To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > The minimum age depends upon the Watcher in question and their 
> > duties in the field.  A Watcher directly involved with a Slayer is,
> > ideally, five to ten years older than she is. 

Rereading this I wished to add "at least".  Ideally at least five to ten
years older, minimum.  

> True. Well, figure at least 20, then, and probably somewhat more.
> Narrows it down a bit. 

I've tapped out whatever information I can find in my few direct records.
I'll let you know if I find any references elsewhere. And I'm still
looking for references to Slayers gone Rogue.

> > Although in my case it was hoped my younger age would make Buffy and
> > Faith more inclined to listen to me, as well as make me less inclined
> > to feel paternally towards them. I know those were factors in the
> > decision.
> 
> And I'm assuming the second part, at least, worked as planned.

Oh yes. No problems there.

> Yanna had visions? Is this somethin' that might apply to Cordelia? 

Not the same kind, I'm afraid, though I shared the same thought.  No, she
was more of a seer - things represented in abstract which came to her in
daydreams and the like.  Cordy's visions, though sometimes difficult to
figure out the facts, are concrete. She sees the actual people and problem
involved. We just don't automatically know where they are or how to fix
it.

> And no, I didn't kill Sophie. Didn't bag my second Slayer till the
> seventies, in New York. 

Don't suppose you'd care to tell the tale?  Or of the first one?  I can
tell you the Council knows practically nothing about it.  You did one
during the Boxer Rebellion, and a second at some point between then and
now. That's the entirety of the Council's knowledge of your kills.

> > More on topic with why I brought Sophie's name up, I found a few more
> > references to her being conflicted during the war, and even that she
> > may have killed Nazi soldiers directly, but other than that I can find
> > nothing.  At this point I fear you'll have to look into Rupert's own
> > texts for anything more concrete.
> 
> I will. Giles will go nuts tryin' to figure out why I got so bookish.
> And I'll wrack my brain into the bargain.

By all means let me know if you need assistance translating the texts. 
They'll be written in English, but damn we can be a pedantic lot.  I
couldn't help you in person, of course, circumstances being what they are,
but feel free to e-mail me passages or read them to me over the phone.

> Though if Yanna had visions of me, we might never have met at all in
> person. 

Or perhaps she saw you from afar?  

> > I'm starting to think it's more common than the Council lets on. Had
> > you asked me when I first arrived in Sunnydale I would have said it
> > was out of the question. However the more I learn the more I think
> > that this may happen all the time - or at least happen with the right
> > vampire.  You, for example, being more charismatic than, say, The
> > Master. At least to a human's point of view.
> 
> From anyone's point of view, by what I hear. Or Darla and Angelus',
> anyway. Lumpy old sod livin' down the sewers, not really a party boy. 

True, but he must have had some charisma amongst his own kind to 
maintain the cult that he did.

> [grin] Well, can't blame 'em. Even settin' aside my magnetic charm, we
> do put on a hell of a show. Bound to be appealing to a professional
> voyeur. And... the watchers' party line is so extreme, anyone who finds
> out us vamps have our lighter side is apt to discount the whole thing,
> go too far in the other direction and forget we're still evil. But if
> this Stuart is still alive, how badly could his trust have been
> misplaced? 

I'm not sure.  His comments were rather vague and melodramatic. He 
revealed a vampire bite on his neck in what was obviously meant to be a
warning, but damned if I know what happened.  I tried to ask Rupert about
it prior to the Conversation From Hell, but he didn't have much to offer
and, admittedly, I didn't want to tell him more than I already had once I
found out he was with the Council again.

> That would be no, wouldn't it? You're brave, smart as hell,
> open-minded, resourceful, and entirely too bleedin' modest.

Er - thank you.

> Not to mention brilliant in bed. 

You've only the once to judge!

> And Angel says, a dab hand with a crossbow too. 

I rather enjoy weaponry.  I'm good with guns as well.  And darts, which
you'll discover when I defeat you soundly.

> Not to mention -- caring, forgiving, just plain kind. How many people
> like that do you think there are in the world? Not bloody many. 

I suppose I could think of a few.

> > Most people manage not to.
> 
> Most people are morons. More to the point, most people only notice what
> you tell them. Which is why I make a point of tellin' them just how
> strong and attractive I am at regular intervals. 

I think they would notice that even if you didn't tell them, Spike.

> > > Hello, Angel, the world's densest man, see the skull of solid stone
> > > for only sixpence, managed it.
> > 
> > That's wonderful phrasing.
> 
> Thanks, pet. I try.

Did you ever tell him that you know about the helmet?

> > I - I appreciate that, Spike, thank you.  And it's all right, really. 
> > My family and I get along as well as can be expected.
> 
> Expected by whom? 

Most?

> I, for one, expect them to treat you like something precious. Because
> you are. But --alright. I'm droppin' it. Fuck knows I've got wounds I'm
> not ready to have touched myself. 

I was about to ask what, but then realized by definition you wouldn't want
to talk about it.

> > You're welcome to come to Los Angeles. Heaven knows we've 
> > experience dealing with the Council's operatives before.
> 
> Haven't you had enough? 

We're always fighting something or other here. May as well be the 
Council.

> Besides, the plan here is *not* to bring the Council down on anyone else
> I care about. 

I understand.  I was only suggesting it in the extreme condition that you
had to leave Sunnydale to protect Buffy. In which case you would be
welcome to come here for assistance since Angel and I have dealt with them
before.

> What I really need is some kind of leverage -- a threat or a promise,
> somethin' to enforce this standoff permanently, or at least buy us some
> time. Can you think of anything they want? Or anything they fear? 

Good question.  Allow me to get back to you. 

> I'm pretty sure Buffy would believe in the bad karaoke too. But
> probably not the prat, and certainly not the struggle. 

I rather found the prat aspect to be the easiest to see.

> > My feeling precisely.  You know, I suspect the greatest danger to
> > Angel is both his own and everyone else's desire to paint his life
> > entirely in black and white.  The curse means Angelus is *never* at
> > hand.  *Only* sex can break the spell.  That sort of thing.  It
> > completely ignores the reality that life very rarely - well - provides
> > controlled circumstances.
> 
> Good point. Any chance of convincing Angel of that? Or Giles, for that
> matter?

I don't know about Rupert. I'm too busy working on Angel.  Really, I think
it's much like what you said about the Council - painting things in black
and white creates the danger that the slightest crack in or contradiction
to the logic will cause the believer to completely change belief and
direction.  Angel needs to understand there are many levels or else this
shall become "Angel = good, Angelus = bad" and he won't be able to cope
with the fact that Angel, at least, has the potential for being just as
much of a bastard as anyone else.

Moreover I dislike the theory that it's an innate good or badness to him. 
To me this disclaims responsibility for everything.  Angel acted like
Angelus these past few months not because he is evil, or because the
goodness wore off, but because he made poor choices. *He* made them, not
some sort of - of characterization of his soul as though this were a role
playing game.

> > > (Oh, and Angel says Angelus didn't kill you because you were pretty.
> > > Thought so.) 
> > 
> > I... see.
> 
> What do you see? Did I just upset you? Confuse you? Should I not have
> asked? Should I not have told you? What just happened there? 

I'm not sure what to make of Angelus finding me attractive.  I could ask
these same questions of you - *should* I be upset? Confused?  Worried?

> > Exactly!   Angel was pawning it off as something he had no attachment
> > to whatsoever.  That was dangerous.  
> 
> Was he tryin' to fool himself, do you think? Or only you?

Most likely both.

> > I feel as though I should have a flowchart, or perhaps a write on/wipe
> > off board.
> 
> That academic training dies hard, doesn't it?

Oh shut up.

> Good ones are a factor, of course. But as for the rest -- if I have the
> potential to be saved, pet, everyone does. Even Darla and Dru. So I
> don't see that the lawyers havin' one should be counted any more than
> the vampires. You could even say less, since they have souls and chose
> to be evil anyway. 

True, but again it is the immediate timing of it all. Darla and Dru were
seconds away from killing people that shouldn't be killed.  That had to be
stopped. Stopped by killing Darla and Dru?  Perhaps, but perhaps not. 
That's not the argument at hand.  The argument at hand was that Angel
turned his back on those who needed his help - not just the already evil
lawyers - and pretended to have no idea why this might be a cause for
concern.

Again, I do not say this single action is damning Angel's soul to Hell.
Just that it was the moment in which one could - and did - step in to warn
hm that he was slipping and needed to reevaluate what he was doing or else
things would only become worse. True enough he didn't and it did.  

> Again, where's the distinction? The death of the lawyers stopped the
> evil of those particular lawyers -- at least, so I assume, unless Darla
> and Dru started turning them. The firm continues. The death of Darla and
> Dru would stop the evil of Darla and Dru. Vampires, in the aggregate,
> continue. 

But Darla and Dru on their own are capable of doing more destruction than
any single lawyer in Wolfram & Hart's employ.  Vampires, even in the
aggregate, do not work as an organization.  Wolfram & Hart does.  Lindsey,
much though he damaged Angel greatly the night of the attack, still does
not in the grand scheme of things make much difference. Were he to die,
the organization would continue as always.  Hunting down every mortal and
demon who works for Wolfram & Hart is not the answer to stopping them.

Which was something Angel himself had to realize.  He'd gotten too 
obsessed with stalking them and lost sight of the big picture.

> > Until such time as Wolfram & Hart decided to bring them back from the
> > dead, I suppose.
> 
> There is that. It'd be a useful spell to know, really. Any idea why they
> brought Darla back as human? 

We're not sure. I don't know the spell so I couldn't tell you.  Theories
abound.  My thought was that it was the only way they *could* bring her
back.

> Somewhere in here, pet, I think we've crossed the line from me not
> understanding to me disagreeing. Not about the responsibility - I'm with
> you there. Not about the good lawyers, assuming such a thing is
> possible. But about the rest -- I don't think Angel not wanting to kill
> his family is so bad, though naturally I've got a bit of a vested
> interest there. 

I'm not saying he needed to kill his family.  Only that in that moment he
should have done something to stop them, whatever that might have been.

> get hoist on their own bloody petard, whatever a petard is,

It's a small, bell-shaped bomb typically used to breach a gate or wall.

> > Her intent was to kill Faith.  That may be why she isn't proud of the
> > actions now.  Faith, though a Slayer, still being human.
> 
> Yeah. But *not* bein' human, that doesn't seem like quite the holy
> grail to me that it seems to be to the rest of you. Kill no one makes
> sense. Fucking boring life, but it makes sense. Kill only killers makes
> sense. Kill killers if they have fangs but not if they have knives --
> frankly, that doesn't make sense. But hey, whatever. There's a fight,
> I'm there. 

I'm not saying I see things in such black and white either. I was only
speaking to the idea of why Buffy might feel guilt or remorse for stabbing
Faith - or why she might feel guilt or remorse for *not* having guilt or
remorse.

> Yeah, I know you were still with them then. But I'm not about to start
> callin' you hard names. Like you, remember? 

Still and all I earned it.

> Seems like the Watchers don't do much for the Slayer. Why should she
> listen to them? 

They provide training, resources (such as funding and weaponry), 
magical support, countless volumes of information about the enemy, a vast
spy network capable of tracking the enemy down...

> How did the council get started, anyway? 

I honestly don't know.  I know the rules governing it predate
civilization.

> > > Oh, fuck. Any ideas how to handle this one?
> > 
> > Not at the moment. I'm still working on it. Any help is appreciated.
> 
> Doin' my best. Like walkin' through a combination of a swamp and a
> minefield. And I don't know how to explain anything. But I'm tryin'. 

We can commiserate over his thick-headedness together.

> > > P.S. I think the sex thing is alright, though. He doesn't seem to
> > > see a connection -- or a problem. So you can expect resumed begging
> > > shortly. 
> > 
> > Oh good.
> 
> Sarcasm, pet?  I needn't, if you'd rather not.

Not sarcasm at all. I meant it honestly, gorgeous.

Wesley

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > > Not like Willow and I ever talk.  Curse feels ok on my end, though. 
> > > 'course it's hard to tell now that things are different.  
> > 
> > I'm sure it is. But Red hadn't done it for years. You know spells.
> > Leave out a word, everything changes. Or maybe I'm just allergic. 
> 
> Wes said something about looking into it?

Yeah, sent him a copy. It's in Old Roumanian, so I can't read a word, but
he seems to be lookin' forward to sinkin' his teeth into it.

> Said? Not much.  One thing Wes gets *real* quiet on.  Which is why I
> don't push. Figure if he's shutting up about something he's got good
> reason.  Knows I'm here, knows he can tell me all he wants if he wants
> to. In the meanwhile I'm happy playing big, broody, ready to kick the
> *shit* out of anyone who looks at him funny, family or no, boyfriend.

Fair enough. Afraid I pushed it a little too hard, but I've backed off
now. I don't care if he doesn't want to talk about it. Fuck knows there's
stuff I don't want to touch. It's just -- it drives me nuts that he's not
angry. That he sounds *resigned* to it.

 but before I get in there again I hear something about Wes 
> being locked under a staircase and not being "good enough" for 
> "Daddy".  Dunno what it was because then *I* change the subject - 
> make sure Wes doesn't buy any of that "not good enough" crap.  Last we
> hear of it.

No wonder you were so pissed about that in England. Didn't realize the
phrase had so many bad associations attached even before the talk of doom.
Thanks for the update, anyway. 

> No. I'm not happy about it.

Course not. Nothin' you can do, though, except love him and wait.

> Don't know what you're talking about.

'Course you don't, luv.

> > You like "maybe" better than "why"?
> 
> Adds variety.

In a really repetitive way, yes.

> > Think we got even more of them
> > here. Any chance of gettin' a complete sentence out of you one of
> > these days?
> 
> Maybe.

Now *you're* trying to make *me* laugh. That's not just unnatural, I think
it actually breaks the laws of physics.

> I dunno aabout Darla. You make good points. Dunno if they're the truth
> or not. I'm willing to listen.  Hence - maybe.

Fair enough.

> > > Show my appreciation.
> > 
> > Angel, I -- thanks. I'll do my best to do the same.
> 
> I know you will. You don't get a choice.

I know. And I missed you. Did I mention? 

> > > I'd've done the same thing. I don't blame ya.
> > 
> > I do.
> 
> Get that kind of crap from me?  Guilt, I mean.

I guess. Sure didn't get it from Dru.

> > > > And that's my fucking fault too, you know. She tried to get the
> > > > gypsies to take it back. 
> > > 
> > > She did?
> > 
> > Yeah, she did. 
> 
> Wonder if they even could?

Good question. No idea. Know any gyspies you could ask?

> > He saw me. I didn't *know*, Angel. If I had any fucking clue -- but
> > Darla never saw fit to tell anyone what she had in mind. We attacked
> > the fucking camp -- revenge, you know? 
> 
> Sorry I missed it.

I'm sorry you did too. It was a bloody rout. Bodies everywhere, some of
them still screaming. Fire in the caravans, squealing, panicked horses
running off, dragging the wagons and leaving a trail of smoke behind them.
Squirming little barefoot wenches with dark sad eyes. Picked up a decent
violin, Dru took a little jewelry. Darla said it was all too tacky, but I
think she just didn't want to be reminded.

> > I don't know, I don't know, and I don't know. They might not have had
> > time to curse us. After that didn't work -- she told Dru to kill
> > everyone. By the time we got out of there and she bothered to tell me
> > what the plan had been in the first place, there was no one left to
> > put the pressure on. 
> 
> That's our girl. Never one for planning.  You wonder why I was such a
> shit about it all the time.

It wasn't a bad plan, really. She just didn't trust me enough to let me in
on it -- only had herself to blame when I put my foot in it. Not that
she'd see it that way. 

> > > Forget it.  Darla's a stone cold bitch and gypsies are fucking
> > > assholes. This is the story of my life.
> > 
> > It's succinct, I'll say that for ya.
> 
> 247 years summed up in one sentence.  Great.

You left a hell of a lot out, luv.

> > > Basketball?  I'm starting to learn basketball.
> > 
> > Really? Why? 
> 
> Gunn's got an interest. He's trying to teach me.  Peace offering kind of
> a thing, you know?  Plus it reminds me why I liked him to begin with.
> Helps me get past the "saw you looking at my boyfriend just a *little*
> too closely" thing.  Not that I've got problems with that. Oh no.

Makes sense. The peace offering anyway. Angel, luv, as somebody currently
*sleeping* with your boyfriend, is there something I should know? I
thought you were okay with Wesley havin' the occasional outside interest.

> > > > I didn't -- don't -- want a god who needs me. I wanted you to stop
> > > > being a god, and come down to earth where I could reach you. 
> > > 
> > > Oh.
> > 
> > Make more sense now?
> 
> Yes. And no.

Can I help with the no part? What don't you get? You're bein' cryptic
again.

> > Hey, doesn't it give you a warm fuzzy glow to know you're making
> > someone happy? 
> 
> Oh yeah. I can feel the soul slipping as we speak.

Just doin' my small part to keep the Orb of Thessula trade in business.

> > You really never loved anyone when you were Angelus? What about Darla?
> 
> You would bring that up.

Um, yeah. I would. I did. I'm not trying to hurt you, Angel. I'm just
trying to understand.

> > > It's so different from what I was.  
> > 
> > I. um. Yeah. It is. Not gonna kid you there, luv.
> 
> Know you for a fucking liar if you tried. *I've* met me before. Think
> Angelus would spare two seconds on *Angel*? Poncy asshole.

Okay, now which one of you am I talkin' to? 'Cause no, Angelus wouldn't.
But no, you're not. 

And I can't believe I just said that. Somewhere, in one of the millions of
hells, a very surprised bunch of Gorkic demons is putting on ice skates.

> > But
> > that doesn't make it bad. You've.. got your points too, you know.
> 
> Maybe.  Sometimes I see it. Sometimes I don't.

Trust me. Trust Wesley. Trust Buffy. We love you. And we have excellent
taste. Besides, the fucking *powers* picked you out all special like.
Gotta mean something.

> > > What do you mean?  What's Angelus got that Angel has?
> > 
> > Believe it or not, just a little flash of tenderness in his eyes. He
> > would never acknowledge it, you could never count on it. But it was
> > there, just the same. And he's probably ready to kill me now. Sorry,
> > old son. Truth's truth. 
> 
> You know.... Angelus did like you. In a way.  

Glad to hear it, in a not the reaction I was expecting kind of way. I
liked him too. But you know what? Weird as this may sound, damned if I'm
not starting to think I like you better.

> Christ.  You've got no balls, Wes. You don't have an inferiority
> complex, you're just inferior...  you know, everything Angelus is so
> fucking good at.  Only thing he didn't pick up on was the gay thing.
> Probably would have if Wes hadn't knocked me into the elevator shaft.

Shit. Good thing he did. He doesn't need that.

> > > But... Angelus wouldn't've killed him.  Played with him, though.
> > 
> > Still, for Angelus, practically a Hallmark card.
> 
> Yeah. I wonder about that sometimes.

Wonder what?

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

Wesley just called me gorgeous. Wesley. Just called me. Gorgeous. As a
nickname, yet. I think I am going to die of shock. Pleasant shock. But
shock. I think I am going to come down to LA and figure out what the hell
drug you're slipping into his tea so I can double the dosage. I think I am
going to sit here with a ridiculous grin on my face for at least a quarter
of an hour. Whatever you're doing to that boy, Angel, for fuck's sake
don't stop.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Wes said something about looking into it?
> 
> Yeah, sent him a copy. It's in Old Roumanian, so I can't read a word,
> but he seems to be lookin' forward to sinkin' his teeth into it. 

Him? Oh yeah.  Should've seen him with the Aberjian prophecy. It's 
what? Four thousand years old? Gone through more translations than 
we can count. Sure as *fuck* ain't in English or anything we can 
recognize now.  Wes? Just annoyed it's taking him more than a day to crack
the thing.  Rominy'll be like nothing to him. Hell, probably already knows
it.  God knows he speaks more demon languages than *I* do.

> Fair enough. Afraid I pushed it a little too hard, but I've backed off
> now. I don't care if he doesn't want to talk about it. Fuck knows
> there's stuff I don't want to touch. It's just -- it drives me nuts that
> he's not angry. That he sounds *resigned* to it. 

Yeah. He's too used to it.

> >  but before I get in there again I hear something about Wes 
> > being locked under a staircase and not being "good enough" for 
> > "Daddy".  Dunno what it was because then *I* change the subject - make
> > sure Wes doesn't buy any of that "not good enough" crap.  Last we hear
> > of it.
> 
> No wonder you were so pissed about that in England. 

Yep.  He *believes* that shit.  Not good enough for the Council, not good
enough for Daddy, not good enough for Angel - to him it'd make sense.

> > > Think we got even more of them
> > > here. Any chance of gettin' a complete sentence out of you one of
> > > these days?
> > 
> > Maybe.
> 
> Now *you're* trying to make *me* laugh. That's not just unnatural, I
> think it actually breaks the laws of physics. 

You know, I keep telling you I have no sense of humor.

> > I know you will. You don't get a choice.
> 
> I know. And I missed you. Did I mention? 

Could always say it again, boyo.

> > Wonder if they even could?
> 
> Good question. No idea. Know any gyspies you could ask?

Oh yeah. Got a good thirty on my Rolodex just in case I want one to 
bring over a pizza.

> Makes sense. The peace offering anyway. Angel, luv, as somebody
> currently *sleeping* with your boyfriend, is there something I should
> know? I thought you were okay with Wesley havin' the occasional outside
> interest. 

No. You're ok.  

Reason why Gunn and I are weird is 'cause I thought him and Wes 
started seeing each other after I fired 'em.  Figured this out the night I
saw Wes in the hospital - he's looking at Gunn like in my dreams he's
looking at *me*.

Fucking killed me. Part of why I didn't go back.  Also part because 
Cordy told me to fuck myself, also part because I was being an 
asshole.  But seeing that - killed me.  Lost him.  Totally lost him.

Least it's what I figure.

Night I go to apologize to Wes, though - find out it's not true. Him and
Gunn aren't fucking, aren't even seeing each other.  Just friends.

Part of why I told Wes my feelings - just so fucking *relieved* I didn't
lose the chance to, you know?

So when I first got back - good week there - yeah, jealous as *shit* of
Gunn.  Him and Wes were - still are - thick as theives.  May not have
fucked but they definitely bonded - big surprise since Wes took a bullet
for him.

Dunno if there was ever anything romantic there - fuck, don't even know if
Gunn's *into* guys - but yeah, I was jealous.  

Now that Wes is with me though I'm making myself get over it. Gunn's a
good guy.  Brought him into this myself.  Good to have your back, glad
he's with us.  Think he was protective about me fucking Wes *over* when
the relationship started, but he wants to make a peace offering I'm glad
to take it.

> > Yes. And no.
> 
> Can I help with the no part? What don't you get? You're bein' cryptic
> again.

Me?

The no is just the concept. Wanting a god to be less than god like and
thinking that's better. I don't get that.

> Just doin' my small part to keep the Orb of Thessula trade in business.

Hear they make good paperweights.

> > > You really never loved anyone when you were Angelus? What about
> > > Darla?
> > 
> > You would bring that up.
> 
> Um, yeah. I would. I did. I'm not trying to hurt you, Angel. I'm just
> trying to understand. 

Not hurt. Just hate getting called on my bullshit.  Yeah. Angelus liked
Darla. Hell even I kinda did.

> > Know you for a fucking liar if you tried. *I've* met me before. Think
> > Angelus would spare two seconds on *Angel*? Poncy asshole.
> 
> Okay, now which one of you am I talkin' to? 'Cause no, Angelus
> wouldn't. But no, you're not. 

Sometimes.

> And I can't believe I just said that. Somewhere, in one of the millions
> of hells, a very surprised bunch of Gorkic demons is putting on ice
> skates. 

If they come calling I'm gonna point the finger right at you.

> Besides, the fucking *powers* picked you out all special like.
> Gotta mean something. 

They have a sick sense of humor?

> > You know.... Angelus did like you. In a way.  
> 
> Glad to hear it, in a not the reaction I was expecting kind of way. I
> liked him too. But you know what? Weird as this may sound, damned if I'm
> not starting to think I like you better. 

Why?

> > Christ.  You've got no balls, Wes. You don't have an inferiority
> > complex, you're just inferior...  you know, everything Angelus is so
> > fucking good at.  Only thing he didn't pick up on was the gay thing.
> > Probably would have if Wes hadn't knocked me into the elevator shaft.
> 
> Shit. Good thing he did. He doesn't need that.

Fuck yeah.  Throw *myself* down the damned shaft a few more times 
just to even the score. 'cept the building blew up so...

> > > Still, for Angelus, practically a Hallmark card.
> > 
> > Yeah. I wonder about that sometimes.
> 
> Wonder what?

What would've happened if Wes didn't knock me out.

A.

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Wesley just called me gorgeous. Wesley. Just called me. Gorgeous. 

Yeah. He throws shit out at you like that when you least expect it, 
doesn't he?  Looks all innocent then bam! 

> As a
> nickname, yet.

*I* don't even have a nickname yet.

(Calm down, boyo, just joking with ya. Not mad, bemused.)

> I think I am going to die of shock. Pleasant shock. But
> shock.

Really gonna kill those plans for the weekend.

> I think I am going to come down to LA and figure out what the
> hell drug you're slipping into his tea so I can double the dosage.

Nothing but whatever he puts in there himself. 

> I
> think I am going to sit here with a ridiculous grin on my face for at
> least a quarter of an hour. Whatever you're doing to that boy, Angel,
> for fuck's sake don't stop. 

Heh - at the moment, nothing.  Last night - different story.  But it's got
nothing to do with you.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> Him? Oh yeah.  Should've seen him with the Aberjian prophecy. It's what?
> Four thousand years old? Gone through more translations than we can
> count. Sure as *fuck* ain't in English or anything we can recognize now.
>  Wes? Just annoyed it's taking him more than a day to crack the thing. 
> Rominy'll be like nothing to him. Hell, probably already knows it.  God
> knows he speaks more demon languages than *I* do.

Don't think he knows Rominy already. Think he was looking forward to a new
language. Boy's a bloody genius. Someday, gotta see if I remember enough
of my classical Greek to send him a little note.

> > Fair enough. Afraid I pushed it a little too hard, but I've backed off
> > now. I don't care if he doesn't want to talk about it. Fuck knows
> > there's stuff I don't want to touch. It's just -- it drives me nuts
> > that he's not angry. That he sounds *resigned* to it. 
> 
> Yeah. He's too used to it.

I know. I get it. It just makes me feel sad, you know? And useless.

> > No wonder you were so pissed about that in England. 
> 
> Yep.  He *believes* that shit.  Not good enough for the Council, not
> good enough for Daddy, not good enough for Angel - to him it'd make
> sense.

Well, at least he said he *was* good enough that time. Some progress
there.

> > Now *you're* trying to make *me* laugh. That's not just unnatural, I
> > think it actually breaks the laws of physics. 
> 
> You know, I keep telling you I have no sense of humor.

So how come I keep laughing? Maybe I don't have one either.

> > > I know you will. You don't get a choice.
> > 
> > I know. And I missed you. Did I mention? 
> 
> Could always say it again, boyo.

I missed you. Like hell.

> > > Wonder if they even could?
> > 
> > Good question. No idea. Know any gyspies you could ask?
> 
> Oh yeah. Got a good thirty on my Rolodex just in case I want one to
> bring over a pizza.

Hey, you know a lot of weird people. Just checking.

> > Makes sense. The peace offering anyway. Angel, luv, as somebody
> > currently *sleeping* with your boyfriend, is there something I should
> > know? I thought you were okay with Wesley havin' the occasional
> > outside interest. 
> 
> No. You're ok.  

Good.

> Reason why Gunn and I are weird is 'cause I thought him and Wes 
> started seeing each other after I fired 'em.  Figured this out the night
> I saw Wes in the hospital - he's looking at Gunn like in my dreams he's
> looking at *me*.

Probably the morphine.

> Fucking killed me. Part of why I didn't go back.  Also part because
> Cordy told me to fuck myself, also part because I was being an asshole. 
> But seeing that - killed me.  Lost him.  Totally lost him.
> 
> Least it's what I figure.

> Night I go to apologize to Wes, though - find out it's not true. Him and
> Gunn aren't fucking, aren't even seeing each other.  Just friends.
> 
> Part of why I told Wes my feelings - just so fucking *relieved* I didn't
> lose the chance to, you know?

Yeah, I get it. Been there. Didn't quite work so well for me, but
definitely got the t-shirt somewhere.

> So when I first got back - good week there - yeah, jealous as *shit* of
> Gunn.  Him and Wes were - still are - thick as theives.  May not have
> fucked but they definitely bonded - big surprise since Wes took a bullet
> for him.

Yeah? So? Boy needs friends, Angel.

> Dunno if there was ever anything romantic there - fuck, don't even know
> if Gunn's *into* guys - but yeah, I was jealous.  
> 
> Now that Wes is with me though I'm making myself get over it. Gunn's a
> good guy.  Brought him into this myself.  Good to have your back, glad
> he's with us.  Think he was protective about me fucking Wes *over* when
> the relationship started, but he wants to make a peace offering I'm glad
> to take it.

Glad to hear it. No reason for you to be jealous of Gunn. Wesley called
him a quite pleasant fellow. Not exactly glowing praise. But even if they
had been fucking, so what? Wesley loves you, Angel. He said he can't
imagine being with anyone else. He said he'd die for you. He could go to
bed with the entire starting lineup of the LA Lakers, and I don't think it
would make a damned bit of difference.

> > > Yes. And no.
> > 
> > Can I help with the no part? What don't you get? You're bein' cryptic
> > again.
> 
> Me?

Yeah, you. I am the very essence of comprehensibility.

> The no is just the concept. Wanting a god to be less than god like and
> thinking that's better. I don't get that.

Luv, might help to keep in mind that I'm basically a selfish prick. It's
better for *me*. But -- and fuck knows I'm no expert on the Christian
thing -- isn't that the point there too? God too far away to care or
understand becomes at least halfway human so the poor bastards have
someone they can touch?

> > Just doin' my small part to keep the Orb of Thessula trade in
> > business.
> 
> Hear they make good paperweights.

So Anya tells me.

> > > > You really never loved anyone when you were Angelus? What about
> > > > Darla?
> > > 
> > > You would bring that up.
> > 
> > Um, yeah. I would. I did. I'm not trying to hurt you, Angel. I'm just
> > trying to understand. 
> 
> Not hurt. Just hate getting called on my bullshit.  Yeah. Angelus liked
> Darla. Hell even I kinda did.

Why not? She left her bumpy sire for you. Stuck around a long time. Shared
a lot of fun. Can't say I was an admirer, speakin' personally, but I've
seen worse.

> > > Know you for a fucking liar if you tried. *I've* met me before.
> > > Think Angelus would spare two seconds on *Angel*? Poncy asshole.
> > 
> > Okay, now which one of you am I talkin' to? 'Cause no, Angelus
> > wouldn't. But no, you're not. 
> 
> Sometimes.

Fuck me, Angel. This self-hatred thing is not attractive. You're *not* any
more of an asshole than any random guy you'd meet on the street, and only
very occasionally poncy. Cut back on the styling products, you're good to
go. 

> > And I can't believe I just said that. Somewhere, in one of the
> > millions of hells, a very surprised bunch of Gorkic demons is putting
> > on ice skates. 
> 
> If they come calling I'm gonna point the finger right at you.

You're a pal.

> > Besides, the fucking *powers* picked you out all special like.
> > Gotta mean something. 
> 
> They have a sick sense of humor?

I've been suspecting that, yeah. But -- not the point. Twisted mentalities
or not, you've got to be someone with some decent potential for them to
waste all these ex machinas on just one guy.

> > > You know.... Angelus did like you. In a way.  
> > 
> > Glad to hear it, in a not the reaction I was expecting kind of way. I
> > liked him too. But you know what? Weird as this may sound, damned if
> > I'm not starting to think I like you better. 
> 
> Why?

Back to that? I thought we were goin' with maybe. 

Don't know why. 'Cause I'm kinda liking the kind of talking where the goal
is to give information, not take it at swordspoint? 'Cause I might
actually make a difference to you someday, which I never could with him?
'Cause you laugh at my stupid jokes?

> Fuck yeah.  Throw *myself* down the damned shaft a few more times 
> just to even the score. 'cept the building blew up so...

Probably not such a good plan even if it hadn't. Why make the poor boy
work around your bruises? He hasn't got your practice.

> > > > Still, for Angelus, practically a Hallmark card.
> > > 
> > > Yeah. I wonder about that sometimes.
> > 
> > Wonder what?
> 
> What would've happened if Wes didn't knock me out.

Um. You have met you before, you said?

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Wesley just called me gorgeous. Wesley. Just called me. Gorgeous.
> 
> Yeah. He throws shit out at you like that when you least expect it,
> doesn't he?  Looks all innocent then bam!

Yeah. Makes it twice as hot. Which he knows damned well. Not that I'm
complainin'.

> > As a
> > nickname, yet.
> 
> *I* don't even have a nickname yet.
> 
> (Calm down, boyo, just joking with ya. Not mad, bemused.)

Christ, Angel. One heart attack a day wasn't enough for ya? Good thing I'm
already dead.

> > I think I am going to die of shock. Pleasant shock. But
> > shock.
> 
> Really gonna kill those plans for the weekend.

I think I can manage to be ressurected by then.

> > I
> > think I am going to sit here with a ridiculous grin on my face for at
> > least a quarter of an hour. Whatever you're doing to that boy, Angel,
> > for fuck's sake don't stop.
> 
> Heh - at the moment, nothing.  Last night - different story.  But it's
> got nothing to do with you.

I'd still like to hear it, if you're in the mood.

-Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Don't think he knows Rominy already. Think he was looking forward to a
> new language. Boy's a bloody genius.

You should watch him work. It's nice. Gets a look of glee in his eyes, in
a good way.

> > Yeah. He's too used to it.
> 
> I know. I get it. It just makes me feel sad, you know? And useless.

Join the club.

> > Yep.  He *believes* that shit.  Not good enough for the Council, not
> > good enough for Daddy, not good enough for Angel - to him it'd make
> > sense.
> 
> Well, at least he said he *was* good enough that time. Some progress
> there.

No, he said he *wasn't* good enough, which is why he wasn't breaking the
curse. 

> > You know, I keep telling you I have no sense of humor.
> 
> So how come I keep laughing? Maybe I don't have one either.

It's a theory.

> > > I know. And I missed you. Did I mention? 
> > 
> > Could always say it again, boyo.
> 
> I missed you. Like hell.

I was thinking you could say it more graphically.

> > Oh yeah. Got a good thirty on my Rolodex just in case I want one to
> > bring over a pizza.
> 
> Hey, you know a lot of weird people. Just checking.

Gypsies tend to not like me. Feeling's mutual.

> > Reason why Gunn and I are weird is 'cause I thought him and Wes 
> > started seeing each other after I fired 'em.  Figured this out the
> > night I saw Wes in the hospital - he's looking at Gunn like in my
> > dreams he's looking at *me*.
> 
> Probably the morphine.

Hadn't thought of that.

> > So when I first got back - good week there - yeah, jealous as *shit*
> > of Gunn.  Him and Wes were - still are - thick as theives.  May not
> > have fucked but they definitely bonded - big surprise since Wes took a
> > bullet for him.
> 
> Yeah? So? Boy needs friends, Angel.

No argument here - just didn't know at the *time* it was just friends. 
Like I said - week I got back.  Wasn't 'til the night I went to his place
I found out different.

> > Me?
> 
> Yeah, you. I am the very essence of comprehensibility.

You're what now?

> > The no is just the concept. Wanting a god to be less than god like and
> > thinking that's better. I don't get that.
> 
> Luv, might help to keep in mind that I'm basically a selfish prick. It's
> better for *me*.

But that'd be weaker than a God. Think that's the point I'm sticking on.

> Fuck me, Angel. This self-hatred thing is not attractive. You're *not*
> any more of an asshole than any random guy you'd meet on the street, and
> only very occasionally poncy. Cut back on the styling products, you're
> good to go. 

Thanks.  

> > > And I can't believe I just said that. Somewhere, in one of the
> > > millions of hells, a very surprised bunch of Gorkic demons is
> > > putting on ice skates. 
> > 
> > If they come calling I'm gonna point the finger right at you.
> 
> You're a pal.

Always.

> > They have a sick sense of humor?
> 
> I've been suspecting that, yeah. But -- not the point. Twisted
> mentalities or not, you've got to be someone with some decent potential
> for them to waste all these ex machinas on just one guy. 

Who knows?  Powers want me good, Wolfram & Hart want me evil.  
Getting kinda tired of this.

> > > > You know.... Angelus did like you. In a way.  
> > > 
> > > Glad to hear it, in a not the reaction I was expecting kind of way.
> > > I liked him too. But you know what? Weird as this may sound, damned
> > > if I'm not starting to think I like you better. 
> > 
> > Why?
> 
> Back to that? I thought we were goin' with maybe. 

Maybe means I'm thinking about what you said. Why means I don't get 
it.

> Don't know why. 'Cause I'm kinda liking the kind of talking where the
> goal is to give information, not take it at swordspoint? 'Cause I might
> actually make a difference to you someday, which I never could with him?
> 'Cause you laugh at my stupid jokes? 

Maybe.  (See how that works?)

> > Fuck yeah.  Throw *myself* down the damned shaft a few more times just
> > to even the score. 'cept the building blew up so...
> 
> Probably not such a good plan even if it hadn't. Why make the poor boy
> work around your bruises? He hasn't got your practice. 

He could learn.  Makes a nice mental image, tell you that much.

> > What would've happened if Wes didn't knock me out.
> 
> Um. You have met you before, you said?

Yeah, I have.  'cept he'd never met Wes before.  Back then... dunno 
what I would've kept doing.  Not sure what I'd do now - him being my lover
and all.  

A.

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Yeah. He throws shit out at you like that when you least expect it,
> > doesn't he?  Looks all innocent then bam!
> 
> Yeah. Makes it twice as hot. Which he knows damned well. Not that I'm
> complainin'. 

Did that to me once.  Few months ago.  Surprised me 'cause A) We're 
sure as fuck not dating yet and B) I'd just attacked him (nothing bad -
just knocked him down, took the wind out of him - thank Darla).  Anyway -
getting ready to go, we're using his bike 'cause Cordy's got my car, turns
around, looks at me, gives this sexy as Hell cute little smirk and says
"Hop on board, gorgeous."

Real pretty.

> Christ, Angel. One heart attack a day wasn't enough for ya? Good thing
> I'm already dead. 

You know I like seeing you jump.

> > Really gonna kill those plans for the weekend.
> 
> I think I can manage to be ressurected by then.

Great. Something for you and Darla to have in common.

> > Heh - at the moment, nothing.  Last night - different story.  But it's
> > got nothing to do with you.
> 
> I'd still like to hear it, if you're in the mood.

On the insulin side again, but ok.

In a mood last night.  I'm sure you're surprised.  Wes comes over to the
hotel and says we're not staying in. I get too broody at my place.  Don't
wanna go out (whole being around people issue) so he says we'll go to his
place.  

Get to his place.  Talk.  Who's Angel, who's Angelus, what's good, 
what's bad - you can figure the drill.  Everything we've been talking
about, only now it's me and Wes.

Sitting on his couch. Drinking beers.  Not buzzed but finally relaxing.
Getting over the broody thing.  Decide to show my appreciation for his
patience.

Lean over. Kiss him. Start licking the beer from his lips.  Give him a sip
out of my bottle just so I can do it again.  Do that for a while.  He
starts getting nicely warm.  Think about having him lick beer from my
fingers, but I'm liking touching him too much.  Like seeing him get turned
on when he's relaxed like this.  

Run my hand down his body. He moves real nice.  Keeps wanting to 
kiss me. Sometimes I let him, mostly I look and touch.  Just reminding
myself how nice it is. Not that I forget, but I like the reminder.

He's got a shirt and tie on - suit outfit, ya know?  I'm getting off on
seeing him turned on like this. Not just relaxed, but formal.  Outfit's
proper, his eyes are begging for more. His mouth is wet and red, just a
little swollen.

Speaking of which, I decide to do more.  Get off the couch, kneel down in
front of him.  He's got his hand in my hair, just touching me, watching
me.  I just undo the front of his pants. Don't take anything off. Leave
the shirt and tie like they are.  Take his cock out. Already hard - so am
I - start kissing.  Gives a little hiss - beer's made my mouth cold - but
he moves up for more.  Got one hand kneading the pillows, the other
clutching my hair.  Hips are moving nicely.  I start licking, getting that
cold tongue everywhere nice.  Grab a sip out of my beer when I feel it
start to warm up.  Get my mouth nice and cold and I take him in.

Suck him *soft*.  Nothing but lips and tongue and wet sliding over him
like it was made to do so.  He moans a little.  I moan back - nice,
vibrating purr.  Makes him shiver.  Starts saying my name like it's
"please".  Keep going nice and slow - got all the time in the world.  Look
up every now and then to see him - so hot, so sexy, even prettier for the
clothes.  Think about things I can do with that tie. Postpone them for
later.  Grab on to his wrist with my hand, though - the one holding the
pillows.  Hear him wimper, thrust into me, know he likes it.

Got a nice ache going in my own cock.  Think about jerking off but I don't
wanna stop touching him.  Suck on him harder. Just enough to make him
*feel* it, ya know?  Not come, just *like* it.

Keep going like this for a while. Seeing how long I can touch him. How
long he can stay right on the edge.  He's sweating, and moaning, and
saying my name.Not panting 'cause I'm not sucking him like that.  Just
taking him in like we can do this forever.  Spend his whole life feeling
so nice.

Finally says my name little more pleading.  He's really whimpering - like
he's wondering if I *want* to let him come.  Don't want him to get
worried, so I stop with the teasing.  Get more purposeful.  Use my free
hand to tease his balls, use my mouth to take him in in all the right
ways.

Still tease a little though. Get him really hot, then slow down.  Right to
the edge, then ease him back.  *Now* he's panting.  Chest heaving.  "Angel
- please - Angel..."  body tight and turned on but nicely helpless. 
 Can't do anything but wait for me to let him go.  Keep teasing him, and
teasing him, and teasing him until finally he jerks, tasting so nice, and
I drink him down while he shakes.

He looks so perfect. Hair mussed. Glasses all crooked.  Shirt wrinkled. 
Eyes looking right at me, shining, happy.

Knows I'm horny.  Gets right down on the floor with me.  Expert hand goes
right for my cock, stroking it through my pants.  Not even pretending - he
knows how to turn me on, he's doing it on purpose.  Tell him I want him. 
Smiles. Says he knows.  *So* sexy when he's like this.

Starts kissing me, still rubbing me through the pants.  Got his tongue in
my mouth.  Give him the taste of his come, he's giving me the taste of
that beer.  Can feel the warmth of his body this close and it's hitting
all the right buttons.  Want him, want him bad.

Realize he's giving as good as he got - best he can.  Teasing me. 
Letting *me* sweat it out for a change.  Fucking love him for it.  Get
*my* hands tight in the pillows, keep myself from jumping him - grabbing
him and fucking him. Wanna see where he's going with this.  Hope I won't
have to buy him a new couch when we're done.

Start moving my hips for him. Telling him I want his touch. Telling him
how fucking *good* it feels.  He likes it, I can tell.  I keep it up. Tell
him how hot he gets me, can't keep my eyes off him, wanna fuck him all the
time, never stop thinking about him, never stop wanting to feel him.

His *hand* looks good.  Thin and skilled and I'm watching the knuckles as
he moves - not really knowing what to do but knowing fast and slow is
gonna cover a *lot* of ground.  Asks if I like it. Tell him fuck yeah. 
*Love* it. Love him.

Finally unzips me. Takes it out. Starts stroking.  He's *real* good at
that.  I move. Give him a nice view.  Help myself get a nice hand job. 
He's watching now like he's mesmerized.  Turned on again, I can tell. 
Licks his lips. Can tell he's thinking of going down on me.  Ask him if he
wants that 'cause right now I'm real happy to fuck him to. Be inside of
him *anywhere*.

Shakes his head. Shoves the coffee table over. Bends over, starts 
sucking.

He's *REAL* good at that.

Tongue's driving me mental.  Keeps moving quick and soft.  He looks so
beautiful.  Those hot lips wrapped around me...

I hold off.  Hold off as long as I can. Let him tease me, work me as hard
as he can.  Let him realize I *am* holding off.  Kinda grins at that.
Works *harder*.  Hits all the right buttons.  Again on purpose, again not
pretending he doesn't know.  Mouth letting me know I'm his.

It's too perfect.  I let him get me in all the right ways.  Start fucking
his mouth, first 'cause it feels good, then 'cause there's no stopping. 
He's got me thrust for thrust, looking so perfect with his head in my lap.

I come. He swallows.  We go back to bed.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> Did that to me once.  Few months ago.  Surprised me 'cause A) We're sure
> as fuck not dating yet and B) I'd just attacked him (nothing bad - just
> knocked him down, took the wind out of him - thank Darla).  

Yeah, I heard about that. Ever thought about *how* you attacked him? Cause
I'm pretty sure this is not a coincidence.

> Anyway - getting ready to go, we're using his bike 'cause Cordy's got my
> car, turns around, looks at me, gives this sexy as Hell cute little
> smirk and says "Hop on board, gorgeous."
> 
> Real pretty.

I can imagine. I am imagining. Nice bike, too. Ever take him on it -- or
over it?

> > Christ, Angel. One heart attack a day wasn't enough for ya? Good thing
> > I'm already dead. 
> 
> You know I like seeing you jump.

I know.

> > > Really gonna kill those plans for the weekend.
> > 
> > I think I can manage to be ressurected by then.
> 
> Great. Something for you and Darla to have in common.

Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Nothin' new there, I suppose.

> On the insulin side again, but ok.

I'm gettin' used to it. Maybe even developing a sweet tooth.

> In a mood last night.  I'm sure you're surprised.  Wes comes over to the
> hotel and says we're not staying in. I get too broody at my place. 
> Don't wanna go out (whole being around people issue) so he says we'll go
> to his place.  
> 
> Get to his place.  Talk.  Who's Angel, who's Angelus, what's good,
> what's bad - you can figure the drill.  Everything we've been talking
> about, only now it's me and Wes.

Glad you're talking it out with him.

> Sitting on his couch. Drinking beers.  Not buzzed but finally relaxing.
> Getting over the broody thing.  Decide to show my appreciation for his
> patience.

> Lean over. Kiss him. Start licking the beer from his lips.  Give him a
> sip out of my bottle just so I can do it again.  Do that for a while. 
> He starts getting nicely warm.  Think about having him lick beer from my
> fingers, but I'm liking touching him too much.  Like seeing him get
> turned on when he's relaxed like this.  

No wonder he's so patient with you. With positive reinforcement like
this...

> Run my hand down his body. He moves real nice.  Keeps wanting to 
> kiss me. Sometimes I let him, mostly I look and touch.  Just reminding
> myself how nice it is. Not that I forget, but I like the reminder.

Who wouldn't?

> He's got a shirt and tie on - suit outfit, ya know?  I'm getting off on
> seeing him turned on like this. Not just relaxed, but formal.  Outfit's
> proper, his eyes are begging for more. His mouth is wet and red, just a
> little swollen.

Beautiful contrast.

> Speaking of which, I decide to do more.  Get off the couch, kneel down
> in front of him.  He's got his hand in my hair, just touching me,
> watching me.  I just undo the front of his pants. Don't take anything
> off. Leave the shirt and tie like they are.  Take his cock out. Already
> hard - so am I - start kissing.  Gives a little hiss - beer's made my
> mouth cold - but he moves up for more.  Got one hand kneading the
> pillows, the other clutching my hair.  Hips are moving nicely.  I start
> licking, getting that cold tongue everywhere nice.  Grab a sip out of my
> beer when I feel it start to warm up.  Get my mouth nice and cold and I
> take him in.

Mmmmmmm.

> Suck him *soft*.  Nothing but lips and tongue and wet sliding over him
> like it was made to do so.  He moans a little.  I moan back - nice,
> vibrating purr.  Makes him shiver.  Starts saying my name like it's
> "please".  Keep going nice and slow - got all the time in the world. 
> Look up every now and then to see him - so hot, so sexy, even prettier
> for the clothes.  Think about things I can do with that tie. Postpone
> them for later.  Grab on to his wrist with my hand, though - the one
> holding the pillows.  Hear him wimper, thrust into me, know he likes it.

He's a natural, Angel. And just what did you have in mind for the tie?
Inquiring minds want to know.

> Got a nice ache going in my own cock.  Think about jerking off but I
> don't wanna stop touching him.  Suck on him harder. Just enough to make
> him *feel* it, ya know?  Not come, just *like* it.
> 
> Keep going like this for a while. Seeing how long I can touch him. How
> long he can stay right on the edge.  He's sweating, and moaning, and
> saying my name.Not panting 'cause I'm not sucking him like that.  Just
> taking him in like we can do this forever.  Spend his whole life feeling
> so nice.

Oh, that reminds me. He seems to think we couldn't keep teasing him for
four hours. What do you think?

> Finally says my name little more pleading.  He's really whimpering -
> like he's wondering if I *want* to let him come.  Don't want him to get
> worried, so I stop with the teasing.  Get more purposeful.  Use my free
> hand to tease his balls, use my mouth to take him in in all the right
> ways.
> 
> Still tease a little though. Get him really hot, then slow down.  Right
> to the edge, then ease him back.  *Now* he's panting.  Chest heaving. 
> "Angel - please - Angel..."  body tight and turned on but nicely
> helpless. 
>  Can't do anything but wait for me to let him go.  Keep teasing him, and
>  
> teasing him, and teasing him until finally he jerks, tasting so nice,
> and I drink him down while he shakes.
> 
> He looks so perfect. Hair mussed. Glasses all crooked.  Shirt wrinkled. 
> Eyes looking right at me, shining, happy.

Beautiful. And he tastes *so* good.

> Knows I'm horny.  Gets right down on the floor with me.  Expert hand
> goes right for my cock, stroking it through my pants.  Not even
> pretending - he knows how to turn me on, he's doing it on purpose.  Tell
> him I want him.  Smiles. Says he knows.  *So* sexy when he's like this.
> 
> Starts kissing me, still rubbing me through the pants.  Got his tongue
> in my mouth.  Give him the taste of his come, he's giving me the taste
> of that beer.  Can feel the warmth of his body this close and it's
> hitting all the right buttons.  Want him, want him bad.
> 
> Realize he's giving as good as he got - best he can.  Teasing me. 
> Letting *me* sweat it out for a change.  Fucking love him for it.  Get
> *my* hands tight in the pillows, keep myself from jumping him - grabbing
> him and fucking him. Wanna see where he's going with this.  Hope I won't
> have to buy him a new couch when we're done.

Yeah, he's a quick learner alright.

> Start moving my hips for him. Telling him I want his touch. Telling him
> how fucking *good* it feels.  He likes it, I can tell.  I keep it up.
> Tell him how hot he gets me, can't keep my eyes off him, wanna fuck him
> all the time, never stop thinking about him, never stop wanting to feel
> him.
> 
> His *hand* looks good.  Thin and skilled and I'm watching the knuckles
> as he moves - not really knowing what to do but knowing fast and slow is
> gonna cover a *lot* of ground.  Asks if I like it. Tell him fuck yeah. 
> *Love* it. Love him.

His hand? Okay, now we're into the insulin scale. But what the hell, its
worth it.

> Finally unzips me. Takes it out. Starts stroking.  He's *real* good at
> that.  I move. Give him a nice view.  Help myself get a nice hand job. 
> He's watching now like he's mesmerized.  Turned on again, I can tell. 
> Licks his lips. Can tell he's thinking of going down on me.  Ask him if
> he wants that 'cause right now I'm real happy to fuck him to. Be inside
> of him *anywhere*.
> 
> Shakes his head. Shoves the coffee table over. Bends over, starts 
> sucking.
> 
> He's *REAL* good at that.

Can't wait to find out.

> Tongue's driving me mental.  Keeps moving quick and soft.  He looks so
> beautiful.  Those hot lips wrapped around me...
> 
> I hold off.  Hold off as long as I can. Let him tease me, work me as
> hard as he can.  Let him realize I *am* holding off.  Kinda grins at
> that. Works *harder*.  Hits all the right buttons.  Again on purpose,
> again not pretending he doesn't know.  Mouth letting me know I'm his.
> 
> It's too perfect.  I let him get me in all the right ways.  Start
> fucking his mouth, first 'cause it feels good, then 'cause there's no
> stopping.  He's got me thrust for thrust, looking so perfect with his
> head in my lap.

This is ... beautiful. And distracting. And I think I'm going to go take a
long walk around a nice chilly cemetary. Maybe kill something. Work off a
little frustration.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Did that to me once.  Few months ago.  Surprised me 'cause A) We're
> > sure as fuck not dating yet and B) I'd just attacked him (nothing bad
> > - just knocked him down, took the wind out of him - thank Darla).  
> 
> Yeah, I heard about that. Ever thought about *how* you attacked him?
> Cause I'm pretty sure this is not a coincidence. 

Yeah. That.  Didn't think of it at the time.  Part of the whole "Angel is
an ass" theme.

Also - still thought he knew he liked guys. Filed it under "Wes has a
mostly unknown flirty side" and moved on. Didn't think he wanted a
followup.

> I can imagine. I am imagining. Nice bike, too. Ever take him on it -- or
> over it? 

Planning on it.  Just gotta fix up the hotel garage.  Keep it nice and
private.  Can't do it at his place - parks in the street.

> > Great. Something for you and Darla to have in common.
> 
> Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Nothin' new there, I suppose.

Kidding.

> > On the insulin side again, but ok.
> 
> I'm gettin' used to it. Maybe even developing a sweet tooth.

Need balance? Could tell you 'bout the first time he went down on me.

> > Get to his place.  Talk.  Who's Angel, who's Angelus, what's good,
> > what's bad - you can figure the drill.  Everything we've been talking
> > about, only now it's me and Wes.
> 
> Glad you're talking it out with him.

I'm being good, don't worry.

> > Lean over. Kiss him. Start licking the beer from his lips.  Give him a
> > sip out of my bottle just so I can do it again.  Do that for a while. 
> > He starts getting nicely warm.  Think about having him lick beer from
> > my fingers, but I'm liking touching him too much.  Like seeing him get
> > turned on when he's relaxed like this.  
> 
> No wonder he's so patient with you. With positive reinforcement like
> this...

I like rewards.

> > He's got a shirt and tie on - suit outfit, ya know?  I'm getting off
> > on seeing him turned on like this. Not just relaxed, but formal. 
> > Outfit's proper, his eyes are begging for more. His mouth is wet and
> > red, just a little swollen.
> 
> Beautiful contrast.

Exactly.

> He's a natural, Angel. And just what did you have in mind for the tie?
> Inquiring minds want to know. 

I was thinking leash.  See how hard it would make him to use it to lead
him back into the bedroom. See how he'd respond if I jerked on it to make
him heel.  Then maybe wrap it around my hand *real* tight 'til I'm right
up against the knot and there's almost no room between us, give him a
flash of yellow and make him beg for a kiss.

Just off the top of my head.  Got other ideas too.

> Oh, that reminds me. He seems to think we couldn't keep teasing him for
> four hours. What do you think? 

Longest I've gone with him so far is two. Big obstacle is my own 
willpower. He gets too fucking pretty.  But yeah, could take him to four. 


> > He looks so perfect. Hair mussed. Glasses all crooked.  Shirt
> > wrinkled.  Eyes looking right at me, shining, happy.
> 
> Beautiful. And he tastes *so* good.

Yep.

> > His *hand* looks good.  Thin and skilled and I'm watching the knuckles
> > as he moves - not really knowing what to do but knowing fast and slow
> > is gonna cover a *lot* of ground.  Asks if I like it. Tell him fuck
> > yeah.  *Love* it. Love him.
> 
> His hand? Okay, now we're into the insulin scale. But what the hell, its
> worth it.

"It" meaning the hand*job*.  Hand looks good meaning it's a pretty
picture.

> > He's *REAL* good at that.
> 
> Can't wait to find out.

Can't recommend it enough.  Funny thing - I don't even know if he *got*
blowjobs 'fore me.  But man he gives 'em good.  Could spend a week with
his mouth on my cock.

> This is ... beautiful. And distracting. And I think I'm going to go take
> a long walk around a nice chilly cemetary. Maybe kill something. Work
> off a little frustration. 

Poor baby.

A.


***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> You should watch him work. It's nice. Gets a look of glee in his eyes,
> in a good way.

Not too familiar with those good looks of glee. Look of glee usually means
a world of pain for me. But I'm willing to learn.

> > > Yeah. He's too used to it.
> > 
> > I know. I get it. It just makes me feel sad, you know? And useless.
> 
> Join the club.

I'm not only the president, I'm also a client?

> > > Yep.  He *believes* that shit.  Not good enough for the Council, not
> > > good enough for Daddy, not good enough for Angel - to him it'd make
> > > sense.
> > 
> > Well, at least he said he *was* good enough that time. Some progress
> > there.
> 
> No, he said he *wasn't* good enough, which is why he wasn't breaking the
> curse. 

He said "The curse doesn't break for 'good enough'." Not that I have every
fucking word of that conversation memorized or anything. The implication
being that he is good enough, but he's not perfect.

> > > You know, I keep telling you I have no sense of humor.
> > 
> > So how come I keep laughing? Maybe I don't have one either.
> 
> It's a theory.

So it is. But Wesley says I have a charming sense of humor, so back to the
drawing board. (Are you *sure* you didn't put something in his tea?
Charming is really not the word most people would choose. Brutal,
perhaps.)

> > > > I know. And I missed you. Did I mention? 
> > > 
> > > Could always say it again, boyo.
> > 
> > I missed you. Like hell.
> 
> I was thinking you could say it more graphically.

[innocent look] Oh, well why didn't you say so? Oh, right, you just did.

I missed your mouth, Angel. If I close my eyes, I can still trace the
edges in my mind. I missed your tongue forcing its way into my mouth. I
missed your neck, like a column of marble, all cool and smooth, and I
missed watching your muscles move in your arms and shoulders, while you
picked me up and threw me across the room like it was nothing. I missed
your thighs straddling me, pinning me down, open and ready for your cock.
Fuck, I missed your cock. I missed the taste. I missed the power when you
were fucking me hard and fast and all I could do was take it and cry out.
But most of all I missed your hands on me. So certain. So cruel and
precise and perfect. And that little look of joy in your eyes that meant
you'd thought of something *really* good and couldn't wait to try it out.
And your voice, so calm, telling me what to do. Never for an instant
questioning that I would obey. And neither did I. Not for an instant. Not
then. Not now.

> > > Oh yeah. Got a good thirty on my Rolodex just in case I want one to
> > > bring over a pizza.
> > 
> > Hey, you know a lot of weird people. Just checking.
> 
> Gypsies tend to not like me. Feeling's mutual.

I can see that. Bad associations, on both sides. But there are a hell of a
lot of gypsies. Some of 'em must be cool.

> > Probably the morphine.
> 
> Hadn't thought of that.

That's why I'm here -- to make sure you don't overlook the obvious.

> No argument here - just didn't know at the *time* it was just friends. 
> Like I said - week I got back.  Wasn't 'til the night I went to his
> place I found out different.

Oh, I get it. Didn't get the order. Thought this was the week after you
went to Wesley's, not the week before.

> > > Me?
> > 
> > Yeah, you. I am the very essence of comprehensibility.
> 
> You're what now?

Stop that joking right now. You'll ruin your image.

> > > The no is just the concept. Wanting a god to be less than god like
> > > and thinking that's better. I don't get that.
> > 
> > Luv, might help to keep in mind that I'm basically a selfish prick.
> > It's better for *me*.
> 
> But that'd be weaker than a God. Think that's the point I'm sticking on.

Yeah. I guess it would. So *what*? Strength isn't everything. Think you're
weaker now than when you were Angelus? You are, in a way. You've got
scruples, now, and hostages, and they slow you up. 

But you're stronger too, luv. Wesley was just talking to me about humans
banding together to survive, and I think I just got it. You got Wesley,
and Gunn, and Cordelia, and this telepathic bartender demon, and me, and
whoever all else on your side. Angelus didn't have anyone on his side.
Angelus was always alone, because even when someone, namin' no names, was
bloody stupid enough to prefer Angelus' best interest to his own, Angelus
didn't bleedin' notice. Couldn't take full advantage, even, because the
concept didn't enter his world view.

So yeah, that would be weaker than one god. But it pretty much turns you
from one lonely god to one demi-god with a whole Mt. Olympus of buddies.
Which is *more* kick ass. And a hell of a lot more fun.

> > Fuck me, Angel. This self-hatred thing is not attractive. You're *not*
> > any more of an asshole than any random guy you'd meet on the street,
> > and only very occasionally poncy. Cut back on the styling products,
> > you're good to go. 
> 
> Thanks.  

Welcome.

> Who knows?  Powers want me good, Wolfram & Hart want me evil.  
> Getting kinda tired of this.

Yeah, I can see that. Fuck 'em both then. Let 'em play games with each
other. What do you want?

> > Back to that? I thought we were goin' with maybe. 
> 
> Maybe means I'm thinking about what you said. Why means I don't get it.

I know. Just teasing.

> > Don't know why. 'Cause I'm kinda liking the kind of talking where the
> > goal is to give information, not take it at swordspoint? 'Cause I
> > might actually make a difference to you someday, which I never could
> > with him? 'Cause you laugh at my stupid jokes? 
> 
> Maybe.  (See how that works?)

If you don't want me to make you laugh, then STOP making me laugh.

> > > Fuck yeah.  Throw *myself* down the damned shaft a few more times
> > > just to even the score. 'cept the building blew up so...
> > 
> > Probably not such a good plan even if it hadn't. Why make the poor boy
> > work around your bruises? He hasn't got your practice. 
> 
> He could learn.  Makes a nice mental image, tell you that much.

It does, at that. Plannin' on teaching him to make the bruises in the
first place? 'Cause when I asked about the chains, I asked about both of
us. Though obviously only mine was an offer. And he said he was open to
the idea.

> > > What would've happened if Wes didn't knock me out.
> > 
> > Um. You have met you before, you said?
> 
> Yeah, I have.  'cept he'd never met Wes before.  Back then... dunno what
> I would've kept doing.  Not sure what I'd do now - him being my lover
> and all.  

Good point. Good question. And are you noticing the pronoun changes?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Not too familiar with those good looks of glee. Look of glee usually
> means a world of pain for me. But I'm willing to learn. 

Wes is good with that.

> > > I know. I get it. It just makes me feel sad, you know? And useless.
> > 
> > Join the club.
> 
> I'm not only the president, I'm also a client?

Why do you get to be in charge?

> > No, he said he *wasn't* good enough, which is why he wasn't breaking
> > the curse. 
> 
> He said "The curse doesn't break for 'good enough'." Not that I have
> every fucking word of that conversation memorized or anything. The
> implication being that he is good enough, but he's not perfect. 

Yeah but the meaning is that he's not good enough to break the curse. He
doesn't give me perfect happiness - which *he* said.

> > It's a theory.
> 
> So it is. But Wesley says I have a charming sense of humor, so back to
> the drawing board. (Are you *sure* you didn't put something in his tea?
> Charming is really not the word most people would choose. Brutal,
> perhaps.) 

He talks nice, doesn't he?

> > I was thinking you could say it more graphically.
> 
> [innocent look] Oh, well why didn't you say so? Oh, right, you just did.

Better. Much better.

> > Hadn't thought of that.
> 
> That's why I'm here -- to make sure you don't overlook the obvious.

When do I do that?

> > You're what now?
> 
> Stop that joking right now. You'll ruin your image.

I don't joke.

> But you're stronger too, luv. Wesley was just talking to me about
> humans banding together to survive, and I think I just got it. You got
> Wesley, and Gunn, and Cordelia, and this telepathic bartender demon, and
> me, and whoever all else on your side. Angelus didn't have anyone on his
> side. Angelus was always alone, because even when someone, namin' no
> names, was bloody stupid enough to prefer Angelus' best interest to his
> own, Angelus didn't bleedin' notice. Couldn't take full advantage, even,
> because the concept didn't enter his world view. 

Ok. You make a point.

> So yeah, that would be weaker than one god. But it pretty much turns you
> from one lonely god to one demi-god with a whole Mt. Olympus of buddies.
> Which is *more* kick ass. And a hell of a lot more fun. 

There's that.

> > Who knows?  Powers want me good, Wolfram & Hart want me evil.  
> > Getting kinda tired of this.
> 
> Yeah, I can see that. Fuck 'em both then. Let 'em play games with each
> other. What do you want? 

Kill for a shoulder rub.

> > Maybe.  (See how that works?)
> 
> If you don't want me to make you laugh, then STOP making me laugh.

I'll bear that in mind.

> It does, at that. Plannin' on teaching him to make the bruises in the
> first place? 

I got plans, yeah.

> Good point. Good question. And are you noticing the pronoun changes?

What pronoun changes?

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Yeah, I heard about that. Ever thought about *how* you attacked him?
> > Cause I'm pretty sure this is not a coincidence. 
> 
> Yeah. That.  Didn't think of it at the time.  Part of the whole "Angel
> is an ass" theme.

Well, you were a little distracted. Whereas I pretty much had it presented
to me as "that time that Angel jumped on top of me naked."

> Also - still thought he knew he liked guys. Filed it under "Wes has a
> mostly unknown flirty side" and moved on. Didn't think he wanted a
> followup.

And didn't even try to check your guess? You're a better man than I am.

> > I can imagine. I am imagining. Nice bike, too. Ever take him on it --
> > or over it? 
> 
> Planning on it.  Just gotta fix up the hotel garage.  Keep it nice and
> private.  Can't do it at his place - parks in the street.

Makes sense. How private? Care for an audience, if I promise not to
heckle?

> > > Great. Something for you and Darla to have in common.
> > 
> > Sorry. I wasn't thinking. Nothin' new there, I suppose.
> 
> Kidding.

Still not used to that.

> > > On the insulin side again, but ok.
> > 
> > I'm gettin' used to it. Maybe even developing a sweet tooth.
> 
> Need balance? Could tell you 'bout the first time he went down on me.

Hell yeah. Not sure why that would be unsweet, but I'm lovin' the
storytime regardless.

> > > Get to his place.  Talk.  Who's Angel, who's Angelus, what's good,
> > > what's bad - you can figure the drill.  Everything we've been
> > > talking about, only now it's me and Wes.
> > 
> > Glad you're talking it out with him.
> 
> I'm being good, don't worry.

Not worried. At least, wasn't. Confused now. What could you not have been
good about?

> > No wonder he's so patient with you. With positive reinforcement like
> > this...
> 
> I like rewards.

You're good at them.

> > He's a natural, Angel. And just what did you have in mind for the tie?
> > Inquiring minds want to know. 
> 
> I was thinking leash.  See how hard it would make him to use it to lead
> him back into the bedroom. See how he'd respond if I jerked on it to
> make him heel.  Then maybe wrap it around my hand *real* tight 'til I'm
> right up against the knot and there's almost no room between us, give
> him a flash of yellow and make him beg for a kiss.
> 
> Just off the top of my head.  Got other ideas too.

Well *I'm* about 30 seconds from coming, so I'm thinking he'll like it a
lot. But just a guess here.

> > Oh, that reminds me. He seems to think we couldn't keep teasing him
> > for four hours. What do you think? 
> 
> Longest I've gone with him so far is two. Big obstacle is my own 
> willpower. He gets too fucking pretty.  But yeah, could take him to
> four.  

That's what I said. He seems to think there's some kind of physics and/or
chafing problem involved, but I explained there's a hell of a lot of skin
on the human body. Willpower could be a problem, but there's a couple of
solutions to that. Starting with, just because you fuck him doesn't mean
he gets to come. And, well, if you need a brief tension break, I'd be
happy to help. Hell, don't even stop. Just give me room to work on you and
keep right on goin' on him.

> > > His *hand* looks good.  Thin and skilled and I'm watching the
> > > knuckles as he moves - not really knowing what to do but knowing
> > > fast and slow is gonna cover a *lot* of ground.  Asks if I like it.
> > > Tell him fuck yeah.  *Love* it. Love him.
> > 
> > His hand? Okay, now we're into the insulin scale. But what the hell,
> > its worth it.
> 
> "It" meaning the hand*job*.  Hand looks good meaning it's a pretty
> picture.

I know. Still.

> Can't recommend it enough.  Funny thing - I don't even know if he *got*
> blowjobs 'fore me.  But man he gives 'em good.  Could spend a week with
> his mouth on my cock.

Why don't you?

> > This is ... beautiful. And distracting. And I think I'm going to go
> > take a long walk around a nice chilly cemetary. Maybe kill something.
> > Work off a little frustration. 
> 
> Poor baby.

Oh, yeah. I'm hating this a lot.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Yeah. That.  Didn't think of it at the time.  Part of the whole "Angel
> > is an ass" theme.
> 
> Well, you were a little distracted. Whereas I pretty much had it
> presented to me as "that time that Angel jumped on top of my naked."

Wes survived that and still flirted with me? Brave boy.

> > Also - still thought he knew he liked guys. Filed it under "Wes has a
> > mostly unknown flirty side" and moved on. Didn't think he wanted a
> > followup.
> 
> And didn't even try to check your guess? You're a better man than I am.

Thought I'd lose the soul if I did.  And I did try flirting a little in
the early days. Didn't get a response, figured he wasn't interested.

> > Planning on it.  Just gotta fix up the hotel garage.  Keep it nice and
> > private.  Can't do it at his place - parks in the street.
> 
> Makes sense. How private? Care for an audience, if I promise not to
> heckle? 

Mm - think first time is gonna be just me and him, boyo.  Maybe 
second time.

> > Kidding.
> 
> Still not used to that.

Can't imagine why.

> Hell yeah. Not sure why that would be unsweet, but I'm lovin' the
> storytime regardless. 

We're at his place. Still early in the relationship thing. Gunn and Cordy
don't even know yet. (Keeping quiet b/c Wes is still dealing with the gay
thing).  Just finished a case. Good guys won.  Having a celebratory
beer/after case wrap-up session.  Kinda fun, kinda awkward.  Fun 'cause we
did good. Awkward 'cause Gunn and Cordy still don't know what to make of
me yet, plus Wes and I can't stop looking at each other.  Small surprise
Gunn figured out something was up long 'fore we told him.

Finally get rid of Gunn and Cordy.  Tell 'em I'm helping Wes clean up or
some lie.  Just want 'em *gone*. Wanna touch him.

Wes is in the kitchen. I go in after him.  He's washing dishes. I get my
hands on his hips, nose in his hair, getting the taste and scent of him,
you know?  Making that mine, 'cause he is now.

He makes some nervous talk with me.  Not the bad kind just - it's still
new.  Still not totally sure of each other, what we do yet now that the
boundaries are down.  So he's saying something about the case, what a good
job it was, he's so proud of how I did - good stuff, cute stammer.

I get my lips on his neck, brushing so light I'm only touching the hairs. 
Tell him I love him, 'cause I can't say that enough yet.  He shivers. It's
nice.

Tell him I wanna make love with him.  Get another nice shiver with that.
His heart goes a little faster.  Smiles. Thinks I mean the bedroom.  Turns
the water off, starts looking for a towel.

I turn him around, kiss him hard.  He - it's cute, he kinda squeaks - but
in a second he's there, he likes it. Heart's going like a fucking
jackhammer but he likes it.  He's trying to be right there with me.  Got
his hands on my chest, touching the muscles.

I slow it down a little. Don't want to scare him too much, too soon.  Just
hold him and touch him nice and slow, letting him get aroused, letting his
body remember yeah, this is the same guy he fucked before.  Letting him
touch me with those wet, soapy hands, soaking my shirt but I don't mind.

I wanna get him up on the counter. Just sit him on the edge so I can take
him in my mouth - I've done that by then, a few times.  Back of his pants
are wet from the sink and my hands keep going there, keep feeling just
that spot where the water touched under his ass, cupping him, bringing him
close, feeling him get hard against me.

We're saying stuff too - mumbling each other's names, saying we love each
other. All good stuff.

But I'm trying to get him on the counter and he stops me.  Holds me 
back.  Takes a minute for that to sink in 'cause I keep kissing him.  His
fingers are right over my nipples - over the shirt- and it's distracting. 
I'm confused, looking at him, and he says "You."

You know me. That means nothing.  I ask him what.  He gives me a 
little shove, tries to turn me around so I'm against the counter.  Want to
do you, he says to me.

Now I'm not arguing, but I know for a fact he's never done this before. Is
he sure, I ask him.  Making it clear it's not that I don't want it, just
that he doesn't have to if he doesn't wanna. Not a requirement of the
relationship or anything.

He's sure, he says.  I can tell he's still a little nervous but he really
wants to try.

So I let him push me back. Now my ass is against the wet counter. Can feel
it soaking through the jeans.  Water's cold now. Nice contrast with how
hot it is up front.

His heart's still beating quick. Not jackhammer nervous but - alert. 
Ready.  He kisses me. I let him lead, let him know he's in charge. I'm not
going anywhere.  His to touch.

He unbuttons my shirt.  Got a wifebeater underneath.  Runs his hands over
that.  Again - real big on the muscles, I can tell.  Let him feel as much
as he wants.  Smile at him. Ask if he wants me to take it off.  Gets him
off guard, but he smiles back and says yes.

No problem. Shirt and wifebeater are gone.  Toss 'em on the other 
counter.  I'm barechested. Nothing on above the waist 'cept the watch.

He's really enjoying the view.  Runs his hands all over my skin.  Makes it
feel warm.  Kisses me, then moves down, working at my nipples - sucking,
licking, occasionally brave enough to bite.

I try to make noise.  Not that I don't like it, but I know he needs extra
feedback. So I make an extra point of letting him know how good it feels,
how much I like it.

Try to encourage him on the teeth thing, 'cause damn that feels good.

We do this for a bit - him touching and kissing all he wants.  Finally he
gets ready for it, feels comfortable enough.  Moves his hand down.  Works
open my belt and jeans, runs his hand over my cock.  Not as skilled as he
is now, but again desire to please makes up for so fucking much.  

I encourage him. Tell him I like it.  Tell him how good it feels, how much
I want him.

He moves down.  Runs his lips down my stomach.  Pulls the pants 
down a bit.  I want him *so* fucking bad.

Does what I've done to him - kisses the general area, following up with
his hands - before finally getting his mouth on it.  Runs his lips along
the side.  Now I *really* want him, but I'm holding off. Want him to try.

He licks. It feels good.  Warm.  Haven't had that in so long.  Darla,
yeah, but her mouth was cold. Wes is warm, damn near hot, and he's getting
my cock nice and slick as he works at it like a lolipop.  Got this
interesting look on his face, too. Like he's forgotten to be nervous and
he's in this place where it's just me and him, doing this.  

Keeps licking.  I moan.  Starting to actually get close now and he hasn't
even taken it in yet.  Get that smile again, like I startled him. But if
he gets another attack of nerves it doesn't last long.  Licks and kisses
more purposefully now.  Knows how to do it, has figured out what I like. 
Keeps doing that for a bit.

My balls are aching. Want him to touch them, figure if he does I'll come. 
 Figure I'll just savor the frustration of not getting that relief.

He's got his hands against my hips now, balancing himself.  Runs his wet
lips and tongue all the way up the shaft then, finally, parts his lips and
slides it in.

He's so warm.  Wanna come. Still hold back.  Encourage the fuck out 
of him, but he's ok.  Still figuring it out.  He moves, sucks, works his
tongue - trying to work it, trying to puzzle it out.  Give him some
advice, but let him do most of it. Let him enjoy.

Again - not an expert yet, but he gets the basics quick enough. 
Remembers enough of what I did.  Even makes a few attempts to repeat some
stuff I've tried.

Thing is, it's driving me *nuts*.  In all the right ways, but still
driving me nuts. My willpower is out the fucking window.  I'm sweating
bullets I'm holding back so hard.  'cause he keeps hitting and missing,
hitting and missing, and damn if it's not the most wonderful torture I've
had in quite some time.

I grab his hair, start moving.  Tell him I wanna come so bad. Tell him how
good it feels.  He's paying attention again, figuring it out, learning how
to move in response to what I'm doing, testing when to suck, when to move
his tongue, all that kind of thing.

Got it in my head that maybe he doesn't want to taste.  Make some 
kind of a warning. He's way ahead of me on that one. Just takes me in a
little more.  He wants to try.  Small difference to me - not like I had
much ability to pull out anyway.  And at least the sink's there if he's
got immediate regrets.

Keep it gentle as I can but I fuck that pretty mouth of his. I take it
over, setting the pace, leaving it for him to follow - and he likes that.
Adjusts easily.  Give him some more instruction. Tell him what to do, how
to make me come. Make it easier for him to know when it's gonna happen. 
 He's getting turned on now, getting off on pleasing me.  Realizing that
is the last straw.  Forget all restraint - just fucking loose it.  Explode
into his mouth.  He takes it in best he can.  I'm lost for a minute as the
whole thing goes through me, then I bend down and help kiss the come out
of his mouth.

Least what he didn't manage to swallow.

> > > Glad you're talking it out with him.
> > 
> > I'm being good, don't worry.
> 
> Not worried. At least, wasn't. Confused now. What could you not have
> been good about? 

Could've *not* been talking to him. 

> Well *I'm* about 30 seconds from coming, so I'm thinking he'll like it a
> lot. But just a guess here. 

I'll try it next time. Let you know how it goes.

> That's what I said. He seems to think there's some kind of physics
> and/or chafing problem involved, but I explained there's a hell of a lot
> of skin on the human body. Willpower could be a problem, but there's a
> couple of solutions to that. Starting with, just because you fuck him
> doesn't mean he gets to come. And, well, if you need a brief tension
> break, I'd be happy to help. Hell, don't even stop. Just give me room to
> work on you and keep right on goin' on him. 

Might like that last idea.

> > Can't recommend it enough.  Funny thing - I don't even know if he
> > *got* blowjobs 'fore me.  But man he gives 'em good.  Could spend a
> > week with his mouth on my cock.
> 
> Why don't you?

Powers that be don't like me having *that* much of a sex life?

> Oh, yeah. I'm hating this a lot.

I can tell.  By the way, you're not actually *satisfying* yourself over
there, are ya boy?  

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Rereading this I wished to add "at least".  Ideally at least five to ten
> years older, minimum.  

So she was probably at least 25 and no more than 60, if I was already a
vamp when she was a child. Doesn't narrow the field much. I'll ask Giles
tonight -- I need to talk to him about the ruddy council anyway.

> Not the same kind, I'm afraid, though I shared the same thought.  No,
> she was more of a seer - things represented in abstract which came to
> her in daydreams and the like.  Cordy's visions, though sometimes
> difficult to figure out the facts, are concrete. She sees the actual
> people and problem involved. We just don't automatically know where they
> are or how to fix it.

Oh, a seer. Dru would have liked to meet her. Wonder if she ever did?

> > And no, I didn't kill Sophie. Didn't bag my second Slayer till the
> > seventies, in New York. 
> 
> Don't suppose you'd care to tell the tale?  Or of the first one?  I can
> tell you the Council knows practically nothing about it.  You did one
> during the Boxer Rebellion, and a second at some point between then and
> now. That's the entirety of the Council's knowledge of your kills.

I'll tell you the first another time, pet. Angel and Darla and Dru are in
it -- its complicated. But the second... I was hanging out in New York, in
the punk scene, and making a bit of a name for myself, hiding in plain
sight. It was vamp heaven. Everyone had a cutting habit, or was sticking
safety pins through their face, and no one care if I had a lick or two, or
did a shot of blood from a syringe after they shot up. Or even took a
nibble straight from the source, here and there. And if some of the street
kids stayin' at the squats by Topkins Square never came back, who cared?
They OD'd, or went home to mommy in the suburbs, and more always came to
take their places.

The Slayer at that time was a tough bitch, a black girl from Brooklyn who
was old, for a Slayer, or looked it anyway. I never knew her name. She
knew I was around -- she came to a few of the shows -- but she left me
alone as long as she thought I was stickin' to the leftovers diet. We
fought a few times, but it was just for shits and giggles, she was never
in a hurry to close the deal. We even shared a cigarette once.

But I got cocky. (I know. Cockier.) I started takin' risks, hunting in her
neighborhood, not bothering to hide my tracks. Once day she caught me
polishing off some local kid on the F train. I could've run, but I figured
why not finish it? So I came after her.

She was a sweet dancer -- as good as Buffy is. I was having the time of my
life, and I could have sworn she was too. We threw each other all around
that car. She nearly had me too -- straddled me down on the floor with a
stake to my chest. I don't know what did her in -- maybe my hard-on
distracted her. Maybe it was the deathwish most Slayers seem to have. I
don't know. But there was some kind of wanting in her eyes. And when I
rolled her over and ended up on top, she didn't resist at all. So I broke
her neck. Didn't even drink. But I did take her long leather coat as a
souvenir.

Why did you want to hear this story, pet? It can't be your idea of a good
time.

> By all means let me know if you need assistance translating the texts. 
> They'll be written in English, but damn we can be a pedantic lot.  I
> couldn't help you in person, of course, circumstances being what they
> are, but feel free to e-mail me passages or read them to me over the
> phone.

I will if I need to, and thanks for the offer. But I should be alright. I
used to do this myself, once upon a time.

> > Though if Yanna had visions of me, we might never have met at all in
> > person. 
> 
> Or perhaps she saw you from afar?  

Anything's possible.

> > From anyone's point of view, by what I hear. Or Darla and Angelus',
> > anyway. Lumpy old sod livin' down the sewers, not really a party boy. 
> 
> True, but he must have had some charisma amongst his own kind to 
> maintain the cult that he did.

Power, I think, more than attraction. Though perhaps to some there's no
distinction there.

> I'm not sure.  His comments were rather vague and melodramatic. He 
> revealed a vampire bite on his neck in what was obviously meant to be a 
> warning, but damned if I know what happened.  I tried to ask Rupert 
> about it prior to the Conversation From Hell, but he didn't have much to 
> offer and, admittedly, I didn't want to tell him more than I already had 
> once I found out he was with the Council again.

Want me to ask Giles? I don't think a bite proves much one way or other
other. Like I said, some people like that kind of thing.

> > That would be no, wouldn't it? You're brave, smart as hell,
> > open-minded, resourceful, and entirely too bleedin' modest.
> 
> Er - thank you.

You're welcome.

> > Not to mention brilliant in bed. 
> 
> You've only the once to judge!

So far. I'm very much lookin' forward to checking my research under more
controlled conditions. Several different conditions, I think, pet, just to
be thorough. But on the data I have, I'm sticking with brilliant. And
Angel gives a most, ah, moving testimonial.

> > And Angel says, a dab hand with a crossbow too. 
> 
> I rather enjoy weaponry.  I'm good with guns as well.  And darts, which
> you'll discover when I defeat you soundly.

Care to make a small bet? I'm not bad with a dart myself.

> > Not to mention -- caring, forgiving, just plain kind. How many people
> > like that do you think there are in the world? Not bloody many. 
> 
> I suppose I could think of a few.

I suppose you could. Still puts you in a pretty select group, pet.

> > > Most people manage not to.
> > 
> > Most people are morons. More to the point, most people only notice
> > what you tell them. Which is why I make a point of tellin' them just
> > how strong and attractive I am at regular intervals. 
> 
> I think they would notice that even if you didn't tell them, Spike.

Thank you. But you'd be surprised. The key is to act like you own the
world. Most people won't ask you for the registration papers.

> Did you ever tell him that you know about the helmet?

Not yet. The conversation took another road. But I'm savin' it up.

> > I, for one, expect them to treat you like something precious. Because
> > you are. But --alright. I'm droppin' it. Fuck knows I've got wounds
> > I'm not ready to have touched myself. 
> 
> I was about to ask what, but then realized by definition you wouldn't
> want to talk about it.

[grin] Thanks, pet. I appreciate it. Not tonight. Maybe someday.

> > > You're welcome to come to Los Angeles. Heaven knows we've 
> > > experience dealing with the Council's operatives before.
> > 
> > Haven't you had enough? 
> 
> We're always fighting something or other here. May as well be the 
> Council.

Generous of you.

> > Besides, the plan here is *not* to bring the Council down on anyone
> > else I care about. 
> 
> I understand.  I was only suggesting it in the extreme condition that
> you had to leave Sunnydale to protect Buffy. In which case you would be
> welcome to come here for assistance since Angel and I have dealt with
> them before.

In that case, again, thank you. And I might even take you up on it. But
I'm hoping to keep your role no more active than a tactical advisor. 

> > What I really need is some kind of leverage -- a threat or a promise,
> > somethin' to enforce this standoff permanently, or at least buy us
> > some time. Can you think of anything they want? Or anything they fear?
> > 
> 
> Good question.  Allow me to get back to you. 

By all means.

> > I'm pretty sure Buffy would believe in the bad karaoke too. But
> > probably not the prat, and certainly not the struggle. 
> 
> I rather found the prat aspect to be the easiest to see.

So did I. Blindingly obvious, even. 

> I don't know about Rupert. I'm too busy working on Angel.  Really, I
> think it's much like what you said about the Council - painting things
> in black and white creates the danger that the slightest crack in or
> contradiction to the logic will cause the believer to completely change
> belief and direction.  Angel needs to understand there are many levels
> or else this shall become "Angel = good, Angelus = bad" and he won't be
> able to cope with the fact that Angel, at least, has the potential for
> being just as much of a bastard as anyone else.

And thank ... whatever ... for that. Saints are bloody dull.

> Moreover I dislike the theory that it's an innate good or badness to
> him.  To me this disclaims responsibility for everything.  Angel acted
> like Angelus these past few months not because he is evil, or because
> the goodness wore off, but because he made poor choices. *He* made them,
> not some sort of - of characterization of his soul as though this were a
> role playing game.

I agree. Completely. Made the same point to Buffy not a few weeks ago. And
yet... he hears Angelus' voice in his head, making suggestions he himself
loathes.  don't know what to make of that.

> > > > (Oh, and Angel says Angelus didn't kill you because you were
> > > > pretty. Thought so.) 
> > > 
> > > I... see.
> > 
> > What do you see? Did I just upset you? Confuse you? Should I not have
> > asked? Should I not have told you? What just happened there? 
> 
> I'm not sure what to make of Angelus finding me attractive.  I could ask
> these same questions of you - *should* I be upset? Confused?  Worried?

I don't know. I think you should feel whatever you do feel. I'm not going
to make up appropriate emotions for you. I could see bein' relieved, since
it might save your life if he ever comes out again. I could see bein'
creeped out, since it would mean someone else touchin' you with your
lover's hands. I could see bein' flattered -- Angelus always had
impeccable taste. Personally, I'd go for flattered. but then, personally,
I did. And for what its worth, he's a good lover, in a rigorous sort of
way.

> > > Exactly!   Angel was pawning it off as something he had no
> > > attachment to whatsoever.  That was dangerous.  
> > 
> > Was he tryin' to fool himself, do you think? Or only you?
> 
> Most likely both.

Not bright. But entirely too likely.

> True, but again it is the immediate timing of it all. Darla and Dru were
> seconds away from killing people that shouldn't be killed.  That had to
> be stopped. Stopped by killing Darla and Dru?  Perhaps, but perhaps not.
>  That's not the argument at hand.  The argument at hand was that Angel
> turned his back on those who needed his help - not just the already evil
> lawyers - and pretended to have no idea why this might be a cause for
> concern.

But it is the argument at hand, unless you can think of another way he
could have stopped them. Or more to the point, unless *he* could think of
another way he could have stopped them. And frankly, its awfully damned
convenient for Wolfram and Hart to have an enemy they can count on to
rescue them from the consequences of their own stupidity. If he's taught
them they can't, I'm all for it. Especially since we *know* they can raise
people from the dead. If they choose to let those deaths be permanent, it
really is their option.

> Again, I do not say this single action is damning Angel's soul to Hell.
> Just that it was the moment in which one could - and did - step in to
> warn hm that he was slipping and needed to reevaluate what he was doing
> or else things would only become worse. True enough he didn't and it
> did.  

Can't argue with that.

> But Darla and Dru on their own are capable of doing more destruction
> than any single lawyer in Wolfram & Hart's employ.

Two lawyers, please, if we're goin' for an apples to apples comparison.
And I think you underestimate the destructive power of even ordinary
lawyers.

  Vampires, even in 
> the aggregate, do not work as an organization.  Wolfram & Hart does. 
> Lindsey, much though he damaged Angel greatly the night of the attack,
> still does not in the grand scheme of things make much difference. Were
> he to die, the organization would continue as always.  Hunting down
> every mortal and demon who works for Wolfram & Hart is not the answer to
> stopping them.

I don't say the odds are good, but frankly, I can't think of another way
that has any chance of success at all. What did you have in mind?

> Which was something Angel himself had to realize.  He'd gotten too
> obsessed with stalking them and lost sight of the big picture.

Which is?

> > There is that. It'd be a useful spell to know, really. Any idea why
> > they brought Darla back as human? 
> 
> We're not sure. I don't know the spell so I couldn't tell you.  Theories
> abound.  My thought was that it was the only way they *could* bring her
> back.

Makes sense. But even if true, why didn't they have her turned
immediately? I'm thinking this was deliberate.

> > get hoist on their own bloody petard, whatever a petard is,
> 
> It's a small, bell-shaped bomb typically used to breach a gate or wall.

How the hell do you *know* this stuff. And how do you hoist somebody on a
bomb?

> I'm not saying I see things in such black and white either. I was only
> speaking to the idea of why Buffy might feel guilt or remorse for
> stabbing Faith - or why she might feel guilt or remorse for *not* having
> guilt or remorse.

The latter, I think. But its one of those things Buffy just won't talk
about. She sounds like she's talking about it, and yet actual meaning is
not occuring.

> > Yeah, I know you were still with them then. But I'm not about to start
> > callin' you hard names. Like you, remember? 
> 
> Still and all I earned it.

Still and all this was back when I would have had the lot of you for tea.
Someone else can judge you, I won't.

> > Seems like the Watchers don't do much for the Slayer. Why should she
> > listen to them? 
> 
> They provide training, resources (such as funding and weaponry), 
> magical support, countless volumes of information about the enemy, a
> vast spy network capable of tracking the enemy down...

They provide training that is often wrong and, even when not, is damaging
by occurring to the exclusion of all else. And countless volumes of
information ditto. And a vast network that spies on her. Even conceding
the resources, considering that they demand her entire life, and that
their idea of a birthday present is to take away her powers and lock her
up with a mad vamp, I'm not impressed with this trade. with friends like
that, it's no wonder they want to die.

> > How did the council get started, anyway? 
> 
> I honestly don't know.  I know the rules governing it predate
> civilization.

Really? Fascinating. No legends? No myths? Where *does* the recorded
history start? Any organization that's so obsessed with books must have
one.

> We can commiserate over his thick-headedness together.

I'm not sure if its his thick head or mine. He keeps asking simple
questions like why, which either don't have any answers or the answers
don't make sense to him.

> Not sarcasm at all. I meant it honestly, gorgeous.

That's a new name. I -- I like it.

I don't know where to start, except where I left off. Please, Wesley, let
me touch him. I want to kneel at his feet. I want to breathe in the scent
of him. I want to tell him I'll do anything he says -- hell, I want to do
anything he says. I want to show him that I'm still his, that the soul
doesn't mean I love him or need him any less. I want to give him a chance
to let that talent for pain that I know is still in there out to play a
little. I can take it. I want to. And -- I want to kiss him. I want to
feel his hands on my skin again. I want his cock so far down my throat it
chokes me.

But -- this is all about me. You've got the power. What do you want?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> So she was probably at least 25 and no more than 60, if I was already a
> vamp when she was a child. Doesn't narrow the field much. I'll ask Giles
> tonight -- I need to talk to him about the ruddy council anyway. 

Good luck with that. Let me know how it goes?

> Oh, a seer. Dru would have liked to meet her. Wonder if she ever did?

There's no mention of Dru in the parts of her diaries that I have copies
of.

It occurs to me that this might help narrow things down - she says you
have white hair.  So whenever you started bleaching it might be a clue.

Either that or her visions included your hairstyle changes.

> Why did you want to hear this story, pet? It can't be your idea of a
> good time. 

Historical interest.  I'm sorry. Is that difficult for you? Me having an
interest like that?

> I will if I need to, and thanks for the offer. But I should be alright.
> I used to do this myself, once upon a time. 

Ah yes. Forgot about your university days.

> Want me to ask Giles? I don't think a bite proves much one way or other
> other. Like I said, some people like that kind of thing. 

No, please.  I've already mentioned it to Giles once. If you brought it up
he'd know both that we were speaking and that I was worrying over the
matter.  I'd - I'd rather the Council not know what I'm doing.

> So far. I'm very much lookin' forward to checking my research under more
> controlled conditions. Several different conditions, I think, pet, just
> to be thorough.

I admire your dedication to academia.

> But on the data I have, I'm sticking with brilliant. And Angel gives a
> most, ah, moving testimonial. 

Oh does he?

> > I rather enjoy weaponry.  I'm good with guns as well.  And darts,
> > which you'll discover when I defeat you soundly.
> 
> Care to make a small bet? I'm not bad with a dart myself.

By all means. Though considering you've even less money than I do, I may
worry about having your bankruptcy on my lack of conscience.

> > I understand.  I was only suggesting it in the extreme condition that
> > you had to leave Sunnydale to protect Buffy. In which case you would
> > be welcome to come here for assistance since Angel and I have dealt
> > with them before.
> 
> In that case, again, thank you. And I might even take you up on it. But
> I'm hoping to keep your role no more active than a tactical advisor. 

I appreciate that, but it's not a necessary worry.

> > > What I really need is some kind of leverage -- a threat or a
> > > promise, somethin' to enforce this standoff permanently, or at least
> > > buy us some time. Can you think of anything they want? Or anything
> > > they fear? 
> > 
> > Good question.  Allow me to get back to you. 
> 
> By all means.

What have you been using so far?

> I agree. Completely. Made the same point to Buffy not a few weeks ago.
> And yet... he hears Angelus' voice in his head, making suggestions he
> himself loathes.  don't know what to make of that. 

I think it's just the part of himself he thought the curse got rid of. 
We're all tempted to do things that are against our morality. The real
question is what we do about that.

> I don't know. I think you should feel whatever you do feel. I'm not
> going to make up appropriate emotions for you.

Forgive me - I didn't mean that you should. Only that you know more 
about Angelus than I do and might be able to translate the comment 
better than I would.

> > But Darla and Dru on their own are capable of doing more destruction
> > than any single lawyer in Wolfram & Hart's employ.
> 
> Two lawyers, please,

Which two?  Are you referring to Lilah and Lindsey?

> if we're goin' for an apples to apples comparison. And I think you
> underestimate the destructive power of even ordinary lawyers. 

I'm not attempting to. Only that there are other, more pressing, matters.

> > Which was something Angel himself had to realize.  He'd gotten too
> > obsessed with stalking them and lost sight of the big picture.
> 
> Which is?

There are people who need his help more than he needs to annoy 
Wolfram & Hart.  Particularly when having him annoyed is *precisely* their
goal.  They *want* him distracted from the cause.  Taking the time to go
after them is giving them power over him.

> > We're not sure. I don't know the spell so I couldn't tell you. 
> > Theories abound.  My thought was that it was the only way they *could*
> > bring her back.
> 
> Makes sense. But even if true, why didn't they have her turned
> immediately? I'm thinking this was deliberate. 

Angel's theory was that they wanted him to turn her into a vampire again.

> > It's a small, bell-shaped bomb typically used to breach a gate or
> > wall.
> 
> How the hell do you *know* this stuff. 

I have hobbies.

> And how do you hoist somebody on a bomb?

You blow it up underneath them.

The actual origin of the phrase refers to the bomb makers being blown up
by their own bombs.  Since you asked.

> The latter, I think. But its one of those things Buffy just won't talk
> about. She sounds like she's talking about it, and yet actual meaning is
> not occuring. 

Yes. Living with Angel I have *no* idea what that might be like.  Meaning
that I sympathize.

> > Still and all I earned it.
> 
> Still and all this was back when I would have had the lot of you for
> tea. Someone else can judge you, I won't. 

I suppose that's fair.

> They provide training that is often wrong and, even when not, is
> damaging by occurring to the exclusion of all else. And countless
> volumes of information ditto. And a vast network that spies on her. Even
> conceding the resources, considering that they demand her entire life,
> and that their idea of a birthday present is to take away her powers and
> lock her up with a mad vamp, I'm not impressed with this trade. with
> friends like that, it's no wonder they want to die. 

You can see why I'm not overly fond of them either.

> Where *does* the recorded history start? Any organization that's so
> obsessed with books must have one. 

I was never allowed to touch it. There are certain parts of the Council's
resources that younger members such as myself were just not privy to. 
Rupert might have gotten a small taste of it before they sacked him.  I
somehow doubt even in his reinstated condition that they allow him that
much access now.

> > Not sarcasm at all. I meant it honestly, gorgeous.
> 
> That's a new name. I -- I like it.

I'll have to use it more often then.

> But -- this is all about me. You've got the power. What do you want?

Tell me why you approached me that night.  

Wesley

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Not too familiar with those good looks of glee. Look of glee usually
> > means a world of pain for me. But I'm willing to learn. 
> 
> Wes is good with that.

I'm sure he is.

> > > > I know. I get it. It just makes me feel sad, you know? And
> > > > useless.
> > > 
> > > Join the club.
> > 
> > I'm not only the president, I'm also a client?
> 
> Why do you get to be in charge?

[grin] No, luv. Just quoting an old commercial. You're in charge as
always.

> Yeah but the meaning is that he's not good enough to break the curse. He
> doesn't give me perfect happiness - which *he* said.

True. That he said it, I mean. Got no opinion on the rest. Didn't keep my
curse long enough to formulate a lot of theories, and apparently it drove
me stark raving mad inside a week. You didn't ever start thinking you were
back in your mortal days, did you?

> He talks nice, doesn't he?

Yeah, he does.

> > > I was thinking you could say it more graphically.
> > 
> > [innocent look] Oh, well why didn't you say so? Oh, right, you just
> > did.
> 
> Better. Much better.

Thank you. Anything else?

> > > Hadn't thought of that.
> > 
> > That's why I'm here -- to make sure you don't overlook the obvious.
> 
> When do I do that?

Funny.

> > But you're stronger too, luv. Wesley was just talking to me about
> > humans banding together to survive, and I think I just got it. You got
> > Wesley, and Gunn, and Cordelia, and this telepathic bartender demon,
> > and me, and whoever all else on your side. Angelus didn't have anyone
> > on his side. Angelus was always alone, because even when someone,
> > namin' no names, was bloody stupid enough to prefer Angelus' best
> > interest to his own, Angelus didn't bleedin' notice. Couldn't take
> > full advantage, even, because the concept didn't enter his world view.
> > 
> 
> Ok. You make a point.

Good. Glad I managed to get this one out unmangled.

> > So yeah, that would be weaker than one god. But it pretty much turns
> > you from one lonely god to one demi-god with a whole Mt. Olympus of
> > buddies. Which is *more* kick ass. And a hell of a lot more fun. 
> 
> There's that.

I thought.

> > > Who knows?  Powers want me good, Wolfram & Hart want me evil. 
> > > Getting kinda tired of this.
> > 
> > Yeah, I can see that. Fuck 'em both then. Let 'em play games with each
> > other. What do you want? 
> 
> Kill for a shoulder rub.

When I get there. For as long as you like. Ask Wesley in the meantime?

> > It does, at that. Plannin' on teaching him to make the bruises in the
> > first place? 
> 
> I got plans, yeah.

Ever need an extra practice victim, you know who to call.

> > Good point. Good question. And are you noticing the pronoun changes?
> 
> What pronoun changes?

Um. Yours. His. Like that. I -- he -- I -- stuff. Never mind. Love you,
whoever you are.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> True. That he said it, I mean. Got no opinion on the rest. Didn't keep
> my curse long enough to formulate a lot of theories, and apparently it
> drove me stark raving mad inside a week. You didn't ever start thinking
> you were back in your mortal days, did you? 

Like how?  Couple of ghosts made me remember it. But did I think I was
mortal or something? Thank fucking God no.  Going back to that is the
*last* thing I need.

> > Better. Much better.
> 
> Thank you. Anything else?

I'll let you know. 

> > Kill for a shoulder rub.
> 
> When I get there. For as long as you like. Ask Wesley in the meantime?

You bet.

> > > It does, at that. Plannin' on teaching him to make the bruises in
> > > the first place? 
> > 
> > I got plans, yeah.
> 
> Ever need an extra practice victim, you know who to call.

See how it goes. Weekend you get here is gonna be plenty busy.  I 
want you alone in the hotel for at least a day.  No Wes. Just you and me. 
Let's get that done when you get here, k?

> > What pronoun changes?
> 
> Um. Yours. His. Like that. I -- he -- I -- stuff. Never mind. 

No - really.  What are you talking about?

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > True. That he said it, I mean. Got no opinion on the rest. Didn't keep
> > my curse long enough to formulate a lot of theories, and apparently it
> > drove me stark raving mad inside a week. You didn't ever start
> > thinking you were back in your mortal days, did you? 
> 
> Like how?  Couple of ghosts made me remember it. But did I think I was
> mortal or something? Thank fucking God no.  Going back to that is the
> *last* thing I need.

Don't think I thought I was mortal. Don't know what I thought. Not a lot
of thinkin' goin' on, to tell you the truth, and I barely remember half of
it. But apparently I showed up at the Slayer's house in full evening rig
circa 1880-whatever, complete with top hat and a fucking horse and
carriage, babbling on like a bad victorian poet. 

And, um, luv? This Shanshu thing? Aren't you supposed to be goin' mortal
as a *reward* one of these days? Seemed like kind of a fucked up present
to me, but what do I know?

> > Ever need an extra practice victim, you know who to call.
> 
> See how it goes. Weekend you get here is gonna be plenty busy.  I 
> want you alone in the hotel for at least a day.  No Wes. Just you and
> me.  Let's get that done when you get here, k?

Oh yeah. All yours, Angel, as long as you want me. Would you mind if I
spent a little time alone with Wesley, too?

> > > What pronoun changes?
> > 
> > Um. Yours. His. Like that. I -- he -- I -- stuff. Never mind. 
> 
> No - really.  What are you talking about?

Didn't mean that as babble. Meant it as explanation. In retrospect,
sentences might have helped. You keep switching between "I" and "he" when
you talk about Angelus. Didn't think anything of it when you were talkin'
about "I" in the past and "he" in the present -- makes sense. But when you
started going back and forth in the present, specifically when the topic
is how Angelus would treat Wesley, well, I just thought it was
interesting.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Don't think I thought I was mortal. Don't know what I thought. Not a lot
> of thinkin' goin' on, to tell you the truth, and I barely remember half
> of it. But apparently I showed up at the Slayer's house in full evening
> rig circa 1880-whatever, complete with top hat and a fucking horse and
> carriage, babbling on like a bad victorian poet. 

Um - didn't do that to me.  The curse, I mean.

> And, um, luv? This Shanshu thing? Aren't you supposed to be goin'
> mortal as a *reward* one of these days? Seemed like kind of a fucked up
> present to me, but what do I know? 

Yeah but that's different. Going forward.  Got no interest in going back
to what I was.

> Oh yeah. All yours, Angel, as long as you want me. Would you mind if I
> spent a little time alone with Wesley, too? 

Sure. Just want to get you and me out of the way first.

> Didn't mean that as babble. Meant it as explanation. In retrospect,
> sentences might have helped.

I do without 'em ok.

> You keep switching between "I" and "he"
> when you talk about Angelus. 

Uh huh.

> Didn't think anything of it when you were
> talkin' about "I" in the past and "he" in the present -- makes sense.

Right.

> But when you started going back and forth in the present, specifically
> when the topic is how Angelus would treat Wesley, well, I just thought
> it was interesting. 

Didn't even notice.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> Wes survived that and still flirted with me? Brave boy.

Wesley -- so far as I can tell -- rather enjoyed it. Except for that pesky
needing air problem. And yeah, he if he believes me.

> > And didn't even try to check your guess? You're a better man than I
> > am.

> Thought I'd lose the soul if I did.

That does tend to put a damper on things.

  And I did try flirting a little in the early 
> days. Didn't get a response, figured he wasn't interested.

This was before he realized his own feelings, yes?

> > Makes sense. How private? Care for an audience, if I promise not to
> > heckle? 
> 
> Mm - think first time is gonna be just me and him, boyo.  Maybe 
> second time.

Whenever you're comfortable. I'm not going anywhere.

> He makes some nervous talk with me.  Not the bad kind just - it's still
> new.  Still not totally sure of each other, what we do yet now that the
> boundaries are down. 

I wouldn't know anything about that.

> But I'm trying to get him on the counter and he stops me.  Holds me
> back.  Takes a minute for that to sink in 'cause I keep kissing him. 
> His fingers are right over my nipples - over the shirt- and it's
> distracting.  I'm confused, looking at him, and he says "You."
> 
> You know me. That means nothing. 

[grin] Gotta love this story. Humor and sex in one convenient package.

> Now I'm not arguing, but I know for a fact he's never done this before.
> Is he sure, I ask him.  Making it clear it's not that I don't want it,
> just that he doesn't have to if he doesn't wanna. Not a requirement of
> the relationship or anything.

Considerate of you, luv, but anyone who's ever seen your cock is dying to
get their mouth on it. In the old days, sometimes literally. 

> I try to make noise.  Not that I don't like it, but I know he needs
> extra feedback. So I make an extra point of letting him know how good it
> feels, how much I like it.

Feedback, always important.

> Try to encourage him on the teeth thing, 'cause damn that feels good.

Makin' any progress with that?

> He licks. It feels good.  Warm.  Haven't had that in so long.  Darla,
> yeah, but her mouth was cold. Wes is warm, damn near hot, and he's
> getting my cock nice and slick as he works at it like a lolipop.  Got
> this interesting look on his face, too. Like he's forgotten to be
> nervous and he's in this place where it's just me and him, doing this.  

Love that look. World of your own. Nothing else real at all.

> Thing is, it's driving me *nuts*.  In all the right ways, but still
> driving me nuts. My willpower is out the fucking window.  I'm sweating
> bullets I'm holding back so hard.  'cause he keeps hitting and missing,
> hitting and missing, and damn if it's not the most wonderful torture
> I've had in quite some time.

Lovely. Think he knew that?

> Got it in my head that maybe he doesn't want to taste.  Make some 
> kind of a warning. He's way ahead of me on that one. Just takes me in a
> little more.  He wants to try.  

Of course he did. That boy has the best instincts of anyone I've ever met.

> Keep it gentle as I can but I fuck that pretty mouth of his. I take it
> over, setting the pace, leaving it for him to follow - and he likes
> that. Adjusts easily.  Give him some more instruction. Tell him what to
> do, how to make me come. Make it easier for him to know when it's gonna
> happen. 
>  He's getting turned on now, getting off on pleasing me.  Realizing that
>  
> is the last straw.  Forget all restraint - just fucking loose it. 
> Explode into his mouth.  He takes it in best he can.  I'm lost for a
> minute as the whole thing goes through me, then I bend down and help
> kiss the come out of his mouth.

Beautiful. But if this was the story that was supposed to balance the
sweet stuff, I'm in trouble.

> > > > Glad you're talking it out with him.
> > > 
> > > I'm being good, don't worry.
> > 
> > Not worried. At least, wasn't. Confused now. What could you not have
> > been good about? 
> 
> Could've *not* been talking to him. 

Didn't mean it as a matter of bein' good, luv. If you ever don't want to
talk, don't try on my account. It's just -- wanted you to have some
comfort. Knew I wasn't being very comfortable myself. And he's good for
you.

> I'll try it next time. Let you know how it goes.

Can't wait to hear.

> > That's what I said. He seems to think there's some kind of physics
> > and/or chafing problem involved, but I explained there's a hell of a
> > lot of skin on the human body. Willpower could be a problem, but
> > there's a couple of solutions to that. Starting with, just because you
> > fuck him doesn't mean he gets to come. And, well, if you need a brief
> > tension break, I'd be happy to help. Hell, don't even stop. Just give
> > me room to work on you and keep right on goin' on him. 
> 
> Might like that last idea.

Me too. (No surprise, I suggested it.) Think he'd mind?

> Powers that be don't like me having *that* much of a sex life?

Yeah, I suppose the visions do tend to cut in. And his jaw gets tired. But
again, happy to pinch hit. 

> I can tell.  By the way, you're not actually *satisfying* yourself over
> there, are ya boy?  

No, actually. Well, that one time you know about, but that wasn't on
purpose. It just ... happened. Otherwise, been lettin' the frustration
build up. Waiting for you.

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Don't think I thought I was mortal. Don't know what I thought. Not a
> > lot of thinkin' goin' on, to tell you the truth, and I barely remember
> > half of it. But apparently I showed up at the Slayer's house in full
> > evening rig circa 1880-whatever, complete with top hat and a fucking
> > horse and carriage, babbling on like a bad victorian poet. 
> 
> Um - didn't do that to me.  The curse, I mean.

Well, you weren't a bad victorian poet to start with. I was. But I take it
it didn't take you back at all. Didn't think so. Just one more unexplained
weirdness in the parade of fun that is Spike's life.

Here's a thought. I'll run this one by Wesley, too. Think I fucked it up
by *asking* for it? On the theory that it can't be a curse if you want it
to happen?

> Yeah but that's different. Going forward.  Got no interest in going back
> to what I was.

Me neither.

> > Oh yeah. All yours, Angel, as long as you want me. Would you mind if I
> > spent a little time alone with Wesley, too? 
> 
> Sure. Just want to get you and me out of the way first.

Of course. Whatever you want.

> > Didn't mean that as babble. Meant it as explanation. In retrospect,
> > sentences might have helped.
> 
> I do without 'em ok.

But you're the strong silent type. I'm wisecracking sidekick.

> > You keep switching between "I" and "he"
> > when you talk about Angelus. 
> 
> Uh huh.
> 
> > Didn't think anything of it when you were
> > talkin' about "I" in the past and "he" in the present -- makes sense.
> 
> Right.
> 
> > But when you started going back and forth in the present, specifically
> > when the topic is how Angelus would treat Wesley, well, I just thought
> > it was interesting. 
> 
> Didn't even notice.

Which is also interesting.

--Spike 

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Um - didn't do that to me.  The curse, I mean.
> 
> Well, you weren't a bad victorian poet to start with. 

Actually, little known fact...

Kidding.

> I was. But I take it it didn't take you back at all. Didn't think so.

Nope.  Like I said, got memories of back then, usually when the ghosts
brought 'em, but that's about it.

> Just one more unexplained weirdness in the parade of fun that is
> Spike's life. 

It can go on the list next to your hair color.

> Here's a thought. I'll run this one by Wesley, too. Think I fucked it up
> by *asking* for it? On the theory that it can't be a curse if you want
> it to happen? 

Huh. Dunno.  I don't understand the curse, I just have it.  Wes would
definitely be the one to ask.

> > Sure. Just want to get you and me out of the way first.
> 
> Of course. Whatever you want.

That's a good philosophy of life for you.

> But you're the strong silent type. I'm wisecracking sidekick.

Oh so yer my sidekick now?

> > Didn't even notice.
> 
> Which is also interesting.

Guess so.  Tell me if I do it again?

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> > So she was probably at least 25 and no more than 60, if I was already
> > a vamp when she was a child. Doesn't narrow the field much. I'll ask
> > Giles tonight -- I need to talk to him about the ruddy council anyway.
> > 
> 
> Good luck with that. Let me know how it goes?

It went -- okay. Tense, but not openly hostile. First time I've been there
without Buffy since he kicked us out of the danger room. Managed to lead
him into coming up with Sophie's name on his own hook -- I don't *think*
he noticed the steering. He's gonna look into it and report back to Buffy
-- we're nowhere near him reporting anything to me. I'll tell you about
the council a bit later. 

> > Oh, a seer. Dru would have liked to meet her. Wonder if she ever did?
> 
> There's no mention of Dru in the parts of her diaries that I have copies
> of.

I think she might have, though. If she found out something about me that
taught her vampires have feelings, in those years it would pretty well
have to have been something about Dru, since Angel was out of commission
and I never gave a shit about Darla. And... Dru was weird about other
seers. Sometimes they giggled together like sisters, sometimes she killed
them on sight and plucked out their eyes. I never could tell what made the
difference. 

There was one girl she said she was sending pictures to, like some kind of
a bloody penpal. Never knew how she did it, let alone why. But it could
have been Yanna. The timing is about right. If it was Dru that drove her
mad, I wonder if it was intentional, or just the dangers of seein' things
through Dru's eyes.

> It occurs to me that this might help narrow things down - she says you
> have white hair.  So whenever you started bleaching it might be a clue.

Honestly don't remember. Thought it was in the fifties, but I could easily
be off by a decade either way.

> Either that or her visions included your hairstyle changes.

Not impossible, but bloody specific. Make a fortune on fashion
predictions, if you could date them.

> > Why did you want to hear this story, pet? It can't be your idea of a
> > good time. 
> 
> Historical interest.  I'm sorry. Is that difficult for you? Me having an
> interest like that?

No, not at all. Just a thought morbid. But if you don't mind I certainly
don't. Pleasant memories for me, pet, and a chance to brag to an attentive
audience, which I don't often get in these parts.

> > I will if I need to, and thanks for the offer. But I should be
> > alright. I used to do this myself, once upon a time. 
> 
> Ah yes. Forgot about your university days.

Good. It's not really somethin' I care to advertise. You an' Buffy are the
only ones I've told in a *long* time.

> No, please.  I've already mentioned it to Giles once. If you brought it
> up he'd know both that we were speaking and that I was worrying over the
> matter.  I'd - I'd rather the Council not know what I'm doing.

Alright. No problem. Silent as the grave. Considerably more silent than
the crypt, actually.

> > So far. I'm very much lookin' forward to checking my research under
> > more controlled conditions. Several different conditions, I think,
> > pet, just to be thorough.
> 
> I admire your dedication to academia.

That's me, tireless in the cause of, ah, knowledge.

> > But on the data I have, I'm sticking with brilliant. And Angel gives a
> > most, ah, moving testimonial. 
> 
> Oh does he?

Yes he does. Lovely stories. Given me a most frustrating few days, in the
very best sense.

> > > I rather enjoy weaponry.  I'm good with guns as well.  And darts,
> > > which you'll discover when I defeat you soundly.
> > 
> > Care to make a small bet? I'm not bad with a dart myself.
> 
> By all means. Though considering you've even less money than I do, I may
> worry about having your bankruptcy on my lack of conscience.

[grin] Doesn't have to be money.

> > > I understand.  I was only suggesting it in the extreme condition
> > > that you had to leave Sunnydale to protect Buffy. In which case you
> > > would be welcome to come here for assistance since Angel and I have
> > > dealt with them before.
> > 
> > In that case, again, thank you. And I might even take you up on it.
> > But I'm hoping to keep your role no more active than a tactical
> > advisor. 
> 
> I appreciate that, but it's not a necessary worry.

My turn for the protectiveness, pet. Sorry. I know you can take care of
yourself and anyone else who comes along into the bargain. But I hate the
idea of bein' the excuse for those bastards to take another crack at you.

> > > > What I really need is some kind of leverage -- a threat or a
> > > > promise, somethin' to enforce this standoff permanently, or at
> > > > least buy us some time. Can you think of anything they want? Or
> > > > anything they fear? 
> > > 
> > > Good question.  Allow me to get back to you. 
> > 
> > By all means.
> 
> What have you been using so far?

That I can't say. Not not, maybe not ever. I'm sorry. I can't even say
why. And I haven't the right, but I am asking you anyway not to try to
find out. And, if you can reconcile it with your conscience, not to tell
Angel even that there is such a secret. I -- probably shouldn't even say
this much, but so you don't waste time on the problem, it is not any
technique of ours but a more pressing concern of the council's, for which
they require Buffy's cooperation. We cannot afford to leave that issue
unresolved, and once it is we will have lost our chief hold on them. If
that happy day comes, I would love to ask Buffy for permission to tell you
at least some of this -- but that would involve telling her of how we've
become friends, which is touchy in itself. 

Giles is aware of the watcher problem, but says we need to concentrate on
this other issue first, and he's right, damn him. I have a suspicion that
if the Council managed to bump me off once that's accomplished, he would
lose no sleep at all, but he's as adamant as I that Buffy not be hauled
off to some kangeroo court back home. 

Unfortunately, he's showing signs of becoming quite attached to the "leave
her for her own good" strategy -- not that I was so foolish as to mention
it, but it is an obvious course of action -- and shows signs of advocating
it to the point of refusing to consider any other. If you remember him
trying to stuff Angel in a box, think at least that stubborn and add ten
percent. Not sure if that represents more personal dislike, lack of the
inhibiting presence of the Slayer, or just being surer of his facts.

Anyway, I will leave Buffy if I have to, but I can't tell you how badly I
hope to find some other solution, and not just for selfish reasons.
Frankly, she's nowhere near over Angel doing the same thing: while I can't
pretend to be half as important to her, I think the echoes would bring her
more pain than her friends, who are trying to make me stop existing by a
combination of sheer willpower and slanging matches, are willing to admit.

> I think it's just the part of himself he thought the curse got rid of. 
> We're all tempted to do things that are against our morality. The real
> question is what we do about that.

You're right, of course. But he -- and I, for that matte --, have a good
deal more temptation from some things that your average person wouldn't
find in the least enjoyable.

> Forgive me - I didn't mean that you should. Only that you know more
> about Angelus than I do and might be able to translate the comment
> better than I would.

Forgiven, of course, if there were anything to forgive. But I don't really
see that the comment needs translation. Amazingly self-explanatory,
really.

> > > But Darla and Dru on their own are capable of doing more destruction
> > > than any single lawyer in Wolfram & Hart's employ.
> > 
> > Two lawyers, please,
> 
> Which two?  Are you referring to Lilah and Lindsey?

Any two. Who's Lilah? Just referring to the fact that Darla and Dru are
two different people. Vamps. Whatever. So comparing the pair of them to a
single lawyer doesn't work. Though now that I know of Lilah and Lindsey, I
probably would pick them to set against Darla and Dru, if only for the
alliterative effect.

> > Which is?
> 
> There are people who need his help more than he needs to annoy 
> Wolfram & Hart.  Particularly when having him annoyed is *precisely*
> their goal.  They *want* him distracted from the cause.  Taking the time
> to go after them is giving them power over him.

Ah. Now *that* part I do get. *Never* let them see they've touched a
bloody nerve.

> Angel's theory was that they wanted him to turn her into a vampire
> again.

That makes a _lot_ of sense. It's got a sort of poetic injustice to it
that is very appealing.

> The actual origin of the phrase refers to the bomb makers being blown up
> by their own bombs.  Since you asked.

I like this sayin' a lot better now that I know its long and bloodthirsty
history. Many thanks.

> > The latter, I think. But its one of those things Buffy just won't talk
> > about. She sounds like she's talking about it, and yet actual meaning
> > is not occuring. 
> 
> Yes. Living with Angel I have *no* idea what that might be like. 
> Meaning that I sympathize.

[chuckle] I imagine you would. Ever wonder how they *ever* managed to have
a conversation?

> You can see why I'm not overly fond of them either.

Oh, I do. Though stalking you would have been enough, there, I'd think.

> I was never allowed to touch it. There are certain parts of the
> Council's resources that younger members such as myself were just not
> privy to.  Rupert might have gotten a small taste of it before they
> sacked him.  I somehow doubt even in his reinstated condition that they
> allow him that much access now.

Bloody hell! No, I'm sure they don't. I wouldn't trust him further than I
can throw the bleedin' Tower of London, if I were them, and the wankers
are a lot of things, but they're not stupid.

> > > Not sarcasm at all. I meant it honestly, gorgeous.
> > 
> > That's a new name. I -- I like it.
> 
> I'll have to use it more often then.

I'd like almost anything you called me, pet.

> > But -- this is all about me. You've got the power. What do you want?
> 
> Tell me why you approached me that night.  

Because I'd made a comment with a subtle  -- well, subtle for me, anyway
-- sexual overtone, and you had the balls and the quick wits to pick it up
and throw it back at me with more spin than it had in to begin with. 

But why did I make it in the first place? You surprised me, pet. Thought I
had you pigeonholed. Giles Jr., proper British gent. And then you show up
at my door in all that lovely leather with a damned decent cycle, and the
whole conversation was just one surprise after another from there. 

Actually, you surprised me once already back in Aylesbury when Dawn told
me you and Angel were together. Don't think she realized what she was
sayin'. But I have to admit at that point I was too caught up in the Angel
and Buffy shit to do more than try to see where your buttons are, and
whether I could push them. Sorry, pet. Didn't know you then. And I've got
to admit it was fun to make Angel jump. Well, it was fun to make you jump
too. Evil, you know. That and you blush nice.

Still, you know how I was when you called. Wasn't expecting anything much
but a drink or two and a damned dull talk. Couldn't believe you tellin' me
all that stuff. Couldn't believe me tellin' you all that stuff. Guess I
was more lonely than I knew. Sometimes it seems like I'd kill for a minute
to myself, but that's different. Not someone I can really talk to. Not
someone who really talks to me, like a person. And ... we had a lot in
common. *Liked* you, pet. Never expected that. 

Didn't mean to chat you up. Not consciously, anyway. Meant to be good and
send you home to Angel. But you know how bad I am at good. And you were --
are -- so damned pretty. And then you turned around so you were
practically in my arms already, and you cocked your head and I saw that
look in your eye, and just *knew* you were gonna make a smartass remark.
What can I say, I'm a sucker for a cheeky bastard. 

Not to mention what the remark actually *was*. Bringin' up dinner to a
vamp who's been discussing live blood all night? Who hasn't had any in
over a year? I couldn't have stopped looking at your neck if my life
depended on it. And after Angel, you *had* to know that. 'Course, you knew
about the chip too. But still, you definitely had guts. And ... if lust
turns into blood lust on occasion, it can work the other way too. 

So I grabbed your coat. By that point all the blood had pretty well
migrated from my brain to other areas, so I'm not sure what I was
thinking, except that I wanted to. Wanted to see how you'd react, maybe,
or just wanted to touch you. And then you licked your lips, and I was
lost.

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Well, you weren't a bad victorian poet to start with. 
> 
> Actually, little known fact...
> 
> Kidding.

Yeah, that time I got it. Even bad poets tend to put more words together
than you do.

> > Just one more unexplained weirdness in the parade of fun that is
> > Spike's life. 
> 
> It can go on the list next to your hair color.

Nah, that's an explained weirdness. Entirely different beast.

> > Here's a thought. I'll run this one by Wesley, too. Think I fucked it
> > up by *asking* for it? On the theory that it can't be a curse if you
> > want it to happen? 
> 
> Huh. Dunno.  I don't understand the curse, I just have it.  Wes would
> definitely be the one to ask.

I will.

> > > Sure. Just want to get you and me out of the way first.
> > 
> > Of course. Whatever you want.
> 
> That's a good philosophy of life for you.

I thought.

> > But you're the strong silent type. I'm wisecracking sidekick.
> 
> Oh so yer my sidekick now?

Nah. Not now. You got your crew for that, and I'm  the Slayer's sidekick
at the moment. But the personality trait tends to stick around.

> > > Didn't even notice.
> > 
> > Which is also interesting.
> 
> Guess so.  Tell me if I do it again?

Yeah, sure. [grin] Whatever you want, remember?

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > > Wes survived that and still flirted with me? Brave boy.
> > 
> > Wesley -- so far as I can tell -- rather enjoyed it. 
> 
> He did?

Um. Yeah. Think so. I forget the original words, but he described the
scene, ending with cutting off his flow of oxygen. And then said you
realized who he was and let him go immediately. So I said "And you --
except for the breathing thing - rather wished he hadn't." Which was me
restating something he'd been talking around, not a guess. And he said
"Dear god, exactly." Sounds like enjoyment to me. He never told you this?
You never asked? How *did* you two communicate before I threw him up
against a wall?

> Yeah.  Never really lost my instincts for a choke hold.

Under most circumstances, a useful reflex.

> > > Thought I'd lose the soul if I did.
> > 
> > That does tend to put a damper on things.
> 
> 'specially if you want the boy alive.

Yeah, there's that.

> Right.  Had no idea.  So he's turning me down b/c he doesn't know he's
> interested, I'm figuring he already knows what he likes and just doesn't
> like me - comedy of errors all around.

All's well that ends well?

> Just as well. Wouldn't've fucked Darla if I was dating him, wouldn't've
> known I can keep the soul.  Always suspected, but not gonna force Wes to
> be the test run.

Doubt any force would have been required. But I get your point -- and if
anybody deserved to face Angelus in a really bad mood, its her. Although
-- you do know, now, that I would have been happy to?

> > > He makes some nervous talk with me.  Not the bad kind just - it's
> > > still new.  Still not totally sure of each other, what we do yet now
> > > that the boundaries are down. 
> > 
> > I wouldn't know anything about that.
> 
> Heh.  Making ya nervous, am I?

Just a little.

> > > You know me. That means nothing. 
> > 
> > [grin] Gotta love this story. Humor and sex in one convenient package.
> 
> Thought you'd appreciate it.

And how right you were.

> I wouldn't know.  But I wanted to be sure he was ok. Not trying to do
> more than he was ready for 'cause otherwise he's not "good enough".

Oh yeah. It makes tons of sense. Just sayin' I'm not too surprised he
didn't take you up on it.

> > Love that look. World of your own. Nothing else real at all.
> 
> He looks *real* good giving head.  Like he could do it forever.

Mmmmmmmmm.

> > Lovely. Think he knew that?
> 
> Probably not at the time. Think he's got the gist of it now, though.

Like you said, he learns quick.

> Sorry. Try to think of something spicier for you.  Big problem is I'm
> biased.  I love everything he does.

Not a problem. In all seriousness, I'm fairly fond of the boy myself. Just
teasing you.

> You know I think he is.  Funny thing. Didn't even think of it. Just knew
> I liked him.  

I like him too. And I like what he does for you.

> Let's wait and see.  Think he'd be open to it if he got the right
> lead-up.  

Fair enough.

> Yes, yes they do.  Ask me how I know.

How do you know?

> > But again, happy to pinch hit. 
> 
> Such a good boy.

Thank you, Angel.

> > No, actually. Well, that one time you know about, but that wasn't on
> > purpose. It just ... happened. Otherwise, been lettin' the frustration
> > build up. Waiting for you. 
> 
> SUCH a good boy.  I should tell you another dirty story just to reward
> you.

yes ... please...

--Spike

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

I got distracted by that last question, pet, and forgot to ask you about
the curse. Did you get it? Have you had a chance to look at it? I had a
thought while writing to Angel -- maybe my *asking* for the curse messed
it up? I mean, if the happiness clause is to make sure it stays a
punishment, maybe there are other precautions to the same end?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

Hello, Spike,

> It went -- okay. Tense, but not openly hostile. First time I've been
> there without Buffy since he kicked us out of the danger room.

The what?

> Managed to lead him into coming up with Sophie's name on his own hook --
> I don't *think* he noticed the steering.

If pressed you could always claim you *had* met her and were only just
remembering it.

> > There's no mention of Dru in the parts of her diaries that I have
> > copies of.
> 
> I think she might have, though. If she found out something about me that
> taught her vampires have feelings, 

Feelings of enjoyment in destruction, certainly.

> There was one girl she said she was sending pictures to, like some kind
> of a bloody penpal. Never knew how she did it, let alone why. But it
> could have been Yanna.

What sort of pictures? I could see if I can find anything.

> The timing is about right. If it was Dru that drove her mad, I wonder if
> it was intentional, or just the dangers of seein' things through Dru's
> eyes. 

Seers of Yanna's type often can succumb into madness if they have 
difficulty remembering what is and is not real.  The potential existed for
her to follow that path even without Dru's input.  Which isn't to say Dru
might not have, just that it would not have been a requirement.

> > It occurs to me that this might help narrow things down - she says you
> > have white hair.  So whenever you started bleaching it might be a
> > clue.
> 
> Honestly don't remember. Thought it was in the fifties, but I could
> easily be off by a decade either way. 

Why do you bleach your hair? Because the attractiveness of it.

> > Historical interest.  I'm sorry. Is that difficult for you? Me having
> > an interest like that?
> 
> No, not at all. Just a thought morbid. But if you don't mind I
> certainly don't. Pleasant memories for me, pet, and a chance to brag to
> an attentive audience, which I don't often get in these parts. 

As I've said - it has been my job for quite some time to know these 
things.  I've read a great deal about things that you, Angelus, et al.
have done.  Hearing it from the source doesn't change the morbidity so
much as the accuracy.

> > > I will if I need to, and thanks for the offer. But I should be
> > > alright. I used to do this myself, once upon a time. 
> > 
> > Ah yes. Forgot about your university days.
> 
> Good. It's not really somethin' I care to advertise. You an' Buffy are
> the only ones I've told in a *long* time. 

Understandable, considering your alma mater.

> > No, please.  I've already mentioned it to Giles once. If you brought
> > it up he'd know both that we were speaking and that I was worrying
> > over the matter.  I'd - I'd rather the Council not know what I'm
> > doing.
> 
> Alright. No problem. Silent as the grave. Considerably more silent than
> the crypt, actually. 

Thank you. And very amusing.

> > > But on the data I have, I'm sticking with brilliant. And Angel gives
> > > a most, ah, moving testimonial. 
> > 
> > Oh does he?
> 
> Yes he does. Lovely stories. Given me a most frustrating few days, in
> the very best sense. 

Glad to hear that he is satisfied.

> > By all means. Though considering you've even less money than I do, I
> > may worry about having your bankruptcy on my lack of conscience.
> 
> [grin] Doesn't have to be money.

Hardly matters, you'll still loose.  But since you're a sucker for 
punishment - many, many puns *not* intended - what do you have in 
mind?

> > > In that case, again, thank you. And I might even take you up on it.
> > > But I'm hoping to keep your role no more active than a tactical
> > > advisor. 
> > 
> > I appreciate that, but it's not a necessary worry.
> 
> My turn for the protectiveness, pet. Sorry. I know you can take care of
> yourself and anyone else who comes along into the bargain. But I hate
> the idea of bein' the excuse for those bastards to take another crack at
> you. 

Duly noted. Thank you, Spike.

> > What have you been using so far?
> 
> but so you don't waste time on the problem, it is not any technique of
> ours but a more pressing concern of the council's, for which they
> require Buffy's cooperation. 

All right. That's all I needed to know.  I won't press further.  Just - do
be careful.  I've never heard you so agitated.

> Giles is aware of the watcher problem, 

What did he say about it? Beyond his comments of needing to 
concentrate on the other issue first.

> Unfortunately, he's showing signs of becoming quite attached to the
> "leave her for her own good" strategy -- not that I was so foolish as to
> mention it, but it is an obvious course of action -- and shows signs of
> advocating it to the point of refusing to consider any other. If you
> remember him trying to stuff Angel in a box, think at least that
> stubborn and add ten percent. Not sure if that represents more personal
> dislike, lack of the inhibiting presence of the Slayer, or just being
> surer of his facts. 

In your favor is the possibility for Buffy to disagree with this method,
as she did with the idea of putting Angel into a box.  And she is a very
stubborn girl.

> Anyway, I will leave Buffy if I have to, but I can't tell you how badly
> I hope to find some other solution, and not just for selfish reasons.

I'll do my best to figure something out if I can.

> > I think it's just the part of himself he thought the curse got rid of.
> >  We're all tempted to do things that are against our morality. The
> > real question is what we do about that.
> 
> You're right, of course. But he -- and I, for that matter --, have a
> good deal more temptation from some things that your average person
> wouldn't find in the least enjoyable. 

All the more reason for Angel to attempt to segregate himself from the
part of him he deems "bad".  Not that I am necessarily advising this as a
course of action. I'm merely making observations.

> > > > But Darla and Dru on their own are capable of doing more
> > > > destruction than any single lawyer in Wolfram & Hart's employ.
> > > 
> > > Two lawyers, please,
> > 
> > Which two?  Are you referring to Lilah and Lindsey?
> 
> Any two. Who's Lilah?

Lindsey's co-worker. They are both vice presidents of Wolfram & Hart.

> Just referring to the fact that Darla and Dru are two different people.
> Vamps. Whatever. So comparing the pair of them to a single lawyer
> doesn't work. Though now that I know of Lilah and Lindsey, I probably
> would pick them to set against Darla and Dru, if only for the
> alliterative effect. 

We could abandon all else and refer to them collectively as the 
ampersands of evil.

> > There are people who need his help more than he needs to annoy 
> > Wolfram & Hart.  Particularly when having him annoyed is *precisely*
> > their goal.  They *want* him distracted from the cause.  Taking the
> > time to go after them is giving them power over him.
> 
> Ah. Now *that* part I do get. *Never* let them see they've touched a
> bloody nerve.

Precisely!  Much as Angel can out stoic the nearlest pile of rocks, if his
actions don't match the words it's meaningless.  I don't argue that he
should completely ignore them, or stop making it clear that he is capable
of handing them if necessary, just that he cannot allow their annoyances
of him to govern his actions.

> > Angel's theory was that they wanted him to turn her into a vampire
> > again.
> 
> That makes a _lot_ of sense. It's got a sort of poetic injustice to it
> that is very appealing. 

It must have caused them a great deal of frustration when he refused and
instead did his best to keep her mortal.

> > The actual origin of the phrase refers to the bomb makers being blown
> > up by their own bombs.  Since you asked.
> 
> I like this sayin' a lot better now that I know its long and
> bloodthirsty history. Many thanks. 

Another connotation of the phrase is that you are caught by your own trap.
 For what it's worth.

> > Yes. Living with Angel I have *no* idea what that might be like. 
> > Meaning that I sympathize.
> 
> [chuckle] I imagine you would. Ever wonder how they *ever* managed to
> have a conversation? 

*Did* they?  

> I'd like almost anything you called me, pet.

Very charming of you, Spike.

> But why did I make it in the first place? You surprised me, pet.
> Thought I had you pigeonholed. Giles Jr., proper British gent.

As of a few months ago I *was* a proper British gent. Although I'm going
to raise some objections here to the Rupert comparision.

> And then you show up at my door in all that lovely leather with a damned
> decent cycle, and the whole conversation was just one surprise after
> another from there. 

Yes. You called me Heck's Cherub.

>  But I have to admit at that point I was too caught up in the Angel and
> Buffy shit to do more than try to see where your buttons are, and
> whether I could push them. Sorry, pet. Didn't know you then. 

Quite all right. Not as though the evening was pleasant for anyone.

> And I've got to admit it was fun to make Angel jump. Well, it was fun to
> make you jump too. Evil, you know. That and you blush nice. 

I honestly wasn't sure what to make of you.  I did notice you had a 
commanding presense, however.

> Guess I was more lonely than I knew.

I'm glad we can be company for one another.  You know - I haven't 
many friends in the States.... or any really left from back home.  You,
Cordy, Gunn, Angel and the Host are it.

>  Not someone who really talks to me, like a person.

But you are a person. Someone to be counted at any rate.

> And ... we had a lot in common. *Liked* you, pet. Never expected that. 

I didn't expect to like you either.  

> Didn't mean to chat you up. Not consciously, anyway. 

Didn't conciously think I wanted you to.  I'm glad you did, however.

> Not to mention what the remark actually *was*. Bringin' up dinner to a
> vamp who's been discussing live blood all night? Who hasn't had any in
> over a year? I couldn't have stopped looking at your neck if my life
> depended on it. And after Angel, you *had* to know that.

I knew the hidden connotations, yes.

> 'Course, you knew about the chip too. But still, you definitely had
> guts. And ... if lust turns into blood lust on occasion, it can work the
> other way too. 

I hadn't thought of that.

> So I grabbed your coat. By that point all the blood had pretty well
> migrated from my brain to other areas, so I'm not sure what I was
> thinking, except that I wanted to. Wanted to see how you'd react, maybe,
> or just wanted to touch you. And then you licked your lips, and I was
> lost. 

I'm glad.

Wesley

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> Yeah, that time I got it. Even bad poets tend to put more words
> together than you do. 

Thought I was doing free verse.

> > Oh so yer my sidekick now?
> 
> Nah. Not now. You got your crew for that, 

Maybe. On the other hand I work for Wes now. Maybe I'm *his* 
sidekick.  There's a mental image.

> > Guess so.  Tell me if I do it again?
> 
> Yeah, sure. [grin] Whatever you want, remember?

Thanks.

A.

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

>  He never told you
> this? You never asked? How *did* you two communicate before I threw him
> up against a wall? 

Kay - here's some relationship advice.  "Hey - remember that night I tried
to kill you?  Did you actually get off on that?" - *not* the sexy ice-
breaker you'd think it'd be.

> > Yeah.  Never really lost my instincts for a choke hold.
> 
> Under most circumstances, a useful reflex.

Or fun, if you've got somebody who doesn't need to breathe for a living.  

> > Right.  Had no idea.  So he's turning me down b/c he doesn't know he's
> > interested, I'm figuring he already knows what he likes and just
> > doesn't like me - comedy of errors all around.
> 
> All's well that ends well?

Better that then a Midsummer Night's Dream.

> Doubt any force would have been required. But I get your point -- and if
> anybody deserved to face Angelus in a really bad mood, its her. Although
> -- you do know, now, that I would have been happy to? 

Yeah. But then again you'd've encouraged Angelus so again, not too 
smart.  

Christ. The *hell* was I thinking that night?

Well - I know.  Just - shit.  Bad night.  Good outcome, bad night.

> > Heh.  Making ya nervous, am I?
> 
> Just a little.

Boo.

> > You know I think he is.  Funny thing. Didn't even think of it. Just
> > knew I liked him.  
> 
> I like him too. And I like what he does for you.

What's that?

> > Yes, yes they do.  Ask me how I know.
> 
> How do you know?

Thanks.  Short answer - Cordy got a couple of mind-cracking visions 
while Wes and I were indisposed. Slightly longer answer - good locks are
always a prime investment.

> > SUCH a good boy.  I should tell you another dirty story just to reward
> > you.
> 
> yes ... please...

Any requests or dealer's choice again?

A.