we would not work for Angel again, but he could be
given the chance to work for us.

> > In addition to this, prior to asking for our indulgence Angel did, in
> > fact, save all of our lives, nearly at the expense of his own (again,
> > the truck).  This made us all more open to at least listening to him
> > when he showed up in the office again the next evening.
> 
> Yeah, I suppose I can see where that might make a difference.  Although
> it didn't work as well for me as you might think. 

Sunnydale has many shades of black and white.

> > Which is why Angel now works for me - with even less seniority in the
> > company than Gunn and Cordelia.  
> 
> That makes sense. His explanation was so short it was bloody
> incomprehensible, but hey, whatever works. I wasn't about to push it. 

Oh? What did he say?

> > No wonder Angel felt such a flash of recognition when he heard about
> > it.
> 
> Flash of recognition? Dawn said it was more like a laughing fit.

I was attempting to be tactful.

> > I can see that.  I don't think Angel thinks of it in those terms
> > either.  He does what he needs to do.  It's one of the few things he
> > doesn't brood overmuch about.  I suppose after spending over a century
> > slaughtering humans, it doesn't tweak his conscience overmuch to turn
> > those same skills upon the undead.
> 
> Well, yeah, there's that. Plus fighting is fun. Who you're fighting
> doesn't make all that much difference when you're in the thick of it. 

Exactly.

> > I know of a place, but getting Angel to meet you there might prove
> > interesting lest certain promises are made.
> 
> I'm confused. Intrigued, but confused. If Angel is willing to meet me at
> all, why would this place in particular be a problem?

Not a problem as such, just possibly distracting.  Since you've said that
you don't mind coming after office hours, then Angel's hotel or my own
flat suggest themselves as ideal locations.  But if you are interested in
perhaps meeting people about town to converse with, we may wish a
side-trip to Caritas, provided Angel doesn't have to sing.

> Its your local
> pub, not mine. besides -- to be blunt, I've got every incentive to keep
> on his good side just now, if I'm ever to get the chance to touch you
> again. 

Then I think you really should behave yourself.

> > I see.  Enjoyable it is, then.  With perhaps an addition of quite
> > pleasant.
> 
> Good to know. Because you were quite pleasant too. Bloody intoxicating,
> in fact.

And here I thought it was the scotch.

> I do. But I still wanna know why and how you two got blood in the
> keyboard.

You'll recall I mentioned Angel being taught how to use the computer?

> Yeah, well, its a nice mental picture under any circumstances. But
> especially the way you talk, it's like ice and warmth at once. I like
> contrast. Let's me know I'm alive -- more or less. 

I'm glad it gives you pleasure, Spike.

> > I quite agree.  You should see the sort of hoops I've gone through in
> > order to keep them far away from Angel.  His soul and his purpose mean
> > nothing in comparision to his species.  They would destroy him in a
> > moment without a single care.
> 
> They're not too bright, are they? I'd think it'd pay to keep him around
> just on the principle of the spider in the garden. 

Precisely!  If they and he are essentially fighting the same cause then
why waste the resources trying to kill him now?

> > I'm glad to be had.  He is making other friends, though, or at least
> > starting to.  There's a demon in town we are all fond of.  Plus a few
> > mortal friends of Gunn's who are not wholly uncomfortable with the
> > idea of a vampire with a soul.  And Gunn and Cordy themselves, of
> > course.
> 
> That's good. Can't help worrying about the bleeding git sometimes -- and
> don't bloody tell him that either. 

I'm recalling something someone told me about bribery...

> It's not the same. You see him as he is, more clearly than he does. She
> saw who he wanted to be. I think its true the other way round too,
> though I'm hardly the most impartial observer. Just lately I think she
> might be starting to realize how oppressive it can be to be with someone
> who truly believes you're perfect. As opposed to finding somethin'
> beautiful in all your imperfections. But who knows. 

I can see that.

> I appreciate the courtesy, pet, but no need to include me. I hung out
> with Angelus for years. I can't say I especially miss him, but I'm
> hardly overwhelmed at the prospect of his return. He would no doubt make
> fun of the chip at tedious length, but since there's no more Dru to hold
> us together it would be quite tolerable, so long as he understands that
> if he tries to harm Buffy I will kill him. I think, I hope, that he can
> retain that much information. Thing is though, pet, you're likely to be
> a bit dead at the time. Which would be a pity. 

Yes. It's something I've needed to prepare for.

> > Well there is his art, of course.  And now singing.
> 
> Art, yes. I remember him sitting and sketching as ... well, never mind.

Oh no. Do go on.

> But singing? That's new.

Unfortunately.

> > There is that.  But no, he and I spoke last night and he was actually
> > rather encouraging.
> 
> Oh. Good. Was he? Should I be pleased or worried?

I think you should be quite pleased. 

> > These things aside, however, I can tell you that what Angel did which
> > offended me was, actually, showing his attraction.  Or so I thought. 
> > During his time with Darla, he did quite a few things which to me
> > seemed... mocking.  Deliberately toying.  Things which suggested to me
> > that he had figured out my true feelings and was now humiliating me
> > for them.  That is what I was referring to.
> 
> Oh I see. But why would he do that? Nasty piece of work for a friend to
> pull.

My thoughts exactly.  I'd honestly thought he'd become Angelus again.
Seemed the only reasonable explanation.  Turned out he wasn't even aware
he was doing it.  Or rather, he was aware of the actions, but not what
they were doing to me.  Part of his head being in his backside.  

> > How - how does one do that, specifically?  Without death being
> > involved?
> 
> Well, I'm not exactly an expert, but I'm learnin' -- not much choice
> there. You can fight the good fight but still take pleasure in it. You

All right. He does this.

> can revel in your abilities and the things that make you different, or
> you can try to hide it. He could take your suggestion and try live blood
> from an animal -- or from a vamp brothel, for that matter. Or from the
> demons and such that he's fighting. 

I know that he likes fighting.  Still working on the sources of blood
drinking, as you know.

> > The Watcher's Council might offer you something.  Then again it might
> > just be a stake.
> 
> I'm not workin' for those jerks even if they'd have me. And I'm
> thinking if they won't take the Amazing Hair Man, there's not much
> chance of them goin' for me. Thought they were gonna have a collective
> heart attack that I was livin' in their precious house for a week.
> Probably fumigated it after. 

Or set it on fire. 

> > Again here is my ignorance - has to as opposed to what, precisely?  He
> > goes into it, yes, while fighting and while threatening others.  And
> > he seems fairly comfortable with it when he does.  It isn't as though,
> > during these times, that he struggles against it.  If anything, I
> > would say he's *glad* for it - quickly settles the matter of who,
> > really, is the stronger in the room.  But beyond that, when would he?
> 
> Um, when he's angry. Or hungry. Or horny. Strong emotions tend to bring
> it out, especially aggressive ones. 

I see.  Well... he did on the night he nearly drank from me.  So there's
*that* emotion down.

Hungry... he drinks his stores of blood but does not turn while doing so. 
If tormented by blood he will often change.

Angry - as I said, he's no problems changing during a fight.  Which is not
to say that he does it all the time, just that he seems to have no problem
with it when the occasion arises.

And I suppose angry would also be covered by the times he uses it 
when making threats.

> > He moves quickly enough when he must catch Cordelia, and again has no
> > problem using his skills during fights.  As for his senses... it is
> > hard for me to say.  He seems comfortable enough when he brings it up,
> > but without him telling me I couldn't say if he does it all the time
> > or not.
> 
> Better than I expected, to tell you the truth.

From what I know of him, I think he's become more used to his vampire
nature than before.  But the process is still ongoing.  Prior to all this
he lived alone, barely surviving.  He's really had only about five years
to try to come to terms with being "alive" again, let alone doing so
around human company.

> I see what you mean, pet. (Though if you were really devil's advocate
> shouldn't you be on my side?)

Because of his name. Yes. I get that.  Very funny.

> but speakin' personally I don't care
> about normal. Don't believe in it anyway. But how about, for lack of a
> better word, well-adjusted. Does he seem comfortable with who he is,
> with what he is? In short, can he say what you said to me, that he is
> where he wants to be. 

Ah, yes this makes sense.  In which case we're still working on it.

> > It's times like this which make me feel sorry for him.  And you as
> > well, now.
> 
> Don't, Wesley. That's my job. Besides, while I can't honestly say this
> is anywhere I wanted to be, there are things I wouldn't trade. 

I can still care.

Wesley

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Yeah, might as well. Like I said I think it depends on the situation.
> > Why he tells me yes wouldn't necessarily be the same for you.
> 
> Fair enough. Not a big deal. Just a little something on the back burner.

I live to inspire you.

> > Tell me about it.  One minute he's the annoying guy in Sunnydale that
> > Buffy can't stand, next minute he's wearing leather with a crossbow to
> > my chest and I'm thinking... not bad.  
> 
> I can see that. I did see the leather. Kind of sorry I missed the
> crossbow. Danger does add a spice. 

Funny thing is I had no fucking idea he knew how to *use* it. "Pointy end
goes that way" - yeah, but I knocked it out of his hands easily enough.  I
think he was just surprised as shit to see *me* of all people.  Wasn't
until much later I find out he's got a sight like a damned eagle. 
Could've nailed me - you know what I mean - from two rooms over if he
wanted to.

> > Should've fucking seen him when he started working for me.  If Cordy
> > hadn't been in the room I might have taken him right there. 
> 
> Maybe you should have. Would have been an education for the both of
> them.

Nah. Wouldn't do that to Cordy.

> > Well... Cordy and the whole curse thing.  One rare thing to actually
> > thank Darla for. But yeah, when Wes started out he was... real
> > tempting.  Wanna hear about it?
> 
> Absolutely. What's one more cold shower?

Ok, get this.  And don't you *dare* fucking tell him I told you.  But
there he is, helping me with a case, persistant as all Hell 'cause it's
*his* demon he's hunting (there's a long story here, I'll spare ya). 
Short of it is that I really didn't want somebody new hanging around but
damn if I just can't help it.  I mean he's kinda cute, there's that accent
thing - have I mentioned the lips?

Plus he's just been kicked in the groin, you know?  Watcher's Council rode
him hard, fuck knows what his family put him through when they heard the
news, he's hanging out here in the good ol' U.S. of A instead of figuring
a way home - it's not good.  

Yeah, I know, ok.  You're seeing this from a fucking mile away - I'm
falling for him and I don't even know it yet.  How the hell was I
*supposed* to know?  I was still too busy trying to figure out Buffy.  I'm
supposed to notice that I can't stop thinking about Wes?  Figured I was
just brooding over his general well-being, same as Cordy.  I just lost the
*last* guy who had Wes's job - seemed like a good idea *to* worry about
him.

'course the better thing would have probably been not to *give* him the
job, given what happened with Doyle, but again - here's me unaware that
I'm falling for him.

Anyway - case is over, good guys won (or as much as we ever do), and Wes
is packing up his stuff, ready to hit the road, feeling, you can tell,
like ten kinds of shit about it.  So I tell him to stay.  He's got this
look of gratitude in his eyes that just fucking *floors* me.  Like who
knew I could make him feel like that? Just by asking him to hang around? 
Damn near kissed him just for that.  Didn't. Figured I'd lost my fucking
mind.  Told him no biggie and hey let's all sit down to breakfast.

Then get this.  He's working for me now.  Meaning I'm giving him a 
paycheck.  He starts - and to this *day* I still don't know what he was
thinking - ... Hell, not even sure how to put it.  

Ok. Picture this. You've fucked him already. You had him panting and
saying your name. You *know* how hot that is.  Now get this mental image -
"Yes, sir, Angel." "As you wish, Angel." "I am your faithful servant,
Angel."  To my *face* he's saying this.

And I'm thinking - ok, first off, thinking is getting *real* hard, as are
other parts of me.  But I'm thinking if he keeps this up it's gonna get
real difficult keeping my hands off him and the curse in line.  And like I
said - I don't even know *why* he did it, just that he's following me
around and calling me boss and saying he'll do anything I tell him to. 
But he kept doing that for a while there, and Cordy damn near got a lesson
in what I look like if you get me hot and bothered enough.  

'course the fucking Hell of it is he had *no* idea.  I mean after a while
I figure - ok, he's into guys, he's jerking my chain a little, maybe even
a flirting thing with no intentions of a followup.  But nope.  He had no
clue.  He was just doing it for whatever reason he's doing it, and I spend a
year doing cold showers and exploring whether or not I can get rid of the
curse at my own hand.

Imagine the kind of shit *I* felt when I find out later he didn't even
know he was into guys.  Good thing for a little willpower.  Horny,
damn-near Angelus ain't exactly the way to find that out.  Not for Wes,
anyway.

> And yours is beating up lawyers. Makes sense to me. Probably makes
> sense to a lot of people. They give you the key to the city yet? 

You kidding?  Not unless I get into show biz.

> I'm not there yet. :) Nice that he takes care of you,

Wes is pretty good about that. Sometimes he grabs the wrong end of 
the stick - you know, wear a sweater 'cause it's cold, that kind of thing
- but he means well.  And I kinda like it.

> though I'm damned
> if I can see what difference the smoking makes. Lung cancer not a big
> problem among the dead. 

Well you get the secondhand smoke thing.  I try not to do it around 
Wes just for that reason.

> > Yeah. Just annoy the shit out of me when posturing suddenly becomes a
> > night of helicopters and machine guns.  Which is why they don't get
> > back in my town again.
> 
> Helicopters and machine guns, huh? I'll keep that in mind. They've been
> careful not to show the naked fist of heavy machinery around here, even
> when they came to intimidate Buffy maybe they don't want her to know
> they've got it. 

She knows.  They busted it out when they were trying to get Faith.  
Tried shooting her, Faith, me and Wes.  Fun night.

> True. If it were me, I'd cut my losses. No, if it were me, I'd kill him,
> 

Well they tried once.  I'm figuring they're open to trying again.  Guess
the "no humans" clause doesn't apply to the humans they don't like.

> > Oh yeah. Fires. Murder. Mayhem. Dead lawyers.  Pretty much exactly
> > like old times.  Only thing missing was the fact I still had the
> > fucking soul.  Great, huh?  Starting to see why I sent Wes away?
> 
> Frankly, no. Sounds like a good time. 

Wasn't.

> Why not bring the dates and make
> a night of it? 

Well since I wasn't exactly dating Wes at the time and Darla was one of
the people I was trying to kill, it kinda cut down on the social calendar.

> Or if you didn't think it was a good time, why did you
> do it? 

Had to.

> And why not keep the people around who would try to stop you?

There's a question that answers itself.

> Not much sense makin' here, Angel. If you think he wouldn't love you if
> he saw all that, you're wrong. 

No, but I could've hurt him. Or gotten him into it.  Better that I sent
him away - all of 'em.

> Yeah. Hoping. Praying, even, if I thought it would make any difference.
> How did you stand it, Angel? Knowing the risks she runs? 

Didn't. Don't.

A.