To: Spike
From: Wesley

Hello again, Spike,

> I got distracted by that last question, pet, and forgot to ask you
> about the curse. Did you get it?

Yes. And the copy of the passages regarding souls, and the picture of
Giles, which is now on my desk.

I'm reading through the passages about souls first as it obviously 
requires no translation. I'm going to try to look up as much as I can in
my own records as well.  The part about the dual soul possession really
speaks for itself - possession being possession no matter how one slices
it.  The Shrek demon, however, is rather interesting. I'm going to attempt
to find the original sources if at all possible.  What Willow had was
written in English but, of course, that would not have been the language
used in 15th Century Spain.  The words chosen to describe the "soul" that
was created will tell us a great deal about what happened.

> Have you had a chance to look at it? 

I anticipate looking at it later tonight. The translation shouldn't prove
difficult.

> I had a thought while writing to Angel -- maybe my *asking* for the
> curse messed it up? I mean, if the happiness clause is to make sure it
> stays a punishment, maybe there are other precautions to the same end? 

Entirely possible. Spell creation has many elements. The state of mind of
the castor and the - in this case - victim could affect the energies
involved.  I'll see what I can find.

Wesley

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

Hello, Wesley --

> > It went -- okay. Tense, but not openly hostile. First time I've been
> > there without Buffy since he kicked us out of the danger room.
> 
> The what?

Sorry. What Buffy calls the room in the back. Where she used to train with
Giles.

> If pressed you could always claim you *had* met her and were only just
> remembering it.

Will if I have to. Thing is, I'm startin' to think I might have. Don't
want to make up a story, then remember somethin' different and not be able
to consult him about it if I can help it.

> > > There's no mention of Dru in the parts of her diaries that I have
> > > copies of.
> > 
> > I think she might have, though. If she found out something about me
> > that taught her vampires have feelings, 
> 
> Feelings of enjoyment in destruction, certainly.

That wouldn't account for the surprise you reported, surely? Even Watchers
must know that much. I think she must have discovered we can love, or at
least feel affection.

> > There was one girl she said she was sending pictures to, like some
> > kind of a bloody penpal. Never knew how she did it, let alone why. But
> > it could have been Yanna.
> 
> What sort of pictures? I could see if I can find anything.

Sorry, I was unclear there. Mental pictures, of stuff she saw. Sometimes
me. Sometimes victims. Sometimes birds wheeling in the sky. Sometimes a
fashionable hat or outfit. Whatever caught her eye. If there was a
pattern, I never found it.

> > The timing is about right. If it was Dru that drove her mad, I wonder
> > if it was intentional, or just the dangers of seein' things through
> > Dru's eyes. 
> 
> Seers of Yanna's type often can succumb into madness if they have 
> difficulty remembering what is and is not real.  The potential existed
> for her to follow that path even without Dru's input.  Which isn't to
> say Dru might not have, just that it would not have been a requirement.

Makes sense. For that matter, it's what made Dru so vulnerable to Angelus
in the first place.

> > > It occurs to me that this might help narrow things down - she says
> > > you have white hair.  So whenever you started bleaching it might be
> > > a clue.
> > 
> > Honestly don't remember. Thought it was in the fifties, but I could
> > easily be off by a decade either way. 
> 
> Why do you bleach your hair? Because the attractiveness of it.

Pet? Run that by me one more time? I think we lost half a sentence here.

But as for why... I like how it looks. I like the shock value. And I like
the cheap irony of being a fair haired boy. Besides, it's different from
how it was when I was human. I get into moods to value that.

> > No, not at all. Just a thought morbid. But if you don't mind I
> > certainly don't. Pleasant memories for me, pet, and a chance to brag
> > to an attentive audience, which I don't often get in these parts. 
> 
> As I've said - it has been my job for quite some time to know these
> things.  I've read a great deal about things that you, Angelus, et al.
> have done.  Hearing it from the source doesn't change the morbidity so
> much as the accuracy.

True. But it seems a bit more morbid now that you know me. All good on my
end, though. Between you and Dawn, I'm getting quite a bit of practice
retelling the seamier side of life as a vampire.

> > > > I will if I need to, and thanks for the offer. But I should be
> > > > alright. I used to do this myself, once upon a time. 
> > > 
> > > Ah yes. Forgot about your university days.
> > 
> > Good. It's not really somethin' I care to advertise. You an' Buffy are
> > the only ones I've told in a *long* time. 
> 
> Understandable, considering your alma mater.

What?!? I'll have you know Cambridge is a damned fine university, far more
open minded that those stuffed shirt Oxonians could dream of. I may not
publicise my sheepskin these days -- it hardly goes with the image -- but
I'll have you know I ate your entire crew team once just for beatin' us
three years in a row.

> > Alright. No problem. Silent as the grave. Considerably more silent
> > than the crypt, actually. 
> 
> Thank you. And very amusing.

Anytime.

> > > > But on the data I have, I'm sticking with brilliant. And Angel
> > > > gives a most, ah, moving testimonial. 
> > > 
> > > Oh does he?
> > 
> > Yes he does. Lovely stories. Given me a most frustrating few days, in
> > the very best sense. 
> 
> Glad to hear that he is satisfied.

Doesn't he bloody tell you? Idiot! Strong and silent is all very well, but
if you were mine, pet, I'd never get tired of sayin' just exactly how
satisfying you are. He never seems to get tired of telling *me*. Not that
I'm complainin'.

> > > By all means. Though considering you've even less money than I do, I
> > > may worry about having your bankruptcy on my lack of conscience.
> > 
> > [grin] Doesn't have to be money.
> 
> Hardly matters, you'll still loose.  But since you're a sucker for
> punishment - many, many puns *not* intended - what do you have in mind?

Your challenge, your choice. but if you want suggestions... I *was*
contemplating something sexual, and that is of course always fun. But
after what you said, above, I'm wondering if the crueller torment might
not be, loser has to wear the winners' school colors for an entire evening
in public.

What college were you up at, anyway?

> > My turn for the protectiveness, pet. Sorry. I know you can take care
> > of yourself and anyone else who comes along into the bargain. But I
> > hate the idea of bein' the excuse for those bastards to take another
> > crack at you. 
> 
> Duly noted. Thank you, Spike.

You're welcome. You will take care, won't you?

> All right. That's all I needed to know.  I won't press further.  Just -
> do be careful.  I've never heard you so agitated.

I will. If I can. The stakes -- are high.

> > Giles is aware of the watcher problem, 
> 
> What did he say about it? Beyond his comments of needing to 
> concentrate on the other issue first.

That the council, having had misgivings about Buffy's cooperation with
Angel which were only strengthened by subsequent events, was highly
skeptical about Buffy's continued association with a vampire without even
the dubious protection of a soul to offer, and begs leave to remind her
that relying on technology which they can neither explain nor duplicate
remains a very fragile reed. While they accept, per force, her insistance
that I remain by her side until the conclusion of the current crisis, they
hope to persuade her to dismiss if not stake me outright thereafter.

Impressive, huh? I stole the letter. The council has apparently made no
threats as yet, but Giles didn't seem surprised when I raised the
possibility of a kidnap attempt. He wants me to tell him if I think of
anything, but certainly didn't make the same promise in return. And then
he started going off about me going away. He seems to think she won't send
me off herself, which is vaguely encouraging.

> In your favor is the possibility for Buffy to disagree with this method,
> as she did with the idea of putting Angel into a box.  And she is a very
> stubborn girl.

She is. One of the many reasons I love her. But --
if there's no other way to keep her safe, I'll go. She can't stop me,
short of chaining me up in Giles' bathtub again. Which would probably
please the Watcher's enough to get them off her case. Of course, bein'
kept in chains by her might have its points. But not in Giles' bathroom.

> > Anyway, I will leave Buffy if I have to, but I can't tell you how
> > badly I hope to find some other solution, and not just for selfish
> > reasons.
> 
> I'll do my best to figure something out if I can.

I appreciate that, pet. I will too. I'm not gonna bring the problem up to
her just yet, though. She needs not to have to worry about me, on top of
everything else.

> > You're right, of course. But he -- and I, for that matter --, have a
> > good deal more temptation from some things that your average person
> > wouldn't find in the least enjoyable. 
> 
> All the more reason for Angel to attempt to segregate himself from the
> part of him he deems "bad".  Not that I am necessarily advising this as
> a course of action. I'm merely making observations.

If it could work, sure. I'd miss it, but what's that got to say to
anything? Thing is, it can't be done. And if it could be done, it might
prevent him from doin' anything else. A house divided against itself and
all that.

> We could abandon all else and refer to them collectively as the 
> ampersands of evil.

[chuckle] Very funny, pet. I suppose we could, at that. But I doubt Angel
would know what we meant.

> > Ah. Now *that* part I do get. *Never* let them see they've touched a
> > bloody nerve.
> 
> Precisely!  Much as Angel can out stoic the nearlest pile of rocks, 

I'm never sure if that's stoicism or just going pre-verbal.

if his 
> actions don't match the words it's meaningless.  I don't argue that he
> should completely ignore them, or stop making it clear that he is
> capable of handing them if necessary, just that he cannot allow their
> annoyances of him to govern his actions.

Here I am a hundred percent with you. Once they've got you reacting
instead of acting, you've lost. Hell, Angelus taught me that. Wasn't he
listening?

> It must have caused them a great deal of frustration when he refused and
> instead did his best to keep her mortal.

Glad something in that whole mess caused them grief.

> > > Yes. Living with Angel I have *no* idea what that might be like. 
> > > Meaning that I sympathize.
> > 
> > [chuckle] I imagine you would. Ever wonder how they *ever* managed to
> > have a conversation? 
> 
> *Did* they?  

Come to think of it, I'm not sure that they did. I'll ask Dawn.

> > I'd like almost anything you called me, pet.
> 
> Very charming of you, Spike.

Nothin' more than the truth.

> As of a few months ago I *was* a proper British gent. Although I'm going
> to raise some objections here to the Rupert comparision.

I should think so! I did preface it by sayin' you surprised me.

> > And then you show up at my door in all that lovely leather with a
> > damned decent cycle, and the whole conversation was just one surprise
> > after another from there. 
> 
> Yes. You called me Heck's Cherub.

I did, didn't I? I must admit a certain lingering fondness for the line,
but I'm sorry if I hurt you.

> >  But I have to admit at that point I was too caught up in the Angel
> >  and
> > Buffy shit to do more than try to see where your buttons are, and
> > whether I could push them. Sorry, pet. Didn't know you then. 
> 
> Quite all right. Not as though the evening was pleasant for anyone.

This is true. I think there were innocent local residents caught up in
waves of angst for miles around.

> > And I've got to admit it was fun to make Angel jump. Well, it was fun
> > to make you jump too. Evil, you know. That and you blush nice. 
> 
> I honestly wasn't sure what to make of you.  I did notice you had a
> commanding presense, however.

Is that Wyndham-Price for arrogant son of a bitch? 

> > Guess I was more lonely than I knew.
> 
> I'm glad we can be company for one another.  You know - I haven't 
> many friends in the States.... or any really left from back home.  You,
> Cordy, Gunn, Angel and the Host are it.

I'm glad too. And my list is even shorter. I've got you. Angel is family.
Buffy is ... Buffy. Dawn, I think, might be a friend, and Joyce is kind in
her way. And I've a few other old acquaintances scattered across the
continents. That's about it, unless you count the Scoobies, and they're
more a constant pain in the ass than anything else.

> But you are a person. Someone to be counted at any rate.

I always was, to you. That's one of the first things I noticed. Its very
unusual. Your eyes didn't slide past me like I wasn't there, or stare
either. You just looked at me like I was someone you were talking to.

> > And ... we had a lot in common. *Liked* you, pet. Never expected that.
> > 
> 
> I didn't expect to like you either.  

Would have been quite surprising if you had. I did everything short of
actual profanity to insult you on the phone.

> > Didn't mean to chat you up. Not consciously, anyway. 
> 
> Didn't conciously think I wanted you to.  I'm glad you did, however.

So am I. Very.

> > Not to mention what the remark actually *was*. Bringin' up dinner to a
> > vamp who's been discussing live blood all night? Who hasn't had any in
> > over a year? I couldn't have stopped looking at your neck if my life
> > depended on it. And after Angel, you *had* to know that.
> 
> I knew the hidden connotations, yes.

What made you decide to say it, pet?

> > 'Course, you knew about the chip too. But still, you definitely had
> > guts. And ... if lust turns into blood lust on occasion, it can work
> > the other way too. 
> 
> I hadn't thought of that.

Me neither, until recently. Not being able to just go for the bite, I
spend a lot more time analysing shit like this than I used to. Mind you,
I'd have wanted you no matter what. But this was definitely a bonus. Along
with the fact that you were teasing me with it.

> > So I grabbed your coat. By that point all the blood had pretty well
> > migrated from my brain to other areas, so I'm not sure what I was
> > thinking, except that I wanted to. Wanted to see how you'd react,
> > maybe, or just wanted to touch you. And then you licked your lips, and
> > I was lost. 
> 
> I'm glad.

I'm glad too. But... why did you let me? Why did you stay?

--Spike

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Yes. And the copy of the passages regarding souls, and the picture of
> Giles, which is now on my desk.

Oh good. Hope it gives you a bit of a giggle when work gets too stressful.

> I'm reading through the passages about souls first as it obviously
> requires no translation. I'm going to try to look up as much as I can in
> my own records as well.  The part about the dual soul possession really
> speaks for itself - possession being possession no matter how one slices
> it.  The Shrek demon, however, is rather interesting. I'm going to
> attempt to find the original sources if at all possible.  What Willow
> had was written in English but, of course, that would not have been the
> language used in 15th Century Spain.  The words chosen to describe the
> "soul" that was created will tell us a great deal about what happened.

Never even thought of that. Let me know what you find out?

> > I had a thought while writing to Angel -- maybe my *asking* for the
> > curse messed it up? I mean, if the happiness clause is to make sure it
> > stays a punishment, maybe there are other precautions to the same end?
> > 
> 
> Entirely possible. Spell creation has many elements. The state of mind
> of the castor and the - in this case - victim could affect the energies
> involved.  I'll see what I can find.

That'd be funny, huh? I can't have it 'cause I want it. Angelus always
said my ability to shoot myself in the foot amounted almost to genius.

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > Yeah, that time I got it. Even bad poets tend to put more words
> > together than you do. 

> Thought I was doing free verse.

Why not? Every one else thinks they are, too.

> > > Oh so yer my sidekick now?

> > Nah. Not now. You got your crew for that, 

> Maybe. On the other hand I work for Wes now. Maybe I'm *his* 
> sidekick.  There's a mental image.

Havin' a bit of trouble with that one, I confess.

> > > Guess so.  Tell me if I do it again?

> > Yeah, sure. [grin] Whatever you want, remember?

> Thanks.

Anytime.

--Spike

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> >  He never told you
> > this? You never asked? How *did* you two communicate before I threw
> > him up against a wall? 
> 
> Kay - here's some relationship advice.  "Hey - remember that night I
> tried to kill you?  Did you actually get off on that?" - *not* the sexy
> ice- breaker you'd think it'd be.

Depends on the relationship. It's worked for me before. But I wouldn't
suggest it with Wesley, except a) he knew you didn't mean him any harm and
b) you said you knew there was a connection between the form of the attack
and the subsequent flirting.

> > > Yeah.  Never really lost my instincts for a choke hold.
> > 
> > Under most circumstances, a useful reflex.
> 
> Or fun, if you've got somebody who doesn't need to breathe for a living.
>  

That too. My throat is yours, luv.

> > All's well that ends well?
> 
> Better that then a Midsummer Night's Dream.

Much. Speakin' as Love's Labours Lost.

> > Doubt any force would have been required. But I get your point -- and
> > if anybody deserved to face Angelus in a really bad mood, its her.
> > Although -- you do know, now, that I would have been happy to? 

> Yeah. But then again you'd've encouraged Angelus so again, not too
> smart.  

Encouraged him to do what?

> Christ. The *hell* was I thinking that night?

Dunno. Been wondering. Didn't want to ask.

> Well - I know.  Just - shit.  Bad night.  Good outcome, bad night.

If you want to talk about it, I'm listening.

> > > Heh.  Making ya nervous, am I?
> > 
> > Just a little.
> 
> Boo.

[chuckle] [chortle] [giggle] [Alright, outright laughing fit] Not needing
to breath comes in handy once again. But you're a sad, twisted fuck, you
know that?

> > > You know I think he is.  Funny thing. Didn't even think of it. Just
> > > knew I liked him.  
> > 
> > I like him too. And I like what he does for you.
> 
> What's that?

Calms you down, when you need it. Builds you up, when you need it. Loves
you all the time. And occasionally makes you wear hot pink motorcycle
helmets.

> Thanks.  Short answer - Cordy got a couple of mind-cracking visions
> while Wes and I were indisposed. Slightly longer answer - good locks are
> always a prime investment.
> 
> > > SUCH a good boy.  I should tell you another dirty story just to
> > > reward you.
> > 
> > yes ... please...
> 
> Any requests or dealer's choice again?

Dealer's choice. But if you'd prefer a suggestion, there's always whatever
you were doing when the vision interrupted.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

Spike,

> > If pressed you could always claim you *had* met her and were only just
> > remembering it.
> 
> Will if I have to. Thing is, I'm startin' to think I might have. Don't
> want to make up a story, then remember somethin' different and not be
> able to consult him about it if I can help it. 

That makes sense.

> > Feelings of enjoyment in destruction, certainly.
> 
> That wouldn't account for the surprise you reported, surely? Even
> Watchers must know that much. I think she must have discovered we can
> love, or at least feel affection. 

True, but on the other hand remember that it is Watcher philosophy to
believe that vampires are soulless demons almost incapable of having
motivation.  The answer "because they are a vampire" is applied to much of
your - collective species - history.  If Yanna had been one of those who
subscribed to such beliefs it would have been very surprising for her to
discover that you committed acts of death and torture for the fun it gave
you.

Your unique family unit undoubtedly factored in there as well, though. I
can't see how it couldn't.

> > What sort of pictures? I could see if I can find anything.
> 
> Sorry, I was unclear there. Mental pictures, of stuff she saw.

Ah.  Thought you meant something more like sending daguerreotypes in the
mail.

> Sometimes me. Sometimes victims. Sometimes birds wheeling in the sky.
> Sometimes a fashionable hat or outfit. Whatever caught her eye. If there
> was a pattern, I never found it. 

Fascinating all the same.

> > Seers of Yanna's type often can succumb into madness if they have
> > difficulty remembering what is and is not real.  The potential existed
> > for her to follow that path even without Dru's input.  Which isn't to
> > say Dru might not have, just that it would not have been a
> > requirement.
> 
> Makes sense. For that matter, it's what made Dru so vulnerable to
> Angelus in the first place. 

Most likely.

> > Why do you bleach your hair? Because the attractiveness of it.
> 
> Pet? Run that by me one more time? I think we lost half a sentence here.

Er - which part? 

> But as for why... I like how it looks. I like the shock value. And I
> like the cheap irony of being a fair haired boy.

"Boy"?  I suppose you do look younger than me in certain lights, but even
still.

> Besides, it's different from how it was when I was human. I get into
> moods to value that. 

That makes sense.

> > As I've said - it has been my job for quite some time to know these
> > things.  I've read a great deal about things that you, Angelus, et al.
> > have done.  Hearing it from the source doesn't change the morbidity so
> > much as the accuracy.
> 
> True. But it seems a bit more morbid now that you know me. All good on
> my end, though. Between you and Dawn, I'm getting quite a bit of
> practice retelling the seamier side of life as a vampire. 

Oh dear.  Hadn't realized I was acting like a fourteen year old girl.

> > Understandable, considering your alma mater.
> 
> What?!? I'll have you know Cambridge is a damned fine university, far
> more open minded that those stuffed shirt Oxonians could dream of.

Must have been, to let a git like you into the ranks.

> I may not publicise my sheepskin these days -- it hardly goes with the
> image -- but I'll have you know I ate your entire crew team once just
> for beatin' us three years in a row. 

Well that's all right then. I never liked the crew team.

> > Glad to hear that he is satisfied.
> 
> Doesn't he bloody tell you?

Yes, only not in the same way that he tells you, obviously, since I was
there at the time and don't need some sort of narrative reconstruction. 
Never fear - Angel does make it clear to me how - er - satisfying our
times together are.  The news to me was only he enjoyed it enough that he
felt like telling others once a somewhat discreet opportunity arose.

> > Hardly matters, you'll still loose.  But since you're a sucker for
> > punishment - many, many puns *not* intended - what do you have in
> > mind?
> 
> Your challenge, your choice. but if you want suggestions... I *was*
> contemplating something sexual, and that is of course always fun. But
> after what you said, above, I'm wondering if the crueller torment might
> not be, loser has to wear the winners' school colors for an entire
> evening in public. 

You know that's actually a fine idea.  The school colors, I mean.

> What college were you up at, anyway?

Trinity.  Proximity to the Bodleian made it an ideal choice for a
Watcher-In-Training like myself.

> You're welcome. You will take care, won't you?

I shall.  

> Impressive, huh? I stole the letter. 

Amazing how retyping it didn't cause your chip to activate.  Who wrote
that anyway?  Sounds like Quentin's style.  He was always one for sounding
like a prat with the large words.  Comes from having solicitors in the
family.

> The council has apparently made no threats as yet, but Giles didn't seem
> surprised when I raised the possibility of a kidnap attempt. 

So he's thought of it already. At least that's something.

> > All the more reason for Angel to attempt to segregate himself from the
> > part of him he deems "bad".  Not that I am necessarily advising this
> > as a course of action. I'm merely making observations.
> 
> If it could work, sure. I'd miss it, but what's that got to say to
> anything? Thing is, it can't be done. And if it could be done, it might
> prevent him from doin' anything else. A house divided against itself and
> all that. 

Precisely.  As I said, I'm not an advocate of this method.  Attempting to
segregate oneself from oneself doesn't often have pleasant consequences. 
As they say - where ever you go, there you are.

> > Precisely!  Much as Angel can out stoic the nearlest pile of rocks, 
> 
> I'm never sure if that's stoicism or just going pre-verbal.

There is that.

> Here I am a hundred percent with you. Once they've got you reacting
> instead of acting, you've lost. Hell, Angelus taught me that. Wasn't he
> listening? 

I think that he was, just that he deluded himself into thinking that
initiating acts of terrorism against them was putting the control back
into his hands.

> > It must have caused them a great deal of frustration when he refused
> > and instead did his best to keep her mortal.
> 
> Glad something in that whole mess caused them grief.

That and it's my understanding that during the whole process Lindsey fell
in love with Darla.  At least this is what Angel says.  

> > As of a few months ago I *was* a proper British gent. Although I'm
> > going to raise some objections here to the Rupert comparision.
> 
> I should think so! I did preface it by sayin' you surprised me.

Fair enough.

> > Yes. You called me Heck's Cherub.
> 
> I did, didn't I? I must admit a certain lingering fondness for the
> line, but I'm sorry if I hurt you. 

It's all right.  I've certainly been called worse. And it isn't as though
our phone conversation gave me the impression that you were going to be
anything less than cheeky.

> > Quite all right. Not as though the evening was pleasant for anyone.
> 
> This is true. I think there were innocent local residents caught up in
> waves of angst for miles around. 

That would certainly explain why the manager of our bed and breakfast was
in such a poor mood.

> > I honestly wasn't sure what to make of you.  I did notice you had a
> > commanding presense, however.
> 
> Is that Wyndham-Price for arrogant son of a bitch? 

Took me a moment to understand what you meant.  No, that is not Wyndam-
Pryce for arrogant son of a bitch.  Arrogant son of a bitch is
Wyndam-Pryce for arrogant son of a bitch.  That or "grandfather". 
"Commanding presense" means that I noticed you, in spite of your attempts
to unnerve me, and might have attempted to speak with you if not for
everything else that went on. 

> I'm glad too. And my list is even shorter. I've got you. Angel is
> family. Buffy is ... Buffy. Dawn, I think, might be a friend, and Joyce
> is kind in her way. 

Do you know I never really interacted with Buffy's mother?

> And I've a few other old acquaintances scattered
> across the continents.

I assume in this case "old" truly means it.

> That's about it, unless you count the Scoobies, and they're more a
> constant pain in the ass than anything else. 

Very true.

What's the new girl like? Tara?

> > But you are a person. Someone to be counted at any rate.
> 
> I always was, to you. That's one of the first things I noticed. Its very
> unusual. Your eyes didn't slide past me like I wasn't there, or stare
> either. You just looked at me like I was someone you were talking to. 

I suspect that you can blame Angel for that. Even back in Sunnydale it was
hard to look upon him and dismiss him for a beast.  And once I could
understand that, the door opened for the rest of your species as well.

> > > And ... we had a lot in common. *Liked* you, pet. Never expected
> > > that. 
> > 
> > I didn't expect to like you either.  
> 
> Would have been quite surprising if you had. I did everything short of
> actual profanity to insult you on the phone. 

Your reputation - and our brief encounter in Aylsebury - having preceeded
you, I can't say I was surprised. Just - uncertain.

> > I knew the hidden connotations, yes.
> 
> What made you decide to say it, pet?

The moment, I suspect.  As you said, it was completely unforseen that we
would speak as we had, yet it felt completely natural to have done so. 
There was comfortability there.  A sort of innate understanding that I
normally only find when I'm with Angel.  

When you made that comment about your scent being on me I couldn't help
but think of the double meanings, and our phone conversation.  I thought
then to say what I did so that you might know that I *did* understand it
all, and give back as good as I'd gotten.  If nothing else it seemed like
a joke you'd appreciate.

> I'm glad too. But... why did you let me? Why did you stay?

That would be your commanding presense again.  And the fact that you are
rather attractive.  I think perhaps part of me had only been interested to
see if I could flirt with you - again, your reputation and my own
observations having set the stage for that.  At the end, though - you were
more than reputation.  You were someone.  Who seemed attracted to me.  And
your kiss was nicely intoxicating.

Wesley

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > Yes. And the copy of the passages regarding souls, and the picture of
> > Giles, which is now on my desk.
> 
> Oh good. Hope it gives you a bit of a giggle when work gets too
> stressful.

It does, thank you.  Angel and Cordy liked it as well.

> > language used in 15th Century Spain.  The words chosen to describe the
> > "soul" that was created will tell us a great deal about what happened.
> 
> Never even thought of that. Let me know what you find out?

Of course.

> > Entirely possible. Spell creation has many elements. The state of mind
> > of the castor and the - in this case - victim could affect the
> > energies involved.  I'll see what I can find.
> 
> That'd be funny, huh? I can't have it 'cause I want it. Angelus always
> said my ability to shoot myself in the foot amounted almost to genius. 

Hoisted by your own petard, you could say.

Wesley

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Maybe. On the other hand I work for Wes now. Maybe I'm *his* 
> > sidekick.  There's a mental image.
> 
> Havin' a bit of trouble with that one, I confess.

I think I'm too tall.  'cept Wes is about my height.  

A.

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Kay - here's some relationship advice.  "Hey - remember that night I
> > tried to kill you?  Did you actually get off on that?" - *not* the
> > sexy ice- breaker you'd think it'd be.
> 
> Depends on the relationship. 

Fair 'nough. Relationship with mortals.

> It's worked for me before. But I wouldn't
> suggest it with Wesley, except a) he knew you didn't mean him any harm
> and b) you said you knew there was a connection between the form of the
> attack and the subsequent flirting. 

No - *you* said there was a connection, *I* just found that out now. 
Gotta remember I was *real* distracted then and, sadly, not by Wes.

> > Or fun, if you've got somebody who doesn't need to breathe for a
> > living.  
> 
> That too. My throat is yours, luv.

I know.

> > Better that then a Midsummer Night's Dream.
> 
> Much. Speakin' as Love's Labours Lost.

Don't you think you're making much ado about nothing?

> > Yeah. But then again you'd've encouraged Angelus so again, not too
> > smart.  
> 
> Encouraged him to do what?

Be himself.

> > Christ. The *hell* was I thinking that night?
> 
> Dunno. Been wondering. Didn't want to ask.

You can.

> > Well - I know.  Just - shit.  Bad night.  Good outcome, bad night.
> 
> If you want to talk about it, I'm listening.

And you did.

Kay.  Short version?  Fucking hate life. Hate everything. Want to give the
fuck up.  Get back to the hotel. Darla's there, trying to get something
from me.  Just fucking grab her. Throw her around.  Hit her.  Kiss her.
Fuck her.  Same ol' same ol'.

Can give you the longer version if you're interested.  

> > Boo.
> 
> [chuckle] [chortle] [giggle] [Alright, outright laughing fit] Not
> needing to breath comes in handy once again. But you're a sad, twisted
> fuck, you know that? 

Yep. It's a hobby.

> > What's that?
> 
> Calms you down, when you need it. Builds you up, when you need it.
> Loves you all the time. And occasionally makes you wear hot pink
> motorcycle helmets. 

Yeah. He would tell you about that wouldn't he?  

> Dealer's choice. But if you'd prefer a suggestion, there's always
> whatever you were doing when the vision interrupted. 

Heh. Trust me - "Angel swears colorfully while Wes almost does the 
same" isn't as sexy in that context.

Had Wes in the hotel last night. Not, to my annoyance, wearing a tie. But
he's got on one of those sweaters of his and some slacks so he still looks
cute.  Probably wondering why I kept looking at his neck more often than
usual.

Get him upstairs. We're in the shower. He's giving me that shoulder rub I
needed.  Not bad.  Mortal hands, but still nice.  

Useful thing 'bout the hotel is the water heaters.  Huge. And not like I
really care so we can let the water run as long as Wes is comfortable with
it.

He's giving me the shoulder rub and when I start to relax his hands go
lower - 'round to the chest, down to my hips, etc.  Definitely turned on
just 'cause we're both hot, wet and naked, but I want him right now.

So I grab him and get him up against the wall.  Tell him I need to thank
him for the hard work.  He says anytime. I say 'cause you're mine?  Gets
kind of a melted look in his eyes and says yeah.  All mine.  

I kiss him.  Don't have the tie so I get both his wrists, put 'em over his
head, and hold 'em in one hand.  Size being an advantage and all.  Let my
other hand massage his chest and I can tell he's *real* turned on already.
Faster than usual. Liking this.

Well, you know - twist *my* arm.

Turn him around. Still holding his hands. Start teasing him with my 
other hand - not touching, just getting in the area.  Grab some 
conditioner to get him ready while I'm at it.  He smells great. Heart's
got an interesting rhythm - not quite scared, not quite nervous, not quite
submissive yet.  I like it.

Tease him with my cock. He immediately tries to meet me.  Give his 
ear a little nip.  Tell him no.  I wanna hear him.  Looks over his
shoulder at me. Eyes kinda dark - in the good way.  Asks if I mean I wanna
hear he's mine? 

I say yeah. But more than that. 

Now he's blushing.  Interesting effect, considering how easy he did it the
last time. 'Cept last time he was *much* hotter than he is right now. Easy
to do when the blood's not in your brain. Now he's still thinking a
little.  Gotta make the choice to do it, you know?

Run my fingernails down his chest.  Tell him I love him. Wouldn't let
*anything* hurt him.  Play my ace in the hole and nibble his neck, sucking
over that nice, nice vein.

He moans, shivering.  Says my name.  I say that's nice. What else?  

Yours, he says.  You know I'm yours.

Yeah, yeah I do.  You know, truth be told, Wes, I'm almost at the point
where I'm not even gonna give you a say in that matter anymore. Just
*claim* you.

I can tell he's got no problem with that.  He says Angel, please - you
know he says my name so fucking nice - Please. I'll do anything.

Like what?

Anything, anything you ask.

Really?  I bite his shoulder now. Move down to the shoulderblade, suck and
leave a mark.  For what?

He's got a nice hitch in his breath now.  You, he says.  Anything for you.

's good, I tell him.  But what do you *want*?  

I'm teasing him with my cock now.  Getting it in all the right spots to
make him want more but giving him nothing in return.

He's pressed back against me now.  Can see him lick his lips. He's 
looking for the words.  Tries my name again. I just say yeah?  Tries Angel
please.  I turn him so I can kiss those lips, but again just say yeah?

He moans.  I can tell he's dripping.  I move my hand down. Tease his ass
with a finger, make him moan harder.  Remind him to tell me what he wants.

He tries thrusting back. I move back.  Tell him that's not the way to do
it.  Said you'd do anything for me, Wes. Said you were mine.  My faithful
servant.  Do as I tell you.  Tell me what you want.

Got his eyes closed tight. He's breathing hard.  You, he says. I want you.

I can tell he's not dicking around here. So I tell him to go on.  Tell me
more.

Your hand, he says.  He's gasping now, trying to hold still 'cause I told
him not to move.  Want your hand.

I slide my finger in all the way.  Like that?

Oh he's making nice noises.  Stammers "I" a few times.  

Yeah, Wes, what?

He's trying *so* hard. He's so turned on I'm surprised he hasn't come. 
Can't help it. I move my finger in and out, making it worse for him.  His
hands are balled into fists now, where I'm holding 'em.  *Around* he
finally manages.

Kay. That can mean a few things, I'm thinking. So I say what?

Me. He says. Want your hand around me.

Ahh.  Now I get it.  I give him a kiss for good behavior, get another
helping of conditioner, then start sliding my hand up and down that real
hard cock.  He moans so hard I can hear his teeth chatter.  Says yes, then
says please.

I say - what else?

Got that great look in his eyes again. Like I'm everything.  Speaks soft. 
Inside me, Angel, he says. Please.  I'm yours.

Now normally that's enough.  He says that and I do it.  But tonight I want
a four letter word if it kills me.

I nibble his lips.  Inside you, Wes? What does that mean?

Get another moan out of him.  His eyes are now calling me a right 
bastard, but in a good way. Knows I've got his number.  *Angel* he 
says, like we're just joking. *Please*.

I give his cock a squeeze.  Get some nice gasps out of him.  Tell me, I
say to him.  Tell me what you want.  

He's rubbing up against me now.  Says please again.  Please. Angel. 
Want you inside of me. Want you so badly, Angel (trust him for fucking
grammar at a time like this) Angel, please. I'm begging you.  

Yeah, Wes, you're begging. But yer not telling me *what*.  Be a good boy
and tell me what.

He's damn near crying he wants it so bad.  *Angel*.  I'll be your slave -

Thought you were my slave.

I *am*.  I swear it.  Your slave, Angel - *please*.

Now I give him a hard jerk - remind him who's in charge.  He cries out. I
say what?

*Fuck* me, he finally says.  Stammering, now.  F-fuck me. P-please. 
*Please*.

Good boy, I tell him, and I give him a searing kiss, not even caring if I
take his breath away.  He moans, bucks against me, whimpers.  I finally
ram it into him, giving him what he wants.  But I tell him to keep
talking.

Now it's a struggle the *other* way. He's trying so hard to stay verbal. 
Yes, Angel. Oh *God*, Angel.  Fuck me, Angel. Please, Angel. Love you,
Angel. *Need* you, Angel, *Yours*, Angel. Please - please - please -
*Please*...

He comes, I come, I keep kissing him all night long.

A.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > > Maybe. On the other hand I work for Wes now. Maybe I'm *his* 
> > > sidekick.  There's a mental image.
> > 
> > Havin' a bit of trouble with that one, I confess.
> 
> I think I'm too tall.  'cept Wes is about my height.  

That and... often as I've laughed at you, luv, some people just aren't
meant to be the comic relief.

--Spike

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> > > Feelings of enjoyment in destruction, certainly.
> > 
> > That wouldn't account for the surprise you reported, surely? Even
> > Watchers must know that much. I think she must have discovered we can
> > love, or at least feel affection. 
> 
> True, but on the other hand remember that it is Watcher philosophy to
> believe that vampires are soulless demons almost incapable of having
> motivation.  The answer "because they are a vampire" is applied to much
> of your - collective species - history.  If Yanna had been one of those
> who subscribed to such beliefs it would have been very surprising for
> her to discover that you committed acts of death and torture for the fun
> it gave you.

For a group named Watchers, they're an unboservant bunch. I mean,
"vampires cause pain 'cause they enjoy it" is right up there with "things
fall when you drop them."

> Your unique family unit undoubtedly factored in there as well, though. I
> can't see how it couldn't.

I'm sure you're right. But we weren't actually entirely unique, you know.
The Master had his little coven of synchophants. Dru and I picked up some
minions from time to time, and we met various other groupings in our
travels. Ours was just, however odd the word choice might appear, a little
more stable. Not the components, just the configuration.

> > Sorry, I was unclear there. Mental pictures, of stuff she saw.
> 
> Ah.  Thought you meant something more like sending daguerreotypes in the
> mail.

Realized you must have when I saw your reply. But I don't think even Dru
could drive someone mad that way. Or at least, it'd take longer.

> Fascinating all the same.

In a what the fuck sort of way, I suppose. Living with it got old. I never
knew what intimate moment of mine was going to wing its way across the
aether to some stranger -- and this was way before reality TV. But I got
used to it.

> > > Why do you bleach your hair? Because the attractiveness of it.
> > 
> > Pet? Run that by me one more time? I think we lost half a sentence
> > here.
> 
> Er - which part? 

The second. The first part is a sentence by itself. The second part is
either a question or a comment with some words or punctuation missing.

> "Boy"?  I suppose you do look younger than me in certain lights, but
> even still.

No, no. Angel's boy, always, but otherwise 127 years old is enough for any
man. I just meant in the sense of the expression, to be somebody's fair
haired boy. Kinda like white hat, or favorite son.

> Oh dear.  Hadn't realized I was acting like a fourteen year old girl.

Oh no! You're not. Her motive is entirely morbid curiosity, the desire for
a safe (detestable word) thrill. But she's a good kid.

> > > Understandable, considering your alma mater.
> > 
> > What?!? I'll have you know Cambridge is a damned fine university, far
> > more open minded that those stuffed shirt Oxonians could dream of.
> 
> Must have been, to let a git like you into the ranks.

You should have seen the git I was then.

> > I may not publicise my sheepskin these days -- it hardly goes with the
> > image -- but I'll have you know I ate your entire crew team once just
> > for beatin' us three years in a row. 
> 
> Well that's all right then. I never liked the crew team.

Me neither. Always yellin' outside my window at unearthly hours of the
morning. And half of them had no necks. I always liked a graceful neck,
even before... its a sign of good breeding, or at least proof that one
has, at some point, evolved.

> > > Glad to hear that he is satisfied.
> > 
> > Doesn't he bloody tell you?
> 
> Yes, only not in the same way that he tells you, obviously, since I was
> there at the time and don't need some sort of narrative reconstruction. 
> Never fear - Angel does make it clear to me how - er - satisfying our
> times together are.  The news to me was only he enjoyed it enough that
> he felt like telling others once a somewhat discreet opportunity arose.

Oh, I see. That's alright then.

> > > Hardly matters, you'll still loose.  But since you're a sucker for
> > > punishment - many, many puns *not* intended - what do you have in
> > > mind?
> > 
> > Your challenge, your choice. but if you want suggestions... I *was*
> > contemplating something sexual, and that is of course always fun. But
> > after what you said, above, I'm wondering if the crueller torment
> > might not be, loser has to wear the winners' school colors for an
> > entire evening in public. 
> 
> You know that's actually a fine idea.  The school colors, I mean.

What would you prefer -- sweatshirt, t-shirt, tie. I'll send for it
straight away.

> > What college were you up at, anyway?
> 
> Trinity.  Proximity to the Bodleian made it an ideal choice for a
> Watcher-In- Training like myself.

Makes sense.

> > Impressive, huh? I stole the letter. 
> 
> Amazing how retyping it didn't cause your chip to activate.  Who wrote
> that anyway?  Sounds like Quentin's style.  He was always one for
> sounding like a prat with the large words.  Comes from having solicitors
> in the family.

No one to picture disemboweling. Generalized rage is okay. Couldn't make
out the signature. There is something that might be a Q, or an L,
beginning the first word, and what I think is an H or an M in the second.
Got anyone with doctors in the family?

> > The council has apparently made no threats as yet, but Giles didn't
> > seem surprised when I raised the possibility of a kidnap attempt. 
> 
> So he's thought of it already. At least that's something.

Or he's got a good poker face. Either way, he'd thought of it now.

> Precisely.  As I said, I'm not an advocate of this method.  Attempting
> to segregate oneself from oneself doesn't often have pleasant
> consequences.  As they say - where ever you go, there you are.

Unfortunate, that, sometimes.

> > > Precisely!  Much as Angel can out stoic the nearlest pile of rocks, 
> > 
> > I'm never sure if that's stoicism or just going pre-verbal.
> 
> There is that.

Especially since he's barely verbal to start with.

> > Here I am a hundred percent with you. Once they've got you reacting
> > instead of acting, you've lost. Hell, Angelus taught me that. Wasn't
> > he listening? 
> 
> I think that he was, just that he deluded himself into thinking that
> initiating acts of terrorism against them was putting the control back
> into his hands.

I can see that. Of course, I can see through it, too. But I bet it felt
good at the time.

> That and it's my understanding that during the whole process Lindsey
> fell in love with Darla.  At least this is what Angel says.  

Yeah, he mentioned. So is he one of the ones she ate? 'Cause that's gotta
qualify as a bad day.

> It's all right.  I've certainly been called worse. And it isn't as
> though our phone conversation gave me the impression that you were going
> to be anything less than cheeky.

I know. Truth in advertising, that's me. But now that I know you, I never
want to hurt you. So I wish I never had.

> > This is true. I think there were innocent local residents caught up in
> > waves of angst for miles around. 
> 
> That would certainly explain why the manager of our bed and breakfast
> was in such a poor mood.

Nah, they're always like that. Somethin' about hearing your house called
quaint all day, and never bein' allowed to sit and watch the telly in your
underwear.

> > Is that Wyndham-Price for arrogant son of a bitch? 
> 
> Took me a moment to understand what you meant.  No, that is not Wyndam-
> Pryce for arrogant son of a bitch.  Arrogant son of a bitch is
> Wyndam-Pryce for arrogant son of a bitch.  That or "grandfather".  

Yours too? And for once I don't mean Angel.

"Commanding presense" means 
> that I noticed you, in spite of your attempts to unnerve me, and might
> have attempted to speak with you if not for everything else that went
> on. 

Fair enough, and better than I deserved. But if you had, Angel probably
would have tried to ram my head through the kitchen wall, so its just as
well we waited for a calmer moment.

> > I'm glad too. And my list is even shorter. I've got you. Angel is
> > family. Buffy is ... Buffy. Dawn, I think, might be a friend, and
> > Joyce is kind in her way. 
> 
> Do you know I never really interacted with Buffy's mother?

Were you mostly hangin' about before the whole Acathla thing? Because I
was there when she told her mum about bein' the slayer. Before that I
don't think Joyce interacted much with anyone, though she did threaten me
with an axe a year or two prior.

> > And I've a few other old acquaintances scattered
> > across the continents.
> 
> I assume in this case "old" truly means it.

Quite.

> > That's about it, unless you count the Scoobies, and they're more a
> > constant pain in the ass than anything else. 
> 
> Very true.
> 
> What's the new girl like? Tara?

Nice enough. Quiet. A bit stammery, but I don't mind that, especially now
that I've got such pleasant associations for it. Her family's a bunch of
right pricks, though -- tried to convince her she's a demon to keep her
under the thumb. Mum the same, before she went, I gather. Poor silly bitch
did a spell so the Scoobies couldn't see demons and naturally they got
blindsided. Luckily I happened by. Anyway, they'd all still be bloody
arguing about it if I hadn't socked her in the nose, and the ruddy chip
settled it for us. 100 percent human. I ask you. Her da was that livid,
but the Slayer faced him down. And no one so much as said thank you at the
time, but after, she did me a favor. The spell I need the scotch to tell
you about, actually. Tara's alright.

> I suspect that you can blame Angel for that. Even back in Sunnydale it
> was hard to look upon him and dismiss him for a beast.  And once I could
> understand that, the door opened for the rest of your species as well.

One more favor I owe him, then. I'll never get clear, this road.

> > Would have been quite surprising if you had. I did everything short of
> > actual profanity to insult you on the phone. 
> 
> Your reputation - and our brief encounter in Aylsebury - having
> preceeded you, I can't say I was surprised. Just - uncertain.

Uncertain of what?

> The moment, I suspect.  As you said, it was completely unforseen that we
> would speak as we had, yet it felt completely natural to have done so. 
> There was comfortability there.  A sort of innate understanding that I
> normally only find when I'm with Angel.  

Yeah, I felt it too. Strange, that.

> When you made that comment about your scent being on me I couldn't help
> but think of the double meanings, and our phone conversation.  I thought
> then to say what I did so that you might know that I *did* understand it
> all, and give back as good as I'd gotten.  If nothing else it seemed
> like a joke you'd appreciate.

And believe me, I did.

> > I'm glad too. But... why did you let me? Why did you stay?
> 
> That would be your commanding presense again.

Wonder when I developed that, anyway? Certainly not in the old days. Only
room for one commanding presence in that crew. Wherever I picked it up,
seems I owe it a debt of gratitude.

  And the fact that you are 
> rather attractive.  I think perhaps part of me had only been interested
> to see if I could flirt with you - again, your reputation and my own
> observations having set the stage for that. 

And you're even wanting to got me interested. The best kind of vicious
cycle, that.

 At the end, though - you were more than reputation.  You 
> were someone.  Who seemed attracted to me.  And your kiss was nicely
> intoxicating.

Then I'll just have to get you drunk with kisses.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > True, but on the other hand remember that it is Watcher philosophy to
> > believe that vampires are soulless demons almost incapable of having
> > motivation.  The answer "because they are a vampire" is applied to
> > much of your - collective species - history.  If Yanna had been one of
> > those who subscribed to such beliefs it would have been very
> > surprising for her to discover that you committed acts of death and
> > torture for the fun it gave you.
> 
> For a group named Watchers, they're an unboservant bunch. I mean,
> "vampires cause pain 'cause they enjoy it" is right up there with
> "things fall when you drop them." 

Possibly, but I think it's more like "vampires enjoy causing pain" in the
same sense that "animals enjoy eating so they aren't hungry".  The
revealation is that you can enjoy it abstractly, as one might enjoy art or
music.


> > Your unique family unit undoubtedly factored in there as well, though.
> > I can't see how it couldn't.
> 
> I'm sure you're right. But we weren't actually entirely unique, you
> know. 

The four of you are actually quite legendary.

> The Master had his little coven of synchophants.

Herd behavior.

> Dru and I picked up some minions from time to time, and we met various
> other groupings in our travels. Ours was just, however odd the word
> choice might appear, a little more stable. Not the components, just the
> configuration. 

As you say. It was a family.  A family that happened to be highly skilled
at causing mass destruction for the sheer Hell of it, but a family.  One
of the few such things in Watcher records.

> > Fascinating all the same.
> 
> In a what the fuck sort of way, I suppose. Living with it got old. I
> never knew what intimate moment of mine was going to wing its way across
> the aether to some stranger -- and this was way before reality TV. But I
> got used to it. 

Hadn't thought of it in that light.  Must have made it disconcerting.

At the same time might the Watchers provide the same effect as well? 
After all they were also doing their best to keep an eye upon you.

> > > > Why do you bleach your hair? Because the attractiveness of it.
> > > 
> > > Pet? Run that by me one more time? I think we lost half a sentence
> > > here.
> > 
> > Er - which part? 
> 
> The second. The first part is a sentence by itself. The second part is
> either a question or a comment with some words or punctuation missing. 

Ah yes, sorry.  Shows how much I've been paying attention. That should
have read "Besides the attractiveness of it".

> > Must have been, to let a git like you into the ranks.
> 
> You should have seen the git I was then.

Have you pictures?

> > Well that's all right then. I never liked the crew team.
> 
> Me neither. Always yellin' outside my window at unearthly hours of the
> morning. And half of them had no necks. I always liked a graceful neck,
> even before... its a sign of good breeding, or at least proof that one
> has, at some point, evolved. 

Yet you still care for rugby.

> > You know that's actually a fine idea.  The school colors, I mean.
> 
> What would you prefer -- sweatshirt, t-shirt, tie. I'll send for it
> straight away.

A shirt of some sort, I think.  I know I've a few packed away somewhere
that should fit you.

> > Trinity.  Proximity to the Bodleian made it an ideal choice for a
> > Watcher-In- Training like myself.
> 
> Makes sense.

There were quite a few others there.  It wasn't a requirement of the
training - Heaven knows there are plenty of locations and even
universities that are still close to Watcher libraries and/or offices. 
But I took the more traditional route.

> > Amazing how retyping it didn't cause your chip to activate.  Who wrote
> > that anyway?  Sounds like Quentin's style.  He was always one for
> > sounding like a prat with the large words.  Comes from having
> > solicitors in the family.
> 
> No one to picture disemboweling. Generalized rage is okay.

I meant in the sense that typing it down for other living creatures to see
was a way of causing harm to them.  Honestly - Watcher missives should
come with a health warning.  Scarily enough I excelled at writing them.

> Couldn't make out the signature. There is something that might be a Q,
> or an L, beginning the first word, and what I think is an H or an M in
> the second. Got anyone with doctors in the family? 

Not that I can think of offhand.  Only Q I know would be Quentin but his
last name is Travers.  

> > So he's thought of it already. At least that's something.
> 
> Or he's got a good poker face. Either way, he'd thought of it now.

I'm still amazed that he's working with them again.  Boggles the mind. 
Almost amusing, when you think of it.

> > I think that he was, just that he deluded himself into thinking that
> > initiating acts of terrorism against them was putting the control back
> > into his hands.
> 
> I can see that. Of course, I can see through it, too. But I bet it felt
> good at the time.

I have no doubts that he enjoyed it.  And, frankly, he can enjoy it all he
likes.  Just not let it consume him.  In my opinion, of course.

> > That and it's my understanding that during the whole process Lindsey
> > fell in love with Darla.  At least this is what Angel says.  
> 
> Yeah, he mentioned. So is he one of the ones she ate? 'Cause that's
> gotta qualify as a bad day. 

No. Lindsey is still very much alive.  More amazing still when you 
consider he's the one who ran Angel over.  Angel simply smashed his 
hand again.  Thus showing even more restraint than I would have under
similar circumstances.

> > It's all right.  I've certainly been called worse. And it isn't as
> > though our phone conversation gave me the impression that you were
> > going to be anything less than cheeky.
> 
> I know. Truth in advertising, that's me. But now that I know you, I
> never want to hurt you. So I wish I never had. 

The entire conversation of Hell was painful. The comments you made 
were part of the whole, as far as I could see.  There was... really
nothing that I liked about that. Angel's pain - even Buffy's.  It was a
wholly miserable evening.

Bringing this back to the night that we met again, a simple phrase like
Heck's Cherub didn't factor in as much as you might think.

> > Took me a moment to understand what you meant.  No, that is not
> > Wyndam- Pryce for arrogant son of a bitch.  Arrogant son of a bitch is
> > Wyndam-Pryce for arrogant son of a bitch.  That or "grandfather".  
> 
> Yours too? And for once I don't mean Angel.

I know only contextually.  Both of my grandfathers have passed on.  But of
course one hears comments.

> "Commanding presense" means 
> > that I noticed you, in spite of your attempts to unnerve me, and might
> > have attempted to speak with you if not for everything else that went
> > on. 
> 
> Fair enough, and better than I deserved. But if you had, Angel probably
> would have tried to ram my head through the kitchen wall, so its just as
> well we waited for a calmer moment. 

True enough.  I noticed that he was rather... protective.  I have to
confess all things considered I didn't mind.

> > Do you know I never really interacted with Buffy's mother?
> 
> Were you mostly hangin' about before the whole Acathla thing? 

Acathla?  When Angel went to Hell, you mean?  No.  I came in after.  Angel
had long since returned from Hell and everyone's attentions were turned
towards the Mayor.

> Because I was there when she told her mum about bein' the slayer.
> Before that I don't think Joyce interacted much with anyone, though she
> did threaten me with an axe a year or two prior. 

I suppose the courage runs in the family.

To be honest Buffy didn't care for me overmuch and it wasn't as though
Watcher protocol dictated that I ingratiate myself to her family - which
worked fine by Dawn's way of seeing it too.  So beyond the times I tried
to act as Buffy's Watcher I didn't have much time to try to see anyone
personally.  Meet her family, sit down to tea, that sort of thing.

> > What's the new girl like? Tara?
> 
> Nice enough. Quiet. A bit stammery, but I don't mind that, especially
> now that I've got such pleasant associations for it. Her family's a
> bunch of right pricks, though -- tried to convince her she's a demon to
> keep her under the thumb. Mum the same, before she went, I gather. Poor
> silly bitch did a spell so the Scoobies couldn't see demons and
> naturally they got blindsided. Luckily I happened by. Anyway, they'd all
> still be bloody arguing about it if I hadn't socked her in the nose, and
> the ruddy chip settled it for us. 100 percent human. I ask you. Her da
> was that livid, but the Slayer faced him down. And no one so much as
> said thank you at the time, but after, she did me a favor. The spell I
> need the scotch to tell you about, actually. Tara's alright. 

I know that she and Willow are together, but if she is a witch and 
assisted with the attempt to curse you with a soul, perhaps she might be
the one I should try to speak with?  Granted, that has as much potential
for backfiring as it does for working, given my history with Willow.

> > Your reputation - and our brief encounter in Aylsebury - having
> > preceeded you, I can't say I was surprised. Just - uncertain.
> 
> Uncertain of what?

How to react to you.  What I should say.  Should I encourage you? 
Ignore you?  Match wits with you?  

> > The moment, I suspect.  As you said, it was completely unforseen that
> > we would speak as we had, yet it felt completely natural to have done
> > so.  There was comfortability there.  A sort of innate understanding
> > that I normally only find when I'm with Angel.  
> 
> Yeah, I felt it too. Strange, that.

I've said things to you that I haven't spoken of to anyone else - save
Angel.  

> > That would be your commanding presense again.
> 
> Wonder when I developed that, anyway? Certainly not in the old days.
> Only room for one commanding presence in that crew.

My guess would be Angelus?

> Wherever I picked it up, seems I owe it a debt of gratitude. 

Perhaps after he was no longer with you you developed it on your own.

>   And the fact that you are 
> > rather attractive.  I think perhaps part of me had only been
> > interested to see if I could flirt with you - again, your reputation
> > and my own observations having set the stage for that. 
> 
> And you're even wanting to got me interested. The best kind of vicious
> cycle, that.

I suppose that it was.

>  At the end, though - you were more than reputation.  You 
> > were someone.  Who seemed attracted to me.  And your kiss was nicely
> > intoxicating.
> 
> Then I'll just have to get you drunk with kisses.

A most intriguing proposition.  I enjoyed your touch as well, you know.

Wesley

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> > Oh good. Hope it gives you a bit of a giggle when work gets too
> > stressful.
> 
> It does, thank you.  Angel and Cordy liked it as well.

Got to introduce Gunn to Giles one of these days. Then he'll see the full
humorous effect too.

> > That'd be funny, huh? I can't have it 'cause I want it. Angelus always
> > said my ability to shoot myself in the foot amounted almost to genius.
> > 
> 
> Hoisted by your own petard, you could say.

I could. But I hate to be repetitive. [grin]

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > It does, thank you.  Angel and Cordy liked it as well.
> 
> Got to introduce Gunn to Giles one of these days. Then he'll see the
> full humorous effect too. 

Well Gunn did find it amusing, just, as you say, not as fully as he 
might.  

Although, he, too, seems to see some connection between Rupert and 
myself. He took one look at the picture and asked if that was "Uncle
English"  Perhaps there's some physical resemblance?

Wesley

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > > Kay - here's some relationship advice.  "Hey - remember that night I
> > > tried to kill you?  Did you actually get off on that?" - *not* the
> > > sexy ice- breaker you'd think it'd be.
> > 
> > Depends on the relationship. 
> 
> Fair 'nough. Relationship with mortals.

Worked there too, actually. But I do know what you mean.

> No - *you* said there was a connection, *I* just found that out now. 
> Gotta remember I was *real* distracted then and, sadly, not by Wes.

Oh. Okay. Got it. I misunderstood somethin' there, but it's not important
now.

> > > Better that then a Midsummer Night's Dream.
> > 
> > Much. Speakin' as Love's Labours Lost.
> 
> Don't you think you're making much ado about nothing?

You're right, it's really just the tempest in a teacup.

> > > Yeah. But then again you'd've encouraged Angelus so again, not too
> > > smart.  
> > 
> > Encouraged him to do what?
> 
> Be himself.

Oh. Yeah, maybe. Encouraged him to be himself. Encouraged you to be
yourself. Either. Both.

> Kay.  Short version?  Fucking hate life. Hate everything. Want to give
> the fuck up.  Get back to the hotel. Darla's there, trying to get
> something from me.  Just fucking grab her. Throw her around.  Hit her. 
> Kiss her. Fuck her.  Same ol' same ol'.
> 
> Can give you the longer version if you're interested.  

I'm interested, if longer version means more of what was going on with
you. For once in my life, can't say I'm keen to hear the blow by blow.

> > > What's that?
> > 
> > Calms you down, when you need it. Builds you up, when you need it.
> > Loves you all the time. And occasionally makes you wear hot pink
> > motorcycle helmets. 
> 
> Yeah. He would tell you about that wouldn't he?  

Would. Did. *Knew* I liked that boy. Told me a while ago, actually. Been
savin' it up for the right moment.

> Had Wes in the hotel last night. Not, to my annoyance, wearing a tie.
> But he's got on one of those sweaters of his and some slacks so he still
> looks cute.  Probably wondering why I kept looking at his neck more
> often than usual.

Or guessing wrong. People who sleep with vampires tend to make some
assumptions.

> I kiss him.  Don't have the tie so I get both his wrists, put 'em over
> his head, and hold 'em in one hand.  Size being an advantage and all. 
> Let my other hand massage his chest and I can tell he's *real* turned on
> already. Faster than usual. Liking this.
> 
> Well, you know - twist *my* arm.

Yeah, I bet that was a real hard sell.

> Turn him around. Still holding his hands. Start teasing him with my
> other hand - not touching, just getting in the area.  Grab some
> conditioner to get him ready while I'm at it.  He smells great. Heart's
> got an interesting rhythm - not quite scared, not quite nervous, not
> quite submissive yet.  I like it.

Only you could involve hair care products in sex play. Surprised you
didn't tell me what brand.

> Tease him with my cock. He immediately tries to meet me.  Give his ear a
> little nip.  Tell him no.  I wanna hear him.  Looks over his shoulder at
> me. Eyes kinda dark - in the good way.  Asks if I mean I wanna hear he's
> mine? 
> 
> I say yeah. But more than that. 
> 
> Now he's blushing.  Interesting effect, considering how easy he did it
> the last time. 'Cept last time he was *much* hotter than he is right
> now. Easy to do when the blood's not in your brain. Now he's still
> thinking a little.  Gotta make the choice to do it, you know?

Oh yeah. Much harder that way. Much hotter too.

> Run my fingernails down his chest.  Tell him I love him. Wouldn't let
> *anything* hurt him.  Play my ace in the hole and nibble his neck,
> sucking over that nice, nice vein.

Gorgeous. And he melts, I take it.

> He moans, shivering.  Says my name.  I say that's nice. What else?  
> 
> Yours, he says.  You know I'm yours.
> 
> Yeah, yeah I do.  You know, truth be told, Wes, I'm almost at the point
> where I'm not even gonna give you a say in that matter anymore. Just
> *claim* you.

Mmmmm.

> I can tell he's got no problem with that.  He says Angel, please - you
> know he says my name so fucking nice - Please. I'll do anything.
> 
> Like what?
> 
> Anything, anything you ask.
> 
> Really?  I bite his shoulder now. Move down to the shoulderblade, suck
> and leave a mark.  For what?
> 
> He's got a nice hitch in his breath now.  You, he says.  Anything for
> you.
> 
> 's good, I tell him.  But what do you *want*?  
> 
> I'm teasing him with my cock now.  Getting it in all the right spots to
> make him want more but giving him nothing in return.

> He's pressed back against me now.  Can see him lick his lips. He's
> looking for the words.  Tries my name again. I just say yeah?  Tries
> Angel please.  I turn him so I can kiss those lips, but again just say
> yeah?
> 
> He moans.  I can tell he's dripping.  I move my hand down. Tease his ass
> with a finger, make him moan harder.  Remind him to tell me what he
> wants.
> 
> He tries thrusting back. I move back.  Tell him that's not the way to do
> it.  Said you'd do anything for me, Wes. Said you were mine.  My
> faithful servant.  Do as I tell you.  Tell me what you want.

I'm guessing that's the hardest order you could've given him. And the most
satisfying.

> Got his eyes closed tight. He's breathing hard.  You, he says. I want
> you.
> 
> I can tell he's not dicking around here. So I tell him to go on.  Tell
> me more.
> 
> Your hand, he says.  He's gasping now, trying to hold still 'cause I
> told him not to move.  Want your hand.
> 
> I slide my finger in all the way.  Like that?
> 
> Oh he's making nice noises.  Stammers "I" a few times.  
> 
> Yeah, Wes, what?
> 
> He's trying *so* hard. He's so turned on I'm surprised he hasn't come. 
> Can't help it. I move my finger in and out, making it worse for him. 
> His hands are balled into fists now, where I'm holding 'em.  *Around* he
> finally manages.
> 
> Kay. That can mean a few things, I'm thinking. So I say what?

Can't even laugh at you for it this time. That one is just bloody vague.

> Me. He says. Want your hand around me.
> 
> Ahh.  Now I get it.  I give him a kiss for good behavior, get another
> helping of conditioner, then start sliding my hand up and down that real
> hard cock.  He moans so hard I can hear his teeth chatter.  Says yes,
> then says please.
> 
> I say - what else?
> 
> Got that great look in his eyes again. Like I'm everything.  Speaks
> soft.  Inside me, Angel, he says. Please.  I'm yours.
> 
> Now normally that's enough.  He says that and I do it.  But tonight I
> want a four letter word if it kills me.

Might kill me in the process. *How* long till I get to see you?

> I nibble his lips.  Inside you, Wes? What does that mean?
> 
> Get another moan out of him.  His eyes are now calling me a right 
> bastard, but in a good way. Knows I've got his number.  *Angel* he says,
> like we're just joking. *Please*.
> 
> I give his cock a squeeze.  Get some nice gasps out of him.  Tell me, I
> say to him.  Tell me what you want.  

> He's rubbing up against me now.  Says please again.  Please. Angel. Want
> you inside of me. Want you so badly, Angel (trust him for fucking
> grammar at a time like this) Angel, please. I'm begging you.  
> 
> Yeah, Wes, you're begging. But yer not telling me *what*.  Be a good boy
> and tell me what.
> 
> He's damn near crying he wants it so bad.  *Angel*.  I'll be your slave
> -
> 
> Thought you were my slave.

You never let it slide when someone offers you what's already yours, do
you?

> I *am*.  I swear it.  Your slave, Angel - *please*.
> 
> Now I give him a hard jerk - remind him who's in charge.  He cries out.
> I say what?
> 
> *Fuck* me, he finally says.  Stammering, now.  F-fuck me. P-please. 
> *Please*.

Oh. Angel. You're good. You're better than good. You're fucking
incredible. This is the boy I couldn't even get to say "yes".

> Good boy, I tell him, and I give him a searing kiss, not even caring if
> I take his breath away.  He moans, bucks against me, whimpers.  I
> finally ram it into him, giving him what he wants.  But I tell him to
> keep talking.
> 
> Now it's a struggle the *other* way. He's trying so hard to stay verbal.
>  

You should sympathize there.

> Yes, Angel. Oh *God*, Angel.  Fuck me, Angel. Please, Angel. Love 
> you, Angel. *Need* you, Angel, *Yours*, Angel. Please - please - 
> please - *Please*...
> 
> He comes, I come, I keep kissing him all night long.

Lovely. As always. *More* cold showers. The night guard at the Y thinks I
have a rare skin disease.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Don't you think you're making much ado about nothing?
> 
> You're right, it's really just the tempest in a teacup.

As you like it.

> > > > Yeah. But then again you'd've encouraged Angelus so again, not too
> > > > smart.  
> > > 
> > > Encouraged him to do what?
> > 
> > Be himself.
> 
> Oh. Yeah, maybe. Encouraged him to be himself. Encouraged you to be
> yourself. Either. Both. 

Yeah but if I lost the soul then I'm him (deliberate pronoun choice here,
just so you know) and I don't want him to be encouraged.

> > Can give you the longer version if you're interested.  
> 
> I'm interested, if longer version means more of what was going on with
> you. For once in my life, can't say I'm keen to hear the blow by blow. 

Wait - isn't that saying two different things? You're interested but
you're not?

I don't mind telling you, just want to be sure.  Maybe if you told me how
much you're interested in. Just me fucking Darla (meaning why)?  Just that
night? The whole thing? What?

> > Yeah. He would tell you about that wouldn't he?  
> 
> Would. Did. *Knew* I liked that boy. Told me a while ago, actually. Been
> savin' it up for the right moment. 

Great. 

> > Had Wes in the hotel last night. Not, to my annoyance, wearing a tie.
> > But he's got on one of those sweaters of his and some slacks so he
> > still looks cute.  Probably wondering why I kept looking at his neck
> > more often than usual.
> 
> Or guessing wrong. People who sleep with vampires tend to make some
> assumptions. 

Even if he did it didn't look like he minded.

> > Well, you know - twist *my* arm.
> 
> Yeah, I bet that was a real hard sell.

Really hard.

> Only you could involve hair care products in sex play. 

There's no lotion in the tub.

> Surprised you didn't tell me what brand.

Paul Mitchell.

> > Now he's blushing.  Interesting effect, considering how easy he did it
> > the last time. 'Cept last time he was *much* hotter than he is right
> > now. Easy to do when the blood's not in your brain. Now he's still
> > thinking a little.  Gotta make the choice to do it, you know?
> 
> Oh yeah. Much harder that way. Much hotter too.

'specially if you can get him to do it.

> > Run my fingernails down his chest.  Tell him I love him. Wouldn't let
> > *anything* hurt him.  Play my ace in the hole and nibble his neck,
> > sucking over that nice, nice vein.
> 
> Gorgeous. And he melts, I take it.

Oh yeah.  Would've done the eyes for him too except only way he 
could've seen me was the mirror which - you know - foggy. Also no 
reflection.  But yeah, same effect.

> > Yeah, yeah I do.  You know, truth be told, Wes, I'm almost at the
> > point where I'm not even gonna give you a say in that matter anymore.
> > Just *claim* you.
> 
> Mmmmm.

Wasn't kidding about that either.

> > He tries thrusting back. I move back.  Tell him that's not the way to
> > do it.  Said you'd do anything for me, Wes. Said you were mine.  My
> > faithful servant.  Do as I tell you.  Tell me what you want.
> 
> I'm guessing that's the hardest order you could've given him. And the
> most satisfying. 

Yeah and no.  Yeah 'cause he's got a hard time talking.  Which you 
already know.  But no 'cause - I *told* him to talk. I think it helped.
Made it my decision, not his.  's why I said it the way I did - Do as I
tell you. Tell me what you want.  No questions. *Do* it.  

> > He's trying *so* hard. He's so turned on I'm surprised he hasn't come.
> >  Can't help it. I move my finger in and out, making it worse for him. 
> > His hands are balled into fists now, where I'm holding 'em.  *Around*
> > he finally manages.
> > 
> > Kay. That can mean a few things, I'm thinking. So I say what?
> 
> Can't even laugh at you for it this time. That one is just bloody vague.

Oh yeah. Can think of five things I could do with just my hand where it
was - and that's just off the top of my head.

> > Now normally that's enough.  He says that and I do it.  But tonight I
> > want a four letter word if it kills me.
> 
> Might kill me in the process. *How* long till I get to see you?

Feeling frustrated, boy?  Tell me all about it.

> > He's damn near crying he wants it so bad.  *Angel*.  I'll be your
> > slave -
> > 
> > Thought you were my slave.
> 
> You never let it slide when someone offers you what's already yours, do
> you? 

How do you mean?

> > *Fuck* me, he finally says.  Stammering, now.  F-fuck me. P-please. 
> > *Please*.
> 
> Oh. Angel. You're good. You're better than good. You're fucking
> incredible. This is the boy I couldn't even get to say "yes". 

's why you're *my* boy, and I tell *you* what to do.

And for the record - he is *really* hot when he's swearing.  You thought
he looked sexy when just his body was turned on. Get dirty words out of
that pretty mouth... We'll be having a lot of repeats of this.  Bet you
can guess the next thing I'll have him begging for.

> > Now it's a struggle the *other* way. He's trying so hard to stay
> > verbal.  
> 
> You should sympathize there.

You ask for a spanking this bad and I'm gonna say no just to frustrate
you.

> Lovely. As always. *More* cold showers. The night guard at the Y thinks
> I have a rare skin disease. 

You don't?

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Although, he, too, seems to see some connection between Rupert and
> myself. He took one look at the picture and asked if that was "Uncle
> English"  Perhaps there's some physical resemblance?

Not really. You're vaguely akin in skin tone, I suppose, but you've not
much in common in the way of features. And you're *much* better looking. I
think there's a certain similarity of manner, glasses, and wardrobe.
Though I can't imagine Giles in leather. Or more precisely, I probably
could, but I really don't want to.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> Not really. You're vaguely akin in skin tone, I suppose, but you've not
> much in common in the way of features. And you're *much* better looking.
> I think there's a certain similarity of manner, glasses, and wardrobe.
> Though I can't imagine Giles in leather. Or more precisely, I probably
> could, but I really don't want to. 

We can join together in that.  And I see your point.  Even from the start
Cordelia dubbed me "Giles, the Next Generation".  I suppose spending as
much time with the Council as we both did made us both pick up similar
mannerisms.

Wesley

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> As you like it.

Alright, you win, I surrender.

> Yeah but if I lost the soul then I'm him (deliberate pronoun choice
> here, just so you know) and I don't want him to be encouraged.

No, you want him to be staked. Got it.

> > > Can give you the longer version if you're interested.  
> > 
> > I'm interested, if longer version means more of what was going on with
> > you. For once in my life, can't say I'm keen to hear the blow by blow.
> > 
> 
> Wait - isn't that saying two different things? You're interested but
> you're not?

Sorry. Let me try again. I'm interested in everything you thought and felt
and did. But, unlike all these lovely Wesley stories, I don't especially
need to hear about the sex in detail, unless it pertains to the plot. Make
more sense now?

> > > Yeah. He would tell you about that wouldn't he?

> > Would. Did. *Knew* I liked that boy. Told me a while ago, actually.
> > Been savin' it up for the right moment. 

> Great. 

Well, I didn't think it would fit in so well amid the whys and maybes. 

> Even if he did it didn't look like he minded.

I'm sure he didn't.

> > Surprised you didn't tell me what brand.
> 
> Paul Mitchell.

Thanks, luv. Needed my laugh for the day.

> > Oh yeah. Much harder that way. Much hotter too.
> 
> 'specially if you can get him to do it.

Well, yeah. Just frustrating for all concerned, otherwise.

> > > Yeah, yeah I do.  You know, truth be told, Wes, I'm almost at the
> > > point where I'm not even gonna give you a say in that matter
> > > anymore. Just *claim* you.
> > 
> > Mmmmm.
> 
> Wasn't kidding about that either.

Never thought you were. Doubt he did, either.

> > I'm guessing that's the hardest order you could've given him. And the
> > most satisfying. 
> 
> Yeah and no.  Yeah 'cause he's got a hard time talking.  Which you
> already know.  But no 'cause - I *told* him to talk. I think it helped.
> Made it my decision, not his.  's why I said it the way I did - Do as I
> tell you. Tell me what you want.  No questions. *Do* it.  

Good point. Still -- harder to admit it's what he wants than to say what
you tell him to. At least, it would be for me.

> > > Now normally that's enough.  He says that and I do it.  But tonight
> > > I want a four letter word if it kills me.
> > 
> > Might kill me in the process. *How* long till I get to see you?
> 
> Feeling frustrated, boy?  Tell me all about it.

It seems like I've been hard for *days*. It hurts. Makes it hard to sleep,
too, and when I do, I dream about you. About you fucking Wesley while I
watch. About you fucking me. But I always wake up before I come. 

Get up, go out for a walk, try to clear my head -- it's not five minutes
before I'm remembering what you said in your last letter, imagining what
I'm going to answer, and what you'll say. Imagining what it'll be like
when I finally get there, finally get to touch you. Imagine kneeling at
your feet again. 

Or remembering what Wesley said, deciding what to answer. Imagining
fucking him again. Wondering if I could get him to beg half as pretty as
you did. Wondering what it would be like to feel his mouth around my cock.
Imagining you and me, on either side of him, teasing his neck, his
nipples, his cock until he overloads. 

I can't read anything else. I can't even concentrate on Passions -- I
stare at the screen, and it turns into you bending Wesley over in the
shower, Wesley sucking you off in the kitchen. I patrol, I come back here
and write to you two. I'm obsessed. It's pathetic. But it's fun, I have to
admit. As long as my balls don't actually physically explode, which at the
moment feels like a distinct possibility. 

> > > He's damn near crying he wants it so bad.  *Angel*.  I'll be your
> > > slave -
> > > 
> > > Thought you were my slave.
> > 
> > You never let it slide when someone offers you what's already yours,
> > do you? 
> 
> How do you mean?

He says he'll be your slave and you say you thought he was. I say I'll
show my appreciation and you say its not like you're givin' me a choice.
Have pity, luv. After a while, there's not much left to offer that isn't
yours already.

> > > *Fuck* me, he finally says.  Stammering, now.  F-fuck me. P-please. 
> > > *Please*.
> > 
> > Oh. Angel. You're good. You're better than good. You're fucking
> > incredible. This is the boy I couldn't even get to say "yes". 
> 
> 's why you're *my* boy, and I tell *you* what to do.

One of the reasons.

> And for the record - he is *really* hot when he's swearing.  You thought
> he looked sexy when just his body was turned on. Get dirty words out of
> that pretty mouth... We'll be having a lot of repeats of this.  Bet you
> can guess the next thing I'll have him begging for.

Several things are springing to mind, actually.

> > > Now it's a struggle the *other* way. He's trying so hard to stay
> > > verbal.  
> > 
> > You should sympathize there.
> 
> You ask for a spanking this bad and I'm gonna say no just to frustrate
> you.

You're no fun at all. You know that? As if I'm not frustrated enough
already to power a small city. Hell, I'm vibrating so bad, people in
*Australia* are wakin' up horny from dreams of you.

> > Lovely. As always. *More* cold showers. The night guard at the Y
> > thinks I have a rare skin disease. 
> 
> You don't?

Just that pesky terminal sun and religious symbol allergy. It's not *that*
rare.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > As you like it.
> 
> Alright, you win, I surrender.

You're no fun anymore.

> > Wait - isn't that saying two different things? You're interested but
> > you're not?
> 
> Sorry. Let me try again. I'm interested in everything you thought and
> felt and did. But, unlike all these lovely Wesley stories, I don't
> especially need to hear about the sex in detail, unless it pertains to
> the plot. Make more sense now? 

Yeah. Thought that's what you were saying but wanted to be sure.

What I thought and felt and did....

Beaten. Just fucking beaten.  Tried and tried and tried and *tried* and it
Didn't Fucking Matter. *Nothing* mattered. Nothing I did, nothing I felt -
nothing.

Then there's Darla in front of me and... I just wanted to feel something. 
Something. Anything. Never felt so dead in all my life.  But I knew I
could hurt her.  Maybe not emotionally but throw her through a fucking
door and she's sure as shit gonna feel that *physically*.  Maybe make a
noise. Do something.  Just wanted to have an effect. To *feel*.

Throw her around, hit her - that doesn't do it.  Switch gears - kiss her.
Get nice and gentle. *That* doesn't do it. Try it all from the top - still
no good.  Finally just *fuck* her.  Good and hard.

Just wanted to feel something.

> > Paul Mitchell.
> 
> Thanks, luv. Needed my laugh for the day.

's what I'm here for.

> > > > Yeah, yeah I do.  You know, truth be told, Wes, I'm almost at the
> > > > point where I'm not even gonna give you a say in that matter
> > > > anymore. Just *claim* you.
> > > 
> > > Mmmmm.
> > 
> > Wasn't kidding about that either.
> 
> Never thought you were. Doubt he did, either.

Nope. Holding off though. Still early for that.

> > Yeah and no.  Yeah 'cause he's got a hard time talking.  Which you
> > already know.  But no 'cause - I *told* him to talk. I think it
> > helped. Made it my decision, not his.  's why I said it the way I did
> > - Do as I tell you. Tell me what you want.  No questions. *Do* it.  
> 
> Good point. Still -- harder to admit it's what he wants than to say what
> you tell him to. At least, it would be for me. 

Maybe. But that's when controlling blood flow comes in handy.  Keep 
him from thinking *too* much about it.

> It seems like I've been hard for *days*. It hurts. Makes it hard to
> sleep, too, and when I do, I dream about you. About you fucking Wesley
> while I watch. About you fucking me. But I always wake up before I come.
> 

Obediant even in sleep.  Good boy.

> Get up, go out for a walk, try to clear my head -- it's not five
> minutes before I'm remembering what you said in your last letter,
> imagining what I'm going to answer, and what you'll say. Imagining what
> it'll be like when I finally get there, finally get to touch you.
> Imagine kneeling at your feet again. 

You'll be doing a lot of that.

> Or remembering what Wesley said, deciding what to answer. Imagining
> fucking him again. Wondering if I could get him to beg half as pretty as
> you did. 

Probably not right now. But maybe sometime.

> Wondering what it would be like to feel his mouth around my
> cock.

Really good.

> Imagining you and me, on either side of him, teasing his neck,
> his nipples, his cock until he overloads. 

Nice.

> I can't read anything else. I can't even concentrate on Passions -- I
> stare at the screen, and it turns into you bending Wesley over in the
> shower, Wesley sucking you off in the kitchen. 

Poor baby.  I should tell you more stories. Give you some variety at
least.

> He says he'll be your slave and you say you thought he was. I say I'll
> show my appreciation and you say its not like you're givin' me a choice.
> Have pity, luv. After a while, there's not much left to offer that isn't
> yours already. 

You've got plenty left to give me, boy.

> > And for the record - he is *really* hot when he's swearing.  You
> > thought he looked sexy when just his body was turned on. Get dirty
> > words out of that pretty mouth... We'll be having a lot of repeats of
> > this.  Bet you can guess the next thing I'll have him begging for.
> 
> Several things are springing to mind, actually.

Be interested to hear your theories.

> > You ask for a spanking this bad and I'm gonna say no just to frustrate
> > you.
> 
> You're no fun at all. You know that? As if I'm not frustrated enough
> already to power a small city.

What? You didn't think I was planning on knocking you around?  Oh 
you're in for some *big* surprises.

> Hell, I'm vibrating so bad, people in
> *Australia* are wakin' up horny from dreams of you. 

Good thing I don't know anybody there.

> Just that pesky terminal sun and religious symbol allergy. It's not
> *that* rare. 

Runs in the family.

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Possibly, but I think it's more like "vampires enjoy causing pain" in
> the same sense that "animals enjoy eating so they aren't hungry".  The
> revealation is that you can enjoy it abstractly, as one might enjoy art
> or music.

Oh, I see. Yeah. There's that. Though frankly that was a lot more Angelus'
bag than mine. The fact that its *not* abstract is a big part of the
appeal on my end. S'why I like fights where there's a chance that I could
lose. Makes it more ...immediate.

> The four of you are actually quite legendary.

No, really? Why? What do they say about us?

> As you say. It was a family.  A family that happened to be highly
> skilled at causing mass destruction for the sheer Hell of it, but a
> family.  One of the few such things in Watcher records.

Still is, as far as I'm concerned. A little more dysfunctional, perhaps.
You mean most vamps never do this? How do they keep themselves
entertained?

> > In a what the fuck sort of way, I suppose. Living with it got old. I
> > never knew what intimate moment of mine was going to wing its way
> > across the aether to some stranger -- and this was way before reality
> > TV. But I got used to it. 
> 
> Hadn't thought of it in that light.  Must have made it disconcerting.

Very.

> At the same time might the Watchers provide the same effect as well? 
> After all they were also doing their best to keep an eye upon you.

True. But it didn't feel the same. Dunno if it was because it was Dru
doin' the transmission, or just because I know about this girl, whoever
she was, as a person. Watchers were more of a theory. We knew they were
around, but we never really thought of them as individuals. At least, I
didn't. And anyway, they asked for it. Anything they saw they'd actively
snooped out. It was more of a dare, put on a good show for the constant
invisible audience. But it was easy enough to forget them when I wanted
to. And anyway -- until talkin' to you -- I didn't realize their appetite
for the personal details. I just figured they were looking for ways to
kill us. Pretty impersonal, really.

> Ah yes, sorry.  Shows how much I've been paying attention. That should
> have read "Besides the attractiveness of it".

Ah. I see. So you do like it, then, pet? Wasn't sure.

> > > Must have been, to let a git like you into the ranks.
> > 
> > You should have seen the git I was then.
> 
> Have you pictures?

I believe I could, um, perhaps locate some, given time.

> > > Well that's all right then. I never liked the crew team.
> > 
> > Me neither. Always yellin' outside my window at unearthly hours of the
> > morning. And half of them had no necks. I always liked a graceful
> > neck, even before... its a sign of good breeding, or at least proof
> > that one has, at some point, evolved. 
> 
> Yet you still care for rugby.

That's different. That's ritual combat, that is. Blood and guts and sweat
and anger -- and that's just the stands.

> > > You know that's actually a fine idea.  The school colors, I mean.
> > 
> > What would you prefer -- sweatshirt, t-shirt, tie. I'll send for it
> > straight away.
> 
> A shirt of some sort, I think.  I know I've a few packed away somewhere
> that should fit you.

I'll get right on it. I guess you and I are more or less of a size, aren't
we? That'll make things simpler.

> I meant in the sense that typing it down for other living creatures to
> see was a way of causing harm to them.  Honestly - Watcher missives
> should come with a health warning.  Scarily enough I excelled at writing
> them.

Doesn't surprise me -- you've got a way with words. But the bloody chip
isn't that sensitive, or I'd be long dead. Physical harm only. So unless
I'm givin' them a papercut...

> > Couldn't make out the signature. There is something that might be a Q,
> > or an L, beginning the first word, and what I think is an H or an M in
> > the second. Got anyone with doctors in the family? 
> 
> Not that I can think of offhand.  Only Q I know would be Quentin but his
> last name is Travers.  

Could be a T, I suppose. I'll bring it with when I come down, so you can
see the signature for yourself.

> I'm still amazed that he's working with them again.  Boggles the mind. 
> Almost amusing, when you think of it.

How so? Besides the fact that he did a similar prodigal son act years ago?

> I have no doubts that he enjoyed it.  And, frankly, he can enjoy it all
> he likes.  Just not let it consume him.  In my opinion, of course.

And mine. And his, as far as I can tell.

> No. Lindsey is still very much alive.  More amazing still when you
> consider he's the one who ran Angel over.  Angel simply smashed his hand
> again.  Thus showing even more restraint than I would have under similar
> circumstances.

Or I. For that matter, if I didn't have the chip now... but wait a minute,
why does Lindsay hate Angel now, if he was looking for his help with his
redemption before? Just because he slept with Darla? Hell, that hardly
makes him unique.

> The entire conversation of Hell was painful. The comments you made were
> part of the whole, as far as I could see.  There was... really nothing
> that I liked about that. Angel's pain - even Buffy's.  It was a wholly
> miserable evening.

No kidding. Though I'd have reversed those names.

> Bringing this back to the night that we met again, a simple phrase like
> Heck's Cherub didn't factor in as much as you might think.

Makes sense.

> I know only contextually.  Both of my grandfathers have passed on.  But
> of course one hears comments.

I barely remember mine. A smell of port and a gouty old foot up on a stool
one must be careful not to touch. But mum used to say he had suffered a
disappointment in his youth, which for her was the same as me sayin' the
man was a miserable old skinflint with a nasty temper.

> True enough.  I noticed that he was rather... protective.  I have to
> confess all things considered I didn't mind.

Why should you? Rather gratifyin', to know how much you mean to him. And
... truth to tell, I wasn't so much interested in needlin' you as
protecting Buffy, best I could.

> Acathla?  When Angel went to Hell, you mean? 

Yeah, that. First time the Slayer and I ever worked together. And the
first time I met Joyce, bar the axe incident. Met to talk to, I should
say.

> I suppose the courage runs in the family.

It certainly does. And Joyce -- she's like you. One of the very few who
ever cared to talk to me like a person.

> I know that she and Willow are together, but if she is a witch and
> assisted with the attempt to curse you with a soul, perhaps she might be
> the one I should try to speak with?  Granted, that has as much potential
> for backfiring as it does for working, given my history with Willow.

What is your history with Willow, if you don't mind my askin'? 'Cause
Red's a pretty forgiving type. I tried to bite her once -- that's how I
found out about the chip -- and tried to kidnap her once too, before that.
I don't say we're best buddies, or that she's entirely thrilled about me
spendin' so much time with the Slayer, but she did do the curse -- and
came by afterwards to encourage me to go after Buffy and not sit home
brooding. But yeah, perhaps you could talk to Tara. I don't think she's as
powerful as Willow, but she knows a lot. Only thing is, she wasn't there
when Willow did the curse on Angel, so she can't do the comparision.

> How to react to you.  What I should say.  Should I encourage you? 
> Ignore you?  Match wits with you?  

Anything but ignore me. Though under those circumstances, as we've said,
probably for the best.

> > > The moment, I suspect.  As you said, it was completely unforseen
> > > that we would speak as we had, yet it felt completely natural to
> > > have done so.  There was comfortability there.  A sort of innate
> > > understanding that I normally only find when I'm with Angel.  
> > 
> > Yeah, I felt it too. Strange, that.
> 
> I've said things to you that I haven't spoken of to anyone else - save
> Angel.  

And I've said things to you I haven't told anyone but Buffy. And some I
haven't told anyone but Angel. And one or two that I haven't told anyone
else at all.

> > Wonder when I developed that, anyway? Certainly not in the old days.
> > Only room for one commanding presence in that crew.
> 
> My guess would be Angelus?

Good guess.

> Perhaps after he was no longer with you you developed it on your own.

I suppose I must have. Funny that I never really noticed.

> > Then I'll just have to get you drunk with kisses.
> 
> A most intriguing proposition.  I enjoyed your touch as well, you know.

[grin] Why do you think I wanted to get you drunk?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > The four of you are actually quite legendary.
> 
> No, really? Why? What do they say about us?

Not nearly half as much as you did, I'm sure.  But, well - you take the
Scourge of Europe and his family and it does make quite a history.

> > As you say. It was a family.  A family that happened to be highly
> > skilled at causing mass destruction for the sheer Hell of it, but a
> > family.  One of the few such things in Watcher records.
> 
> Still is, as far as I'm concerned. A little more dysfunctional,
> perhaps. You mean most vamps never do this? How do they keep themselves
> entertained? 

Most vampires are either solitary creatures or band together in clutches
out of some kind of uneasy alliance that does not necessarily have
familial connotations.  

You have to recall as well that many of your kind are not as developed as
you.  In the sheer number of vampires out there many do not survive the
transformation with their minds fully intact, or with any desire to hold
on to their human selves in any form.  This makes them less inclined to do
things such as create undead families. 

That you, Angelus, Darla and Dru individually stayed as developed as you
did was remarkable. Even moreso that you all banded together and stayed
that way for years.

And of course there is the usual interest in your activities - Angelus's
love of torture and village destruction, your habit of torturing victims
with railroad spikes, etc.

> > Ah yes, sorry.  Shows how much I've been paying attention. That should
> > have read "Besides the attractiveness of it".
> 
> Ah. I see. So you do like it, then, pet? Wasn't sure.

I do.  Suits you, actually.

> > Have you pictures?
> 
> I believe I could, um, perhaps locate some, given time.

I'd certainly be interested in seeing them.

> > A shirt of some sort, I think.  I know I've a few packed away
> > somewhere that should fit you.
> 
> I'll get right on it. I guess you and I are more or less of a size,
> aren't we? That'll make things simpler. 

You're broader in the shoulder than I am but I believe I'm a hair taller
than you. So for all intents and purposes we should be all right.

> > Not that I can think of offhand.  Only Q I know would be Quentin but
> > his last name is Travers.  
> 
> Could be a T, I suppose. I'll bring it with when I come down, so you can
> see the signature for yourself. 

Not wholly necessary. By all means bring it along if you wish, but as far
as the name goes it was merely an idle curiosity.

> > I'm still amazed that he's working with them again.  Boggles the mind.
> >  Almost amusing, when you think of it.
> 
> How so? Besides the fact that he did a similar prodigal son act years
> ago?

It's not so much besides that fact as it is in addition to. I was fired
from the Watchers not just for my horrendous handling of the Slayers but
also because in the end I sided with them - Buffy and Rupert, that is, not
Faith.  And here we are a few years later with Rupert once again working
for them while I... don't.

> > No. Lindsey is still very much alive.  More amazing still when you
> > consider he's the one who ran Angel over.  Angel simply smashed his
> > hand again.  Thus showing even more restraint than I would have under
> > similar circumstances.
> 
> Or I. For that matter, if I didn't have the chip now... but wait a
> minute, why does Lindsay hate Angel now, if he was looking for his help
> with his redemption before? Just because he slept with Darla? Hell, that
> hardly makes him unique. 

Lindsey and Angel have a long history together.  Long in the sense that it
is rather detailed, not in the sense of actual time - as far as I'm aware
they've only known of each other for two years.

Angel would really be the one to ask for the full details, but at least
regarding what forms the crux of Lindsey's anger with him I would have to
say that Angel's sleeping with Darla was merely the icing on the cake
which was - to extend the metaphor painfully - baked the night that Angel
sliced Lindsey's hand off.

> > I know only contextually.  Both of my grandfathers have passed on. 
> > But of course one hears comments.
> 
> I barely remember mine. A smell of port and a gouty old foot up on a
> stool one must be careful not to touch. But mum used to say he had
> suffered a disappointment in his youth, which for her was the same as me
> sayin' the man was a miserable old skinflint with a nasty temper. 

Strange when you consider that both you and I shall never become 
grandfathers in our own turn now.

> > Acathla?  When Angel went to Hell, you mean? 
> 
> Yeah, that. First time the Slayer and I ever worked together. And the
> first time I met Joyce, bar the axe incident. Met to talk to, I should
> say. 

That was before my time in Sunnydale.  I arrived in the latter half of
Buffy's senior year.

> > I suppose the courage runs in the family.
> 
> It certainly does. And Joyce -- she's like you. One of the very few who
> ever cared to talk to me like a person. 

That's... very kind of her.  Something like that would make her rather
unique amongst the Scoobies, certainly.

For... For what it's worth, Spike - most of the Scoobies never spoke to me
as though I were a person either.

> What is your history with Willow, if you don't mind my askin'?

She was captured by the Mayor at a time when Buffy had been skilled 
and fortunate enough to come into possession of a valuable item of his -
one which we did not at the time know the purpose of, only that it was
necessary for his Ascension.  The Mayor wanted to exchange Willow for the
box.  I came down on the side of keeping the box - which meant giving up
on Willow's life.

My feeling was that it was foolish to save her life only to destroy 
thousands when the Mayor's plans came to life - particularly since when
that happened Willow would only die anyway.  Buffy, of course, disagreed. 
The exchange was made and the day was saved regardless.

But... if Willow doesn't care for my company or care to offer me any
assistance, I would not be surprised, nor could I truly blame her.

> But yeah, perhaps you could talk to Tara. I don't think she's as
> powerful as Willow, but she knows a lot. Only thing is, she wasn't there
> when Willow did the curse on Angel, so she can't do the comparision. 

A good point.  Well... perhaps you could serve as liason? Find out if
there is interest in conversation?  

> > I've said things to you that I haven't spoken of to anyone else - save
> > Angel.  
> 
> And I've said things to you I haven't told anyone but Buffy. And some I
> haven't told anyone but Angel. And one or two that I haven't told anyone
> else at all. 

I'm honored with your confidence.

> > > Then I'll just have to get you drunk with kisses.
> > 
> > A most intriguing proposition.  I enjoyed your touch as well, you
> > know.
> 
> [grin] Why do you think I wanted to get you drunk?

A diabolical scheme, to be certain. I would even dare to call it evil.

Wesley

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> > > As you like it.
> > 
> > Alright, you win, I surrender.
> 
> You're no fun anymore.

Sorry to disappoint you, luv, but every other Shakespeare play I could
think of had somebody's name in the title, except the Taming of the Shrew,
and I'm not about to call Wesley any such thing, even as a joke.

> What I thought and felt and did....
> 
> Beaten. Just fucking beaten.  Tried and tried and tried and *tried* and
> it Didn't Fucking Matter. *Nothing* mattered. Nothing I did, nothing I
> felt - nothing.

Fuck knows I get the feeling, but -- yeah, it does, luv. Matter, I mean.
Matters to the people you help. Matters to your sidekicks. Matters to
those dickhead lawyers, or they wouldn't spend so much time trying to fuck
with it. Matters to the goddamned Powers. And matters to me.

> Then there's Darla in front of me and... I just wanted to feel
> something.  Something. Anything. Never felt so dead in all my life.  But
> I knew I could hurt her.  Maybe not emotionally but throw her through a
> fucking door and she's sure as shit gonna feel that *physically*.  Maybe
> make a noise. Do something.  Just wanted to have an effect. To *feel*.

Oh yeah. Been there. Done that. Set fire to the t-shirt.

> Throw her around, hit her - that doesn't do it.  Switch gears - kiss
> her. Get nice and gentle. *That* doesn't do it. Try it all from the top
> - still no good.  Finally just *fuck* her.  Good and hard.
> 
> Just wanted to feel something.

And did you?

> > > Paul Mitchell.
> > 
> > Thanks, luv. Needed my laugh for the day.
> 
> 's what I'm here for.

Knew you had to be good for *something*.

> Nope. Holding off though. Still early for that.

You've got time.

> Maybe. But that's when controlling blood flow comes in handy.  Keep him
> from thinking *too* much about it.

Also a good point.

> > It seems like I've been hard for *days*. It hurts. Makes it hard to
> > sleep, too, and when I do, I dream about you. About you fucking Wesley
> > while I watch. About you fucking me. But I always wake up before I
> > come. 
> 
> Obediant even in sleep.  Good boy.

Yeah, you don't know how much I hate that. You'd think, wet dream, not my
fault, right? Doesn't count. But no, my damned subconscious listens more
to you that it does to me. Figures.

> > Get up, go out for a walk, try to clear my head -- it's not five
> > minutes before I'm remembering what you said in your last letter,
> > imagining what I'm going to answer, and what you'll say. Imagining
> > what it'll be like when I finally get there, finally get to touch you.
> > Imagine kneeling at your feet again. 
> 
> You'll be doing a lot of that.

I can't wait.

> > Or remembering what Wesley said, deciding what to answer. Imagining
> > fucking him again. Wondering if I could get him to beg half as pretty
> > as you did. 
> 
> Probably not right now. But maybe sometime.

For him, I can be patient.

> > Wondering what it would be like to feel his mouth around my
> > cock.
> 
> Really good.
> 
> > Imagining you and me, on either side of him, teasing his neck,
> > his nipples, his cock until he overloads. 
> 
> Nice.

Yeah, wouldn't it be? I want to spoil the boy a little. Let him know just
what its like to be the center of everybody's attention. Not to mention
two mouths, four hands, two cocks...

> > I can't read anything else. I can't even concentrate on Passions -- I
> > stare at the screen, and it turns into you bending Wesley over in the
> > shower, Wesley sucking you off in the kitchen. 
> 
> Poor baby.  I should tell you more stories. Give you some variety at
> least.

I'd appreciate it. You know its bad when I know the dialogue by heart.

> > He says he'll be your slave and you say you thought he was. I say I'll
> > show my appreciation and you say its not like you're givin' me a
> > choice. Have pity, luv. After a while, there's not much left to offer
> > that isn't yours already. 
> 
> You've got plenty left to give me, boy.

Name it and its yours, Angel. As long as it doesn't interfere with takin'
care of Buffy, of course.

> > > And for the record - he is *really* hot when he's swearing.  You
> > > thought he looked sexy when just his body was turned on. Get dirty
> > > words out of that pretty mouth... We'll be having a lot of repeats
> > > of this.  Bet you can guess the next thing I'll have him begging
> > > for.
> > 
> > Several things are springing to mind, actually.
> 
> Be interested to hear your theories.

Mostly stickin' to the obvious. Begging to come. Begging to suck your cock
-- or for you to suck his. Begging for *you* to come. All of the above?

> > > You ask for a spanking this bad and I'm gonna say no just to
> > > frustrate you.
> > 
> > You're no fun at all. You know that? As if I'm not frustrated enough
> > already to power a small city.
> 
> What? You didn't think I was planning on knocking you around?  Oh 
> you're in for some *big* surprises.

I was hoping.

> > Hell, I'm vibrating so bad, people in
> > *Australia* are wakin' up horny from dreams of you. 
> 
> Good thing I don't know anybody there.

Me neither, so far as I know.

Oh, luv, that reminds me. There's something I wanted to tell Wesley, but
it has to do with the old days, so I really should talk to you first. Um,
do you remember when you told me to kill my mum?

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > You're no fun anymore.
> 
> Sorry to disappoint you, luv, but every other Shakespeare play I could
> think of had somebody's name in the title, except the Taming of the
> Shrew, and I'm not about to call Wesley any such thing, even as a joke. 

I appreciate that.  Good that you're looking out for him.

> > Beaten. Just fucking beaten.  Tried and tried and tried and *tried*
> > and it Didn't Fucking Matter. *Nothing* mattered. Nothing I did,
> > nothing I felt - nothing.
> 
> Fuck knows I get the feeling, but -- yeah, it does, luv. Matter, I
> mean. Matters to the people you help. Matters to your sidekicks.
> Matters to those dickhead lawyers, or they wouldn't spend so much time
> trying to fuck with it. Matters to the goddamned Powers. And matters to
> me. 

Where were you a few months ago, huh?

But that wouldn't've - no pun intended - mattered.  The Host says I hit
bottom. Probably true.  Hell - I *know* it's true.  Bottom just happened
to be Darla.

> > Just wanted to feel something.
> 
> And did you?

When I woke up, yeah.  Scared *shitless* when I woke up.  During, 
though? Nothing.  

Well, you know - I came.  Felt *that* I suppose.  But it was just 
physical. Emotionally - nothing.  Fucking Darla meant as little as 
everything else.

> > Nope. Holding off though. Still early for that.
> 
> You've got time.

's my thought.

> > Obediant even in sleep.  Good boy.
> 
> Yeah, you don't know how much I hate that. You'd think, wet dream, not
> my fault, right? Doesn't count. But no, my damned subconscious listens
> more to you that it does to me. Figures. 

But you like taking orders.  

> > Probably not right now. But maybe sometime.
> 
> For him, I can be patient.

It'll be worth it.  

> Yeah, wouldn't it be? I want to spoil the boy a little. Let him know
> just what its like to be the center of everybody's attention. Not to
> mention two mouths, four hands, two cocks... 

Yeah. Been having a few thoughts in that direction m'self.  We should talk
about it. Want to use you to spoil him stupid, if we can.  Treat him like
a prince.

> > Poor baby.  I should tell you more stories. Give you some variety at
> > least.
> 
> I'd appreciate it. You know its bad when I know the dialogue by heart.

You *are* obsessed.  Well then - what kind do you want?  Sweet or 
spicy?

> > You've got plenty left to give me, boy.
> 
> Name it and its yours, Angel. As long as it doesn't interfere with
> takin' care of Buffy, of course. 

Course.

> > Be interested to hear your theories.
> 
> Mostly stickin' to the obvious. Begging to come. Begging to suck your
> cock -- or for you to suck his. Begging for *you* to come. All of the
> above? 

All of the above.  But the next word on the list is definitely cock.  

> > What? You didn't think I was planning on knocking you around?  Oh
> > you're in for some *big* surprises.
> 
> I was hoping.

*Big* surprises.

> Oh, luv, that reminds me. There's something I wanted to tell Wesley, but
> it has to do with the old days, so I really should talk to you first.
> Um, do you remember when you told me to kill my mum? 

Um - in *detail*? Or as a concept? 'cause as a concept - yeah.

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> > > The four of you are actually quite legendary.
> > 
> > No, really? Why? What do they say about us?
> 
> Not nearly half as much as you did, I'm sure.  But, well - you take the
> Scourge of Europe and his family and it does make quite a history.

I suppose it does. It doesn't seem so extrodinary when you live it a day
at a time. And I tried never to call him the Scourge of Europe -- his ego
was quite big enough as it was. Should have tried "Scourgie" -- bet he'd
have knocked me through a wall for that one.

> Most vampires are either solitary creatures or band together in clutches
> out of some kind of uneasy alliance that does not necessarily have
> familial connotations.  

Bleah. Dull work, livin' alone. Never get to talk to the same person
twice.

> You have to recall as well that many of your kind are not as developed
> as you.  In the sheer number of vampires out there many do not survive
> the transformation with their minds fully intact, or with any desire to
> hold on to their human selves in any form.  This makes them less
> inclined to do things such as create undead families. 

I suppose. Never understood that, really. Why shouldn't they keep whatever
they cared to? I didn't do anything special, it just was. Is it just that
Angel's bloodline is more powerful?

> That you, Angelus, Darla and Dru individually stayed as developed as you
> did was remarkable. Even moreso that you all banded together and stayed
> that way for years.

Again, I guess. But much as I marvel at how much of Darla I put up with,
it really doesn't seem so strange to me.

> And of course there is the usual interest in your activities - Angelus's
> love of torture and village destruction, your habit of torturing victims
> with railroad spikes, etc.

Oh yeah, that. Um, pet? Don't mean to ruin my repuation, but that wasn't
my, er, invariable habit. More of an occasional indulgence. 

> I do.  Suits you, actually.

Glad to hear it.

> I'd certainly be interested in seeing them.

I'll let you know.

> It's not so much besides that fact as it is in addition to. I was fired
> from the Watchers not just for my horrendous handling of the Slayers but
> also because in the end I sided with them - Buffy and Rupert, that is,
> not Faith.  And here we are a few years later with Rupert once again
> working for them while I... don't.

True. Do you want to? I'm sure Buffy would be willing to throw more of
them into the furniture. But it seems a waste of your talents. I'd say a
waste of his talents too, except his main talent seems to be worrying
about Buffy. I suppose he might as well get paid for it.

> Lindsey and Angel have a long history together.  Long in the sense that
> it is rather detailed, not in the sense of actual time - as far as I'm
> aware they've only known of each other for two years.
> 
> Angel would really be the one to ask for the full details, but at least
> regarding what forms the crux of Lindsey's anger with him I would have
> to say that Angel's sleeping with Darla was merely the icing on the cake
> which was - to extend the metaphor painfully - baked the night that
> Angel sliced Lindsey's hand off.

Nah. Don't much care, frankly. Just seemed a bit odd.

> Strange when you consider that both you and I shall never become 
> grandfathers in our own turn now.

Why not you, pet? I, well, can't. Bein' dead and all. Unless I adopted, I
suppose, and I can't see anyone thinkin' an evil vampire is a particularly
suitable parent. Fine with me. I haven't the patience. But I wouldn't mind
playin' grampa to Dawnie's brats, if she has any. I can spoil them rotten,
anyway.

> That's... very kind of her.  Something like that would make her rather
> unique amongst the Scoobies, certainly.

She made me cocoa. With marshmellows. And tells me stupid stories about
her work.

> For... For what it's worth, Spike - most of the Scoobies never spoke to
> me as though I were a person either.

I'm sorry, pet. They're self-centered little brats. But as far as I'm
concerned, it's okay. It doesn't bother me, except that it makes things
... complicated ... for the Slayer.

> > What is your history with Willow, if you don't mind my askin'?
> 
> She was captured by the Mayor at a time when Buffy had been skilled and
> fortunate enough to come into possession of a valuable item of his - one
> which we did not at the time know the purpose of, only that it was
> necessary for his Ascension.  The Mayor wanted to exchange Willow for
> the box.  I came down on the side of keeping the box - which meant
> giving up on Willow's life.
> 
> My feeling was that it was foolish to save her life only to destroy
> thousands when the Mayor's plans came to life - particularly since when
> that happened Willow would only die anyway.  Buffy, of course,
> disagreed.  The exchange was made and the day was saved regardless.
> 
> But... if Willow doesn't care for my company or care to offer me any
> assistance, I would not be surprised, nor could I truly blame her.

I can see that. But it can't hurt to ask. And .. she might consider it
assistance to me. Or to Angel. Or even to Buffy.

> > But yeah, perhaps you could talk to Tara. I don't think she's as
> > powerful as Willow, but she knows a lot. Only thing is, she wasn't
> > there when Willow did the curse on Angel, so she can't do the
> > comparision. 
> 
> A good point.  Well... perhaps you could serve as liason? Find out if
> there is interest in conversation?  

I'll check and let you know.

> > > I've said things to you that I haven't spoken of to anyone else -
> > > save Angel.  
> > 
> > And I've said things to you I haven't told anyone but Buffy. And some
> > I haven't told anyone but Angel. And one or two that I haven't told
> > anyone else at all. 
> 
> I'm honored with your confidence.

And I'm honored with yours. All the more so since you had every reason not
to trust me.

> > > > Then I'll just have to get you drunk with kisses.
> > > 
> > > A most intriguing proposition.  I enjoyed your touch as well, you
> > > know.
> > 
> > [grin] Why do you think I wanted to get you drunk?
> 
> A diabolical scheme, to be certain. I would even dare to call it evil.

One does one's poor best.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > Not nearly half as much as you did, I'm sure.  But, well - you take
> > the Scourge of Europe and his family and it does make quite a history.
> 
> I suppose it does. It doesn't seem so extrodinary when you live it a day
> at a time. And I tried never to call him the Scourge of Europe -- his
> ego was quite big enough as it was. Should have tried "Scourgie" -- bet
> he'd have knocked me through a wall for that one. 

I imagine he would have.  Did he come up with the nickname himself or have
it bestowed upon him?

> > Most vampires are either solitary creatures or band together in
> > clutches out of some kind of uneasy alliance that does not necessarily
> > have familial connotations.  
> 
> Bleah. Dull work, livin' alone. Never get to talk to the same person
> twice.

Perhaps some feel that it is more dull to have repeat conversations.

> I suppose. Never understood that, really. Why shouldn't they keep
> whatever they cared to? I didn't do anything special, it just was. Is it
> just that Angel's bloodline is more powerful? 

I wish I had the answers for you.  Perhaps it is both a matter of personal
preference *and* bloodline.  

Speaking of answers, I've been working on my translation of the curse. 
It's a most fascinating read.  The entire thing seems to work with a great
deal of energy on the part of the one casting the spell.  Not surprising,
considering how advanced a spell it is.  But I would be most interested in
speaking with Willow about her method of casting it.  Some of the words
inside the spell... well they contradict what one would assume about it.

> > And of course there is the usual interest in your activities -
> > Angelus's love of torture and village destruction, your habit of
> > torturing victims with railroad spikes, etc.
> 
> Oh yeah, that. Um, pet? Don't mean to ruin my repuation, but that
> wasn't my, er, invariable habit. More of an occasional indulgence. 

Still. Enough to earn a nickname.  Really I imagine doing it just the once
would suffice.

> > It's not so much besides that fact as it is in addition to. I was
> > fired from the Watchers not just for my horrendous handling of the
> > Slayers but also because in the end I sided with them - Buffy and
> > Rupert, that is, not Faith.  And here we are a few years later with
> > Rupert once again working for them while I... don't.
> 
> True. Do you want to?

God no!  I want no more to do with them at all.  I'm just a bit taken
aback that Rupert of all people would join them again, particularly given
how attached he is to Buffy.

But who am I to say? Perhaps he wishes to make changes from the 
inside out.

> > Strange when you consider that both you and I shall never become
> > grandfathers in our own turn now.
> 
> Why not you, pet?

I'm hardly likely to get Angel pregnant.

> > That's... very kind of her.  Something like that would make her rather
> > unique amongst the Scoobies, certainly.
> 
> She made me cocoa. With marshmellows. And tells me stupid stories about
> her work.

That sounds very nice.

> > For... For what it's worth, Spike - most of the Scoobies never spoke
> > to me as though I were a person either.
> 
> I'm sorry, pet. They're self-centered little brats.

It's not as though I can blame them.  I was... rather pompous at the time.

Cordelia, actually, was the only exception to the rule.  She was the only
one of all of them who actually sought my company.

> > But... if Willow doesn't care for my company or care to offer me any
> > assistance, I would not be surprised, nor could I truly blame her.
> 
> I can see that. But it can't hurt to ask. And .. she might consider it
> assistance to me. Or to Angel. Or even to Buffy. 

It certainly would be, on all counts.

> > A good point.  Well... perhaps you could serve as liason? Find out if
> > there is interest in conversation?  
> 
> I'll check and let you know.

Thank you.  Perhaps she has e-mail as well? Or Tara?

> > I'm honored with your confidence.
> 
> And I'm honored with yours. All the more so since you had every reason
> not to trust me. 

You've more than earned it.

> > > [grin] Why do you think I wanted to get you drunk?
> > 
> > A diabolical scheme, to be certain. I would even dare to call it evil.
> 
> One does one's poor best.

Now you're deliberately attempting to be charming in an effort to seduce
me.

Wesley

PS - It's working.

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> I appreciate that.  Good that you're looking out for him.

I try.

> Where were you a few months ago, huh?

Sunnydale. Following Buffy around like a fucking puppy and thinking you
hated me. Not such a good time.

> But that wouldn't've - no pun intended - mattered.  The Host says I hit
> bottom. Probably true.  Hell - I *know* it's true.  Bottom just happened
> to be Darla.

Lucky her. Hope you told her so.

> > > Just wanted to feel something.
> > 
> > And did you?
> 
> When I woke up, yeah.  Scared *shitless* when I woke up.  During, 
> though? Nothing.  
> 
> Well, you know - I came.  Felt *that* I suppose.  But it was just 
> physical. Emotionally - nothing.  Fucking Darla meant as little as
> everything else.

At least it worked. Kind of. Bleah. But I'm guessin' bottom is never
pleasant.

> > Yeah, you don't know how much I hate that. You'd think, wet dream, not
> > my fault, right? Doesn't count. But no, my damned subconscious listens
> > more to you that it does to me. Figures. 
> 
> But you like taking orders.  

Well, yeah. But I like coming too.

> > Yeah, wouldn't it be? I want to spoil the boy a little. Let him know
> > just what its like to be the center of everybody's attention. Not to
> > mention two mouths, four hands, two cocks... 
> 
> Yeah. Been having a few thoughts in that direction m'self.  We should
> talk about it. Want to use you to spoil him stupid, if we can.  Treat
> him like a prince.

Sounds good to me. Sounds *real* good to me. Seems like a lot of other
people who should have, didn't. Love to make it up to him a little, if we
can. Not to mention, just plain fun.

> > I'd appreciate it. You know its bad when I know the dialogue by heart.
> 
> You *are* obsessed.  Well then - what kind do you want?  Sweet or 
> spicy?

Sweet.

> All of the above.  But the next word on the list is definitely cock.  

And again, mmmmm.

> > > What? You didn't think I was planning on knocking you around?  Oh
> > > you're in for some *big* surprises.
> > 
> > I was hoping.
> 
> *Big* surprises.

Lookin' forward to it. If I hadn't already made that clear.

> > Oh, luv, that reminds me. There's something I wanted to tell Wesley,
> > but it has to do with the old days, so I really should talk to you
> > first. Um, do you remember when you told me to kill my mum? 
> 
> Um - in *detail*? Or as a concept? 'cause as a concept - yeah.

Concept is fine. Thing is, I, um. Didn't. Exactly.

-- Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > Where were you a few months ago, huh?
> 
> Sunnydale. Following Buffy around like a fucking puppy and thinking you
> hated me. Not such a good time. 

I like you now.

> > But that wouldn't've - no pun intended - mattered.  The Host says I
> > hit bottom. Probably true.  Hell - I *know* it's true.  Bottom just
> > happened to be Darla.
> 
> Lucky her. Hope you told her so.

Heh. She was *pissed*.  Wanted to give it another go.  Just *knew* she
could fuck the soul out of me.  Had to tell her no - it wasn't that good
and it sure as *shit* wasn't perfect happiness.  Wasn't even perfect *sex*
for that matter.

> > Well, you know - I came.  Felt *that* I suppose.  But it was just
> > physical. Emotionally - nothing.  Fucking Darla meant as little as
> > everything else.
> 
> At least it worked. Kind of. Bleah. But I'm guessin' bottom is never
> pleasant.

Wasn't for me, tell you that much.

> > But you like taking orders.  
> 
> Well, yeah. But I like coming too.

I'm sorry - what? Did you say something?  You... coming?  Do those 
words go together?

> > Yeah. Been having a few thoughts in that direction m'self.  We should
> > talk about it. Want to use you to spoil him stupid, if we can.  Treat
> > him like a prince.
> 
> Sounds good to me. Sounds *real* good to me. Seems like a lot of other
> people who should have, didn't. Love to make it up to him a little, if
> we can. Not to mention, just plain fun. 

Oh yeah.

Here's my thought - I know you get off on fucking him, and I'm not 
saying you can't.  But when we do this - spoil him - I'd like him to try
his hand at being in charge - with you.  's part of why I had you go
begging to him for the right to touch me.  I want him to get a taste of
what it's like when somebody serves him.

I'd do it myself - fuck, got nothing *against* doing it myself and
probably will some day  - but this way he gets it from both sides, so to
speak.  Still nice and safe and belonging to me, while getting an
education on the fun of giving orders at the same time.

You game?  'specially if you understand that by doing this you'd be 
obeying *my* orders too?  

> > You *are* obsessed.  Well then - what kind do you want?  Sweet or
> > spicy?
> 
> Sweet.

So many choices...

First time I took him in the hotel was nice.  When the whole thing 
started we were at his place - like I told ya.  And that was nice but sort
of surreal for me.  Hadn't even *seen* his place until right when I came
back, and I only saw it once before the night I came to him.

So I didn't know the place too well. It was his.  Nothing I was familiar
with. Nice in that it had his scent everywhere, but still - very
fairytale.  Dream-like.

Getting him in the hotel was back on familiar ground. Plus there he was in
the place I'd been watching him in all this time - well, since the old
place blew up.  So there's this extra bit of excitement that - yeah, I
*can* touch him by that desk, that countertop, that stairway - all the
places where in the past I could only look.

And, you know, get him in the bedroom.

I think he knew it too. He was a little more nervous than usual.  I mean,
not that we'd gotten *that* comfy with each other by then, it was still
early, but we were both a little keyed up.

Took him out to dinner that night. Nothing much.  Just - wanted to treat
him. Do something special for him.  Found someplace cheap enough to be
affordable, expensive enough that I don't have to deal with people.

Think maybe it wasn't really his thing.  Like he liked it - good food and
all - but it wasn't necessary on my part.  Didn't have to woo him.
'specially in a place that wasn't my thing.  I mean I didn't complain or
anything but - he knows me. Knew me well enough even before we slept
together. Knows I don't like public places.  

Anyway, point being I was going for romance. Actual date. That kind of
thing.  We finish, leave, he kinda casually asks if we're going back to my
place - asks with this look in his eye.  And yeah - I kinda melt.  Still
getting used to the fact that he likes me.

Get to the hotel and I'm kissing him at the front door. Can't help it.  I
mean I wait 'til we get *inside*, but at that point I'm touching him - his
face, his chest, laying kisses on him and occasionally tasting that red
wine he had with dinner.  He's curled up against my chest, hands under my
coat, against my back, snuggled in real nice.

I'm an idiot at this point in the game.  Gibbering.  Does he want a drink?
Something to eat? Oh yeah, we just did that.  Um - bathroom?  Oh yeah, he
would remember where those were.  Can I get him anything?

At this point *he* kisses *me*.  Shuts me up.  In a good way, though. 
Smiles at me - and he's got this *great* smile, like - like he just found
out how *great* the world is and he's gonna share the news with you - and
says it's ok, he's ok. 

Then he kinda looses his nerve.  Can't talk anymore.  Stammers a bit.  So
I kiss him again and tell him I love him.

That gets us back on track.

Bring him upstairs.  Get him to my room.

There... bear with me.  Months ago, he tried to get to me. Get *through*
to me.  Kept coming after me - Angel, what's up? Angel, what are you
doing?  Angel, *why* are you obessing like this?  Wouldn't let me just go
off and be an asshole. Kept calling me on it.

Which is part of why I got rid of him - didn't want to be a good guy,
wanted to be an asshole - but my point is that one time when he did that
he came into my room.  Which was big. Most of 'em didn't do that - didn't
want to disturb me.  Don't blame 'em - I'm scary. 

But not Wes. He didn't get scared. Marched right in there and called me on
my crap.

Not that it did any good but - you know - made an impression.

So, kinda had this fantasy.  One of the last I had of him before I made
myself give 'em up.  Him, coming into the room light that, challenging me,
and I grab him, pull him into my lap, get my hand on him and just fuck
him, make him melt, make him admit he did it because he cared.  'Cause he
loved me.

Anyway.  Now it's reality.  Him, and me, after dinner, in my room, and I'm
thinking about that, thinking about the last time I wanted him in there
and how now it's real.  

Maybe he's thinking the same thing - Hell, maybe he's thinking of the time
I jumped him.  But I know what I'm thinking of and I wanna treat him right
because of it.

He's wearing the usual shirt and tie. I'm wearing usual sweater and 
slacks.

I work on him first.  Undo the tie.  Kiss his neck.  Unbutton the shirt. 
Listen to him breathe faster.  Get the scent of him.  He's sighing, happy.
I like it.

Want him in a thousand different ways.  Against the wall - in the chair I
was thinking about - on the floor - thousand different ways.  Gonna do it
proper though, for his first time here.  Get my arms around him and take
him to the bedroom itself.  Get some nice lights on.  Ask if he wants
music.  Just wants me.

Well, you know, if he insists.

Kiss him real soft and slow.  Run my hands down his body.  Make sure to
touch every muscle I can reach.  We're at that stage where everything's
sexy 'cause you're not sure if it's supposed to be. Lift him up. Get him
on the bed.  Treating him *real* gentle 'cause he's got the stitches
still.

He's curled up close.  Gets his hand under my sweater.  Can feel it sort
of cold and trembling, but again in the good way.  Think about our first
time together and tease him - tell him I invited him here. He can go where
he wants.

Makes him smile.  Gets him a little braver.  I lay back and he pulls the
sweater off me. He's straddling my waist now, running his hands over my
bare chest.  He looks great.  I'm hard underneath him.  We kiss.  Rock my
hips into his.  He makes nice little noises - you know... it's getting him
turned on and he doesn't not want to be turned on. That kind of thing.

Tell him he's gorgeous. He blushes under the glasses. Think about 
taking 'em off but he looks so fucking cute I don't bother.  I keep moving
my hips, he keeps touching my chest.  Even starts kissing it - tries his
hand at using his mouth to give me some real attention there (this is just
the third time we slept together - this is even before him sucking me off
in his kitchen).  Doesn't think of biting yet, but he's got a real nice
tongue and he's sucking in interesting little pulses.  Feels good.

Can feel him getting hard.  Slide my hand in between us. Start teasing
him.  He whimpers, holding still so I can do it.  Ask him if he wants to
come.  He blushes, but says yeah.  

Undo the front of his pants.  Get his cock out.  Start stroking it.  Tell
him to stay as he is - pretty much on hands and knees above me - while I
do it.

He moves real nice.  Gives himself to it immediately.  His eyes are 
closed, his mouth's open just a little - I kiss him every time I notice
that, make sure to give him a little tongue 'cause he wants it so - and
his hips make these good thrusts into my hand.

Starts getting hard for him to hold the position - lots of abdomen needed
there - so I sit up a little, let him rest his weight against me, keep
stroking him. He's kissing my throat and shoulders now, 'cause that's what
he can reach.  Whimpering so sweet, saying my name, saying he loves me. 
His nipples are nice and dark. Really tight.  I push him back against the
bed so I can keep stroking him and bite them at the same time.

It's too much for him.  Just a little attention like that and he comes,
gasping, panting, hand digging into my shoulder 'cause he's holding it so
hard. 

I let him calm down a little, then I clean him up, licking up that nice
come everywhere I can find it.  Can see him watching, liking it.

'course I'm rock hard.  He says my name - in that real nice way, way only
he says "Angel" - and I can tell he's asking what I want.

Lay down next to him.  Tell him to do the same to me.  Little look of
panic in his eyes - not ready to try a blowjob yet, thinks I'm referring
to the cleanup I just did - so I explain I meant the handjob.  Just wanna
feel his hand on me.

(Do I want to fuck him again? Hell yeah. But he just came and he's still
healing, can't tire him out like that yet, 'specially on stuff that
requires so much waist and hip movement)

I lay back. Tell him to move me where ever he wants me.  He sits up -
takes the rest of his clothes off, doing it for practical reasons but it's
got the nice side effect of turning me on even more - and takes care of
the front of my pants.  Tell him I can take the whole thing off if he
wants. He just smiles and says no. Can tell he's trying to see the appeal
of what I just did - jerking him off while he's still dressed.

Hey - not complaining.

So he's got the pants open and - you know what, fuck it, Spike, I just
like his hands. They're nice. - gets his hand in there and starts touching
it.  I'm keeping my mouth shut, 'cept for moans and compliments. Want him
to figure it out on his own.

So he pulls my cock out and, really, it's the first time he's getting a
chance to take his time with it.  So he's half-looking, half-stroking and
I'm all turned on.  

He's doing the same thing we all do - "how's jerking *me* off gonna 
apply to another guy" - trying to figure out where to put his hand, how to
move it.  I tell him everything's good - and I mean it.  Fact that he's so
uncertain, unsure - it's such a fucking turn on.  I'm getting off just
watching him, never mind what his hand's doing.

Finds a position that he likes.  Pumps me a few times. Gets a nice 
reaction for his troubles.  Tries again. Gets an even better one.

Asks me - actually *asks* me, like it wasn't clear - if he should keep
going.  I tell him yes, Wes, yes you should.  Please.  Then I kiss him, to
make sure we're clear on the subject.

He likes the kiss.  Moves his hand again.  I moan, keep kissing him.  Get
my tongue in his mouth again.  He's stroking me off, I'm fucking his mouth
with my tongue.  He's breathing hard 'cause at least one of us should be. 
Finally hits my cock in a *good* way.  Shifted his hand just a little,
moved just a little bit faster and damn if he hasn't hit my happy spot. 
Start biting his lips and sucking them as he's jerking me off.  Tell him
to keep going. Don't stop. Don't change a thing, just keep doing it, Wes,
don't stop touching me, please -

I come into his hand, enjoy the afterglow for a sec, then pick his hand up
and clean that off too.

> > All of the above.  But the next word on the list is definitely cock.  
> 
> And again, mmmmm.

I'll let you know how it goes. 

> > *Big* surprises.
> 
> Lookin' forward to it. If I hadn't already made that clear.

You'll enjoy it.

> > Um - in *detail*? Or as a concept? 'cause as a concept - yeah.
> 
> Concept is fine. Thing is, I, um. Didn't. Exactly.

Whatever. I mean - appreciate the confession and all but, not like I cared
much.

Sorry - wait.  You're trying here and I don't wanna be a dick.  I *do*
care - I care it mattered to you and you're telling me now.  That's good.  I'm
just saying that I'm not mad or anything.

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> I imagine he would have.  Did he come up with the nickname himself or
> have it bestowed upon him?

Not sure. Probably the latter. It has an awful lot of words in it, for
him.

> Perhaps some feel that it is more dull to have repeat conversations.

I guess. But the one-offs tend to be of the form: "I'm here to kill you"
"Aiiiieeee, vampire, run" "crunch". Entertaining in its own right, yes,
but not much for the exploration of deeper emotions -- or even current
events. 

> > I suppose. Never understood that, really. Why shouldn't they keep
> > whatever they cared to? I didn't do anything special, it just was. Is
> > it just that Angel's bloodline is more powerful? 
> 
> I wish I had the answers for you.  Perhaps it is both a matter of
> personal preference *and* bloodline.  

Maybe. Or even intent of the sire? Could ask Angel.

> Speaking of answers, I've been working on my translation of the curse. 
> It's a most fascinating read.  The entire thing seems to work with a
> great deal of energy on the part of the one casting the spell.  Not
> surprising, considering how advanced a spell it is.  But I would be most
> interested in speaking with Willow about her method of casting it.  Some
> of the words inside the spell... well they contradict what one would
> assume about it.

Really? How so?

I talked to Red last night. She wants to know what's up with the spell,
partly out of sheer witchy curiosity and partly because of the whole
conversation from hell (she and Tara walked in on the aftermath and
started flipping out about what if she did it wrong). 

But she's, er, reluctant to work with you. Wasn't best pleased with me
sending off the curse to you either, but she couldn't exactly deny you've
got a personal interest. I'm not sure why -- you know Red, she tends to
trail off her sentences just when they get to the interesting bits. But I
gather its got less to do with you bein' willin' to swap her for a box of
bad mojo than with an, um, generally unflattering assessment of your
abilities. Though I think the gay thing has made her a bit more
sympathetic than she used to be.

Sorry, pet. Wouldn't have gone into any of that, except -- the upshot is,
Tara's convinced her to exchange a couple of emails with you and see how
it goes, but there are conditions. First, you agree not to attempt to
perform the curse without her. Second, you promise not to tell the
Watchers -- I know that's not necessary, pet, but she doesn't. And third,
that you understand that she is going to, um, take any unsupported
assertion of yours with a sizeable grain of salt.

> > > And of course there is the usual interest in your activities -
> > > Angelus's love of torture and village destruction, your habit of
> > > torturing victims with railroad spikes, etc.
> > 
> > Oh yeah, that. Um, pet? Don't mean to ruin my repuation, but that
> > wasn't my, er, invariable habit. More of an occasional indulgence. 
> 
> Still. Enough to earn a nickname.  Really I imagine doing it just the
> once would suffice.

As long as I'm bein' honest, once is pretty much what it was. A gentleman
who was kind enough to say in my hearing that he'd rather be tortured with
railroad spikes than listen to my poetry -- in my mortal days, that was. I
obliged. Since then... used the threat a few times, even started the
process, but its really a once in a lifetime moment. Can't be recaptured.

> God no!  I want no more to do with them at all.  I'm just a bit taken
> aback that Rupert of all people would join them again, particularly
> given how attached he is to Buffy.

I don't get it either. But then I was never much for authority and chains
o' command. I'd say he wants to tap their resources except he doesn't seem
to, really. 

> But who am I to say? Perhaps he wishes to make changes from the 
> inside out.

Something tells me that's not likely to work, but Giles is definitely the
sort who'd give it a go.

> > > Strange when you consider that both you and I shall never become
> > > grandfathers in our own turn now.
> > 
> > Why not you, pet?
> 
> I'm hardly likely to get Angel pregnant.

I'm aware, pet. But, well, I do have reason to know that you're not averse
to the idea of a little extracurricular sex on occasion. And I'm sure
Angel would understand if you wanted a child.

> > She made me cocoa. With marshmellows. And tells me stupid stories
> > about her work.
> 
> That sounds very nice.

It is, in a motherly sort of way. I don't think she has any real grasp on
the fact that I'm a hell of a lot older than she is -- and frankly, in
light of the fact that I'm tryin' to court her daughter, its not somethin'
I emphasize.

> It's not as though I can blame them.  I was... rather pompous at the
> time.

What happened? You're certainly not pompous now.

> Cordelia, actually, was the only exception to the rule.  She was the
> only one of all of them who actually sought my company.

Lucky, then, that she's the one you ended up working with.

> Thank you.  Perhaps she has e-mail as well? Or Tara?

They both do. Willow is computer girl for the whole crew, and does all
their online research and such. Tara basically just uses hers to send
cutsy messages to Willow, so far as I can tell.

> > > I'm honored with your confidence.
> > 
> > And I'm honored with yours. All the more so since you had every reason
> > not to trust me. 
> 
> You've more than earned it.

Thank you, pet. I try.

> Now you're deliberately attempting to be charming in an effort to seduce
> me.

Well, yeah. You bein' too blasted far away for more direct techniques.

> PS - It's working.

[grin] Glad to hear it. I was just gonna ask.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Wesley

> > I imagine he would have.  Did he come up with the nickname himself or
> > have it bestowed upon him?
> 
> Not sure. Probably the latter. It has an awful lot of words in it, for
> him.

Ah yes. Good point.  Although... I don't know. I somehow had the 
impression that Angelus was more talkative than Angel is.

> > Perhaps some feel that it is more dull to have repeat conversations.
> 
> I guess. But the one-offs tend to be of the form: "I'm here to kill you"
> "Aiiiieeee, vampire, run" "crunch". Entertaining in its own right, yes,
> but not much for the exploration of deeper emotions -- or even current
> events. 

You could say you were killing them in a manner symbolic of the 
conflict in the Middle East.

> > I wish I had the answers for you.  Perhaps it is both a matter of
> > personal preference *and* bloodline.  
> 
> Maybe. Or even intent of the sire? Could ask Angel.

I will.

> > Speaking of answers, I've been working on my translation of the curse.
> >  It's a most fascinating read.  The entire thing seems to work with a
> > great deal of energy on the part of the one casting the spell.  Not
> > surprising, considering how advanced a spell it is.  But I would be
> > most interested in speaking with Willow about her method of casting
> > it.  Some of the words inside the spell... well they contradict what
> > one would assume about it.
> 
> Really? How so?

Well for starters it doesn't say a damned thing about the happiness 
clause.  If I'm translating it correctly the spell does cover finding the
vampire's soul, channeling it through the Orb and "carrying" it to him,
but there's nothing specific regarding what would break the curse.  

I'm going to keep looking.  I'm intrigued by the part about "binding" the
vampire.  I suspect there might be something there since one would assume
if you were binding the vampire with a soul in the first place, you were
then thinking of a manner in which to *un*bind him.

It's my theory for the moment, at least.

> I talked to Red last night. She wants to know what's up with the spell,
> partly out of sheer witchy curiosity and partly because of the whole
> conversation from hell (she and Tara walked in on the aftermath and
> started flipping out about what if she did it wrong). 

Well if she had it would hardly be her fault, wouldn't it?  She got the
spell from Ms. Calendar, who attempted the recreation herself, yes?

> But she's, er, reluctant to work with you. Wasn't best pleased with me
> sending off the curse to you either, but she couldn't exactly deny
> you've got a personal interest. I'm not sure why -- you know Red, she
> tends to trail off her sentences just when they get to the interesting
> bits. But I gather its got less to do with you bein' willin' to swap her
> for a box of bad mojo than with an, um, generally unflattering
> assessment of your abilities. Though I think the gay thing has made her
> a bit more sympathetic than she used to be. 

Yes... I can't say I'm surprised. About her assessment, I mean.  You'll
have to recall that when I first came to Sunnydale I didn't do much
outside of trying to keep Buffy under Watcher rules.  Having failed
miserably at that I'm sure Willow has little to no confidence in the idea
that I have *any* abilities, let alone useful ones for this senario.

> Sorry, pet. Wouldn't have gone into any of that, except -- the upshot
> is, Tara's convinced her to exchange a couple of emails with you and see
> how it goes, 

Truly?  Excellent.  Thank you, Spike.  Please, by all means, pass my
address along to her and let her know I am at her disposal.

> but there are conditions. First, you agree not to
> attempt to perform the curse without her.

Oh no!  No, by all means I will not perform the curse!  I don't have the
ability!  Minor magics and spells, yes, but I haven't the talent for
something if this magnitude.  No, please, assure her that is not my
intent.  My skills here are entirely of interpretation and translation. 
My only hope is to attempt to understand the curse, particularly as it
pertains to any danger that Angel and I might be in now and how it may or
may not apply to whether or not you currently have a soul.  

> Second, you promise not to tell the Watchers -- I know that's not
> necessary, pet, but she doesn't. 

By all means, pass along my assurances that I would rather die first.

> And third, that you understand that she is going to, um, take any
> unsupported assertion of yours with a sizeable grain of salt. 

Of course.  I would do the same in her position.

So yes - I agree to all terms.  And again, thank you, Spike.

> > Still. Enough to earn a nickname.  Really I imagine doing it just the
> > once would suffice.
> 
> As long as I'm bein' honest, once is pretty much what it was. A
> gentleman who was kind enough to say in my hearing that he'd rather be
> tortured with railroad spikes than listen to my poetry 

Poetry?  You were a poet, Spike?

> -- in my mortal days, that was. I obliged. Since then... used the threat
> a few times, even started the process, but its really a once in a
> lifetime moment. Can't be recaptured. 

Do you know there are actually - if memory serves me right - three 
instances of people being tortured with railroad spikes on Watcher 
records that were attributed to you?  I don't have the books in front of
me to quote them to you, but I do remember reading of them.  

> > God no!  I want no more to do with them at all.  I'm just a bit taken
> > aback that Rupert of all people would join them again, particularly
> > given how attached he is to Buffy.
> 
> I don't get it either. But then I was never much for authority and
> chains o' command. I'd say he wants to tap their resources except he
> doesn't seem to, really. 

Doesn't?  How so?

> > But who am I to say? Perhaps he wishes to make changes from the 
> > inside out.
> 
> Something tells me that's not likely to work, but Giles is definitely
> the sort who'd give it a go. 

I doubt anyone could, but I suppose he'd have better luck than anyone.

> > I'm hardly likely to get Angel pregnant.
> 
> I'm aware, pet. But, well, I do have reason to know that you're not
> averse to the idea of a little extracurricular sex on occasion. And I'm
> sure Angel would understand if you wanted a child. 

I'm sure he would but... my interests don't lie in that area.

> > That sounds very nice.
> 
> It is, in a motherly sort of way. I don't think she has any real grasp
> on the fact that I'm a hell of a lot older than she is -- and frankly,
> in light of the fact that I'm tryin' to court her daughter, its not
> somethin' I emphasize. 

Well you're younger than Angel, at least.  Perhaps that's something.

> > It's not as though I can blame them.  I was... rather pompous at the
> > time.
> 
> What happened? You're certainly not pompous now.

I think there are those who would disagree with you.  But to at least
answer your question of why I do things now that I did not back then...
Well being fired was a part of it.  But so was seeing how everyone worked
in Sunnydale. Seeing how they didn't hide behind books and rules and
instead rolled up their sleeves and attempted to make a difference.

That's why I attempted to do something similar on my own, after I left
Sunnydale.  And then of course in Los Angeles I met up with this vampire. 
This rather attractive vampire...

> > Cordelia, actually, was the only exception to the rule.  She was the
> > only one of all of them who actually sought my company.
> 
> Lucky, then, that she's the one you ended up working with.

Quite true.  And Cordy is a good person in her own right.  Even without
the visions I would consider her a valuable member of the team.

> > Thank you.  Perhaps she has e-mail as well? Or Tara?
> 
> They both do. Willow is computer girl for the whole crew, and does all
> their online research and such. Tara basically just uses hers to send
> cutsy messages to Willow, so far as I can tell. 

I have to imagine that Willow and I must have a very similar bookmarks
file.

> > Now you're deliberately attempting to be charming in an effort to
> > seduce me.
> 
> Well, yeah. You bein' too blasted far away for more direct techniques.

And what would those be, if you were here?

> > PS - It's working.
> 
> [grin] Glad to hear it. I was just gonna ask.

I thought you might.

Wesley

***

To: Angel
From: Spike

> I like you now.

I'm glad. I like you too. Still feel like the world rocks a bit on its
axis whenever one of us says that, but I'm gettin' used to it.

> Heh. She was *pissed*.  Wanted to give it another go.  Just *knew* she
> could fuck the soul out of me.  Had to tell her no - it wasn't that good
> and it sure as *shit* wasn't perfect happiness.  Wasn't even perfect
> *sex* for that matter.

[grin] What a come down for miss high and mighty. I'm sorry you were numb,
luv, but I have to admit I'm loving this story for that alone.

> > > But you like taking orders.  
> > 
> > Well, yeah. But I like coming too.
> 
> I'm sorry - what? Did you say something?  You... coming?  Do those words
> go together?

Evidently not.

> > > Yeah. Been having a few thoughts in that direction m'self.  We
> > > should talk about it. Want to use you to spoil him stupid, if we
> > > can.  Treat him like a prince.
> > 
> > Sounds good to me. Sounds *real* good to me. Seems like a lot of other
> > people who should have, didn't. Love to make it up to him a little, if
> > we can. Not to mention, just plain fun. 
> 
> Oh yeah.
> 
> Here's my thought - I know you get off on fucking him, and I'm not
> saying you can't.  But when we do this - spoil him - I'd like him to try
> his hand at being in charge - with you.  's part of why I had you go
> begging to him for the right to touch me.  I want him to get a taste of
> what it's like when somebody serves him.

It's okay with me. Fuck, its more than okay with me. Never would have
thought of it if you hadn't started me begging him -- the natural dynamic
between us bein' more or less the other way, allowing for the fact that he
doesn't talk much -- and I think he was a bit thrown too, in the
beginning. But when he was askin' me why I wanted to touch you, one of the
things I said was that there's somethin' about him, who'd only seen me
strong and in control, seeing me vulnerable with you. And I think he liked
that. This just takes it one step further. 

Besides, I did ask if he'd like to chain me up for a reason. Partly 'cause
if he's in charge he *has to* say what he wants, he *has to* decide what
to do. Partly so he can see the appeal from the safe side, without
bringin' up old scars. Partly to build up his ego and self-confidence a
little. But mainly, it sounded like fun.

> I'd do it myself - fuck, got nothing *against* doing it myself and
> probably will some day  - but this way he gets it from both sides, so to
> speak.  Still nice and safe and belonging to me, while getting an
> education on the fun of giving orders at the same time.

Makes sense to me.

> You game?  'specially if you understand that by doing this you'd be
> obeying *my* orders too?  

I'm game. Hell, when you put it like that, you don't even have to ask. One
thing, though, Angel. I like Wesley. A lot. I want Wesley. A lot. I got no
problems whatsoever takin' his orders. But its not gonna be the same as
takin' yours, and he's a smart boy, he's gonna notice that. Think it'll be
a problem?

> Getting him in the hotel was back on familiar ground. Plus there he was
> in the place I'd been watching him in all this time - well, since the
> old place blew up.  So there's this extra bit of excitement that - yeah,
> I *can* touch him by that desk, that countertop, that stairway - all the
> places where in the past I could only look.

Yeah, I can see that. Just like you always pictured it.

> At this point *he* kisses *me*.  Shuts me up.  In a good way, though. 

He's adorable.

> There... bear with me.  Months ago, he tried to get to me. Get *through*
> to me.  Kept coming after me - Angel, what's up? Angel, what are you
> doing?  Angel, *why* are you obessing like this?  Wouldn't let me just
> go off and be an asshole. Kept calling me on it.

Good for him.

> Which is part of why I got rid of him - didn't want to be a good guy,
> wanted to be an asshole - but my point is that one time when he did that
> he came into my room.  Which was big. Most of 'em didn't do that -
> didn't want to disturb me.  Don't blame 'em - I'm scary. 

You don't say. Hell, you scare me.

> But not Wes. He didn't get scared. Marched right in there and called me
> on my crap.

Have I mentioned I like this one?

>  Ask if he wants music.  Just wants me.

Awwwwww. Terminal cuteness alert. Actual fluffy bunnies are now running
for cover.

> Tell him he's gorgeous. He blushes under the glasses. Think about 
> taking 'em off but he looks so fucking cute I don't bother. 

Yeah, love the glasses. Almost makes me wish I'd kept mine. But they
wouldn't exactly go with the look.

> It's too much for him.  Just a little attention like that and he comes,
> gasping, panting, hand digging into my shoulder 'cause he's holding it
> so hard. 

Yeah, I had bruises on my upper arms when he left. Too bad they healed so
fast.

> So he's got the pants open and - you know what, fuck it, Spike, I just
> like his hands. They're nice. 

Okay, okay. If they're that special, I'll have to take another look when I
come down there. I was a little preoccupied, you know? Not to mention it
was a dark smoky candlelit crypt at midnight. High detail visibility just
not happening. Maybe he's got gorgeous hands. Or maybe you're just in
love.

Thanks for the story, luv. That, at least, is a soft and cuddly
frustration to take to bed with me. Sun's almost up.

> > Lookin' forward to it. If I hadn't already made that clear.
> 
> You'll enjoy it.

I know I will.

> Whatever. I mean - appreciate the confession and all but, not like I
> cared much.
> 
> Sorry - wait.  You're trying here and I don't wanna be a dick.  I *do*
> care -
>  I care it mattered to you and you're telling me now.  That's good.  I'm
>  
> just saying that I'm not mad or anything.

You might be when you hear the rest. I turned her.

--Spike

***

To: Spike
From: Angel

> > I like you now.
> 
> I'm glad. I like you too. Still feel like the world rocks a bit on its
> axis whenever one of us says that, but I'm gettin' used to it. 

Yeah. Same here.  We just don't *do* that, you know?

> > Heh. She was *pissed*.  Wanted to give it another go.  Just *knew* she
> > could fuck the soul out of me.  Had to tell her no - it wasn't that
> > good and it sure as *shit* wasn't perfect happiness.  Wasn't even
> > perfect *sex* for that matter.
> 
> [grin] What a come down for miss high and mighty. I'm sorry you were
> numb, luv, but I have to admit I'm loving this story for that alone. 

Too bad you're not here. Could do an imitation for you.  "You can't tell
me that wasn't perfect!  I used to do this professionally!"

> > I'm sorry - what? Did you say something?  You... coming?  Do those
> > words go together?
> 
> Evidently not.

Not for a while yet, boy.

> > Here's my thought - I know you get off on fucking him, and I'm not
> > saying you can't.  But when we do this - spoil him - I'd like him to
> > try his hand at being in charge - with you.  's part of why I had you
> > go begging to him for the right to touch me.  I want him to get a
> > taste of what it's like when somebody serves him.
> 
> It's okay with me. Fuck, its more than okay with me. Never would have
> thought of it if you hadn't started me begging him -- the natural
> dynamic between us bein' more or less the other way, allowing for the
> fact that he doesn't talk much

Uh huh.  Plus he gets off on other people taking charge.  But I think he's
got a little top in him.  Love to give him a chance to try it out.

> -- and I think he was a bit thrown too,
> in the beginning. But when he was askin' me why I wanted to touch you,
> one of the things I said was that there's somethin' about him, who'd
> only seen me strong and in control, seeing me vulnerable with you. And I
> think he liked that. This just takes it one step further. 

Exactly.

> Besides, I did ask if he'd like to chain me up for a reason. Partly
> 'cause if he's in charge he *has to* say what he wants, he *has to*
> decide what to do. 

I'm damn near proud of you.

> Partly so he can see the appeal from the safe side,
> without bringin' up old scars. 

Yeah.  Be aware - Faith literally put the knife to him.  And that wasn't
*that* long ago.  Fights with demons aside, he might have a few tender
spots - not in the good way, and here I mean emotionally - left over from
that.

> > You game?  'specially if you understand that by doing this you'd be
> > obeying *my* orders too?  
> 
> I'm game. Hell, when you put it like that, you don't even have to ask.
> One thing, though, Angel. I like Wesley. A lot. I want Wesley. A lot. I
> got no problems whatsoever takin' his orders. But its not gonna be the
> same as takin' yours, and he's a smart boy, he's gonna notice that.
> Think it'll be a problem? 

If you don't mind taking his orders then do it.  I just didn't know if you
would, so I figured tell you to do it as *my* orders 'cause I know you'd
get off on that.  But if you can take it from the source go for it.  Just
know I'll be in the room and watching everything. Giving him a safety
zone.  But yeah - you want to make him your world, go for it.  

> > There... bear with me.  Months ago, he tried to get to me. Get
> > *through* to me.  Kept coming after me - Angel, what's up? Angel, what
> > are you doing?  Angel, *why* are you obessing like this?  Wouldn't let
> > me just go off and be an asshole. Kept calling me on it.
> 
> Good for him.

Yeah. It's why I like him. Probably said that before but there it is.  He
calls me on my crap.  Loves me, but doesn't get into the mystique. I like
that.

It was like that from the beginning too.  Part of why I liked having him
around.

> > But not Wes. He didn't get scared. Marched right in there and called
> > me on my crap.
> 
> Have I mentioned I like this one?

We're on the same page.

> >  Ask if he wants music.  Just wants me.
> 
> Awwwwww. Terminal cuteness alert. Actual fluffy bunnies are now running
> for cover.

You asked for sweet.

> > Tell him he's gorgeous. He blushes under the glasses. Think about
> > taking 'em off but he looks so fucking cute I don't bother. 
> 
> Yeah, love the glasses. Almost makes me wish I'd kept mine. But they
> wouldn't exactly go with the look. 

Yeah... be a weird look for you.  But on him they work.

> > It's too much for him.  Just a little attention like that and he
> > comes, gasping, panting, hand digging into my shoulder 'cause he's
> > holding it so hard. 
> 
> Yeah, I had bruises on my upper arms when he left. 

Do tell.

> Too bad they healed so fast.

I'll make sure you go back to Sunnydale with nice... memories.

> > So he's got the pants open and - you know what, fuck it, Spike, I just
> > like his hands. They're nice. 
> 
> Okay, okay. If they're that special, I'll have to take another look when
> I come down there. I was a little preoccupied, you know? Not to mention
> it was a dark smoky candlelit crypt at midnight. High detail visibility
> just not happening. Maybe he's got gorgeous hands. Or maybe you're just
> in love. 

Distinct possibility.  

> Thanks for the story, luv. That, at least, is a soft and cuddly
> frustration to take to bed with me.

Anytime.

> > Sorry - wait.  You're trying here and I don't wanna be a dick.  I *do*
> > care -
> >  I care it mattered to you and you're telling me now.  That's good. 
> >  I'm 
> > just saying that I'm not mad or anything.
> 
> You might be when you hear the rest. I turned her.

Huh?

A.

***

To: Wesley
From: Spike

> Ah yes. Good point.  Although... I don't know. I somehow had the 
> impression that Angelus was more talkative than Angel is.

Oh yeah. Much. Also a lot more ... whimsical. But still not what you might
call articulate.

> You could say you were killing them in a manner symbolic of the 
> conflict in the Middle East.

I could, yes. Maybe I could get an NEA grant.

> Well for starters it doesn't say a damned thing about the happiness
> clause.  If I'm translating it correctly the spell does cover finding
> the vampire's soul, channeling it through the Orb and "carrying" it to
> him, but there's nothing specific regarding what would break the curse. 
> 

Weird. You'd think that was the kind of thing you'd need to spell out.

> I'm going to keep looking.  I'm intrigued by the part about "binding"
> the vampire.  I suspect there might be something there since one would
> assume if you were binding the vampire with a soul in the first place,
> you were then thinking of a manner in which to *un*bind him.

I guess. Doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but I'm not much with the
spells. I just hit things.

> It's my theory for the moment, at least.

Um, Wesley? Keep in mind that this version of the spell may not *have* a
happiness clause. Unlike the original, that gypsy teacher bint wasn't out
to punish Angel so much as to make it up to Giles and Buffy. So she might
have left that bit out on purpose.

> Well if she had it would hardly be her fault, wouldn't it?  She got the
> spell from Ms. Calendar, who attempted the recreation herself, yes?

Yes. But Angelus killed her, and then Willow found the spell in her notes
or something. We don't know for sure that it was finished. Though Red was
more obsessing on fresh ingredients and pronunciation and all that shit.

> Yes... I can't say I'm surprised. About her assessment, I mean.  You'll
> have to recall that when I first came to Sunnydale I didn't do much
> outside of trying to keep Buffy under Watcher rules.  Having failed
> miserably at that I'm sure Willow has little to no confidence in the
> idea that I have *any* abilities, let alone useful ones for this
> senario.

Yeah, that sums up what she said pretty well.  If it's any comfort, I
really don't think she's holding a grudge about the Mayor incident. Exact
words were something like, "Can't blame him for that. It's not like we
were best buds or anything. I'd swap him for an ounce of eye of newt and a
decent crucible in a second, let alone a save-the-world-thingie."

> Truly?  Excellent.  Thank you, Spike.  Please, by all means, pass my
> address along to her and let her know I am at her disposal.

I will. Though maybe not in those exact words, lest she be tempted to
dispose of you.

> Oh no!  No, by all means I will not perform the curse!  I don't have the
> ability!  Minor magics and spells, yes, but I haven't the talent for
> something if this magnitude.  

She knows that. But you could find someone who did.

No, please, assure her that is not my 
> intent.  My skills here are entirely of interpretation and translation. 
> My only hope is to attempt to understand the curse, particularly as it
> pertains to any danger that Angel and I might be in now and how it may
> or may not apply to whether or not you currently have a soul.  

I'll tell her.

> > Second, you promise not to tell the Watchers -- I know that's not
> > necessary, pet, but she doesn't. 
> 
> By all means, pass along my assurances that I would rather die first.

Will do. Did, in fact, already. Knew you would say that.

> > And third, that you understand that she is going to, um, take any
> > unsupported assertion of yours with a sizeable grain of salt. 
> 
> Of course.  I would do the same in her position.

She wasn't sure. She said, um, when you were there before, that you did a
fair bit of asserting and always seemed surprised when they felt entitled
to question it, and she doesn't have the time or the patience to go
through that again.

> So yes - I agree to all terms.  And again, thank you, Spike.

Welcome. Any time. I want to know too, you know.

> > > Still. Enough to earn a nickname.  Really I imagine doing it just
> > > the once would suffice.
> > 
> > As long as I'm bein' honest, once is pretty much what it was. A
> > gentleman who was kind enough to say in my hearing that he'd rather be
> > tortured with railroad spikes than listen to my poetry 
> 
> Poetry?  You were a poet, Spike?

Not as such, no. Imagine the worst, soppiest forced rhymes you could
possibly concieve of, and double it. Unfond as I was of the gentleman on
the recieving end of my railroad spike for pointing it out so audibly, I
have to admit that reading him the poems would probably have been the
crueller fate.

> Do you know there are actually - if memory serves me right - three
> instances of people being tortured with railroad spikes on Watcher
> records that were attributed to you?  I don't have the books in front of
> me to quote them to you, but I do remember reading of them.  

Might have been me, I suppose. I did attempt it once or twice more, like I
said. Always gave it up pretty early on, compared to that first one, but I
suppose it'd still count. Or maybe I've got a copycat out there somewhere.
I don't mind. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and all that.

> > I don't get it either. But then I was never much for authority and
> > chains o' command. I'd say he wants to tap their resources except he
> > doesn't seem to, really. 
> 
> Doesn't?  How so?

I suppose they pay him a salary, and we *were* in England to access their
records, but that was at their invitation. In general, it doesn't seem to
occur to him to tap the Council for any extraordinary equipment or even
information, even in quite extraordinary situations.

> I'm sure he would but... my interests don't lie in that area.

Children as a goal, or women as a method? Because I hear science can do
wonderful things nowadays. Besides stick a bloody chip in my head, I mean.

> Well you're younger than Angel, at least.  Perhaps that's something.

True enough.

> I think there are those who would disagree with you.  But to at least
> answer your question of why I do things now that I did not back then...
> Well being fired was a part of it.  But so was seeing how everyone
> worked in Sunnydale. Seeing how they didn't hide behind books and rules
> and instead rolled up their sleeves and attempted to make a difference.

That makes sense. I know you don't want them all to know the details of
your life now, but I think they'd be flattered and surprised to know that
you'd noticed, let alone admired anything about them enough to let it make
a difference in your own actions.

> That's why I attempted to do something similar on my own, after I left
> Sunnydale.  And then of course in Los Angeles I met up with this
> vampire.  This rather attractive vampire...

Can't imagine who you'd be referring to. That poncy Angel with the hair
gel addiction is the only vampire in LA I know, and fuck knows he's not
attractive at all...

> Quite true.  And Cordy is a good person in her own right.  Even without
> the visions I would consider her a valuable member of the team.

Wasn't she a member before the visions? I mean, back when your demon,
what's his face, was around? Not the telepathic one.

> I have to imagine that Willow and I must have a very similar bookmarks
> file.

Probably. All I know is, its bloody amazing what she can find on the net.
Me, it takes half an hour just to find somethin' utterly obvious, and half
the time the page isn't there anymore.

> > Well, yeah. You bein' too blasted far away for more direct techniques.
> 
> And what would those be, if you were here?

Bring you flowers, or presents, or both. Take you out, wherever you
wanted. Make a lot of eye contact. Give you a lot of kisses. Trounce you
thoroughly at darts, just to keep you off balance. Give you a massage. And
a lot more kisses. Stroke your hair. Stroke your neck. Kiss your throat.
Press up against you, and growl "I want you" in your ear.

--Spike