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DISCLAIMER: The following stories are all non-profit, amateur efforts not intended to infringe on the rights of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, David Geffen, Warner Brothers, Geffen Pictures, Knopf, Randomhouse, the city of New Orleans, the U.S. Consititution, any copyright holders that I might not have thought of or even a certain author who shall remain nameless but who has a set of initials which are, coincidentally enough, just one letter off from spelling "B.S."

MST Troll
by: The Brat Queen

(Note: Due to their nature, the formatting of these is a little strange. Every line which begins with a > is something quoted from the original post. Depending on your monitor settings, those quoted lines may wrap together and leave multiple > marks on one line. Sorry about that.)

> On 4 May 1995, Scott W Ronk wrote:

LESTAT: You know, Mojo makes that sound when he's coughing up something. Ronk! Ronk!

DANIEL: I think it's safe to say that that is more than we ever needed to know about your dog.

> Dear anne-rice readers,

LOUIS: I didn't know Anne-Rice was hyphenated, I thought they just did that for the newsgroup name. "Anne-Rice"?

LESTAT: Yes, the child of Bob Anne and Josie Rice. They were very modern parents. > I've read the vampire chronicles.

DANIEL: I know the vampire chronicles. You, sir, are no vampire chronicles.

> I believe anne can go on and on > about boring repeative things over and over again.

ARMAND: Unlike me. I get right to the point, cut to the chase, never beat around the bush and I don't even know how to spell the word "redundant"

> I hate how she writes about gay/lesbian stuff.

LESTAT: Well, I guess that's fair since we hate how you write about the annoying/juvenile stuff.

> David Morrell is a way better writer than Anne-Rice

DANIEL: After all, he taught me how to use superlatives.

> I swear, sometimes I think her husband wrote some of her works.

LESTAT: Well, he can't be that much of an idiot, at least he recognizes that Stan has no talent.

LOUIS: Lestat!

> If u notice her writings from "the Vampire Lestat" compare to > "Interview with a Vampire", the grammer changes greatly

ARMAND: Of course, you might have better things to do with your time than to make sure that two books written in the first person by two different characters have different styles as well.

DANIEL: Quiet, I'm trying to watch this paint dry. > She sucks as a writer, and I can't believe I bought her books

LESTAT: Again, this is fair since we can't believe you're literate in the first place.

> No more anne-rice for me, I will stick to Male writers

LOUIS: Insert your own "closet" joke here. > Maybe she is the first woman fiction writer I read,

DANIEL: Maybe not, I can't keep track of everything you know.

> but plainly > she sucks a big vampire dick

LESTAT: And don't think we don't thank her for that every night of our lives.

> (just kidding)

LESTAT: I wasn't.

> it's getting late

ARMAND: I'm past due for my injection.

DANIEL: Now where did I put that cyanide?

> I just want to say, I hope we get to see part II & part III of > the vampire movies, ( Lestat's adventures & The BodyThief) > They will be great horror movies

LESTAT: It's no use trying to kiss up to me now. I'm still going to run you over with my car. > Actually, the way Anne-Rice writes about Vampires are very > interesting, and fascinating

LOUIS: As are my constant mood swings and personality changes. > Hope to see all you Anne-Rice fans at the movies (parts II & III)

ARMAND: In that case, I think I'll wait for the video. > Also, can't wait for George Lucas to come out with Stars Wars I-III

DANIEL: Holy non-sequitor Batman! > tim wong

LESTAT: Tim, cheri, *what* is the point of taking advantage of someone who accidentally left themselves logged on if you sign your real name at the end?

DANIEL: This is so cool! I got this guy's account and now I can write stuff in his name and no one will ever know it was me!..... Oh *shit*!

> aka Admiral Angie Bryant

LOUIS: There's that personality disorder again.

> the ultimate game in existence

ARMAND: You misspelled "goon" > if u r interested in playing (rec.games.netrek) > 16 world-wide players competing against everyone else:

LESTAT: In a fight to the death! The first one to kill Tim gets the medal of honor!

> Star Trek similarities

DANIEL: To any idiot trollers living or dead is purely unintentional because even trollers make people wearing fake Vulcan ears look dignified.

LOUIS: Daniel, *what* have we told you about insulting the Trekkers? Let's get out of here before he does any more damage!